by Riley Moreno
“But I… I mean… okay if I knock off a little early?”
Just one one word from Danielle was enough for her to feel that the day’s job was well done, and when she finally smiled and nodded her head, Julie was off.
Ducking past fruit stands, the smell of not quite fresh strawberries filling her nose, she thought of Kim. After all that she had suffered, she should be happy. And Kim had assured her that she had reached out to Brian. Always a good guy, he would make her feel better.
Julie wanted to know what that was. Again.
The world was warm again as she reached their stoop. Nick opened his door as soon as she hit the foot of the steps. Danielle must have talked to him. It was sweet of her to worry, for him to worry. But there was really no need. Ethan would come home soon.
That was all that she needed.
It seemed strange that she could be so happy. Just seeing Kim and knowing what she had suffered should set her body trembling. And sometimes she still shuddered when she saw what had become of her friend. Shorn hair and skin sagging off her frail bones. How easily that could have been her. What if she had been the one in the room with them and Ethan hadn’t found her? Would she be like Kim now, bones poking through her skin, her long brown hair reduced to a jagged scrawl pressing against her temples? Julie trembled at the idea. Maybe it should have been her. By extension of Greg Heller, Julie was the only reason that Kim had been forced into the blackness. But Ethan always fought to remind her that she was not to blame, and when he touched her face and kissed her gently, she found it easy to believe him. At any minute he would arrive, and Julie wanted to be ready for him.
Stripping was no longer something that she hated. For too long she had been forced to stay naked under leering eyes and hateful smirks. Ethan never looked at her like that, and she smiled as she gazed at her body in the glass.
She could look worse. Her scars remained, but Julie was learning to look past them. Ethan already had. With a soft smile, she slid between the sheets.
Again her mind turned to Kim.
Kim was finding her way back to Brian, and maybe there was some seemingly unattainable point in the future where they could get back to just being girlfriends and compare notes on their lovers. Maybe she didn’t know what it was to suffer for so long, but she understood all too well what it was to try to come out the other side. Julie pictured Kim peeking through the darkness, backing away too many times to count, but soon she would emerge whole, and Julie was looking forward to being around to see it.
As her bare body tried to rest under the sheets, the old fears started to make their way to the surface. Carter’s hands, his mouth crushing into hers with revolting intensity. She thought about it every day. Sometimes it was just a passing hate; other times she would catch a scent of what smelled like Carter McCord’s cologne. In those moments, she would tremble wildly. One time it happened in the shop, and Danielle was right there, calming her with kind arms. Julie made her swear that she wouldn’t tell anyone, not Nick or Ethan. In her lover’s eyes, she was getting better, growing stronger, and a sudden setback would only slice his soul. Let him think that she was content and getting happier each day because Kim was home. Not that he wouldn’t hold her through every bad dream; given the chance, Ethan would do more than that. But Kim seemed so normal despite everything, and Julie wanted to ape her friend’s moves at every turn.
The door creaked open, and Julie gathered the sheets to her breasts. She heard the sound of his briefcase falling to the floor with a thud, and she waited in silence, holding her breath, until his voice pierced the air.
“Juliet?” he called out.
It was like a lifeline away from her darkest thoughts, and Julie’s arms wilted as she answered the call.
“I’m in here.”
Ethan appeared in a matter of seconds, and when their eyes locked, she had to smile. Since she had come back to him, truly come back to him, Ethan looked younger, more contented, and Julie clung to the sight even as dark dreams bubbled about her brain.
“Guess you’re more ready than I am,” he said with a sly grin.
He had even taken to flirting with her like they were normal lovers with nothing to fear. Wanting that to be true, Julie reached for him, and she sighed when he took her hand, his fingers soft, his palm hard, as he rested around her flesh.
“II missed you today,” Julie said.
Not needing to hear anything else, Ethan sank to her side and cupped her face with his free hand.
“Same here,” Ethan said. “Always.”
His kisses always started soft. Like he was asking if she wanted more even as he hoped for only one answer.
Yes.
Ethan wanted her to say yes to his lips, his hands, his body inside hers. She wanted that, too. But first…
“Wait.”
Doing as he was told, Julie marveled at the fact that she was the one commanding the scene. It was a role that she wasn’t used to. But Ethan’s kisses paused, and he waited patiently as he ran is finger around her wrist.
“Did you have a good day?” he asked as his eyes moved up her arm.
“Not bad,” Julie said. “Even better now.”
At the sound of that, Ethan smiled, and he dared to wrap his arm around her shoulders. She bowed her head meekly when he touched her scars, but the feel of his fingers almost made her believe that they were gone.
“I can… I want to make to make you feel better still,” Ethan said.
He dragged his palm downward and clutched the small of her back. Julie tingled when he touched her there, and she smiled into his eyes as she pressed her brow to his.
“I know you can,” Julie said. “You always do.”
She could feel him wanting to tear the sheet away and make her his. But Ethan would never do that. Not unless she permitted it. For this moment, Ethan did nothing but stroke her face and whisper.
“What am I waiting for?” he lovingly asked.
“For me,” she lightly teased. “What if I made you wait all night?”
Ethan fixed his jaw and shifted where he sat before he spoke.
“I’m up for it,” he said. “It’s good just to be near you like this.”
Even as she believed him, Julie knew that he wanted, needed, deserved more, and she quickly kissed his hair before she slipped away from the sheets.
“And like this?” she asked.
Sweet Ethan. He was never anything but a gentleman, but as soon as she granted him full access of her naked body, he shifted again, and Julie could see him trying to contain his lust. She knew that he would never take her by force; he was not Carter McCord. But unlike the man who deserved the needle, Ethan was a real man, and he had needs.
Needs that Julie longed to satisfy over and over again.
“Always like that,” he said as he fell back to the bed. Julie watched him calm his breath, his erection weakening until she said that she wanted it. Julie wanted it now; she wanted to feel like a woman around his flesh.
But first…
“Let me get your ready.”
Julie slithered around him, and her hands worked to free his body from the cages, the bonds that were his buttons and zippers. Ethan offered no resistance as she undressed him, and when her kiss settled on his hardness, he moaned to the ceiling and ran his fingers through her hair.
“I’m ready whenever you say,” he said. “Now if you want.”
She longed to feel love instead of pain between her legs. If she could just let him fill her and thrust, Julie would be that much closer to forgetting.
“Can I… I want to hold you,” Julie said.
Ethan nodded for her to give any part of her body that she could, and she sank into his chest. Grazing her fingers through wispy hairs, she felt him strong and sure, and as she rested her head to his beating heart. The feeling only intensified when he touched her back again and softly kissed her breasts.
“Nice,” Julie said.
Ethan bit his lip and appeared ready for her ne
xt order, whatever it might be. Julie wanted him. She wanted to be with him, but the simple thought of him holding her trumped the lust that scorched her moist hair and crept towards her soul.
“Here.”
She fell to her side and curled to snuggle closer to him. Following her lead, Ethan took her in his arms and cradled her. His hands passed smoothly down her bare back, and she sighed. Just the feel of his hands on her body forced moans of contentment to peel forth from her lips, and when she trembled, Ethan held her tighter and kissed her eyes.
“This is good,” he said. “I could go on like this forever.”
Julie winded her legs around his thighs and blinked hard at the feel of his flesh in her possession. If she wanted to, she could just take him here, and she knew that he would never voice a single objection. But what they had was more than what she had known.
“Could you really?” she asked as she softly kissed his moth and felt the smile forming across his lips. Ethan nodded and nuzzled her neck.
“Absolutely,” he said. “Holding you is more than enough.”
That was nice to hear, and the girl that he had rescued from the forest would have been happy to hear that and think of nothing else. His body felt good against hers, the sighs pushing through his skin, the tender beating of heart intensifying when she poked her head up to kiss him. And maybe it was a kind of betrayal, but Julie forgot Kim and pushed Ethan to the bed.
“Juliet..?”
He shook his head for all of a second before she mounted him, and as her flesh surrounded his, Julie tossed her head back. Inside him, she had no scars, no doubts, and as she started to clench her body around his, she had no fear, no dreams of yesterday.
This moment, this instant with him, was all that she ever needed to know.
Ethan gripped her thighs and steadied her. There was no need. Juliet was poised and ready to take him, and the rocking of her body was soon met by his frame arching forward. Every time he slipped closer, he tried to hold another part of her. He moved to meet her lips again, but when he couldn’t stretch that far, his kiss settled for her arms, her breasts, and as he suckled her nipples, Julie felt like she was floating on air. All those days of feeling, of being dirty and defiled, morphed into hope, and she grinded her nails into his back and nipped at his face.
“Be with me,” she pleaded. “Now.”
Ethan didn’t ask her a second time; he didn’t dare to whisper and ask what he could truly do to her if just given the chance.
Somehow, Ethan just knew.
“My Juliet…”
He pressed her body into the sheets. Julie nodded into his eyes, and Ethan followed her order. He drove into her with smooth pulses, and Julie felt as if he was burning away the memories of Carter and Matt and Pete. Those men had robbed her of her virginity, but now that she knew what to do with it, in every awful way, her mind turned to a better place. She could be a lustful creature under her own terms, and they would rejoice together.
“Take me, Ethan,” she pleaded.
He breathed hard about her breasts. Julie moaned at the feel of his hot breath consuming her soft mounds, but when Ethan pulled up and brought her close to his chest, she fell silent, could do nothing but hungrily kiss at his arms. Ethan sighed as they touched, and when Julie brought her lips back to his, her body still surrounding his, he flipped her back to the bed.
“Ethan!”
It wasn’t rough or cruel; it was only everything that she had ever wanted, and Julie swirled above the rumpled sheets. She felt no need to cover herself, and she gave him all of her body. Ethan exhaled heavily as he bit down on his lip.
“Feel me,” he moaned. “I’m only here for you.”
This was more than the true first time, so full of cries for mercy. It was beyond her first taste of Ethan, soft and sweet. This was how she wanted to be loved for the rest of her life, longer, and as the stream of his desire started to invade her flesh, she smiled up at him.
“I want that,” she said. “And more. Give me more, Ethan.”
Ethan exploded, and Julie thought that she might burst into hot flames under his arms as she shot up to his chest. And she did burn as his desire brought her to the point of screaming. But just when she thought that she would crack and possibly rupture around him, Ethan held her and eased her back to the bed.
He bathed her face with kisses as he finally spoke.
“Thank you for that,” he said. “Just… always let me love you, Juliet.”
Nothing ever seemed easier or made more sense in her heart.
He held her, stroking her skin as he kissed her arms. Julie started to slip into a happy dream, a place where there were no more trials and no need to look for Kim’s unmarked grave. This was good. It was right.
And she though of nothing else as he kissed her to sleep.
3
“Connie? What’s wrong?”
Connie Morales flew away from Leo Barber’s bed, shaking and sweating. She reached for the walls as she made her way to the bathroom, and once her trembling body stood before the sink, Morales turned the faucet to attention, and she splashed handfuls of cold water onto her face. It served to wash away her perspiration, but she still quaked as she gripped the basin and forced her eyes to the mirror.
The whole thing had aged her. She was no longer the girl that believed in in justice even as she knew it sometimes took ages to bear fruit. Greg Heller would go down soon; Kimberly Beyer’s unexpected testimony would see to that. But what of the others? Troxel and McCord might not have kidnapped the girls. But they raped. They nearly killed. And to hear Kim tell it, they were just johns in search of a good time. How could she let them off the hook after all that time, after the true lives lost? Morales was taught to excuse victims that didn’t play according to the script. If she was in their shoes, she might justify all horror and look for a way to bury the bad dreams, probably worse than the ones that had roused Morales from Leo’s arms, and try to get back to normal. She---
No. I would never let those fuckers off so easily. And neither should she.
“Connie?”
The feel of Leo’s hands on her shoulders caused her to whirl around, and for a second, Morales hardly recognized him, and she was only ready to attack. Her nails came out, poised to scratch the face raw without prejudice.
“Connie?” Leo asked again.
She couldn’t hear him; she didn’t see him. Under her stare there was nothing but Geoffrey Troxel, smug and entitled and just counting the seconds until he was back in his comfortable life, the trial transitioning to an anecdote that he could use at dinner parties. Morales knew his voice, and she heard it in her head now.
Did I ever tell you about the time when the one whore said I killed her friend when the little bitch wasn’t even dead?
And everyone would clink their glasses and laugh. They’d head back to the buffet or turn talk to all the ways in which they alone had mastered the universe. Even if Kimberly Beyer was in on the plan, brainwashed to believe that they had come back for her on account of the goodness that was non-existent in their hearts, Julie Edwards knew better.
Leo’s deal had failed the first victim.
“What the hell is the matter with you?” Morales said as she hit him.
“Connie---”
“Bring them to trial!” she screamed. “Make them pay! You know… you know that they’re fucking guilty as sin!”
“Enough, Connie!”
Morales kept striking until Leo wrapped his arms around her flailing body. Stronger than he looked, Leo wrestled her to the ground and held her tight as she kept kicking. His arms became a vise, but Morales knew that a swift swipe could still disarm him, disable him. And Leo was sometimes sweet. Especially when he held her in bed. So she gave him the chance to launch into Plan B, and she waited with baited breath.
“Leo?” she asked. “What happens now?”
He seemed to relax when she stopped striking, and he fell to her breasts. Just the sensation of his head so close t
o her flesh was enough for Morales. Enough to give him the chance to speak, and when he stayed silent, she curled her fingers under his chin and lifted him into her eyes.
“Leo---”
“No,” he said. “Tell me that you’re alright first. I need to know that.”
It struck her as strange that Leo would number her before those that had truly suffered, but they weren’t in the courtroom. Away from work, he had a tendency to get all protective. It was as if he could tolerate the threat of her body gunned down. That was the price of business. But here, when they were alone, he needed her calm if there was to be any hope of him continuing. Morales saw his eyes slip into a slant, and his hands pressed against her thighs. Leo’s touch curved towards her waist, and she started to ask for more facts when he embraced her and sighed into her eyes.
“Of course you do,” she whispered. “I’m fine.”
Leo was juggling a million balls in the air at once, and Morales tried to understand that. Because in his heart, she knew that he wanted vengeance as much as she did.
“Never be mad at me,” Leo said.
He stroked her cheek and kissed her hair. When he touched her like that, there was no anger. And weak as it was, Morales wanted nothing more than to just fall into him and absorb his kiss. Leo was one of the good guys; she could never lose sight of that.
But…
“They’re really getting off with a slap on the wrist?” she asked. “And we’re all just supposed to what? Like find a way to live with that?”
Leo lifted her away from the floor, and his breath stayed in her ears. Maybe he had a secret plan up his sleeve, and now he would let her in on it. There were charges pending that she had yet to be privy to. Leo would still bring the bastards to their knees, and Morales wanted to be there to see the dicks fall.
“We’re still putting Greg Heller down,” Leo said.
It was like a sharp punch to the gut. Like he was complicit with them and making arrangements for their undeserved bail, and before she could object again, Leo took hold of her face and peered hard into her eyes.
