by TJ Hamilton
His wandering hand rubs between my legs. “I want to know all of you … inside and out,” he says as he pushes a long finger into me.
My famished body is awash with a hot flush as Nick’s strong finger slides deep inside me with a gentle stroke. Despite being naked in a bare empty room in winter, I feel my body’s temperature spike to a boiling point. The pounding in my chest increases with a solid beating rhythm as Nick’s finger tenderly fondles around inside me. I feel my body release its syrupy wetness as his finger slips in and out of me effortlessly.
I close my eyes and try and focus on my breathing. It has been so long since I was with a man that this almost feels foreign. In fact, this is all new. I’ve never felt like this before. I’ve never had a man make me feel this way. It’s always been me doing this to them … because they paid me. My toes flex and curl as my breathing becomes shallow and rapid. I exhale loudly and feel Nick’s finger slow. I open my eyes and see his handsome dimples framing his perfect smile. He pulls his finger from me and casually sucks on it.
He stands up and slides his shirt down his shoulders. I giggle at the stark contrast in him compared to the time I spent with him as Tom Smythe. The character he had to play was so different to the real him. I guess the person I am now feels different to Miranda. I’ve always been Miranda whenever I’ve been with a man. Now I have to be me. The real me, whoever that is.
Nick watches me intently as he peels his clothes off in front of me. He knows he’s gorgeous and his confidence is sexy. I smile like a schoolgirl as I watch him finally pull his tight boxers down his long legs. He’s even more beautiful naked than I’ve ever imagined. His solid erection is in perfect proportion to his strong body. It stands proudly to attention and sways as he moves back towards me. As soon as he’s close enough, I lean up and grab his hand and rip him back down to me. He falls on top of me and I roll him over and make my way down his body with a line of kisses. The sight of him naked has sent me over the edge and I want him more than I ever have before. As I reach his belly button Nick stops me and grips onto my head. I look up at him and wonder what’s wrong.
“You don’t have to be Miranda with me.” He slowly pulls me back up to his lips.
I feel a heat catch my cheeks and I try not to show him how embarrassed I am. I don’t know how else to be with a man. I don’t know what he wants from me, or what he wants me to do? I kiss him to disguise the pure humiliation of the whole situation. He holds onto my chin and pulls away to look at me again. I want to hide and pray that the glow of the fire is enough to disguise my flushed cheeks.
“I’m going to make love to you, Mia,” Nick says. “I’m going to show you how people love each other. It’s going to be slow and it’s going to be all night. I’ve wanted to do this to you for a long time, so now I’m going to take my time and devour you. No fast fuck. Just you and me … how it’s supposed to be.” Nick utters every word I’ve only ever imagined anyone saying to me.
I’m swept up again in his tender kisses and strong embrace. He rolls onto me and I take in the amazing feeling of having a strong man on top of me. No longer am I in control of the situation, and I love every second of it. My legs wrap around him and I feel his erection nudge around my entrance. My entire insides pulse just from the very thought of him entering me.
He leans down on his elbows and cups his hands around my face, forcing my eyes to remain on his. I’m completely captivated by him. I’ve never had anyone look at me the way he is right now and I want to watch his beautiful eyes forever. He moves above me slowly and I feel the tip of him start to spread me apart as he presses himself into me. I want him so bad that it’s driving me to the brink already. I throb and pulse down below with such intensity, I’m trying not to explode when we haven’t even started yet. I see droplets of sweat spring out across Nick’s forehead and wonder if his build-up is as intense as mine?
My mind is racing, and I wonder whether this is the right decision to have unprotected sex with Nick right here, right now. Then I feel the most incredible feeling deep inside as he finally sinks down into me. My eyes close involuntarily as I take in the overwhelming feeling of fullness inside me. He feels so big but the heat of his length sends any discomfort away. It’s an unfamiliar feeling without a condom, and one I don’t quite know how to react to. I open my eyes again and see Nick hasn’t taken his gaze from me. He kisses me with more passion than I previously thought possible. Our bodies rock and tilt against each other in perfect timing. I hear his breathing grow stronger and stronger. I grip onto his back and dig my fingers into his protruding muscles, feeling them tense and flex with every movement he makes.
I can’t think of anything other than Nick inside me. I try and slow myself down to enjoy every moment but the second I catch his beautiful eyes again I implode with a shuddering force. Nick arches back and thrusts into me with strong but slow strokes. Every inch of me clutches onto him as my body throbs with utter pleasure. The feeling is unlike any other. He pulls me up towards him again and I straddle around him as he kneels back. Gripping behind me, he sways my body backwards and forwards across him, my body giving in to his every move. I don’t know how long it’s been but his stamina surpasses any man I have ever been with. The constant pulse that has enslaved my body refuses to subside with each tender stroke he makes. Nick manoeuvres with grace and ease, and I have given myself to him with absolute submission. My body is his, to do with as he pleases. He lifts and places me into positions with the same constant rhythm of movement, our eyes watching each other, our mouths rubbing past one another with bated breath.
Finally his muscles start to shudder and I see a look in his eye that tells me he’s ready to erupt. He throbs inside, swelling and inflating even larger than before. Now on top of me, his tongue finds the softness of my own and together they wrap around each other as I feel the heaviness of him filling me inside. His throbbing causes me to lose myself once again and I reach the ultimate climax. I feel his body tense and strain under the pressure and he lets out a howling moan as his eyes lock back onto mine. I love watching him come and finally giving into me.
Our rocking motion slows to a complete stop. I still hold onto him, never wanting to let him go. He breathes heavily into my ear as his head rests down next to mine. I want to stay like this forever. The pulsing inside me still buzzes away as I try and bring myself back down to earth.
The fire next to us is reduced to smouldering flames as the logs have all but disintegrated. What seemed like minutes of us rolling around in rapture must’ve been hours. Nick glides out of me and I finally feel the raw, stretched feeling of being with a man for hours. I smile to myself. If this is what making love is, then I have been missing out! Still in Nick’s arms, he rolls down behind me and pulls me into him. My body trembles as I try and catch my breath. Nick tucks the remainder of the drop sheet around us and I stay in the comfort of his arms and watch the fire slowly die down to embers. I don’t want to fall asleep yet, but finally exhaustion takes over.
I’ve never felt safer in all my life than I do right now wrapped in his strong arms. As my eyes shut and my breathing slows I think I hear him whisper, “I love you, Mia.”
EIGHT
I wake up and wonder if it was all just a dream. As I try and move I feel Nick’s strong arms still wrapped securely around me. I smile to myself as I roll over to face him. He’s only just stirring too.
“Morning,” he says with a husk to his voice.
Did I actually hear him say those three little words just before I went to sleep last night? I search in his eyes for any clue but I’m too afraid to come out and ask him.
“What’s wrong?” he questions.
Does he really know me that well?
“How did you know where to find me?” I ask to stop myself from asking what I really want to know.
Nick leans down and kisses my forehead. “Mia. I know almost everything there is to know about you, remember? I knew you’d come back here. After you tried to see Charlie, of cour
se.”
“Where is Charlie, Nick? I know you sent him away. He’s my best friend and he can help us. He’s already met Tench and Tench knows he’s my friend. I don’t think you understand the friendship I have with Charlie. My life isn’t the same without him.”
“He’ll be back soon. We needed you to get your head around work first. I promise he’ll be back and you can see him all you like.”
“I don’t know if I can do this, Nick. I don’t know if this is the life I want. I’ve tried to get as far away from Tench as I can.”
Nick’s eyes soften. He combs my hair with his fingers.
“When this is all over …” He pauses as he shifts to get a better look at me and a whisper of cold air skims past me as he moves. “I want us to be together. I will go with you. Wherever you want to go, I’ll go too. I just want to be with you, Mia.”
This can’t be real. I’m not convinced he could just settle down with someone like me. Not after living the life he has had for so long.
“What about your work at the agency?”
“After we stop Joe Tench, I can walk away. Speaking of which, I need to get you home for a shower and into HQ. You have some firearms to play with today,” he says with a smile.
I just want to lie here and not move. My naked body pressed against his, all day, but Nick starts to twist from around me.
“So much for me learning everything about Tench last night,” I pout.
Nick’s brow peaks with amusement. “So that’s what you would have rather done?” he says as he picks up his scattered clothes.
I look around the bare apartment. In the harsh morning sunlight it seems even more hollow than it did yesterday and I’m reminded that I don’t live here anymore. Maybe it’s time to let my beloved apartment go? I slide my jeans on and pull my jumper over my head.
“I need to stop by my place quickly so that I can grab some clothes, okay?” Nick says as he reaches around me and pulls me to him.
I’m actually going to see his place. His real home. My mind races to try and imagine what it must look like.
“Okay,” I say, lost for words as usual.
I continue to stare into his piercing eyes. How can he look at me the way he does when he knows what I used to do for a living? He couldn’t possibly love me. Me? He could have anyone.
Nick cups his hand around the side of my face and leans in to kiss me again. His soft pillowy lips are like heaven. I couldn’t ever tire from the feeling I get when I’m in Nick’s loving embrace. He smiles at me as he pulls back and grabs my hand. “Come on. Let’s go.”
He leads me to the front door. I take a final look around the lifeless apartment as a realisation sets in. Making love to Nick here for the first time last night was the perfect ending to this place. The life I had when I lived here is over now. I smile to myself, completely content with letting my apartment go. I pull the door shut and follow Nick outside.
He leads me up the street, my hand firmly gripped in his. He looks immaculate in the morning light. Despite not having had much sleep or a shower this morning, he still manages to look amazing. I, on the other hand, must look like death! He pulls a set of keys out of his pocket and a silver Mercedes SLS AMG Roadster bleeps in response a few metres away.
“This is your car?” I ask, mouth agape.
This car is close to half a million dollars! How can someone like Nick own a car like this? Much less just randomly park it in the street overnight like it’s no one’s business.
“Yeah. Why? What’s wrong with it?” He sounds slightly offended by my surprise and leans past me to pull on the silver handle that conveniently popped out when the door unlocked. The gullwing door hydraulically rises upwards like something out of a batman movie.
I look back at him with wide-eyed amusement. “You sure you’re not from a mining family?”
“Positive.” He laughs. “But the agency does pay a pretty figure. Danger money, and all that.”
I wonder if he’s telling me the truth as I slide down into the passenger seat. Nick chivalrously pulls my door back down for me once I’m seated. My heart races with excitement as I take in the delicious smell of the light brown leather interior. Nick takes the driver’s seat and pushes a button on the console that looks like something out of a space module and the car purrs to life. The heavy beat of Tool’s “Stinkfist” blasts out of the car’s stereo—the loud volume causing me to jump.
“Sorry,” Nick slowly mouths. He winks as he turns down the volume from his space module control. I grin wildly back at him, thoroughly enjoying the little glimpse into his personality through his unpredictable music choice. We throttle down the street and zip through the empty streets effortlessly and head back towards the city centre. Nick reaches over and takes my hand in his and gives it a squeeze.
I catch his eyes and we both smile at the same time. This feels so normal, like we’ve been together for years and I can’t wipe the grin from my face as we continue to roar along the street with Nick driving like he’s in a pursuit.
As we approach the city centre’s tall buildings, Nick swings down towards the harbour and Circular Quay. I find myself trying to guess what his home must be like. We approach Circular Quay train station and ferry port and veer off the road and through a set of silver bollards, towards the car park of the Quay Grand building—the last of the three apartment buildings that line the Opera House side of the Quay.
“You live in the Toaster?” I laugh, knowing Sydneysiders’ aversion to the apparent eyesore that lines the foreshore. Nick laughs along with me, also being privy to the local joke.
After we park and get out, he courteously holds the door to his apartment open for me to walk through first. The butterfly flutters away to remind me how much of an exciting moment this is.
As soon as I’m through the door, the windows reveal the monolithic building of the Museum of Contemporary Art and then the slender glass atrium of the Overseas Passenger Terminal and the sparkling morning view of Sydney Harbour Bridge on the opposite side of the Quay.
Nick’s apartment is beautiful and masculine with black leather chairs and a black low line couch, both complementing the black and white interior design of the space. The main living area is open plan from the kitchen all the way down to the lounge area. The kitchen is dark wood with a long black bench separating the two. The whole apartment has a modern industrial look.
“Make yourself at home, I’ll be right back,” Nick calls out as he heads to the rear of the apartment, obviously where the bedrooms are.
I wander around the lounge area and take in Nick’s apartment. I’m actually in his real home. The far wall of the lounge room is a feature wall with Florence Broadhurst’s stylised horses wallpapered across it. A group of photographs in matching black frames hang in an organised square shape. I make my way over to the series of beautifully shot black and white photographs—the iconic Eiffel Tower, the pyramids of Egypt, a streetscape of New York City, all hanging proudly together. Amongst the photographs is a shot of Nick with my brother Simon and three other men, all in light coloured camouflage uniforms and taken in a desert somewhere. It makes me wonder why I never knew about Nick when my brother obviously did.
“Iraq. The first year we were deployed there,” Nick coolly says from behind. “I set up that shot on my old Leica camera. This is my coping mechanism. Photography.” He points to the photographs on the wall. “Whatever country I’ve been sent to for work, I’ve made my escape in capturing the landscape on film.”
I turn to him and watch as he buttons the cuffs on his light blue shirt. He looks as handsome as usual in his well-cut jeans and collared shirt. He could wear a potato sack and look amazing. He exudes style, even though it always looks effortless on him. I walk towards him and straighten his collar like a doting wife would. Strangely, it feels completely normal.
He smiles down at me and I can’t help but smile back at him, my heart filled with pure joy.
“So you’re a super intelligent undercover
agent, you drive an amazing sports car, you live in a multi-million dollar apartment, you’re incredible in bed, not to mention that you’re ridiculously handsome … and now you tell me you love photography? Is there anything about you that doesn’t make you perfect, Nick Davis?” I say as I grip onto his collar.
“I’m a lousy cook, remember?” Nick says with a smirk and then gives me a quick kiss on the lips. “I’ve just got to grab my shoes and we’ll head to your place so you can get changed too.”
With Nick gone again, I walk towards the balcony to take in the view. Circular Quay’s ferry terminal is beginning to deliver its morning trade of suits to the city.
I pick up the binoculars that are sitting on top of a coffee table book about Annie Leibovitz. I peer through them and search around until I focus on some people walking from the ferry. I notice a man leaning against a column and talking on his phone. I wonder whether he looks familiar or not. Why does everyone look so suspicious now? I hear Nick walking behind me so I quickly turn to him, binoculars still in hand. I smile and hold them out with a flick of the brow.
“Occupational habit,” he says in reply to my unasked question.
It makes me chuckle. I realise we barely need to ask each other actual questions most of the time. It’s like he already knows what I’m thinking and vice versa.
How can this beautiful man love someone like me? I decide to take a breath and just try and enjoy the moment without thinking too much more about the details of our relationship.
In Nick’s Mercedes again, we catapult down Pitt Street to my new apartment, several blocks west of Nick’s waterfront apartment. This time our soundtrack playing for the seven-minute journey is AC/DC singing “Back in Black”.
It’s interesting to finally see this other side of Nick. I don’t know what I imagined before, but I didn’t expect him to be into heavy music let alone classic Australian rock music. No matter what my preconception was, it’s sexy as fuck! He’s stronger, tougher and sexier now as the real him than I ever imagined him to be.
