by Jae Vogel
The shower was both warm and spacious. I felt incredibly relaxed, and peaceful, though when I looked at the reflection of my body in the shower door, something flashed inside of my mind. Suddenly, everything around me became less real. Suddenly, the shower was not as luxurious as I had previously believed it to be. It was nothing more than a persistent hallucination.
At some point in their career, most of the women who worked in VR ended up discovering tiny moments of lucidity within the scope of their performances. There were two real tricks when it came to remaining lucid.
First, do not tell anyone you are lucid.
As an actress, you should never indicate that you are aware of your environment beyond an above average performing character. The reason for this level of performance has to do with the intensity of micromanagement within the confines of the program itself. Somewhere up the ladder, way beyond the hardware maintenance of Mavis's level of involvement, there was an Architect who was responsible for the continuous, seamless delivery of whatever fantasies that the actress was due to experience during the course of the scenario. The Architect did not like to deal with ‘lucid elements’, as they referred to you, once you began to show too much cognitive dissonance between your character and your personality outside of the simulation. Some Architects simply correct course, while others will go out of their way to make a scene intentionally more difficult for the actress who is showing signs of lucidity.
The second trick relates to job security.
If you think you have a good thing going, then it is best that you keep up your character as long as you are able. The people in the audience want to see fantasies about women having a hard time, and then making it through, or finding true love. Some shit like that. If you get all lucid on them and break character, the spell will be gone and you might find yourself booted as soon as they pull the sensor from your ass.
So, no. It is far better to allow yourself the benefits of increased consciousness, all the while moving along fluidly within whatever scenario presents itself. Over time, I have pushed this level of conscious passivity to an art - so much so that I was able to catch myself, and resume the role before anything out of the ordinary was detected.
Technically, they have instruments that monitor brain activity, but most of the actresses use so many different kinds of substances, that it’s impossible to tell a normal state from a deviant one. Consequently, grass acts as both camouflage, and social anesthetic. Fucking wonderful drug.
"Hun, you doing all right in there?"
"Just waiting for you to come in..."
I can never tell if I'm laying it on too thick, but I figure the rest of the simulation is operating within its own logic, so I have a certain amount of latitude.
"Mmm, fuck yea," came a voice from the kitchen.
I nodded to myself and let my hand run down my chest.
Not too bad, I thought, noticing that I was far more attractive in this particular rendition of my life than I recalled.
He came into the bathroom, naked and ready to go.
"More than a little excited, are we?" I said.
"Something about you is so irresistible, I just can't avoid it."
“That's right, now get your ass in here..."
I bit my lip for him, enticingly, and let the hot water splatter out onto the bathroom floor. Even as he walked over to me, I watched his cock grow larger with anticipation. He wasn't fully hard yet. A man like that would need at least a little attention before getting ready to go, but I knew that he would be up for the task as soon as I got down on my knees and serviced him a bit.
I brought him close to me, letting his body gravitate toward my own. In the nude, his muscles were even more incredible than hinted at while we were in bed. The shower was incredibly large, and accommodated a tub, with wide, spacious, granite tiles along the sides. He reached over and plugged the bath, and dumped a load of scented bubbles into the newly forming pool of water. In no time, the water was rising around us as we kissed. Then he pulled back and smiled at me; his cock pressed up against my abs.
"Why don't you take care of yourself for a minute, and I'll be right back."
As he left, my attention went from his perfect, muscular ass, to the full pane windows that composed the wall on the opposite side of the shower. The windows were slightly fogged over at this point, but there was still enough clarity to observe the outside world, and imagined what it would be like for someone to watch me from the outside, in.
I opened the door and stepped out of the tub to get a closer look out the window, dripping water as I went. My hands moved in small circles around the pane of glass, and once I was able to look outside, I realized that whatever penthouse we were in was miles up into the air. There were a number of other buildings around that were also that high, so it was possible that someone could sneak a peek at what we were doing. The concept made me raise my eyebrow for a moment.
It was so easy to fall back into the narrative of the story. Maintaining any sense of lucidity was a Sisyphean task to be sure. You had flashes of success for a moment, but then you were immediately chasing the fucker as it sped away from you, only to strain with effort to get it back into the right place.
I took a breath and watched the condensation cover the place where my face was on the window. Kissing the pane, for good luck, I left lip marks on the window behind me and returned to my place in the bath. Then, inspired by a slight feeling of rebellion, and a bitter sort of reflection on my current state of being, I began to sing as I felt the water rise up over my feet, and calves.
"Oh, Angel, Angel, will you be mine, my darling dear, love you all the time, I'm just a fool, a fool in love with you..." My voice was soft and the song offered me comfort. My anxieties seemed to dissipate along with whatever tensions this body appeared to be holding onto.
The bubbles wrapped themselves around my skin as I lowered myself into the tub below. The water was turned off overhead, and the tub automatically turned off once the level of water was just below the brim of the tub.
"I fell for you, and I knew the vision of your loveliness. I hoped and pray that someday, I'll be the vision of your happiness... oh oh oh..."
The metallic sheen of a straight razor caught my eye along the side of the bath. Looking down at my legs, and glancing back up at the straight razor, I decided I might as well try it out and see what it felt like. There was some fancy looking shaving cream next to the razor, and I was fairly confident that I could handle myself.
Pushing the suds to the side, I raised my legs above water level and began lathering them with the lotion. The first and second strokes were slow and intentional. I was fascinated with how clean and smooth my legs felt after each swipe. Using a straight edge, it was necessary to give my entire attention to the task at hand. The preoccupation with servicing this new body was a beautiful thing, and I allowed myself to become completely engrossed in the activity.
Setting the razor down, I began to explore the other components of the shower. The song continued to spill from between my lips.
"Angel, Angel... the one I adore. Love you forever, and ever more. I'm just a fool. A fool in love with you... you, you you."
A detachable showerhead gave me the opportunity to spray down the suds from my entire body. I enjoyed the way the heat from the shower spread down over my body, and how the water pressure felt against the surface of my skin.
I stepped out of the shower and pulled a towel from the side of the bath. It was thick, and felt warm against the my body. Once I was dry, I looked into the mirror and let down my hair from the bun it had been in the night before.
Nice, I thought. The hair was long, and brown, covering just the edge of my nipples.
That’s when he came back, cocky as hell and stood behind me. We were kissing within moments, and the towel was soon on the floor. He didn't speak. Instead, he latched his lips around my nipples, and then toward my own lips. I spread my legs around him, and he pulled me backward onto the edge of the
bath. I moaned as his lust grew, and eventually got into position to give him a blowjob.
Whatever consciousness of lucidity I had at that point was completely gone. All I could think about was how warm and full his cock felt inside my mouth, and how tight the back of his hands were on my hair. He pushed my head down on top of him and I offered no resistance whatsoever.
From my vantage point, I could see his mouth open wide as he stared at me. The key to this kind of hard work was giving yourself completely to the task at hand. To reward me, he lowered himself down to one knee, and then began to rub my clit.
We played with each other by hand for a few minutes, until he worked two fingers inside of me and completely brought me out of my desire for reciprocation. I wanted him inside of me, badly, and so I climbed on top of him as he squatted near the edge of the bath. Each stroke pushed waves through my body, heightening my desire to insane levels.
Being fucked by a stranger might seem more than a bit off-putting for some, but when he has you on the counter with legs spread and one hand on your clit, it doesn't really matter who he is as long as his cock keeps working inside of you.
I looked dead into the eyes of that man, and gave him my entire body. Each pulsation from his cock into my cunt spread outward through my whole being. The most intense aspect of the entire experience was the deadlock of eye contact. He refused to blink. Refused to do anything except hold me down and stare into my very soul. Each push from that point seemed to deepen the gaze and reduce the amount of resistance I had to a point of total submission.
Exercising his dominance, he yanked me off of the counter and pushed me down onto my knees once more. I obeyed and brought the taste of my own cunt into my mouth as it dripped off of the tip of his cock.
A fire was building between my legs, but I didn't dare put my fingers down between my legs and service myself. I had to give one hundred percent of my attention to him.
All of a sudden, he pushed me across the room toward the full side windows. I was on the tips of my toes, palms up against the windows and right leg held up into the air. He grabbed ahold of my torso while he pumped his cock hard into my body.
The whole time he fucked me, he maintained that deadly stare into my eyes. I was arrested, unable to think about anything except the overwhelming feeling of his cock. He pushed me up against the glass, and shook my body violently, slamming his dick into me and grabbing ahold of my breasts. Then he pushed me over so that my entire face and the front of my body were pressed up hard against the glass.
Just when I was about to climax, he pulled me backward on top of him and the two of us fell back onto the ground. I bobbed up and down on his cock at that point, in complete control of the pacing and depth of the penetration. As my body began to shake involuntarily, he grabbed me by the neck and brought my ear down close to his mouth.
"I bet you want my cum, don't you?"
The words were little more than a whisper, but his teeth were clenched together, and he never stopped slamming his cock into me.
"Say it. Say you want my cum."
"Mmm… I want it."
His hand squeezed tighter around my neck, and I choked. I could feel the oxygen leave my brain. The pleasure from before continued to override my senses, and impulsively, as soon as his hand released from around my neck, I gasped for air.
"Fuck yea, I want your cum!"
"That's right..."
He pushed me off of him, and laid me out on the bathroom tile. My whole body was still writhing in an ecstatic form of agony. I felt him lift my leg up and drag me toward the window once more. My body slid easily on the condensation that had formed on the surface of the floor. With a twist, he pushed me hard up against the glass. I was able to open my mouth only for a moment before he shoved his cock down my throat.
I choked again, but opened my jaw up as wide as I could.
"Say my name!”
I gagged, and my fingers clutched harder on his thighs.
"You ready to say it? I'll give you a chance."
He pulled out suddenly, and I coughed, struggling for air. My mind was a complete blank. Saliva dripped excessively from the head of his cock down toward my breasts. All I could do was stare up at him, and wonder why the hell I couldn't think of his name.
Again with the cock.
He pressed into me so hard that I hit my head on the window behind me. My whole head ached, and suddenly all of the pleasure was drained out of the room.
"If you can't manage to say my name, then how can I know that you love me?"
The question was direct, and with each sentence, he pushed harder into my mouth. I thought about biting down, but he had pushed past the place where my jaw had much power at all. My vision was fading and stars were growing bright in places where they shouldn't have been.
I looked up at his face, just past the threshold of fear, and I suddenly realized that this, too, was part of the Simulation. That very point of awareness was immediately punctuated by an explosion of glass all around me.
Blood splattered all over my body and I watched in slow motion as his forehead sank into his skull.
Then I fell backward into space.
Chapter 3
“You’re fired!”
The sound of her voice was muffled, and I didn't know where it was coming from. Someone pulled the mouth sensor out from inside of me and tore the helmet off of my head. The room around me was blinking bright, red lights; my own eyes were shut, but I didn't need to open them to tell.
“Christ, Priss. I doubt any of us are going to have a good time because of this, but at least give her a chance to wake up.”
"A chance?"
The last images of the simulation ran through my mind without prompting, and suddenly I felt very, very sick.
Mavis was disappointed as I dry heaved into the saline pool. He was holding me up from behind so I wouldn't drown myself. I could feel his fingers around my arms, just outside of each armpit.
And Priscilla was not done venting.
"I've given her nothing but chances, and this is how she repays me? There's no other way to explain what happened in there. She got lucid, grew wings, and assassinated a major male character."
"You don't know that. Look, none of us know what happened."
"Wings?" I said, but it ended up coming out as more of a croak.
"Shh..."
Mavis attempted to comfort me in his own clumsy way.
"One more word from you, Mavis, and I will have your entire operation tested for tampering. There will be no sympathy on this one."
"You can test all you want, I didn't have shit to do with it. For all we know this is some fucking joke from the Architect, or the work of some hacker with a moral agenda."
I stopped gagging and was finally able to open my eyes.
"You're a fucking mess,” Priscilla said. “Get your shit together and come to my office before you leave. We'll cover damages, then see if you have any severance pay left."
I didn't have the ability to respond, but I heard her loud and clear.
Then a phone rang.
"Priscilla Rael."
I looked up and saw her scowling at me.
"No, she's alive. Yep, I just watched her choke on her own vomit. Yea, we'll hold onto her for five, but don't expect any leniency on my end. I'm done sticking my neck out and getting trashed for it. Yes, sure thing."
She put her phone back in the breast of her shirt.
"Mavis, get her cleaned up. Admin wants to have a word."
Her pitiless eyes fell down toward me once more and she shook her head.
"You're fucked, Daux. And you did it to yourself. Remember that.“
My throat was raw and my whole body ached. I tried raising my middle finger to flip her off, but couldn't find the strength. Then, a light flashed in my mind from the back of my head, and I lost consciousness once more.
The details from that point are a little fuzzy, but long story short, I woke up in a psych ward. One of those no
sharp edges, no shoelaces type of places, with the nurses who never frowned, and never told you the truth. I can't say it was a total shock to me, but I wasn't exactly happy about it either.
If they had only given me something to ease the pain, some kind of substance… but they didn't. I ended up nearly wanting to kill myself from the pain of withdrawal. I totally lost track of time while I was there. The only markers that any time had passed at all was that at certain points of the day, the nurses would come in and offer me things like pre-packaged applesauce, mixed with protein powder, and God knows what else.
I was practically delirious for the longest time, and then one morning, the headaches were gone, and a strange form of lucidity had taken their place.
When the nurse came into the room that morning, I looked up at her, and noticed for the first time that she was actually evaluating me, and not just providing me with food and drink. Our eyes met, and there was a disturbing moment of clarity.
"Where am I?"
"Feeling better then?"
I narrowed my eyes.
"You’re avoiding my question."
"You are in intensive care, due to a chemical abuse problem that has been reported by your work. We took you in here in order to better understand your condition, and help to remove the toxins from your body."
"I'm in Gratis."
"That's right."
The woman took a few vital signs, drew some blood from my arm, and then left without saying another word. Later that day, I received another visitor.
"Ah, hello, so good to see you up today."
His smile looked as plastic as the walls of the room. I immediately had no desire to engage with this man whatsoever. At his side were two assistants, each with clipboards that faced their beady eyes, and thin, wire framed spectacles.
"Do you know why you're here?"
"Well, your nurse over there lied to me. She said that I came in here because my company reported an abuse problem with the drugs I had been taking. But all of my drugs were legal, and I am pretty sure I wasn't strung out when I went to work that morning. So I'm going to say no, I don't know why I'm here."
