“What the hell…” I muttered, my voice drifting off as my face came closer to the glass.
Sure enough, there was Kyle, standing under my oak tree. On my front lawn! I stared at him with my mouth gaping. Then I rolled up my eyes to the heavens.
“You have got to be kidding me right now.” I shook my head and pressed my forehead to the glass.
He made eye contact and gave me one of his panty-melting smiles. All he needed was a big ol’ boom box, a deluge of rain coming down, and his John Cusack/Say Anything movie moment would be complete.
I shook my head and grasped both latches and opened the window. His smile grew wide and warm as soon as he saw me lean on the sill.
“Kyle,” I whisper-yelled down, “what are you doing here?”
He was still wearing the same stunning Tom Ford suit from earlier, with gloves on this time but no coat. It was early March in the Mid-Atlantic, which meant it wasn’t arctic cold, but it wasn’t balmy either. Didn’t seem to touch him though, the cold, even though I could see his breath steam in the dark. Goddammit, he’s beautiful, I thought begrudgingly.
“Came to find you, honey,” he drawled, rocking back and forth on his heels, his hands now going deep in his pockets. “We’ve got some unfinished business.”
He offered me a crooked smile, and if it were possible for an expression to have too much swagger, his had it. And while I can’t deny I was flattered by him showing up, I still grimaced, looking off to the side to see if any of my neighbors were tuning in to the performance on my lawn.
“I think you finished any business between us when you did the fifty-yard dash the morning after. Oh, and don’t let me forget the money you left for me too.” I was all hellfire now, not feeling even a hint of the cold coming through my bedroom window. I placed my hands on the latches and was ready to shut it down.
“Goddamn it, Sam. Wait a sec!” he called out, walking closer to the house. “Listen, I get it. I fucked up.” His hands came out of his pockets and he crossed his arms in front of him, shoulders starting to hunch as he jumped in place to try to keep warm, the cold finally breaking through. That said, he didn’t lose a shred of determination on his face when he looked at me.
“Will ya come on down here and let me in so we can talk?”
I stood there, with half my frame partially hidden. I didn’t like seeing him get cold out there, but I did not want to let him in my house. My sanctuary.
You can lose everything in this life except your dignity and your manners, I could practically hear my mom saying in my head, with that look on her face which said without saying, Don’t disappoint me now.
“Crap,” I mumbled. Because I knew I couldn’t let him freeze out there either.
“Oh…fine!” I threw up my hands and leaned out the window. “You get five minutes and that’s it! You hear me, Kyle?”
He answered me with a beaming, million-watt smile, which felt like the first genuine moment from him tonight. “Got it,” he answered. “Now come on down here already.”
I slammed down the window with my heart pounding like a runaway jackhammer in my chest. I placed my hand there, feeling the drumbeat rhythm and glancing at myself in the mirror as I walked by. It was just me, looking the way I always did. Same long auburn hair and a tiny, pale body, with a smattering of freckles across the bridge of my nose. Because of the red wine I had earlier, my lips looked almost dyed. I quickly checked my teeth and was relieved they hadn’t turned purple.
I also took a scan of what I was wearing and debated throwing on some jeans and a sweater. But he was already standing on my front porch, probably freezing to death. Retying my robe instead, I left my room, came down the stairs and opened the door. I didn’t even have a chance to register anything because Kyle came through in a rush, closing the door and locking it behind him. As if he had been coming and going from my home for years.
As if he belonged right there with me.
I shook off that notion like it was a wayward spider web I had accidentally walked into. I perused him from head to toe and saw he was shivering.
“Lucky for you I was raised right, by a proper Southern mama,” I said, gesturing him to follow me into the kitchen. It was a mess, but still in working order. “Have a seat,” I called over my shoulder while taking hold of the kettle, filling it with water and grabbing two mugs for tea.
Instead of taking a seat at one of the barstools I had purchased for my soon-to-be-installed kitchen island, Kyle came up behind me, the cold from the outside still clinging onto his clothes, but also the heat from his body, his perfect golden skin, assaulting me through my skimpy robe. He caged me in, just like he had the first night we met, his hands leaning on the counter on either side of me. My back was still to him, thank goodness, so he couldn’t see me closing my eyes and taking in a deep breath in order to shore up my strength.
“I know I didn’t handle things right,” he said, his voice rough, like sandpaper. I didn’t know if it was from the cold or from his confession. “Knew the minute I left my apartment that morning. By the time I got to my office, it took everything in me not to turn around and come back for you.”
“But you didn’t, Kyle,” I said on a whisper. “Not that day. Or the next.” I pushed him away with the point of my elbow and reached for the honey in the cabinet. I still didn’t face him. Couldn’t. God, I’m being such a girl, I thought. I wished like hell I didn’t care. I drizzled the honey in each mug and tossed two bags of my favorite herbal tea in each.
His hands took hold of me and ran up my arms, resting on my shoulders. He must’ve taken his gloves off at some point, although I hadn’t noticed when, and his skin scored mine, even with the satin between us.
I felt him take in a breath, as if he was about to speak, when the kettle blared its whistle through the charged air between us. Before I had a chance, Kyle leaned over, turned off the burner and moved the kettle aside.
“What are you—” I started, but shut up because he pivoted me so I was facing him. His hands came up to cradle my neck, and I tilted up so I could look directly at him.
I didn’t want to be drawn to him, but I was. More than to any man I’d ever met. I wanted to be able to gaze into those golden-whiskey eyes of his and feel nothing. I pursed my lips because I could sense the vulnerability in my soul rising. Like a ghost resurrected.
He gave me a squeeze and I tried to pull away. But his grip grew firm.
“Nothing doing, Sam,” he chided. “You’re going to hear me out and you’re going to forgive me too.”
“I don’t think so.” My voice had lost its softness. “You’re so sure of yourself, Kyle Masterson, but maybe this is the one time in your life you don’t get something you want. And maybe that would be a good thing to happen to you.”
In the meantime, for all my friggin’ bravado, I belatedly realized my arms had come around his waist and I had pulled him into me, gripping him as tightly as he was holding on to me. And what’s worse was that he knew it too, because his lips twitched ever so slightly, working hard not to break out into a shit-eating grin. Bastard.
“Don’t fight me just for the sake of your pride, babe,” he said while moving his hips forward enough for me to feel his impressive length against my heated core. “Knew the minute I saw you that you were magnificent. Having you in my bed felt the most right I’ve felt in a very long time.”
My throat closed up and tears came to my eyes. I pushed myself out of his arms and stalked as far away from him as I could. “So that’s why you ran from me so fast. Because we fit so well together? You’re not making any sense, and I think I would like you to leave.”
I may have said it, but there was no real conviction or bite to my words. Instead, I just sounded like a big ol’ baby, just another girl getting let down by a guy.
He let out an exasperated sigh and drove his fingers through his hair, looking around but not s
eeming to see anything. Stuck in his head. I wished I knew him better, so I could read what was going on inside. Actually, what I really wished for was to not be affected by him anymore. I decided right then and there, in spite of my mad love for the theater and its relentless explorations into the human psyche, that having feelings sucked. Big time.
“You remember how I told you I’ve got hyperthymesia?”
This was not what I expected him to say, so I just dumbly nodded.
His hands came to rest on his hips, but he looked anything but relaxed. And he started pacing some steps back and forth, as if coming out of his own skin.
“Everyone thinks of it as a cool party trick, like some kind of blessing, and perhaps in some ways it is,” he began, but I thought it interesting that now it was him having a difficult time looking me in the eye, “but it gets old real fast and there’s shit to this thing I’ve got. Stuff I find hard to shake off.”
He had paced himself into the living room, so I sat down on my comfy wingback chair. Tucking my legs underneath me, I stayed quiet.
“Everyone thinks it’s cool that I can remember every moment of my life since I was eleven years old, and it certainly entertains at a cocktail party, let me tell ya.” His tone was heavy, burdened with years of pent-up emotions and a trace of sarcasm. “My mind lives in the past, replaying events and conversations and confrontations over and over again. And when you had a childhood like mine, a fucking minefield between two whacked-out narcissists who made The War of the Roses look like a goddamn Disney film, well, then that means I get to relive those moments over and over again, on a continuous loop. But that’s not all of it.
“So I get into divorce law. Which I’m good at, by the way, with one of the reasons being to ensure other self-absorbed, vindictive parents don’t take out their mutual animosity for each other on their kids.” He stalked over to where I was sitting and sat directly across from me, on the edge of my coffee table. “Did you know I’m the only divorce law practice in the country that has a team of full-time child psychologists and social workers on my staff?”
I shook my head to his rhetorical question.
“I have mandatory individual and family therapy sessions, built into my retainer and hourly fee structure. And doing that helps me sleep at night. But that doesn’t mean I still don’t have every verbal argument I’ve witnessed between my clients and their soon-to-be-exes in my mind. Another film on a continuous loop, showcasing the misery born and raised between two people who supposedly loved each other.
“When I saw you on stage…when I talked to you at Lauren and Jackson’s party—” He reached out and took of both my hands. So warm. Soothing me with his touch. “Those are some of the only times in my life when I was completely in the moment. Usually, when I’m talking to someone, stuff they say or a look on their face will trigger a memory. And then, instead of being with them, I’m back on some memory loop. And it’s usually one playing out how all the relationships I’ve ever known have disintegrated into piles of ash right in front of me.
“But that didn’t happen with you. Not once, Samantha,” Kyle said while getting off the table, planting his knees on the floor and wrapping his arms around my lower body and pulling me effortlessly into his frame. “You’re the only woman I’ve ever met who kept me off the misery loop.”
“The misery loop?”
“The shit that plays in my mind. It all fades away when I’m with you. Everything about you grabs me by the balls.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. And I’m not a woman easily flustered. But as he looked up at me, him leaning his body into mine, with his knees on the floor, I was at a loss.
“I— What do you expect from me here?” I asked him, feeling odd I was looking down at him. “Am I some kind of diversion for you?”
His whole body stilled. “Guess I’m not doing a good job explaining myself.” He suddenly lifted my entire body in his arms and I yelped loudly.
“Kyle! Let me down!”
“Not happening,” he answered, with his lips going right to my neck, working magic with his mouth and tongue. My legs had a mind of their own too and surrounded his waist, tightening around him. So did my arms around his neck, as my eyes closed, basking in the way his lips dragged across the sensitive skin behind my ear. Down the column of my neck. Across my collarbone and in the crevice of my breasts.
“Baby,” he murmured, with his lips pressed against my pulse. “Yeah, you are distracting, but you’re not something I’m using just to forget the bad shit.”
Without looking, without even asking which way it was, Kyle somehow found his way directly to my bedroom. As if he’d been navigating his way right there his whole life.
He tossed me on the bed and I actually bounced a couple of times as he threw off his jacket and undid his belt before covering me with his body. He settled his weight on me and started stroking my hair right by my temples. Kyle’s touch was comforting, and yet, at the same time, feeling his hardening cock running along the seam between my legs made my breath catch in my throat.
“Consumed by you, Sam,” he said, gazing into my eyes with an intensity I wasn’t used to and didn’t know what to do with. “The way you walk, the sound of your voice…the fact you’ve got a wicked sharp mind and yet you look like some delicate, tiny pixie who could get blown away by one harsh wind. And yet, you’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met. Living through what happened to your folks, renovating this house almost completely by yourself. Not to mention being so unbelievably talented that your presence eats up a theater space a thousand times your size.”
I’d heard this from him before, and while of course I loved hearing it, it didn’t explain to me why he’d bailed the way he did. I diverted my gaze and squirmed some, first, because he was getting heavy on me, and second, well, because I didn’t trust him still.
A shadow cast over his features and I instantly knew he understood. “Went to bed that night with you knowing something fundamental had changed for me. Went to bed ecstatic about it and woke up totally freaked.”
My eyes darted back to his. “But why?” I breathed.
“Because I’m a guy and I’m an idiot.”
I didn’t say anything, just stared at him, waiting for a real answer.
He rested his forehead against mine and let out a chuckle. “Not gonna let me get away with shit, are ya?”
“Nope,” I didn’t hesitate to answer.
He looked up, his eyes filled with amusement, that crooked smile of his turning soft. “Didn’t think so…”
I raised my eyebrows, as if saying to him, “Well, get to it already.”
He grimaced but kept stroking me by my temples, which I still loved, which still felt amazing. “Knew from the moment I slipped inside you, especially with you trusting me enough to tie you up, that I could fall in love with you.”
I sucked in a breath, gasped even, and I’m sure my eye widened like saucers.
“Yeah,” he continued, “and while I hear that being in love’s one of the most crazy rides of a lifetime, I wasn’t too hot to be taken for one.”
“What do you mean?”
“Honey,” he said in a patronizing tone, “not my first rodeo. I know a heartbreaker when I see one.”
“Yeah, so do I,” I quipped back, now wanting to be anywhere but under him. I gave him a push. “It wasn’t me running away from you. It was the other way ’round. So who’s the heartbreaker?” I tried again to move away “Get off of me, Kyle!”
He started laughing—actually laughing—when I gave it my all to get away from him. “C’mon, not the first time you’ve ever heard that. I know I’ve got the same reputation, so quit your fussin’.”
“I’m not fussin’,” I snapped back. “You’re just too heavy for my li’l ol’ pixie body. Get off!”
Suddenly Kyle went from amused to turned on. I could tell beca
use his eyes fixated on me, like he was a panther reach to pounce. “If memory serves, this li’l ol’ body of yours fits like a velvet glove around my cock.”
Suddenly I got a tingle right between my legs, as if his words alone could make me turn into wet, needy heat, but I was still trying like hell to fight off the magnetic pull he had on me.
“Hope your memory serves you well ’cause that’s all you’re going to get.”
He bit his bottom lip, trying to quell a growing smile. “You want me just as much as I want you.” He then slid off of me just enough for him to untie my robe. “And I can prove it right now.” Then, without any warning, his hand went right into my panties, his fingers finding my sweet spot. He rolled my swollen clit, and my back bucked off the bed, the pleasure humming through me. I turned my head and closed my eyes, already too far gone to resist him anymore.
“That’s it, Sam,” he whispered in my ear. “Let me have you. Give it all to me, woman.”
What made it even better were his full lips grasping at my puckering nipple, pulling the bud hard, which made my core clench. All the while still playing with me, creating a rise of exquisite surrender in every cell of my being.
Suddenly he stopped and I actually mewed loudly, like a wanton cat in the alley denied her fill during heat. I blushed and closed my eyes again.
I heard him let out a soft laugh. “Don’t hide from me, beautiful,” he said, unbuttoning his shirt and shucking off the rest of his clothes. I slowly opened my eyes and was glad I did, taking in the show of Kyle’s body. Magnificent.
“You on the pill or the shot? Something like that?”
My eyes widened again. “Um, I get the shot. Why?”
He gave me another one of those heart-pulsing smiles, and without losing my eyes, put his knee to the bed and crawled up my body. The minute his skin touched mine, something deep in my soul relaxed. Like a part of me was coming home.
Heart Breaker (Break on Through) Page 9
