And it seemed she would have to do the same.
In the course of two days, Matthew Larkspur felt as if his life had been uprooted. His best friend had decided to leave for India, and he’d received a desperate message from Lily Thornton begging to see him.
James was seeking adventure, but from his friend’s reckless nature, Matthew suspected that he would wander straight into danger. And he couldn’t stand by and let it happen. James was the younger brother he’d never had, and he had a premonition that if he let the young man go, he would never return. Call it a ridiculous superstition, but he saw no choice but to accompany him.
And then there was Lily.
He didn’t want to leave her behind, either. Despite their age difference, he could not deny the fierce attraction that drew him to her. Her brown hair framed an innocent face with hazel eyes and a smile that knocked all reason from his brain.
But God above, her kiss brought him to his knees. He had stolen only two, but from the moment he’d taken her into his arms, he had desired her.
His footman had alerted him that she had come to call, and though he knew she would be angry with him for leaving, he needed to protect her brother. But he would not leave for India without saying goodbye.
He entered the drawing room, and the moment he set foot inside, she flew into his arms. She gripped him tightly, and Matthew drew back to look at her face. “You act as if I’m never coming back, Lady Lily.”
Her hazel eyes held worry, and she admitted, “I need your help. My father is planning something terrible.”
He tucked her gloved hand in the crook of his arm and led her to sit down. “What is it?”
“He is arranging a marriage between myself and Lord Davonshire.” Her expression grew stricken. “I cannot marry him, Matthew. I hardly know him. And if you leave. . .”
“He will force you into it,” he finished. She nodded and gripped her hands together as if trying to gather her courage.
He sat beside her, uncertain of what was right. Lord Penford was looking after Lily’s welfare, trying to ensure that she would have everything she ever wanted—and Matthew could understand his reasoning.
But Lily held no power of her own, and he didn’t doubt her father could demand the marriage. With her brother gone, she could do nothing to stop it. And neither could he.
“What do you want to do?” he asked quietly.
She pressed her lips together and thought a moment. “If we married in secret—even if you’re gone—he could not force me to wed.”
Matthew gave no answer at first, for he knew that she was seeing him with stars in her eyes. And while he wanted to believe that he could be the right husband for her, he was hesitant to trap her into a marriage when she was so young.
Her eyes widened at his silence, and she blurted out, “Do you. . .not want me?”
He reached out to caress her cheek and told her the truth. “I want you far more than I should, Lily.” If James knew the thoughts coursing through his brain, he would be loading a pistol.
But his reassurance eased her panic, and she wound her arms around his neck. “You’re the only man I’ve ever loved, Matthew. I cannot imagine wedding anyone else. Or worse, what comes after.” Her cheeks flamed at the subtle mention of the marriage bed. “Please help me.”
A flare of unexpected jealousy caught him, for he could never allow another man to touch Lily. When she lifted her face to his, he claimed her lips. Sweet and innocent, she offered everything of herself, and he could not deny that he desired her. Lily had a way of entwining herself within his mind until there was nothing else. He cared about this beautiful young woman, and he did not want her to be hurt or threatened while he was gone.
Matthew removed the gold ring from his little finger and passed it to her. It had belonged to his grandfather, and when he offered it, Lily’s face brightened with joy.
“I will be so proud to wear this,” she said, slipping it onto her finger. “Perhaps upon a chain around my throat until you return.”
He kissed her again. “I will come back to you, Lily. I promise you that.” An engagement might be enough to dissuade Lord Penford from demanding that his daughter marry another man.
She traced the edge of the ring and said, “I will arrange for a minister to hear our vows tomorrow night. But it cannot be here in London. Perhaps we could meet at an inn.”
Her impetuous offer made him realize how serious she was. He caught her hands and was truthful. “Lily, we cannot marry this soon. You do not have your father’s permission, and we don’t have a license. It would not be legal.” He didn’t want her raising hopes that would only be dashed.
“I know it,” she whispered. “But if my father believes we have consummated the union, he would not dare arrange a marriage between myself and Lord Davonshire. The scandal would be terrible.” She closed her eyes for a moment, and her mood shifted. “Matthew, if you are gone for a year, let me imagine that it’s real. Let me believe that I am your wife and that you love me.” She rested her hands upon his heart. “It will be enough.” Her hazel eyes filled up with trust, making him feel as if he did not deserve her.
“I will return to you,” he promised. And if the illicit vows would protect her until he returned, keeping her from an unwanted marriage, so be it.
And when she kissed him again, he hoped he was making the right decision.
CHAPTER THREE
Present day
“Lily, dearest, I must speak with you.” Her grandmother, Mildred, Lady Wolcroft, leaned heavily against her cane as she walked into the small sitting room where Lily was seated with her sister, Rose, and their mother, Lady Penford. “I wanted to—”
Her grandmother’s words broke off at the sight of her daughter. Lady Penford was seated by the fire, happily knitting, while she wore a ball gown and all her jewelry.
The older matron’s face transformed into confusion. “Iris, what on earth are you wearing?”
Lily winced, shaking her head slightly. “It’s not a good day, Grandmother,” she told Lady Wolcroft. “Leave her be.” Their mother’s moods had been up and down over the past few days. She had been suffering from confusion ever since their father died two years ago. Sometimes she withdrew and hardly spoke, while at other times, she behaved like a child. There was no reason to upset Iris when she was safely at home where no one would judge her by her clothing.
Her grandmother ignored her. “This isn’t a ball, Iris. You really ought to go and change back into a day dress. You look ridiculous.”
“But Rose is getting married!” Iris beamed at her eldest daughter. “And to an earl, no less. I am simply delighted for them both, and I thought it only appropriate to wear my best gown and jewels to the wedding.”
During the past few months, Rose had recovered from a sudden illness that had stolen her ability to walk. Her sister had fallen in love with an Irishman who had helped her recover, though she still needed the support of a cane. And even now, Lily saw the flush of excitement on her sister’s face at the mention of marriage.
“The wedding will be next month, Mother,” Rose said, exchanging a glance with Lily. “There is time enough to wear our best gowns.”
Iris reached out and squeezed Rose’s hand. “Next month, yes. I will be ready.”
“Have you thought about getting married here?” Lily asked, sending her sister a silent look. Although Rose was marrying an Irish earl, the wedding didn’t have to take place in Ireland. “Wouldn’t it be easier to have the ceremony before you go?”
Her sister sent a weak smile. “Iain doesn’t want to. He wants our tenants to share in the celebration. And it gives him a reason to offer them supplies to last them through the winter. After the feast, the leftover food will be divided among the people.”
Lily wasn’t looking forward to the journey across the Irish Sea. She would have preferred to celebrate the marriage here, where their mother could be protected. Iris’s spells of madness were growing more frequent, and Lily wasn�
��t certain how many good days remained.
“Ireland is a godforsaken land riddled with famine,” her grandmother pronounced. “I, for one, believe Rose and Iain should be married here.” She raised her chin and then fixed her attention on Lily. “But I did not come here to discuss a wedding that is still weeks away.”
Lily picked up her mending and began to sew up one of the holes in her stocking. She suspected she was the subject of her grandmother’s censure but hoped she was wrong.
Lady Wolcroft chose a chair nearby and regarded her. “I came to discuss your scandalous behavior. It must cease, Lily, dearest.”
Since her grandmother never used endearments, Lily understood that this was quite serious. “And what scandalous behavior is that?”
“You’ve been visiting Lord Arnsbury.”
Lily saw no reason to deny it. “So I have. I’ve waited nearly two years for his return. Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because your behavior is entirely too forward. It does not bode well for finding you a good match. Lord Arnsbury looks like an unshaved barbarian, and you would do well to avoid him.”
“I will not leave him,” she insisted. “Matthew has suffered, yes, but he—”
“Matthew?” her grandmother interrupted. “And what gives you the right to call Lord Arnsbury by his Christian name, do tell?”
Oh dear. Lily bit her tongue for speaking. She knew that Mildred did not approve of her interest in Lord Arnsbury, especially after she had spurned Lord Davonshire. Lady Wolcroft could not imagine any reason a woman would turn down a future marquess. But perhaps if she revealed the truth to her family, they might understand.
An abridged truth, to be sure, but one that would make them see why she would not give up on Lord Arnsbury.
She reached for the silver chain around her neck and unfastened it, revealing his gold signet ring. Then she slid it onto her finger. It was heavy and didn’t fit, but that was irrelevant. “Because I married him.”
An illegal marriage, yes, but Lily had spoken promises nonetheless. And she rather hoped that revealing the scandal might lead to the true, legal marriage she wanted.
Silence flooded the room, and her grandmother gaped. “You did what?”
“Oh, Lily,” her sister breathed. Her tone mirrored Lady Wolcroft’s, as if to ask, How could you do such a thing?
“Another wedding!” Lady Penford clapped her hands with delight. “Lily, don’t you see? I was right to wear this gown.” She preened and held out her wrist that was adorned by a pearl and diamond bracelet.
Lily ignored her mother and held out the ring to Lady Wolcroft. “Matthew gave me this ring before he left for India. We spoke our vows, and I promised him that I would keep the ring until he could give me a true wedding.”
Lady Wolcroft’s gaze narrowed. “And just who witnessed these vows? Some flighty minister whom you bribed?”
She flushed at her grandmother’s anger, for it wasn’t far off from the truth. “A minister did witness our vows, yes.”
“And what of the license?” her grandmother demanded.
At that, she was forced to admit, “There was no time for a license.”
Her grandmother closed her eyes and let out a heavy sigh. “Then it wasn’t a true marriage, thank goodness. We can still uphold your father’s arrangement with Lord Davonshire, now that enough time for mourning has passed.”
“I spoke my vows before God,” Lily argued. “It was a real marriage in that sense. And we intended to remarry when he returned from India.” Matthew had warned her from the first that it would not be legal, but she hadn’t cared. At the time, she’d needed a means of stopping her father’s arrangement with the marquess.
But then George had died, and there had been no more talk of marriage. Her mother’s grief had crippled her mind, and Lily had been free to wait upon Matthew’s return.
Her grandmother stared hard at her. “You didn’t allow him to ruin you, did you?”
Her cheeks flushed scarlet, and Lily didn’t know quite what to say. “Well—I—do you suppose I would do such a thing, Grandmother?”
But Lady Wolcroft was not blind. “Oh dear Heavens, you did. That scoundrel. He will not get away with this.” Her grandmother shook her head. “You do not know how fortunate you were not to get with child. Lily, how could you be so naïve? How could you allow it?”
“I loved him,” she said simply. “And nothing happened. There was no child from our time together.”
“Nothing? You simply ruined yourself for a man who may not want you anymore.” Lady Wolcroft sent her a pitying look. “And everyone says he went mad after he was a prisoner in India. He has not set foot out of his house.”
“I do not regret my choices. I loved Matthew, and I wanted to be with him.” Lily replaced the ring upon the silver chain and hung it around her neck. “I still do.”
But her grandmother’s words weighed upon her. It was true that Matthew had demanded that she leave him. And there was no doubting his lack of awareness when she’d broken the teacup.
She had tried to stop him from touching the shards, but he’d clenched them in his palms, squeezing tightly until blood welled up. His eyes had been vacant, as if he were unaware of what he was doing.
Just like her mother.
A cold chill washed over her, and she felt her throat gather up with tears. They all knew that nothing could mend Iris’s broken mind. But they loved her and would take care of her for as long as they could. Lily didn’t want to imagine that the same had happened to Matthew.
Lady Penford had grown subdued and had removed her necklaces. She went to stand by the hearth, whispering softly to herself. Rose eased herself up from the chair and limped toward their mother, leaning on her cane.
“Lady Arnsbury is not aware of your secret wedding, is she?” her grandmother asked. Lily shook her head, and some of the tension left Lady Wolcroft’s shoulders. “We have only one choice, as I see it. Since it was never a legal marriage, you are free to choose another suitor. I do believe this would be best, given Lord Arnsbury’s. . .madness.”
“He was wounded and tortured,” Lily reminded her. It wasn’t as if Matthew had lost his wits.
“Even so, he is not good husband material.” Mildred squared her shoulders as if the matter were settled. “We will ensure that there are no legal implications and move forward from there.”
“But I want to remain with him,” Lily insisted. “He will recover, and I am certain we can wed properly.” She wanted so badly to believe that he would recover.
Her grandmother rolled her eyes. “And here I thought you were the sensible one, Lily. I have one granddaughter who intends to marry a man and live as an exile in Ireland and a daughter who believes in imaginary wolves and adorns herself like the Queen of Sheba.”
“I won’t give up on Matthew,” Lily said firmly. At least, not until he gives up on me. But today she had glimpsed a trace of the man she’d loved. When he’d spoken of their wedding night, it was as if the years had been lifted away for a moment, bringing them back together. She’d hoped he might kiss her.
Instead, the broken teacup had transformed him into someone else. She didn’t know if he could be healed any more than her mother.
But she had to try.
Matthew was sitting in his mother’s drawing room when James Thornton, the Earl of Penford, strode across the room. The man’s fists were clenched, and fury blazed in his eyes. “I ought to kill you.”
Given his friend’s fury, Matthew stood and inquired, “Dare I ask why?”
“I should have left you to rot at the hands of your torturers after what you did to my sister.” James lunged toward him, and his fist caught the edge of Matthew’s jaw.
Pain blasted through him, but it was welcome. After days of hardly sleeping, he wished that someone would knock him unconscious.
“You ruined her.” James threw another punch, and Matthew didn’t bother to defend himself. His head snapped to the side with the force of the excruciati
ng blow, and he tasted blood.
“Goddamn you.” His friend stepped back, his fists still clenched. “Why would you take advantage of her? She was only eighteen.” James loosened his fingers and shook his head. “I thought you were better than that.” His voice lowered, and he sighed. “That’s not the kind of man you are. Or, at least, that’s what I believed.”
Beneath the weight of his friend’s stare, Matthew admitted, “I don’t know what kind of man I am anymore, James.” He stared back at his friend, the heaviness of exhaustion weighing upon him. He couldn’t undo the mistakes he’d made.
“You let her believe you were going to marry her,” James said, his tone holding cold fury. “And then you ruined her before leaving her behind. If there had been a child. . .”
“There wasn’t.” He held James’s gaze. “And if you came here to tell me to leave her alone, save your breath. We both know I cannot marry her now.”
“You bastard.” James swung again, and pain lashed through him at the blow to his ribs, causing him to stagger backward. “That’s why she came to see you, wasn’t it? Because she loved you. And now, you think to abandon her?”
Matthew caught his friend’s fist before the next blow could fall. “Yes. I am going to leave her alone to find another man who is far better than me. Isn’t that what you want?”
“What I want is to break every bone in your body.” James let out a foul curse. “How could you do this?”
“I never meant to hurt her.” He knew he’d wronged Lily, despite the missing pieces of memory. He never should have touched her. For not only had he ruined her life, but he’d also destroyed the trust of his best friend. He couldn’t change the past. . .but he could let Lily go. She could find a better man, one who would give her the life she deserved.
What the Earl Needs Now (The Earls Next Door Book 2) Page 3
