by Jae Vogel
Each of his steps toward me was marked by a specific change in the way that I experienced the world around me. Objects that were once clear, became vague and unreal. The room was slowly growing into a form of sensory overload that was far too much for me to handle. My vision blurred into double, and I swayed uncontrollably to the side in an effort to regain my composure and balance.
“What’s happening,” I gasped.
“You are being sedated. Try not to fight it. The strain has the potential to cause embolisms in the brain, which might make it more difficult for us to do the research necessary to understand why the Symbiot chose to latch onto you.”
“How… I don’t understand…”
“A man does not win a war by striking at his enemy. He wins the war by appearing weak, though he is strong. By appearing vulnerable, though he is an advantageous position. The Virtuous Man wins a way without drawing so much as a single drop of blood…”
“Enough!”
I fell to my knees, and clung to the floor, in an effort to make the room stop moving. No such luck.
“All lessons that I think you could stand to learn a bit more about. I must say, I have been tracking your progress as best as I could ever since you broke out of Gratis the first time. You’re a hard woman to keep ahold of, though I’ve always enjoyed a challenge. Too bad you fell so easily.”
He bent over and touched my shoulder, as though to draw my attention toward something, but it was no use. I couldn’t think, let alone pay attention to anything outside of my own anguish.
“It’s a simple tool really. Police will likely be using them next year. Top of the line research in non-lethal weapons. We think that they will be brilliant with crowd control, but the problem is we haven’t found a way to localize targets for large groups of people. For the moment, you need to be in a more intimate setting with your intended recipient.”
I felt sick, but I couldn’t seem to vomit, or shake the feeling. He tried to show me something, but I couldn’t make it out even though it was right in front of my face. My body had become physically incapable of doing anything but assume a fetal position.
To draw a chart of my emotional spectrum, the descent would appear periodic. I felt increasingly terrible until a critical point where I was convinced that I was going to die — and then the pain let up. The relief wasn’t any true sense of relief, only a minor lessening of the nauseating dread that filled my every pore. The easing in tension would lessen just enough to where I didn’t feel the threat of impending death. The cycle was unbearable, and soon I could focus on nothing but my own approaching death — a phenomenon which approached, but never seemed to fully arrive.
I felt a familiar bite in my arm, and a terrible surge of warmth flooded through my veins.
Heroin.
That same old response that I had given to myself countless times. The overwhelming feeling of sunshine exploding in my veins, and making everything around me all right, regardless of how fucked up the base line of reality was. It had been the tool of my own salvation so many times, and yet this time, not only was it unexpected, it was unwelcome.
My senses began to shut down. The gross aftermath of panic dissipated into tiny pieces in my consciousness, and finally settled into the luxurious carpet below.
I felt nothing.
Chapter 22
When I woke up I was in the same room, though nobody else was around.
My body felt fine, and what was even stranger was that the aches and pains that I felt from the events which came before were no longer present. I remembered being shot up, and I assumed that was the source of the good feelings. What astonished me was that I didn’t have any clothes on at all, and there were no marks of injury on my body.
I blinked, trying to get a hold of my surroundings. The room was as I remembered, except the view out of the window had changed. Instead of being the highest building around, there were other, still higher buildings right alongside this one. They were far enough away to where you couldn’t get to them, but close enough to where you could see the reflections of clouds off of the windows.
I got up off of the ground, and my head began to feel cloudy. The sensation was different than the toxic feeling I got before Phallon gave me that hit. The confusion passed through me like a wave, and then disappeared once more as though nothing had happened at all. Then I realized why the windows were so familiar.
“Oh my god… this is a simulation.”
“Very good, Daux, You’re one of the quickest subjects to gain lucidity that I’ve ever seen. We have gotten some quick ones throughout our time here, but nobody has done it that fast.”
I turned around, and once again found that I was no longer alone. Instead of an old man, there was a younger man standing in front of me. His build was stronger, and his frame more robust. He was muscular, charming, and confident. When I looked into his eyes, I could see the similarities between this man, and Phallon.
I rolled my eyes.
“You brought me up here to live out a sex fantasy?”
He laughed.
The laughter was rich, deep, and enduring. I wanted it to go away, but he persisted until he had indulged in himself completely. It became very clear to me that it wasn’t something that he thought was funny, as much as he found my own ignorance amusing.
“You still haven’t put it together, have you?”
“I’m sorry?”
Another pang in my head, this time, little more than a pulse.
“I’ve had you in more ways than I can count.”
He walked over to where I stood, and reached his arm out to stroke my hair. He was strong, and I was terrified.
“I’ve taken my cock and shoved it so far down your throat that you have literally begged me for air.”
His thumb slid into my mouth, and pressed down into the back of my throat.
“I’ve taken you in every hole, and then fed you the cum drained out from the inside of your body.”
His thumb pulled down on my bottom lip, and I felt completely and utterly powerless. Then another pang, like I could feel my heartbeat radiating out through my skull.
“What is that?”
He smiled, and his eyes narrowed as he looked at me. His hands moved to the outside of my cheeks, and I felt his fingers dig through the hair at the base of my skull.
“Do let her come in. I’m more than anxious to meet her. At the moment, she is far more interesting to me than the simple pleasures that your body could ever provide.”
Everything became clear to me at that moment. The confidence of this man. He knew that Luna had assassinated whoever was in the simulation with me back in the Red Light District. He knew that, and yet he still chose to plug me into his system.
“Ah! She thinks! I like it when you do that. Are you going to share your thoughts with me, or should I pry them out?”
Electric arcs seized across my vision, and I felt the current of electricity passing through his fingertips, and into my brain. I had suffered the effects of magic before in fantasy VRs back at work — but the knowledge that it was artificial did nothing to make the pain any less significant.
I said nothing. Instead, I watched as the electricity pulled itself through my mind. I felt with it some kind of loss. The thing which I had been keeping from him — that simple question — “how could you be so foolish?”, was written now in the ether in front of my very eyes.
He sniffed, no doubt feeling less than satisfied with the results of his extraction.
“I’ll have you know, this is a private server, and one which is maintained by key staff at all junctures. Think of this as your own high security prison, where no thought you have, is beyond my grasp. Your friend — Luna, I believe you call her — she is, of course, the one I am truly after. Once I understand how the two of you are linked together, I will unravel the bond that ties you to her. You will pass away from this earth when your time runs away, but the form that you take now will be available for me should I ever get lonel
y.”
He smiled, a simple, sociopathic sort of smile, and I knew in that moment that his soul was gone.
“No need to hide it now,” I said. “It’s clear that you’re already dead.”
He laughed again, though this time, it was cut short.
“No, I haven’t died. I simply define myself as a realist, and I am defining you as my pet. I see you as something similar between a sex toy and an experimental mouse. The only difference is that you have a rather unique set of conditions, which means I need to be a bit more careful with how I manage the variables in our little experiment.”
Another pulse hit me.
“Now, I know she can hear me, so I’m going to speak directly to the Symbiot. If you speak again without being spoken to, you will be punished for violating my concentration.”
I sat down on the floor and crossed my legs. There was no escape. Just then, a wry smile came to my lips.
“How will you know which of us is speaking?”
A hand came down swifter than I could react and slapped me firmly across the face. My cheek felt like it was on fire, and I gasped for breath.
“I suppose I’ll have to modify my previous statement. Show, to me the slightest form of disrespect, and you will be punished. Are we clear?”
Another pulse.
“Yes.”
Another slap, this one knocking me down to the ground, bringing a ring to my ears.
“Say my name!”
“Yes, Mr. Phallon.”
“Good pet.”
“I can see now that your problem with Joel Heisinger was that he didn’t have the patience necessary to properly discipline you. A rebellious young tramp such as yourself, needs a tight cage and a firm hand, lest she squander herself in the filth that you called your previous lifestyle.
“Yes, Mr. Phallon.”
Another pulse.
“Now, where were we…”
More electricity ran through my body, as he attempted to extract whatever information he thought was inside of me. I endured the pain, shut my eyes, and withdrew completely.
Chapter 23
A fresh breeze brought me out of my shell once more, and when I opened my eyes, she was standing there with me.
The environment grew larger in my vision, and the familiar feeling of reeds against my thighs reminded me that I was in a familiar place, and amongst someone whom I could call my friend.
The glow lasted only a moment, until I realized that I had never been in a dream, while also within a simulation. My thoughts were apparent to her, and there was no need for any magical tomfoolery — violent or otherwise.
We are in a hidden place, below the surface, she assured me. He won’t find us here, but I think you’ll find it’s a lot like swimming, in that you won’t be able to stay here forever.
So, what is he doing? I said.
Her smile was simple and sad, though I didn’t quite comprehend why.
He’s telling the world all about you. I want you to stay here with me for a moment, and try to let him be. I know it’s tempting to give your problems all of your energy, but that kind of anxiety is only going to damage you in the long run, and we will miss out on an opportunity to appreciate the moment you and I are sharing right now.
You’ve been away.
She shook her head.
I’ve been right here, but you’ve been doing great. The way you helped out that girl… that was true leadership. You ought to be proud of yourself.
I am.
Another smile.
She held her hand out to me and offered me the warmth of her connection.
Let’s go for a walk.
There was a central tree in the middle of the field that we walked through, and she and I must have passed around it eight times total before stopping. We walked clockwise; just minding our own steps and not really giving our thoughts to anything except the pathway that remained in front of us. We were giving our soul to the path in front of our feet.
Both bodies were naked, and both bodies held onto one another by the tips of our fingers.
By the end of the eighth pass around the central tree, I began to feel a deep sense of calm and detachment about the problems that had previously been in my mind. They could have belonged to anyone, but instead, they were mine. Mine to take care of, and mine to attend to.
The trick of it all was that the tree was also mine, and the body, and this friendship I had with Luna. The one thing that wasn’t mine, was the breath that came in and out of my lungs as I walked.
This all lead to a paradigm shift.
Suddenly, I was aware of my own failings. My own complete failure to understand the true nature of my own reality.
If the breath wasn’t mine, then how could the problems be mine? If the breath was only passing through me, then wasn’t it also the case that the thoughts and friendships which had passed through the doors of my mind were also just as impermanent?
A nod, and a liberated spin amongst the tall golden reeds.
None of this was mine, but I was here to experience it.
Suddenly, I began to cry.
The emotion started as nothing more than a twitch, and then swiftly moved into an overwhelming sadness. The sun of the sky faded, and clouds replaced the warmth of the atmosphere. Rain fell down to feed the soil, and my tears, too, dropped into the summer-lands.
Boiling every bit of suffering down into an enlightened cliché wasn’t going to work. It was all passing, that much was true. I also didn’t own it — which in theory made it easier to detach from the pain caused by excessively obsessing over how to make things better.
What did not go away was the pain.
The pain I felt for the girl.
The pain I felt for every miserable client Hep ever gave a happy ending to.
Pain for the crass meaningless that our lives had become, and pain for the decisions I had made which contributed to the perpetuation of that void.
All of it poured out from inside me, and the ground devoured all of it with abandon.
The soil is nourished. The treasures of the unconscious are yours, because you have known death.
She placed a small bit of light in my hand, which burned my skin. I held the fire of truth close to my heart, and felt love and comfort once more.
What is it?
She smiled, and placed her index finger on her forehead. Looking down, I saw the flame leap to the tip of my finger, and I, too, placed my fingertip on my forehead.
Luna walked into me, and stood in my place, filling out the gaps which had been worn in my soul from a lifetime of suffering.
I will always be with you, Now that you are not afraid, we can be one.
Suddenly, information, overwhelmed my senses, and the environment faded from before my eyes. I watched the avatar of Mr. Phallon - the dark magician - pull the light out from beneath my fingertips, and I was in the simulation room once more.
He smiled victoriously, and shouted words that were mute to me. I saw him for what he was, and I saw the code that made up the avatar he inhabited. I knew the confines of the room, and I knew what it was like to go beyond.
This room may have been designed as a prison, but it was only a microcosm of a much larger systemic problem. The world itself was the prison, and each person locked inside was wilfully ignorant of their own means of escape.
Thoughts such as these prattled around inside of me, and all around, while I stared into the code of the simulated room. I had no way of knowing if they were true, but one thing was certain - I hated Solis, and I wanted nothing more than to watch it burn to the ground. But even those thoughts subsided in awe of the intricacies of my current lived experience.
No drug that I had ever taken had prepared me for a moment like this. The detail that was available in the smallest section of the room could be magnified at will. All things were transparent to me, and all meanings were immediately apparent.
“This is what it’s like to be one with the her.”
He heard me, and his eyes screwed wide in disbelief. I could watch his lips move, understand what he was saying, but I didn’t particularly care to do so. There was a safety valve in the cord which attached his avatar to his body.
I couldn’t have killed him if I wanted to. As soon as whatever architect he had on staff noticed that I did anything aggressive toward Phallon, the wire would trip and he would be pulled out of the sim. There was no way for me to touch him. He had thought of everything.
Then I felt another pulse.
The sensation lead me toward the edge of the room, where I assumed my body was connected in an isolation tank. Tuning into the pulse, I was able to transfer my thoughts toward it, and identify what it was actually doing.
The pulse was information; thoughts, sensory experience, a totality of information. The draw toward it was peaceful, and I knew that if I could initiate that same electric seizure which initiated the simulation experience, I might be able to transfer my consciousness back into the body, and then outward, riding along the frequency of the transmission toward wherever it might take me.
The man was now shaking me, violently, and it was getting more and more difficult to think.
I visualized that piece of light from the subconscious; that tiny, brilliant jewel, and all of the warmth it had to offer. I gave myself to that light, and in turn, gave my body to Solis HQ.
The light passed through the code of the simulation, and was transmitted outward into the Net.
We were free.
- The End -
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Demon Hero: The Dark Fae Hollows
What if your whole life has been a lie?
