by Sue Brown
They both ignored him, instead locked in a staring competition Sam didn’t understand. To Sam’s surprise, Toby broke the gaze first. “Don’t be a dick, Gabriel.”
“He’s not,” Sam said heatedly, rushing in to defend him.
Toby snorted, and Gabriel gave a soft laugh. “Yeah, I am. To you, not him. I’ll always be a dick to him.”
“He will,” Toby agreed.
Sam held back the comment that they bickered like a married couple. “How about neither of you are dicks.”
Gabriel sat down beside Sam and leant back, propped on his elbows. He raised his face as though he wanted to bask in the sun and closed his eyes. He was almost touching Sam, his warm length pressed up against him, grounding him. It didn’t matter what Gabriel said, he was Sam’s anchor, and without memory, family, or friends, Sam desperately needed that.
He looked over and saw Toby watching them closely. Toby winked.
“I care for him,” he mouthed.
For once Toby didn’t come back with a smart retort. So quietly that Sam barely heard him, he said, “I know.”
TOBY MADE his excuses and returned home, leaving the two of them alone. Then Sam was left to his own devices when Gabriel muttered something about having to work and vanished back to the cottage. Sam stayed where he was, not sure what to do. He wasn’t sure if work was an excuse or real, but the breathing space would do both of them some good. Being near Gabriel was an emotional roller coaster, and he could do with getting off for a while and recovering his breath.
He watched the waves crash and break on the shore below. It was hypnotic in its regularity. While he was in the cottage, the sound of the sea had become a background noise, noted but mainly ignored. Finally he realised he was just avoiding returning to the cottage, and he wandered back slowly. The bedroom door was closed. Gabriel had shut him out again.
Sam was left unsure what to do with himself. He wandered around the cottage, looking at the bookshelves full of novels and CDs. Whoever had been the reader in the family seemed to prefer crime and thrillers. Sam wasn’t sure if he’d read any of the books. None of them seemed familiar to him. He contemplated reading one, but he couldn’t muster much enthusiasm. Then he wandered into his bedroom, thought about a nap, decided against it, and was about to walk out when he spotted something that made his heart sing tucked to one side of the wardrobe. Sam pulled out a three-quarter size guitar, battered, and covered in dust. He plucked a couple of the strings.
Could he play the guitar? Sam had no idea, but he was going to find out. First it needed a damned good dust. He went on the hunt for a duster which he found under the sink in the kitchen and took his time cleaning the guitar. By the time he’d finished, the guitar looked slightly cleaner, if still battered. He wondered who it belonged to. It looked too old to be Michael’s which meant it was either Gabriel’s or Jenny’s. So he studied it and found a GP etched in child-like letters on the casing. Gabriel Pennant. Sam smiled and caressed the strings, feeling as though he were caressing the man himself.
He sat on the sofa, quietly plucking the strings, and winced at how out of tune it was. Then he took his time tuning the strings, sure he had done it before. This was something he intimately knew how to do. He looked at his fingers. The calluses made sense. Finally it was tuned to his satisfaction, and he laid his hand against the strings. What could he play? What did he know?
Play from the heart.
He started playing something. He didn’t even know what it was at first, but the notes rippled from beneath his fingers. It made sense. For the first time since he’d woken up on the sofa, this made sense. He reached into himself to pour his heart and soul into the melody.
The last note and the music died away. Sam felt drained, as though he’d run a marathon.
“That was beautiful.”
Sam looked up to see Gabriel leaning against the doorjamb, his dark eyes locked on him. He couldn’t read Gabriel’s guarded expression. “I’m sorry. Did I disturb you?”
“No. Yes. But it doesn’t matter. It was a welcome distraction.” Gabriel walked over to Sam and sat down in his chair. He was dressed in a hoodie and faded jeans, his feet bare and his hair tousled as though he’d been running his hands through it constantly. He pinged all of Sam’s buttons, and his closeness was distracting.
“I know I should have asked before I played it.” Sam quickly made the apology.
Gabriel leaned forward, and Sam thought he was going to snatch the guitar out of Sam’s hands, but instead he just ran his fingertips over the wood.
“I never thought I’d hear it played again.” Gabriel wore a faint half-smile as though remembering something that gave him pleasure.
“The guitar was yours?”
“Yes, although it’s been years since I last picked it up, and I could never play like you. Michael had just started to learn because he wanted to play my guitar.”
Sam looked down at the guitar. “It seems it’s something I know how to do.”
“You don’t just play it, you own it.”
Sam warmed at the obvious admiration in Gabe’s eyes. “Yes, I do, don’t I.”
“Can you play anything else?”
“I don’t know. Do you know what I played, then?”
Gabriel’s lips twitched. “Even I recognise ‘Hello.’ Did you remember it?”
“Yeah, I remembered as I played. I can remember Adele.”
It didn’t make sense to Sam. He just knew his fingers could put the notes together and his brain supplied the information. He closed his eyes, started to play, and faltered at first, but that might have had more to do with Gabriel’s nearby presence than his fingers. Gradually he gained confidence, and by the end, was flying over the notes as he had before. He opened his eyes as the last note died away.
Gabriel watched with flattering attention. “You remember that?”
“’Course. Not going to forget a classic like ‘Bridge over Troubled Water.’”
And that was how the afternoon progressed. Sam would play, and Gabriel tested him on the name and artist. It turned out Sam’s taste was eclectic, from seventies rock to K-pop that Gabriel had to look up because he didn’t have a clue. But they both seemed to have an affection for female artists.
When Sam’s fingers started to bleed, Gabriel called a halt. He declared it was time for dinner and he was going to cook.
Sam eyed him dubiously. “Are you sure?”
Gabriel rolled his eyes. “I haven’t poisoned myself yet, Gordon. I can put together a cottage pie.”
“What’s cottage pie?” Sam furrowed his brow. “Who’s Gordon?”
Gabriel stared at him and burst out laughing, a warm rumbling sound that did strange things to Sam’s insides. “Put the guitar down and come and peel potatoes. I’ll tell you all about Gordon Ramsay.”
THE COTTAGE pie wasn’t bad at all, although the potato could have done with more mashing. As they had both had a go at mashing the potatoes, they declared it a joint success and a joint failure.
After dinner they retired to the fireside, and Gabriel spent a lot of time staring into the flames. Finally, Sam could take no more.
“What’s bothering you?” he asked.
“The road out of the village is open now. They did the last repairs this morning.”
Sam felt as though he’d just taken a step off the cliff. “Oh.”
“We could drive out to town tomorrow and finally get your head X-rayed.” Gabriel wouldn’t meet Sam’s gaze.
“That—that sounds good,” Sam managed.
“Yeah.”
Sam stared into the flames too, not sure how to interpret Gabriel’s unenthusiastic response. He swallowed around the dry lump in his throat. “We should go to the police station too.”
“Yeah.” Short, and even less enthusiastic.
“Gabriel?”
Gabriel sprung to his feet, taking Sam by surprise. “I’m going to bed. It’ll be a long day tomorrow. Make sure the guard is around the fire befor
e you go to bed.”
The bedroom door shut behind him, and Sam was left on his own. What the hell just happened there?
He stayed where he was for a long while, confused and yes, angry. Was Gabriel so anxious to get rid of him? So anxious to go back to his solo existence?
A tear slipped onto Sam’s cheek, and he impatiently dashed it away. He felt completely and utterly alone in the world, his only link shut away behind the wood door.
Chapter 13—Gabriel
THE COTTAGE was still quiet when Gabriel awoke, or rather when he got up. He’d lain awake most of the night, staring up at the ceiling. With some hard thinking to do, his brain wasn’t going to let him sleep until he’d processed his feelings for Sam.
By dawn he was no nearer untangling the knotted web of emotions he had for the young man. He was tired, confused, and lacking in caffeine.
Gabriel put on a pot of coffee and contemplated going out to the rock to watch the sunrise, but a light spatter of rain discouraged him. In the end he retreated to his bedroom to work. The distractions of the last few days had put him behind schedule, and a few hours of solid concentration was no bad thing. He switched on the computer, took a long slurp of coffee, and started work.
He had no idea how long he’d been engrossed in the project when a knock at the door made him jump. “Yeah?”
“Are you awake?” Sam asked.
“Yep.”
“Do you want a coffee?”
“No thanks.”
Gabriel had finished the pot of coffee and was lightly buzzing.
“Breakfast?”
“Already done that.”
It had been an overripe banana and a packet of crisps, but it was all Gabriel could find to snack on.
“Just what time did you get up?”
Even through the door, Gabriel could hear the amusement in Sam’s voice.
Gabriel looked at the clock. It was nearly ten o’clock. He’d been working for almost five hours.
“Too early,” he said. “Hold on. I’ll come out.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I want to.”
Gabriel saved his work and pushed back his chair. A short break would do him good. He stood, stretched out tired muscles, and went to the door. Sam stood outside, looking adorably sleep rumpled and sporting bright bed hair.
“Sorry to have disturbed you,” Sam said, worrying his bottom lip.
“Not a problem. I needed a break.”
“Sure I can’t get you a coffee?”
Gabe shook his head. “I drank an entire pot.”
Sam chuckled as he headed into the kitchen. “So you’re wired now.”
“Something like that.”
“Are you planning to work all morning?”
The road through the village was open again, and they’d planned to drive to the police station in the afternoon as Gabriel had said he had work to do in the morning.
“I don’t have much more to do. I managed to get most of the work done, thanks to the coffee. What did you have in mind?”
From the way Sam bounced on his toes, he could have been the one consuming the caffeine. “This is my last day. I want to do something.”
“Like what?”
“I want to go for a walk.”
The last time Gabriel had looked out the window, it had been raining, but now sun streamed through the windows and he could see the blue skies topped with the occasional fluffy cloud. He turned to see Sam’s hopeful gaze. It was tempting to ask Sam to go for a walk by himself because he was close to finishing the part of the project that required all his attention, but then he absorbed Sam’s words. It was his last day. Gabriel damped down the disappointment he was already feeling and smiled. “Okay, then.”
“Are you sure you can take the time?” Sam asked.
“I’ve been working for nearly five hours. I’ve done a full day already.” Gabriel rolled his tired shoulders. “A walk will do me good.”
He sat next to Sam as they put their boots on and jostled and laughed as they got in each other’s way. Gabriel couldn’t remember the last time he’d had so much fun doing something so mundane. They tugged on jumpers because Sam said the breeze was brisk. Gabriel’s was a dark mossy green, and Sam wore a charcoal grey sweater that had been bought for Gabriel but never worn because it was far too small for him. It suited his colouring, and Gabriel liked the way his copper curls spilled across the darkness of the jumper.
“Ready?” Gabriel asked as he finished tying his boots.
Sam grinned at him like a small child, and for a moment, Gabriel saw the echoes of Michael in Sam’s excited expression. Michael had always been racing to get out of the door the moment anyone suggested a walk. “Can’t wait.”
“You’re like an excited puppy,” Gabriel drawled to distract himself from memories of his son.
“It’s all right,” Sam said. “I’ve been house trained. I won’t pee on your rug.” Then he burst out laughing at Gabriel’s horrified expression.
Gabriel shook his head. “Where your mind goes.”
Sam tapped his forehead. “It’s still empty up there. Say one thing, and it rattles off in a million different directions.”
“Including puppies peeing on carpets.”
“You were the one who mentioned puppies,” Sam said as he bounced out the door.
Maybe Gabriel needed to shut the hell up. He watched Sam race ahead of him and narrowed his eyes. Sam was… off, somehow. As though he were acting excited rather than actually being excited.
He knew Sam was nervous about the visit to the police station. He’d been cocooned in Gabriel’s world, and now he was going to have to face reality. This was pure adrenaline and nerves. Maybe the walk would get rid of some of the excess energy and calm him down. Gabriel hoped he did before they faced the local police. He grimaced as he thought of that prospect.
“Why are you making faces?” Sam asked as Gabriel joined him where they met the gravel path.
“Just thinking about work,” Gabriel lied.
Sam shot him a look as though he didn’t believe his explanation, but he didn’t push Gabriel further. He sucked in the sea air as they crunched over the path. “I should have got you to take me for a walk before. I don’t know why I didn’t ask.”
His grin was infectious, and Gabriel found himself smiling and relaxing in his company.
“I don’t really go for walks,” Gabriel admitted, thinking about the confines he’d put around his life. “I’m either working, on the clifftop, or walking along the bay. And being annoyed by Toby, of course.”
“Well, now’s your chance to show me more than where you live.” Sam sighed. “It’s so beautiful here, Gabriel.”
“It is.” And for once Gabriel didn’t feel a kick to his gut. His little world was beautiful. It was why he and Jenny had stayed here for so long, even though it was so isolated. “Okay, I’ll play tourist guide. Which way do you want to go?”
Sam looked both ways along the coastline. “That way.” He pointed left, towards Perranporth.
“Come on then. We can get an ice cream at the coffee shop.”
Sam’s eyes lit up, and Gabriel was reminded of Michael once more. “That would be great. Have you got any money?”
Gabriel felt his pockets. Empty. “Uh, no. Stay there.”
He jogged back to the cottage and took a moment to hunt for his wallet as it wasn’t where he usually stored it. He was about to jog back to Sam to ask if he’d put it somewhere, when he found it in a small bowl next to where he stored his keys. Logical, but not where he would have expected to find it.
Sam wasn’t where he expected to find him either. Gabriel found Sam standing next to their rock, his face up to the sun. He stopped and just watched him for a moment. Sam could have been a model in a magazine, he looked so perfect. Even the secondhand, not-quite-fitting clothes didn’t detract from his natural beauty. He’d acquired colour in his face from the sun and the wind, and he looked a far cry from the drowned
rat of a few days before.
“Communing with the sun?” Gabriel asked as he joined him.
Sam didn’t even open his eyes as he said, “Waiting for you to hurry the hell up so I can get my ice cream.”
“I’d have been quicker if I’d known where my wallet was,” Gabriel pointed out.
Sam blushed just a little. “Oh yeah, sorry. I moved it when I dusted.”
Gabriel stared at him. “You dusted?”
“You didn’t notice? Damn, I should have done a better job.”
“I… damn. You didn’t have to do that.”
Sam shrugged. “A small payment for you saving my life and hosting me.”
“No payment needed.”
“You can still buy me that ice cream, though.”
“You’re on.”
They ambled along, and Sam chattered excitedly as he saw more than just the bay infecting Gabriel with his enthusiasm. Gabriel’s interest in the flora and fauna of the rock pools extended to the wild plants growing along the cliff tops, and he pointed out edible plants and enthused about the wild garlic found in springtime.
“For someone who doesn’t like cooking, you know a lot about edible plants.”
“Jenny was interested in the local plants she could use for cooking, and I wanted to please her.” From the moment he met her, he’d known he would spend his entire life wanting to please her.
Sam didn’t respond, and Gabriel turned to see the wistful look on his face.
“Sam?”
“Jenny was very lucky to have claimed your heart.”
A familiar lump formed in Gabriel’s throat, and he had to swallow back the tears. “I was the lucky one. She loved me just as fiercely.”
“You deserve it,” Sam said so quietly Gabriel barely heard him. “You really deserve it.”
Gabriel swallowed back a lump in his throat and looked around. They were on their own, the cliff path was empty, and the only people in sight were far in the distance. He never expected to be having a heartfelt conversation about his entangled emotions on a clifftop with someone he barely knew, but he was beginning to think there was a reason Sam had been dropped into his life—to have these conversations. God, he’d done nothing but talk about his feelings for a year. He was sick of it. Now he wanted to do something different. He turned to Sam, took his courage in his hands, and threaded their fingers together. “I think I’m starting to understand that.”
