by Jamie Carie
Noah walked over to the edge of the grassy bank and looked at the stream of water before him—it looked the same as a thousand others he’d seen before, but he didn’t say so. “Yes, I see it.”
She grinned good-naturedly at his lack of enthusiasm. “Gold collects in spots like that. A bend in the stream, low gravel banks. It’s a good sign, very promising.”
Noah couldn’t resist asking, “If it’s such a good claim, why isn’t someone already mining it?”
She shrugged, undaunted. “Who knows? It appears that whoever had this claim before didn’t know what they were doing. They couldn’t decide where to sink the shaft and, in my opinion, should have been concentrating on the streambed.”
“Maybe they did that first and, finding nothing, decided to try farther up the bank.” He took a heavily packed bedroll out of her hands while he talked and carried it to where he thought he would build their camp. He was still unpacking when, moments later, he heard her squeal.
Running down to the raft, he stopped short in amazement. She had the back hem of her skirt pulled up between her legs and tucked into the front of her waistband, revealing white calves. Her little black boots were completely submerged. Noah made a mental note to buy her some good mukluks—knee-high, sealskin, waterproof boots—next time he went to Dawson. She was swirling a gold-pan. Looking up, a thick wave of black hair hanging in her face, she shouted, “Come see! I’ve found a nugget.”
Noah shook his head and smiled as he sloshed into the river. Standing next to her, he looked into her open palm. There, lying in the middle, was a small, yellowish rock. He raised his eyes to her excited face. “This is it, isn’t it?” he asked softly. “This is what you really want.” For the first time, it truly sunk in just how much this meant to her.
Her hand closed tightly over the nugget. “Yes,” she said fiercely, “this is what I want.”
As he stared at her radiant face, he felt the last grains of hope slip away. What was he doing here? Was he going to build her a cabin? He was just making excuses to stay indefinitely. Abruptly, he turned away and walked up the slope to start supper. He had to leave soon. Ross Brandon was her husband, and there wasn’t a thing he could do about that.
* * *
ELIZABETH WATCHED HIM go, confused. He had been so nice. After that first awful day and night, he had acted like a friend, and she needed a friend. Why did he have to blame her for wanting gold? She was far from the only one. Sighing, she carefully wrapped the nugget in her handkerchief and stuffed it into a pocket in her dress. Bending down, she scooped up some of the sandbar into her pan and started swirling it around and around, just barely submerged in the water, until all the sand and light rock had washed away leaving the heavier rock at the bottom. She poked around at the rocks and debris in the bottom of the pan, searching for golden flakes or, better, nuggets. It was an art, panning, and it had come right back to her. The cold water swished over her reddening hands. The flat, shallow pan, as wide as her hips, grew heavy. She could feel the familiar ache in her back, arms, and neck and knew her whole body would be tired and sore tonight. At least she still had a partner who could cook her a decent supper. She really did need to learn to cook.
By the end of the afternoon, she was weary and feeling a little defeated. It would take her a year to sift through all that sand and dirt alone with a pan. She needed a sluice or at least a rocker to speed up the process. The only problem was, she couldn’t operate one alone. Maybe she could persuade Noah to stay until the twins arrived. They didn’t know the first thing about mining and would probably be glad to share her claim since she’d likely gotten the only one around. She grimaced inwardly, thinking that then she would have to make them partners, as she couldn’t afford to pay them the average dollar-a-day wage for hired help. Hopefully, there would be more than enough wealth to go around.
It was dusk when she finally dragged herself to the camp Noah had set up. The lean-to was repaired and all of her supplies organized underneath it, with her bedroll laid out and ready for sleep. His bedroll lay to the other side, a respectable distance away. Both bedrolls had a pile of gauzy mosquito netting next to them and two tall, whittled sticks—one at the head and one at the foot—to form the bones of a tent. A brisk fire blazed, and the smell of dinner made her stomach remind her just how hungry hard work made her. Noah ignored her after he handed her a plate of what miners called the three B’s: beans, bacon, and bread. But she was too tired to try and sweet-talk him out of his mood. As soon as she finished eating, Elizabeth fell into her bedroll and drifted into a dreamless sleep.
* * *
SHE WOKE TO the first threads of daylight and the sounds of Noah packing. Panic assailed her. “Where … where are you going?”
He shrugged, not meeting her eyes. “The lean-to is fixed up. You will have to get someone to build a cabin if you plan to stay here all winter, but the lean-to will get you through the summer.”
She stepped closer to him, tentatively touching him on the shoulder. When he turned and looked into her eyes, she saw a momentary flash of pain. Then his eyes shuttered and he stated briskly, “I need to get home.”
Her arm dropped to her side. What could she say to convince him to stay? In his eyes she was a married woman. She reminded herself why it had to be that way, why she couldn’t let him see her true feelings. “Noah, I …” She faltered, not wanting to beg him. “I know you have little interest in gold mining, but couldn’t you stay until the twins arrive? I plan to offer them a partnership; but until they get here, I could really use the help.”
Noah shook his head. “I can’t.”
Elizabeth could sense how badly he wanted to say yes. Pressing, she found herself pleading. “It would only be for a few days. I’m sure they are close behind us. And, Noah, you said you wanted to learn how to pan. I could teach you. Then, when you get home, you could prospect your land.” She held her breath, waiting.
He looked torn, in anguish. “Elizabeth, you don’t know what you’re asking. It’s killing me … being with you like this.”
Raw pain shone from his eyes, making Elizabeth’s heart ache. She could not make herself drag him into the mistakes she’d made. Resolved, she took both his hands into hers and pressed her fingers into his palms; even now, torn with so many emotions, the feel of his strong hands making her breathe differently, she willed him to hear her sincerity. “You must go, of course. It was wrong of me to keep you here so long. I’ll be fine.”
He looked so undecided, so ravaged.
She looked into those clear blue eyes, not as steady or peaceful as when she’d first met him, knowing she was the cause of that. “I’m sorry, Noah. For everything.” She had never meant anything more, but the words seemed too little. How did one tell a man he had opened her eyes to a new world? That he had made her see mankind in a new light. That now she had hope for the side of good. A tear rose, unbidden, and she fought it. Now was not the time to soften; she must be firm and resolved for them both.
His jaw flexed and anger blazed from those brilliant blue eyes. “What will you do … when he comes? What will he do, Elizabeth? Will he take you against your will? Will he drag you back to wherever he’s from and force a life upon you that steals your soul? Tell me, Elizabeth … what will you do if I leave?”
“I have a gun.” The words popped out softly and she hadn’t even realized her plan until she said them.
“You’d kill him, then?”
“If I have to. I won’t go back with him.”
“No. I won’t allow you to become a murderess. You couldn’t live with it—not with everything else you’re carrying.”
She wasn’t sure what he meant, but she was sure he believed it. “I can live with it. It would be self-defense and justified.”
“Do you think killing a man is that easy? Don’t be a fool. He’d likely kill you … or worse.” He turned from her and stared at the flowing water of the stream, its peaceful trickling belying the scene it witnessed.
He wrestled with the sile
nce and then, looking up to the sky, he growled out, “You would see me drawn and quartered, then? Stretched out on this rack indefinitely?” He laughed harshly then turned to Elizabeth. “So be it. I’ll stay.” He swung away from her and stalked out of the camp.
Elizabeth watched him go, feeling wretched. But she couldn’t speak; she was too relieved.
After three days of mostly silence from Noah, Elizabeth decided she had to do something to goad him into talking again. She had shown him some basic mining techniques, but he was more interested in working on the lean-to, which was beginning to take the shape of a cabin. She would pan all day, with little results, and he would hunt and build and cook.
After dinner one night, she stood and stretched. “I think I’ll take a bath.”
Noah scowled. “No, you won’t.”
Elizabeth ignored him and moved to the lean-to, gathering clean clothes and soap.
He growled at her. “You can’t take a bath in that muddy creek with all of these men around. It’s crazy. And the water is too cold.”
Elizabeth slanted him a coy look. “Call me crazy then. I haven’t had a real bath in weeks, and I’m taking one.”
She thought if he glared at her any harder his eyes might just pop out.
“Fine. But don’t yell for me if you need help. I warned you.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it,” she replied tartly.
Dipping her toes into the water, she called herself a thousand kinds of stubborn fools. With a sun that now never slept, just faded for a few hours, there was entirely too much day light to guarantee any modesty. And the water was freezing. But she was determined. Stripping down to her drawers, she waded quickly to her waist, teeth chattering, and began soaping herself. She grimaced as she felt the bottom of the creek bed oozing mud and rocks between her toes. Swallowing hard, she tried not to think about what might be in the water, swimming around her bare legs. It was amazing the comfort and sense of security one’s boots provided. Redoubling her speed, she bent at the waist and wet her hair, lathering it quickly with soap. Something brushed against her calf, making her shiver. She was just about to scramble out when she heard it: the laugh that haunted her nightmares and sent tingles of alarm along the bony column of her back.
“You didn’t really think I would just give up, did you?”
She sank down into the water, covering herself with crossed arms. Teeth chattering, she demanded in a low voice, “Get off my claim, Ross.”
He laughed again, low and menacing. “The claim bought with my money? You are sadly mistaken if you think I will leave until I get what I want, my dear.”
The cold water numbed all but her fear and anger. She knew anger to be her ally here and latched onto it. “You got what you wanted. What do you think I have left?”
“I want what is rightfully mine, Elizabeth. You cheated me and you will pay for that.”
“I’ll pay you back the money I took as soon as the claim pays. I don’t have anything else to give you.” She backed up until the stream reached her neck.
“I think you do. And this time, when I’m finished with you there won’t be anything left for that big fellow you are currently with.” He eyed her body through the water. “You have been playing the whore, haven’t you, Elizabeth? I’ll have to find some special way of compensating myself for such used goods.” His face hardened with a look that made her stomach twist. He picked up her blouse from the ground and held it in the air. “Get out.”
She shook her head in terror. She would freeze to death first, and from the lack of feeling in her legs, she very likely would. “I’ll make a deal with you,” she blurted out in desperation. “If you will leave me alone, I’ll give you half of any gold I find.”
His laugh was a wolf’s snarl. His eyes, black and deadly, glittered in the pale light. “You don’t really think I came all this way for the money, do you? You are more of a fool than I thought, Elizabeth. We have more to settle than that, you and I. Your hasty departure ruined all of my carefully laid plans. You will pay for that, don’t ever doubt it. Now, get out.”
Marshalling her anger, her hate, she spat, “You will never touch me again. Now, get off my claim.” What she wouldn’t give for her pistol right now.
“Such bravado from a lone, naked woman. You are not thinking your friend will save you, are you?”
She heard the click of a gun and saw a shiny glint in the pale light as he waved it in the air. “By all means, please, call your precious Noah Wesley. He will come charging to your rescue and right into my hands.” He shrugged. “If he persists in hanging around, I’ll have to get him out of the way at some point, anyway. Why not now?” The smile was back. He was so confident, so evil, she felt her strength drain away.
He leveled the gun on her. “Get out. We can’t have you freezing to death and ruining all my fun, now can we?”
With her chest pounding with fear, she took a step forward.
“Stop!”
Elizabeth felt a rush of relief as she recognized Noah’s voice. He had a long rifle pointing mere inches from Ross’s back. “Drop it, Ross.”
Elizabeth watched as Ross’s face changed from leering expectancy to composed rage. Slowly, he lowered the gun to his side.
“Lay it on the ground.” Noah’s voice was as calm and steady as the gently lapping water. When the gun was on the ground, he said, “Turn around and face me.”
Ross turned.
“Now, Elizabeth, get out and get dressed. Go straight to the fire and stay there. I aim to settle this once and for all.”
Elizabeth didn’t like the sound of that, but she was happy to obey. What would he do? Moving as fast as her frozen limbs could carry her, she reached the bank and her clothes. Quickly, she wrapped the towel around her and scurried through the grass. Back at the fire, she threw on her clothes then ran to her bedroll, searching wildly beneath it. She firmly grasped the pistol and hurried back to the bank. The tall weeds shielded her from view as she crouched down and strained to hear.
“… I’m telling you now, if you hurt her, I’ll see to it that you’re behind bars. You don’t have any right to treat her that way, even if you are her husband.”
Ross laughed low and fearless. “Her husband, eh? Is that what she told you? The little fraud. What is she taking you for? Quite a ride from the looks of things. I never knew what to believe with her either, but her husband? That is a good one.” He laughed again. “Don’t look so glum, fella. You must have been a prime target for her, living alone in the frozen wilderness like you do. Me? I should have known better. She and I are cut from the same cloth, you know. Did she tell you about us? Probably not everything, and you do want to know, don’t you? Let me tell you what she did to me.”
Elizabeth’s heart hammered harder, shame filling her, as he ruthlessly continued. “She made a bargain with me back in Seattle. Nothing hidden, a straightforward business deal. In return for the favor of her,” he stretched out his arms at the great expanse, “Alaskan holiday, she would, shall we say, share my bed until I tired of her. Then she decided to cheat me. She stole all of my money and ran off without even a good-bye. Imagine my heartbreak. I figure she owes me. As for being her husband … ha! What kind of fool would marry a lying, conniving little thief like Elizabeth Dunning?”
Elizabeth’s heart wrenched in the long silence that followed.
“I don’t believe you,” Noah answered back, but he didn’t sound certain.
“Don’t you?” came the smooth reply. “Think about it. Doesn’t it make some of the pieces to the puzzle fit?”
Elizabeth clenched her teeth, waiting for Noah’s response. She jerked as she heard the gun go off.
“Get out of here and don’t ever let me see you again. I’ll kill you if you come near her.”
She heard movement and then Ross’s laugh farther off. “Sorry, she will never want you. I have what she wants and she will come to me for it.” A short pause and another laugh, farther off, then … “I know her real name.�
�
Elizabeth sat there in the tall weeds for a long time, waiting … feeling numb.
“Is it true?”
His voice was closer. She couldn’t answer, couldn’t even move.
Suddenly, he was grasping her by the shoulders, kneeling beside her. “Is it true? Did you lie about him being your husband? Did you agree to such a bargain with him and steal yourself a ticket to Alaska? Elizabeth, tell me.”
She looked up into his eyes, tormented eyes, and saw the depths of the pain she had brought into his life. A sob broke from her throat. “Yes, yes, it’s true. It’s true and more.”
He pulled her close, forcing her to hold his gaze. “Why?”
When she didn’t answer, couldn’t answer, just stared at him, he let go of her and backed away as if he’d touched something unclean. His last words slipped out in a whisper, fell to the ground with a dark thud and rolled through all her protective walls to pierce her heart.
“And to think I almost married you.”
Scorching pain made her fall back. “And now you know why I wouldn’t let you,” she whispered.
* * *
NOAH RUSHED BACK to their camp, his breathing heavy and sick. What had he done? Chased a stranger halfway across a continent? Yes, a stranger—that’s what she was. He could hardly contain his feelings. Looking up into the night sky he railed, “Why? What was all this for?” The stars twinkled back at him, so sure and bright in their creation.
Forgiveness is not for the good.
He hadn’t heard the voice in a long time and didn’t really want to hear it now. “Forgiveness? For what? Being someone she’s not? For making me believe she was someone she’s not?” He felt like shaking his fist but set his hands on his hips instead—daring God to answer.
Seeing only what you wanted to see, perhaps?
Noah felt the words hit to his core. Was it he that needed her forgiveness? Yes, she had lied to him—broken his heart even—but hadn’t he stubbornly clung to what he thought Elizabeth should be instead of seeing her as she really was—a survivor of terrible circumstances. A woman with strengths that he had only seen as hardness, something to change and fix. It was just those circumstances that had made her who she was … and he loved who she was. Her fierceness … her vulnerability … her laughter and her face with laughter on it. Her determination to be strong … her elation when she was … her tears when she was weak and the willingness to let him see her weakness … her very self. Elizabeth. Then he realized … he loved her just as she was.
