“All I did was walk into Sendik’s and buy.” He reached into the bag she’d been carrying and brought out a bottle wrapped in a narrow brown bag. “The final touch. We’ll have to keep it covered, but I couldn’t resist.”
“Oh, great idea.” A bottle of wine! He’d thought of everything. She poked around farther in the cooler. Oops. Maybe not everything. “Corkscrew?”
His face fell. “Um.”
“Plates? Glasses? Forks? Napkins?”
His groan made her start giggling. He was still Nathan, after all. “We’ll manage.”
“I can’t believe it. I’ve violated the Manly Bill of Rights by not providing easy access to alcohol.”
“We have our water bottles.” Though hers was nearly empty.
“Wait! Hold everything.” He dug in his pocket, triumphantly came up with a Swiss Army knife, twisted the corkscrew into the bottle and gave a yank. A satisfying thunk put a grin on his face. “Now I’ve thought of everything. Everything that matters, anyway. Let’s eat.”
Kim did. She ate until she was sure she’d doubled her weight. Sunshine, lake air and exercise did something magical to the appetite. Wine didn’t hurt.
“You know how to have a good time, Nathan.”
“Of course.” He grinned his charmer’s grin. “Story of my life.”
“Right, I know, I know, and it’s why you land a-a-all those women.” She held out her hand for the wine, surprised when he didn’t pass it over right away.
“I had four older brothers. I went to an all-male high school. My dad wasn’t the world’s biggest proponent of equal rights for women. Being around guys all the time meant once I passed puberty I didn’t learn how to be friends with girls.” He passed her the bottle. “Even our neighbors had boys.”
Kim took her time drinking, nestled the bottle back into the cooler when she’d had enough. His words cast his attitude about women in a different light. When would he have learned about women as other than dating objects? Kim had been around Kent and his friends from the time she was little, and palling around with boys in their neighborhood had been second nature. If she hadn’t had that experience, she might view men only in terms of dating, too.
“I guess I never thought about it that way. But in college?”
“I fell in with the same crowd. It was familiar. It was what I knew. You’ve met Steve.”
She made a face. “Uh, yeah.”
“I rest my case.”
Kim laughed. “Well, it’s not too late to change. You’re friends with me.”
He held her gaze to the point where she had to drop hers, suddenly uncomfortable with him again in a way she hadn’t been all day.
“Another cookie?” He held one out.
She took it, not really needing more, but wanting to break the odd tension, even if it only existed in her head. “Thanks.”
“Tell me about men in your life, Kim. And why you don’t trust us.”
“What makes you think I don’t trust men?”
Nathan tapped his temple. “Instinct.”
“Ah.” He had good instincts. “Some unfortunate happenings…”
“Like?”
She gestured impatiently. “Like bad stuff. Men abusing my trust.”
“Cheating on you?”
“No.” She looked down at the soft blue comforter they were sitting on, nearly threadbare in spots, and absently wondered if it was one Nathan had as a child.
“They promised one thing, delivered another.”
“In a manner, yeah.”
“Promised love, delivered sex?”
Kim turned away from him, stared out at the lake, surprised by her urge to share the story, not sure why or if it was a good idea. “Why are you poking at this?”
“Because, Kim.” His voice was deep and gentle behind her. “I’d like to know you better. Understand you better.”
He wanted to understand her. She really wanted to tell him now, wanted more of this intimacy that had sprung up between them. And she wanted his reaction, for reasons she couldn’t entirely grasp. “I thought this guy in college was really into me. It turned out he wanted to see if geeky girls were good in bed so he could brag to his friends.”
“Bastard.” Nathan’s voice was no longer warm or gentle. Kim turned around and faced him squarely.
“Do you see what you do?” She was desperate for him to understand. “Do you understand that women aren’t just ‘women,’ they’re Kim and Marie and—”
“Of course I understand.” Nathan’s eyes were as earnest as hers. “But you’re doing the same thing, Kim. To you I’m not Nathan, I’m ‘man.’ Man is untrustworthy, therefore Nathan is untrustworthy.”
She opened her mouth for a searing comeback, then realized she didn’t have one. “I don’t think you’re untrustworthy.”
“No?”
Kim shook her head. She’d said the words to be polite, but it hit her that they were true, at least in his role as a friend. She wouldn’t want to be in the position of having to trust him as a lover.
“But you wouldn’t want to go out with me.”
“Are you asking me to?” She reached for the wine in the cooler to cover a weird spasm of excitement.
“Uh, little awkward here. Rephrase. Let’s say you had a single friend. Would you set her up with me?”
“Oh.” She took a sip, was about to pass him the bottle, but took another. She was going to need it. “I don’t—I’m not sure.”
“Assuming I could convince you I’m not trying to have sex with every breathing woman on the planet, would there be something else in the way?”
“Uh.” She wasn’t sure how to respond. The objection was glaringly obvious to her, but there were probably flaws in her that were glaringly obvious to other people, yet which would flabbergast her. “What makes you think I have an answer?”
“I know you do.” His gaze was direct; he seemed suddenly stronger, more mature.
She decided to take a chance.
“Well, maybe if you kind of…got things in your life…onto a more…” She sighed. “This is hard.”
“Go on. You can’t insult me.”
She had a feeling she could. “Women want guys who are… Well, most women, I don’t know about all, but—”
“Kim.” He was quiet and steady, watching her thrash around. “Just say it. I won’t break.”
She smiled at the reference. Then took a deep breath and dove in. “Your life seems out of focus. We’re past the era where women need men to provide for them, but those old instincts remain. Men on Milwaukeedates.com still post pictures of animals they’ve shot or killed, fish they’ve caught, like they’re saying, ‘I am man, I can provide.’ You have this brilliant future ahead of you, a chance to make a real difference with the houses you’re designing, and it’s like you don’t really want to do it.”
She watched a bug travel up to the edge of the comforter.
Had the waves on the beach always been that loud?
Or was it the horrible silence after her outburst that made them seem that way?
She should not have had so much wine. It had absolutely erased her common sense.
“Nathan, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”
“No.” He shook his head, jaw set. “You’re absolutely right.”
She stared at him. It was as if he’d turned into a different person. He seemed more centered, more solid, larger. No longer the horny frat boy. A man.
Come on, Kim. The wine had made her romanticize him.
Another blink and he was grinning again, back to the easy fun Nathan she lo—
Really liked.
“I’m going to go home and process that, but I don’t want it to ruin our date.”
“Our date?”
He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I just said we were friends to put you off guard so I could try something. Come on, Kim, you know me better than that by now.”
“Okay, okay.” She laughed at his teasing, relieved at the release of tension
, but not yet able to banish that momentary glimpse of Nathan the Man.
“Anyone ever tell you you’re bristly like a porcupine, Miss Kimberly Charlotte?”
“Hedgehog. Porcupines have quills.”
“For crying out loud.” He offered her another cookie, took a bite of it when she shook her head. “Tell me what it is about the Carter proposal that’s holding you up.”
“Ugh.” She fell back onto her elbows, admiring the view of the lake reaching out for the horizon. “It’s a mess. You don’t want to hear about it.”
“I actually do. For reasons that might surprise you.”
“Such as?”
“I’m betting…” He narrowed his eyes thoughtfully, gesturing at her with the cookie. “That you want it too much.”
She nodded, surprised and buoyed by his perceptiveness. “Creativity is such a tricky beast. I’m trying to force it because this matters so much to me, because my company and career rest on whether I make this or not, and because there’s a deadline in a week. I don’t have any leisure or relaxing time to play with it, to have fun, which is when I do my best work.”
He stopped chewing, then resumed more slowly. “Interesting. Why don’t you try de-emphasizing the importance?”
She snorted. “Right. Who cares if everything I’ve worked for over the past five years turns to crap?”
“That’s not what I meant.” He closed the cooler, moved it out of their way and leaned back beside her. She didn’t mind. It felt relaxed and right. “You have other options, besides despair and ruin. It’s not a question of all or nothing.”
Kim took a deep breath. “True. But it all got more complicated today.”
She told him about Soka’s offer, how important a move like that could be for her career, reputation and skills.
He frowned. “I thought you weren’t happy there.”
“Life isn’t only about being happy all the time.” Kim cringed. She sounded just like her mother.
“Yes it is. Screw Soka. Screw Carter. There are other companies out there. This is self-created stress based on some completely random idea of age thirty having to be some turning point in your life.”
“Yes.” She moved restlessly. “That’s true.”
“Let it go. Say to hell with all of it. Who cares? Find the joy in your work again. I’ll be your caveman.” He jabbed a thumb into his chest. “I’ll get fish for our table and shoot things for you. We’ll make it work, and be happy even if you don’t get Carter, even if Charlotte’s Web goes belly-up.”
He was talking nonsense. They weren’t a couple, they were roommates for a few weeks. And yet…while he was talking this nonsense, Kim felt as if some of the crushing weight of the world had been lifted from her shoulders.
“Maybe you’re right. Maybe it would help to lighten up.”
“Just being out here today will help. Refill your ‘well’ as all the creativity gurus say.” He pulled the wine back out of the cooler and offered it to her. “And when all else fails, get a buzz on.”
She giggled, tipped the bottle up, passed it back, not minding when their shoulders met and stayed pressed together. Not minding at all. She felt light and elated, and the mood had way too little to do with the wine. Nathan was a good guy. He’d listened and treated her problems with care and respect.
She flashed to the evening she’d spent with Dale, remembering how he sometimes ignored her interjections, how he hadn’t wanted to hear about her work for Carter the first time around, how he’d listened absently when she brought it up again, trying to make it clear how important the job was to her. He’d taken her hands across the table, saying, “You can do it, Kim. I believe in you.” Then he’d changed the subject. She’d felt nothing but the weight of another set of expectations.
Movement caught her eye. A woman jogging on the beach, in a black exercise bra and tiny black shorts that exposed her waist. Her full breasts bounced with each step, her ponytail swung. She had a flawless muscled body that would look at home in the Olympics.
Beside Kim, Nathan became unnaturally still. She didn’t have to look to know his eyes were following each stride, each swing, each bounce.
The jogger passed; Nathan’s head turned, following her progress. Not a single jiggle was evident in her butt or thighs as she ran away from them up the beach.
Beside him, Kim felt utterly invisible. “Not leopard printed, but a thrill, huh?”
Nathan started, jerked his eyes guiltily away. “No, I was thinking…I mean, I wasn’t thinking what you think I was—”
“Ha.” She nudged him teasingly, nauseated from the wine. At least that’s what she told herself was making her stomach sink and churn. “Relax. I get it. She was gorgeous.”
He turned toward her. “Yes, but— No, I wasn’t—”
“Don’t worry.” She put a maternal hand to his cheek, then wished she hadn’t, when the stubbled strength of his jaw felt so masculine under her palm and fingers. “You can’t help it. I get that.”
“Right. I can’t help it.” He fell back on the comforter with a sound of total exasperation, then mumbled something she didn’t bother asking him to repeat.
The woman’s timing had been perfect. If Nathan had exhibited any more of that sweet, sensitive side, Kim could have been in trouble. But she knew what she wanted in a man, and she had seen a glimpse of that when Dale looked into her eyes and said, “When I’m in love, all other women cease to exist.”
That’s what she wanted. And even if it turned out Dale wasn’t the man for her, which she was seriously starting to wonder, in her search going forward, she wouldn’t settle for anything less.
10
FROWNING, KIM CHANGED the red teapot from the red table to the blue one, absorbed in the creative process. She’d tried hard this week while Dale was out of town again to take Nathan’s advice and get out of her own way, designwise. Whether or not it had worked, she wasn’t sure, but she did feel that old excited buzz of being onto something good with this latest idea. It had come to her a few days earlier, as ideas often did for some reason she’d never figured out, while she was in the shower.
She’d found online pictures of fabulously funky circular tables in bright colors, each with a central chrome leg leading to a matching, smaller circle on the floor. On a series of those tables in different vibrant colors, Kim had arranged the new Carter2 table settings: china, stemware and flatware sometimes echoing the table color, sometimes contrasting. The effect was eye-catching, elegant and hip, exactly what she was after.
Was it good enough to stand out among the bids Carter was likely to receive? She wasn’t convinced. However, with entries due on Monday, four days away, she didn’t have a whole lot of time to fuss. At least she’d finally hit on the right feel, and the Carter execs would be able to see Charlotte’s Web Design’s work. If not this job, maybe another…
She heard Nathan’s key in the apartment door lock and glanced at her watch. Whoa. She’d been at this for hours. No wonder her shoulders felt as if they’d turned to cement. Usually she was good about remembering to take breaks and stretch.
“Hey, Kim.”
She saved her document, pushed back her chair and wandered into the living room, eager to see him. Since their kayaking trip, she and Nathan had settled into real friendship, which she hoped would help prove to him that women could be part of his life without the hunt and capture mentality. He was spending more time at home and dedicating more hours to his thesis. Maybe he’d taken her remarks to heart about focusing his life, as she’d taken his about her approach to the Carter project.
“Hi, Nathan. How was work?”
“It was work.” He held up two white paper bags. “I brought back dinner and a movie.”
“Oh, what a good man.” She yawned and raised her arms high. “I could use a break and I’m not sure there’s anything in the pantry but a can of tuna and some pasta.”
“I brought health food.” In the kitchen, he opened the bags and unloaded burgers, fries
and take-out frozen custard from Culver’s, her favorite stand.
“Yum!” She picked up the DVD he’d put on the table. Echoes. She’d never heard of it. “What’s the movie?”
“A recommendation from a friend. I haven’t seen it.” He stacked the take-out containers of custard and put them in the freezer. “Supposed to be very artsy.”
“Really.” She examined the cover dubiously. A couple in a rather provocative clinch, their nakedness hidden by darkness except for the smooth curves of shoulders and thighs. “Well, I guess we’ll find out.”
“I’m game if you are.”
“Sure.” She snitched a fry and chewed ravenously. “Mmm. The ideal thing following an entire day spent sitting in one place—ten thousand calories.”
“Your brain burned at least that many.” He brushed her bangs aside and pointed to her forehead. “There, right there. Telltale scorch marks.”
She laughed, still uneasy around him physically. That part, the undeniable attraction, she hadn’t been able to conquer completely. Since Dale had calmed down and become less flowery and more normal in his emails, she’d tried to channel all that energy into hope that something could work with him.
“You want to eat first or get right to the movie?” he asked.
“How about burgers here, custard during the showing?”
“Good plan.” He opened the refrigerator, pulled out a bottle of Heineken. “Beer?”
“Sure. I’m too burned out to do any more work today.” She took the bottle after he opened it for her and gulped down a long swig. “Your advice has really helped, Nathan. I’m making progress. Not quite there, but nearly. And I’m almost having fun.”
“I’m glad.” He opened his beer. “I’m trying to apply the same principles toward working on my thesis.”
“And?” She was excited for him. If he could get that done, it would be a huge load off his shoulders.
“Some progress.” He held up his bottle. “We’re celebrating tonight.”
“Who is?” She sat at the table, pulling a burger toward her.
“You and me. It’s our anniversary. A month and three days of living together.”
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