by JoAnn Durgin
Isabella squeezed his hand. “You’re a very special person.”
“You’re already in my heart, Isabella.” He looked into her eyes. “Is there a chance for us?”
When she lowered her gaze, his heart dropped to his feet. “I get it.” After stopping the swing, he lifted to his feet. “I’d better say good night and be on my way.”
“Sidney, sit down.”
He did as she asked. Waiting. Wondering. Hoping.
“I like you more than any man I’ve ever met in my life,” she said. “In the short time you’ve been here, you’ve made me mixed up, mad, confused, even a little angry.”
“Sorry?” What did she expect him to say?
She ran her hand over her hair in the way he adored.
“You’ve also made me laugh, you’ve challenged me, you’ve given me ideas for the store, you’ve listened to me, and you’ve made me feel like a woman worthy of a man’s love. The love of a genuine, good-hearted, compassionate, kind, completely wonderful man.”
“Isabella—”
“Please let me finish,” she said, her voice firm. “I may never get up the nerve to say these things again. After what happened with Tristan, I’d put up walls around my heart. I never expected to meet a man like you. All those things you said to me in the park tonight? You can’t even know how special those things are for me, for my heart. As crazy as this sounds, I’ve fallen in love with you. And it kills me because I can’t have you.” Isabella’s eyes filled with tears that spilled over onto her cheeks.
Sidney pulled her into his arms, thankful she didn’t push him away. “Because I’m not a Christian?”
“Yes,” she said, gulping. More tears fell, and she brushed them away with the back of one hand.
Pressing his lips to her hair, Sidney leaned his forehead on hers. “I’ve fallen in love with you, too. Seems to me if we care about each other, God will understand and want us to be together. Help me understand. Why is it so important that I’m a Christian?”
She pushed back and her eyes searched his. “Because at the end of my life, I want to have the assurance of your eternity in heaven. More importantly, I want you to have that assurance. As much as I care about you, as much as I might come to love you, God loves you more than I ever will.” She leaned further into him and clung to his neck, her tears soaking his collar.
“Isabella, I can’t leave you like this.”
She pulled back and looked up at him. “What do you mean?”
“I can’t leave you crying. Let me tell you something that might make a difference.”
“Please do. I could really use something positive right now.” She laughed a little through her tears. The sight of her tears tore him in two. He couldn’t believe this woman could love him. He felt so unworthy.
“Caroline told me she felt God is preparing my heart. Softening me. That He’s working in me through this trip to Evergreen, and that in time, I’ll meet Him. I feel that it will happen.”
Isabella started to wipe the dampness from her cheeks, but he brushed his thumbs over them and kissed her temple. “Shhh,” he said. “I’m telling you there’s hope. Don’t give up on me.”
“Never,” she whispered. “You prayed for your meal the other day, and that was a huge step forward. You’re seeking, and God knows that. Do you know one of the things I most admire about you?”
“What’s that?”
“How you’re so honest with me about where you’re at spiritually. You could claim to be something you’re not to be with me, but you’re strong enough, man enough, to not lie.”
“I’m not worthy of your love,” he said.
“You don’t need to prove yourself worthy of my love, Sidney. You’re worthy to God. There’s a verse that says, ‘The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.’”
He tipped her chin. “Will you wait for me? Give me time? I have no idea how long it might take, but please pray for me?”
“I’ve been praying for you since the first day we met.”
“Thank you.” Wrapping Isabella in his arms, Sidney held her for a long time.
Does God hear the prayers of those who are seeking Him but haven’t yet taken the step of faith? In his heart, Sidney knew the answer.
God, I’m here. I’m waiting. I know you’re waiting on me. Show me the way.
Chapter 24
“Uncle Sidney!”
Sidney’s breath caught as Bella ran over to him and scampered onto his lap. “You came to church.”
Forcing down the lump in his throat, he kissed her cheek. “Yes, sweetie, I’m here.” His arms circled her. The warmth and closeness of this child stole his breath. When Bella kissed his cheek, he thought he’d blubber like a baby. Yeah, he was going soft.
He’d prayed with Seth and Caroline at the breakfast table. They’d had no answers, other than to pray. Not that he’d expected instant answers. Life didn’t work that way, he understood that. Caroline encouraged him to keep reading the Bible, and to keep trusting in God to work out the details. Then she’d kissed his forehead and told him she loved him.
Liesel looked tired. So did Paul. Granted, they’d all had a pretty late night. Sidney had heard Ellie crying in the night. Seth and Caroline took turns getting up with her, when needed. Sacrifice. That’s what parents do for their children.
He had perpetual bags under his eyes when he was in the midst of a trial, clear evidence of the long hours spent researching and preparing his opening remarks and summations. His face often revealed the mental and emotional stress. It was inevitable, no matter the case. He compensated by ramping up his workouts at the gym to keep himself in peak physical condition. What were a few bags around the eyes if he could bench press more than his body weight? Ultimately, it was about sacrificing for the good of the case and his client. Just as parents sacrificed for the good of their children. The end result justified the means.
Wow. Was he seriously comparing a trial to raising children? That thought sobered him. Yes, because in many ways, his cases were his children. They consumed him, held his full attention, owned him.
You are sad, Prescott.
Sidney’s collar felt tight, as if it was closing around his neck, pinching him, making it difficult to breathe. Keeping one arm around Bella, with his other hand, he attempted to loosen the top button of his shirt beneath his tie. He’d never hyperventilated in his life, and he didn’t want to start now. Hopefully, he wasn’t suffering a heart attack. Heaven forbid.
“Did you come to meet Jesus?” Blue eyes the color of a robin’s egg peered up at him.
“Maybe,” he whispered. “If Jesus wants to meet me.” His answer was as uncertain as Bella’s question was achingly innocent.
Sidney focused on the simplicity of the church with its wooden pews and arched windows. No stained glass. No elaborate altar or robes for the minister. But it was well-maintained, one of those churches where people could say Jesus resides in this place and mean it. Bella clearly believed Jesus was in the house today.
“I’m sleepy, Uncle Sidney.” Resting her blonde head on his chest, Bella closed her eyes. The feel of her snuggled next to him swelled his heart. The inherent trust she placed in him completely blew his mind. Why did she feel so attached to him? Most children seemed to shy away. Thought he was intimidating or scary for some unknown reason. He tried not to bark too loudly or frown at them without good reason.
With her almost ethereal beauty, Bella looked like an angel. In fact, she reminded him of some of those cherubs in paintings he’d seen at The Vatican in Rome. What would it be like to have a child, his own flesh and blood? A little person who looked up to him, who asked him questions that challenged his beliefs and long-held misconceptions about faith? About love? For that’s what they were. Misconceptions.
His return to Boston was imminent. He was expected back to assume his position and responsibilities at the firm. The inner nudge to remain in Evergreen longer threatened to overwhelm him. The situation with Isabell
a was such a mess, but did it have to be? He hadn’t slept much the night before. He’d plopped on the bed and thought over the events of the evening, tossing and turning. Asking God for answers, trying to pray, ending up frustrated in the end.
Sensing that Seth watched, Sidney turned his head to meet his brother-in-law’s gaze. The man was praying for him even now. He could feel it. He’d been praying for him, and he’d continue to pray. The same with Caroline.
Closing his eyes, Sidney lifted his chin. After a few moments, his lids fluttered open, and he stared at the ceiling of the small chapel. If it were possible, he wouldn’t doubt his mother was also praying for his soul up in heaven. Could Mom see him sitting here now? On a wooden pew in Evergreen Community Church, with Bella on his lap, wondering if he’d meet Jesus today?
So many questions.
The worship service began, and something inside Sidney wanted to hold Bella’s thirty pounds of sweetness, give or take, for the rest of his days and never let her go. Never subject her to the pain and ugliness of the outside world.
As the organist began the opening hymn, the biggest challenge of the morning was rising to his feet with the sleeping child in his arms. Seth motioned to him, indicating he should lift the little girl and rest her against his chest. With only a small amount of fumbling, he managed to rise to his feet, and with a gentle nudge, positioned her head on his right shoulder. Sidney blew out a breath of relief. He’d somehow managed not to wake her up, and she still slept soundly.
Bella shifted and nestled her head closer, burying herself against him, her hands clasped around his neck. Should he sing or not sing? He wasn’t very good, but he’d sing along quietly if he even knew the tune. The tune of the second hymn was a familiar one he’d heard played at funeral services, “Amazing Grace.”
“Amazing grace, how sweet the sound,” he began to sing with the rest of the congregation, thankful for the words printed on a screen suspended from the ceiling. “That saved a wretch like me. I once was lost…but now am found.” He faltered as a wave of something he couldn’t define washed over him. Resting his head against Bella’s, he felt the rise and fall of her soft breathing.
Sidney silently mouthed the words on the screen as the others around him sang. T’was grace that taught my heart to fear, and grace my fears relieved. How precious did that grace appear, the hour I first believed.
Settling back on the pew a minute later as the hymn ended, Sidney darted a glance at Liesel. She nodded to Bella and mouthed, Are you okay?
He smiled and nodded. His mouth might be dry, his throat raw with emotion, but he wouldn’t trade this time with Bella for the sweetest courtroom victory. What he was missing in his life hit home—those same things he’d mentioned to Caroline that he could finally admit he wanted. Marriage, family, children. Love. But he wanted love with a woman who loved him for himself and not his position at the law firm or his family’s wealth.
Isabella couldn’t care less about those things. She loved him for who and what he was.
A light patter of rain began to beat on the roof of the church. The steady rhythm was a comfort in its own way. He could almost feel his heart softening and expanding. Ready to welcome the truth. Ready to welcome the man named Jesus.
In his heart, Sidney knew he was close to finding it.
So very close.
Yet so far.
~~♥~~
“Sidney! Wait up.”
At Isabella’s call, Sidney turned at the front doors, umbrella in hand. He smiled at the sight of her. “Good morning. I looked for you before the service. I’d hoped you’d come sit by me, but I understand why you might not—”
“I ended up subbing in the toddler room this morning. I guess I subconsciously needed the extra hugs.” She gestured to her dress with a small smile. “In spite of what you might think, I didn’t miss my mouth with my breakfast. She pointed to an orange stain on her top. “This is courtesy of Carley Sanders, and this”—she held out a section of her skirt covered in what looked like smeared jam—“is the handiwork of Jackson Ford.”
“Good morning, you lovebirds.” Barbara flitted behind them.
“Morning.” Sidney shook Darren’s hand.
“Nice to have you join us this morning, Sidney. Hope you’ll come again soon.” Hattie Nelson gave him a friendly smile and waved as she headed out of the church with a couple of other women.
“Sidney, we’ll see you at the house later,” Caroline said. She gave Isabella a quick hug and whispered something in her ear.
Tugging him by the hand, Isabella led Sidney outside. She lifted her face to the sky. A few raindrops landed on her cheeks, making her laugh.
He stared at her. “Come get under the umbrella. Your hair’s getting wet, and your clothes are getting soaked.”
“I don’t care,” she said. “My clothes are already a mess. This is living!”
“Living?”
“What’s that girl doing now, Sidney?”
Recognizing Millicent’s voice, he smiled. “Apparently, she’s living.”
“You have fun with that one.” With one hand on the handle of her umbrella, Millicent adjusted her glasses with the other. “I wanted to thank you for dancing with me last night. Hank asked me to dinner. We’re going to Manelli’s on Tuesday night.”
A wide grin spread across his face. “Glad to hear it.”
“Come around to the library again sometime.”
“I’ll do that. Have a good day, Miss Millicent.” With a nod, she departed.
Sidney walked to meet Isabella on the front lawn. “What is Millicent’s last name?”
“Ponds.”
He laughed. If Millicent ended up with Hank, she’d be Millicent Ponds Jergens.
“Sidney, lift your face to the sky and open your mouth.”
“Why?”
Isabella released an exasperated sigh. “Just do it already!”
With a skeptical expression, Sidney did as she asked. “Happy now?” He acted like he was choking and grabbed his throat.
“That came from the sky, from God!”
“That particular raindrop that landed in my mouth?”
“Yes, you infuriating man! Forget science. Forget trying to explain everything away to try and convince yourself that it’s not God. It’s not like there’s someone up there with a big rain-making machine who decided he’d sprinkle raindrops on Evergreen, Maine today.”
“You don’t know that’s what I’m thinking.” Was that what he’d thought? In this moment, he wasn’t sure of much of anything. But he wanted to be sure.
“Well, in any case, this, my friend”—Isabella opened her arms and twirled in a circle—“is the handiwork of the Master. The mountains, the trees, the storm clouds, the rain, everything.”
“Isabella?”
She stopped. “Yes?”
“I’m going to drive you home now. You’re going to change into something dry, and then I’m going to take you to lunch. If you can put up with me, I want to go to lunch with you every day until I leave town. I want to spend as much time with you as possible. As long as you’d like that, too.”
“Of course, I want that, too.” Her eyes clouded with understanding. “When are you leaving?”
“Bryce left me a voice mail message last night. There are pressing matters at the firm. I can’t ignore them any longer. I should have known it was a pipedream that I could stay long.”
“I repeat, when?”
He hated to tell her. “Tuesday afternoon.”
She lowered her gaze. “I’m thankful we’ve had this much time together.”
“Me too, Isabella. You can’t even know how thankful.”
She forced a bright smile. “Promise to think about what I said, okay? About the raindrops?”
“I promise. Now please get under this umbrella with me before you catch cold.”
“You’re bossy.” Her eyes lit with fire.
“You’re beautiful.” How he wanted to kiss her.
“S
idney, what am I going to do with you?”
“I’m sure you’ll think of something.” He pulled her beneath the umbrella as he guided her to the Aventador parked around the corner.
“If this is a loaner car, should I ask what your regular car is?”
“Mercedes. Black S-Class Maybach.”
“I have no idea what you just said.”
“They advertise it as a private jet for the road.”
“That helps. Thanks.” She gave him a smile as he tucked her in the car.
What Isabella couldn’t know was that never in his life had he faced a situation he didn’t know how to handle. Until now.
After lunch at The Evergreen Inn’s main dining room, Sidney took Isabella home. Her Cape Cod cottage was a reflection of its owner—warm, cozy, completely charming. She showed him her paintings and told him she normally spent Sunday afternoon napping, reading, or painting. He suggested she paint while he read and strolled over to her small bookcase. “Got any Dashiell Hammett novels, by any chance?”
“I think so. They’re filed alphabetically by last name.”
He laughed. “A woman after my own heart.” Within seconds, Sidney pulled out a volume of Red Harvest. “Got it. This copy looks really old.”
“I found it at an old bookstore in Hartford. I used to love exploring some of the antique stores.” Isabella pulled a paint smock over her head and tied it behind her neck.
“Do you have a jaunty little hat to complete the look?”
“No,” she said laughing.
“I’m sure they have a lot of antique fairs here in Maine, don’t they?”
“They do, especially during the summer into the fall months.”
“That sounds like fun. Are you willing to show me around? I’ll definitely have to make it back for the Harvest Festival.”
Isabella pulled out her set of paints and tugged a stool close to her easel.
