by Holly Hood
It’s not like I totally lost out on something wonderful; I was raised by great people.
But there is also a chance that there’s more to the part of me I never knew about. I need to know if this strange secret is true. If it is, my question is how could this happen?
***
I sit in a diner with Jackson. He’s holding an envelope, the one that holds answers to a very serious question: Is Sara Rose Gately my mother?
Jackson sets the envelope down between us. Before I pick it up I take another sip of my coffee. I look at him. “If it was you, would you want to know?”
He blinks and considers it quietly before giving me an answer. “I think I would. Just for the sake of knowing.”
“I want you to tell me.” I sit back in my seat and wait for him to do the honors.
He opens the envelope and starts reading.
“This says Sarah Rose Gately drowned nineteen years ago.”
“That would have made me two.” I scratch my head. “What else does it say?”
Jackson reads silently for several minutes, and then he looks at me. “She had two children. One, a girl, three years older than you.”
I swallow, waiting for the moment I’m not sure I’m ready for.
“And you.” He drops the paper down on the table. “It says here that Sara Rose Gately gave birth to one Savy Andrea Arnold. It’s all right here.”
Jackson slips in the booth next to me when I burst into tears. He puts his arm around me and does his best to comfort me.
“Why didn’t they tell me this?” I have so many questions. “How did she drown? Where did it happen?”
“There’s no record showing you were placed up for adoption. My guy says she drowned out a ways in a lake in the middle of nowhere. He seems to think it used to be an old hangout.”
“Ryker saw my dad giving someone something years ago. And he never told me.” I wipe my eyes. “I think he was paying someone to keep them quiet. I don’t know.”
“It would make sense why nobody has made a big deal about you being there one minute and gone the next.” Jackson rubs my back. “Now you have some answers.”
“Is that all you found out?” I can tell he is holding something back.
“She had a pretty extensive criminal background. I didn’t think that was anything we needed to discuss.”
“Of course it is.” I wipe my eyes again. “She was my mother, according to these papers. It all matters. Every bit of it.”
“Do you think you could get in touch with Ryker?” Jackson smooths his shirt.
I look at him, not understanding why we need Ryker. “He’s still in town, so yeah I could.”
“Well, call him and see if he can meet up with us. I have a few questions for him.”
I shake my head. “Jackson, I don’t want to deal with any more drama.”
“There’s not going to be any drama. It has nothing to do with you and him. It has to do with the person he saw taking something from your father.”
I nod. That makes sense. If we can figure out who my father was possibly paying off maybe we could get a little closer to knowing the real story behind my life; why they chose to cover the whole thing up.
Chapter 18
Ryker agrees to come. I’m nervous to have the two men, I care the most about in my life, together in the same room. Especially since Ryker and I ended on bad terms the last time I saw him.
He comes in the diner, red hat on his head, and a black hoodie to hide him from the world.
I wave him over, and he takes a seat across from us. He rubs at his nose and sighs. “So, what’s going on?”
I sit forward. “Jackson did some digging and found out some more information.”
“You mean about how your parents have lied to you your entire life.” He purses his lips. “That was sweet of him. You could have asked me to help.”
I bite my tongue before I yell at him.
Jackson cuts in. “That’s why you’re here. I wanted you to look over this picture and tell me if you think this is the guy you saw that day with her father.”
Before Ryker takes his phone, he extends a hand toward Jackson. “Since Savy hasn’t bothered to introduce the two of us, I’m Ryker. I’m the guy she’s with when she’s not with you.”
“Do you recognize him?” I ask. There’s more I want to say, but I hold back.
Ryker takes the phone and looks at the picture. “Yeah. He’s a bit older than I remember, but looks like the same dude.” He hands the phone back.
I take a look at the picture. It’s Lee. The missing pieces are beginning to fall into place.
“That helps us out a lot. Thank you.” Jackson slips his phone into his pants pocket.
I can’t hold it in any longer. “And you can lose the attitude.”
Ryker scoffs. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t aware I was the one who had one. You were the one pissed at me for your parents screwing you over.”
“I was going to apologize,” I sigh. “But now that you're an even bigger jerk, I don’t think I want to anymore.”
“I’m a jerk?” He gets up. “I guess it doesn’t matter because you have Jackson to come to the rescue right?”
I slide out of the booth. “At least someone is.”
“I would have if you’d have asked me to. I’m pissed you didn’t even consider it.” He shakes his head.
Jackson stands up. “We’re in the middle of the diner. Let’s take this outside.”
Ryker smirks. “No, I’ve said all I need to say. You can take it from here.”
I watch him walk away. My feelings are hurt.
Jackson clears his throat. “I’ll go take care of the check.”
I nod and watch him head to the register while I gather my things. I go outside to clear my mind. Ryker is still there, and he spots me right away.
“I didn’t want to see you ever again,” he informs me. He steps closer, keys in hand.
“Are you really this big of a jerk?” If hurting my feelings is his plan, he’s doing a good job of it.
“My life is amazing. I didn’t have to worry about anything or anyone. And then I come back to this shithole of a town and there you are.” He raises his chin. “And now I’m coming back here every chance I get because of you, and you don’t even care.”
“I did care.” I still do. “Why am I not allowed to be hurt?” I don’t get why he can’t just give me that much. I’ve just received some pretty heavy information, and instead of understanding, he wants to cut me even deeper.
“Because I’m not the reason you’re hurting, Sav. You’re mad at the wrong person. You should be mad at them for ruining your life…again.”
“They’re my parents. Besides cutting you from my life, they’ve been good to me.” He doesn’t have the right to put them down when he doesn’t even know why any of this happened. “Don’t tell me how I should feel.”
“I’m not. If I was doing that I would tell you to stop fucking with my head and choose me or your boss. I’ve been nothing but understanding.”
I cross my arms. “You told me you didn’t want a relationship. You practically pushed me into his arms. You don’t get to feel that way.”
“Of course, because the only one who can feel is you, and you’re incapable of feeling anything. That’s why you do this.” He looks past me to Jackson.
I spin around as Jackson pockets his wallet. “Everything alright?”
I nod my head. “Everything is fine. I just want to get out of here.” I brush past Ryker and head to Jackson’s car. I have nothing more to say to him.
“I don’t care if you’re upset with me,” he calls after me. “This is what we do; we argue and eventually you get over it.”
I refuse to look at him. I climb into Jackson’s car and shut the door.
***
It takes a while before I say anything.
Jackson doesn’t say anything either. He keeps both hands on the wheel and drives.
He comes to a stop a
nd I finally look over at him. “Can we go back to your place?”
“Of course.” He puts his blinker on and switches lanes when the light turns green. “We can talk to Lee tomorrow.”
I nod. I’m not thinking about Lee anymore. I’m thinking about Ryker and Jackson and what I’ve gotten myself into. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For putting the two of you through this.” I rake a hand through my hair. “What kind of person plays with people’s emotions?” This is awful. I’ve been too selfish to realize what I was doing.
“I like you, Jackson. A lot.”
“And I feel the same way about you, Savy.” He guides his car to the next light and stops. His fingers are caressing my cheek. I close my eyes. “He’s angry, and it’s because he cares about you.”
“And that’s the problem.” I don’t know what I am supposed to do with these feelings. “I care about both of you; in two totally different ways.”
Jackson’s car hits the driveway to his house, and he opens his garage with the button on his visor. He cuts the lights and undoes his seatbelt. “I said I wanted a chance, and that’s what you’ve given me. I’m not angry with you. I don’t have the right to be, because you’re not mine.”
I kiss him, moaning against his mouth. When we break apart his eyes hold mine.
“The moment you say the word I’ll be all those things. Whatever you need me to be.” His kiss is even more passionate. I run my nose against his when we break apart. “Whatever you want me to be.”
I know what I want. At this moment, I want him out of his clothes.
I suck at his bottom lip, my hands in his hair. My lust for him builds.
Jackson stops me. “Let’s go inside.”
I hurry behind him and wait while he fumbles with the lock on his door. When we’re inside, he puts me against the wall brushing my lower lip with his. His tongue meets up with mine, and we go to it right there in the entranceway. I fight with the buttons of his shirt, finally freeing his flesh, my fingers crawl across his skin. He leads me backwards down the hall, continuing to kiss me.
We crash onto the sofa, his lips going for mine again. I explore his mouth, his hair in my grip, ours bodies pressing perfectly against each other. He moves to my neck, teeth grazing my jawline. He runs his lips down my throat, letting out a groan of pleasure.
“Are we going to do this?” He brushes my hair from my face.
I’m incapable of speaking, so I nod. He grinds himself between my legs and yanks my jeans until the button and the zipper give in. I help him with his slacks; then he tugs his boxer briefs and slacks down. We move hurriedly like two sex-deprived lovers--this moment being what we’ve been waiting for, for some time now, and we’re not holding back. He pushes inside me at a delicious speed as I move my hands down to his ass and squeeze, begging him to go harder. And he gives me exactly what I want with every thrust of his hips.
I kiss his neck, teasing his flesh with my tongue. He grows even harder with every lick and kiss. I love that I turn him on; I love the sounds he makes against my ear. He buries his head in my neck I shatter into a million pieces, crying out as I come.
Jackson finally stops moving, his body falling against mine. His breathing heavy, his body is hot.
I concentrate on breathing. He smooths my hair and presses kiss after kiss into my forehead, and then on my lips.
He’s a beautiful man.
Chapter 19
I pull into my brother’s driveway. I’ve caught him on his day off, and I prepare myself for our talk.
I step out of my car and head up the sidewalk to his front door and press the doorbell. It chimes and only takes a couple seconds before my niece and nephew are shouting behind the door. I hear my brother telling them to calm down so he can open it.
He looks surprised to see me. “What are you doing in the neighborhood?” He furrows his brow and looks me over. I let him kiss me on the cheek and step inside.
In their excitement to see me, Finn and Lilac nearly knock me over.
“I’ve been practicing my skateboard,” Finn tells me.
I kiss his little cheek and squeeze. “I am so glad you’re enjoying your present.”
Lilac shoves her newest Barbie doll in my face. “She has pink nails, Aunt Savy.”
“I see that.” I look her over and hand her back. “That is awesome.”
My brother corrals them out into the backyard and pours me a cup of coffee. “So, what brings you into my neighborhood?”
I take a seat, watching out the sliding doors as Finn and Lilac play in the yard. They have all the things they need, including a happy home life--the same way I have all these years.
Ben is three years older than me. So, I’m pretty sure he would have been old enough to remember something.
So I have to say something to him. “Ben, I’ve been thinking a lot about our childhood. And I just want to ask you a few questions about things back then.”
He keeps his eyes on the yard and nods. “Okay. So ask me.”
“Do you remember when I was born?”
His hand immediately goes to the back of his neck. “I was like … three. What would I remember at that age?” He laughs it off.
“So you don’t?”
“No, the first thing that comes to mind is when I started school. I came home that afternoon, and there was an old van in the driveway.” He sighs. “There’s this man…” His voice falters.
I cross my arms, suddenly feeling the chill from the goose bumps crawling up them. My brother has been holding something in for a long time, and I think he finally has recall.
“There’s a man, and mom and dad sit me down at the table and explain to me that I now have a sister. And that you will be living here. The man doesn’t stay long; he never said anything to me. He just kissed you on the forehead and handed you over to Dad.”
I can’t believe what I am hearing. I release a breath. “Why didn’t you ever tell me this?”
“I guess I didn’t know that it wasn’t normal. By the time I realized that wasn’t the typical way babies come into a family, I didn’t know what to say or think about any of it.” He stands up, pacing the room. “I guess I knew we’d be having this conversation sooner or later.” Ben touches my arm trying to comfort me. “Savy, I am so sorry. I didn’t know what to do.”
I wipe my eyes. I look up and see Lilac waving at me from the back yard, and I wave back. She smiles, then dances away to the swing set. “Why wouldn’t they tell me?”
“I don’t know. I’ve struggled to understand it myself.”
“Did Dad have an affair?”
“It sure looks like it. There are no pictures of mom pregnant with you.” He sighs loudly.
“Because she never was. I already know that. I found proof the day I came to help you with the party.” I tell him about finding the birth certificate.
“I had a feeling something was wrong,” he admits. “I just didn’t know what.”
“You mean you didn’t know that she’s not my mother.” I shake my head. “That sounds so strange hearing myself say that.” My life as I knew it had changed—all because of finding that birth certificate in a box of old photos. “Well, that’s why I came here. I just wanted to see if you know anything else about this mess.”
He shakes his head. “I’ve never heard them talk about it if that’s what you’re wondering. The day that man came over was the last memory I have of the day you came to our home.”
I get up and put my purse over my shoulder. “I need to go. I have some stuff to get done.”
“Savy, you’re still my sister.”
“Of course I am. We do have the same dad.” I smirk at my effort to add some humor to the conversation.
I hug Ben, and then head back to Sophie’s.
***
Jackson calls on my drive across town.
“The eighth sin,” he tells me.
“I thought there were only seven?”
“Over tw
enty-five years ago a group of misguided youth created a kind of gang. They were involved in just about every crime or bad thing to happen to anyone that came in contact with them. If you weren’t with them, you were against them.” He goes on and on. “They went up against cops, lawyers, anyone-- you name it.”
“So what are you saying?” There has to be a reason he’s telling me all this.
“Lee’s daughter, Sara Rose was involved with one of the members. That’s when her life started to take a bad turn. Then she got pregnant with you.”
I swallow down my anxiety and put on my blinker. “Are you trying to tell me my dad was a member of a gang?”
“No. I’m trying to tell you that your dad slept with a gang member’s girlfriend. And it’s believed Sara was killed because she betrayed whoever this guy was.”
I grip the steering wheel. “This is really bizarre.”
“I think that your father paid Sara’s family off to hand you over. Maybe he was trying to protect you.” Jackson sighs. “I’ve been busting my ass trying to get you answers. And so far that’s what I have.”
I smile. “It means a lot, Jackson.”
“Good.”
“So we talk to Lee and we ask him what he knows.”
“I’m not sure how much he’ll understand, but we can try.”
I come to a stop at a light. “I think he knows more than you give him credit for.”
“That could be. I just want you to be careful. This eighth sin is still very much an active part of the community; they’ve just learned how to hide who they are.”
Chapter 20
Lee, my newfound grandfather, is eating in the dining hall when I arrive.
Jackson is at the door waiting for me. “Hey.”
“Hey.” It’s hard to act normal knowing I’m about to confront my grandfather about my birth and how I came to be with my parents.
