by Lisa Childs
The muscles in his forearm tightened beneath her fingertips. “Tess—”
“I just want to talk to you,” she said, grateful for the support of his arm as a chilly night wind whipped around the house. “In private.” Her teeth clicked together as she fumbled with the keys to her door. “Without freezing.”
“You know if you dressed warmer—”
“We were in the classroom tonight. Not outside,” she said. “I didn’t ignore the CPA dress instructions this time.” Fingers numb with cold, she finally managed the lock and opened the door.
Chad paused in the doorway, as if reluctant to follow her inside. Maybe he worried that she would pull an Amy and attack him. She flipped on a couple of lights before he stepped into the living area, which consisted of a plaid love seat and a white wicker trunk that doubled as a coffee table.
On the other side of the room was a wet bar, with a stove and full-size refrigerator. Tessa ran some water into a mug and popped it into the microwave. “I’m having hot chocolate,” she said, still shivering but maybe more with nerves rather than cold.
His black hair glistened in the soft light. He was so tall—so handsome—that she worried a little that she might attack him, too. “Do you want something to drink?”
He shook his head as he settled onto the edge of the sofa, his focus on the pile of files spread across her coffee table. “You bring work home,” he observed.
“I do a lot of work from home,” she explained. “So I can help with the kids when Mom’s working or sleeping.”
“You help your mom a lot.”
She stared at him, trying to analyze his tone for the censure or disappointment she’d heard from other men she’d brought home. She shouldn’t care what Chad thought; he wasn’t her boyfriend, nor would he ever be. “I try to do what I can, when I can,” she said.
“It’s great that she takes Wednesdays off,” Chad remarked.
“Yeah.” Tessa agreed with a smile. The microwave dinged, so she removed her mug and stirred in some hot cocoa mix with tiny freeze-dried marshmallows. The spoon clicking against the porcelain was the only sound in the room.
Chad cleared his throat and asked, “So what was class about?”
“We covered 911.”
“Did you take any calls?”
She shook her head. “We listened in on a few.”
“Anything serious?”
“A breakin. And an elderly lady who couldn’t find her cat.”
“Mrs. Huber?” he asked as if Lakewood was a small town instead of a midsized city.
She shrugged, reluctant to admit that she hadn’t paid much attention. His not being there had distracted her nearly as much as his presence had.
As she joined him on the small couch, her hip bumped his, nearly jostling the mug from her hand. She set it onto the trunk, atop a file, to keep from burning herself. “I don’t know who the caller was. Then there was a report of a woman on the pier, threatening to jump.”
He sighed. “Probably Monica.”
“That’s what the operator said,” she remembered. Tessa also remembered all the calls for traffic accidents, but she refrained from mentioning those. “Of course, Lieutenant O’Donnell handed out ride-along assignments tonight.”
“Well, I don’t think you really invited me in to talk about the class,” he said.
While she wanted to talk about the ride-along, about getting out of it, it wasn’t something she wanted to discuss tonight. “No.”
“You want to talk about your family,” he said, but he didn’t give her time to talk before he started asking questions. “Your mom is single? Your dad left?”
“Long ago,” she replied, her knee bumping his as she turned to face him. “But I didn’t bring you here to discuss my daddy issues, either.”
“So you have daddy issues?”
She smiled at his interrogation. “No, he wasn’t around long enough for me to develop any. None of the kids’ dads were.”
“So they’re your half siblings?”
“I don’t really think about that. James and Audrey and Kevin have the same dad.”
“James? You have another brother?”
Her smile widened. “James is away at college. He got a full scholarship. He’s a great kid—just nineteen.”
“Wow, seven of you…” Chad murmured, leaning back on the couch as if stunned.
“The younger kids all have the same dad. My mom’s not a tramp, she just has really bad judgment,” Tessa said in defense of her mother, but didn’t share with Chad her fear that she had inherited that judgment. Her point in bringing him home was so that he’d stop thinking the worst of her. God, she wished she didn’t care what he thought.
“By bad judgment, do you mean she picked bad men?” he asked, his gaze soft with understanding and gentleness.
Tessa had never known much of either—from him or any of the men she’d dated. Her heart warmed toward him, but she turned away, reaching for her mug of cooling cocoa. “I don’t think they actually started out bad. I think, what with Mom getting pregnant—she’s extremely fertile, if you haven’t guessed…”
He nodded.
“…I think they felt trapped when she got pregnant.” With guilt Tessa remembered feeling trapped herself a bit more each time her mother had become pregnant. “Over time they came to resent her and even their own children.”
“She goes by Howard. Did she never marry? Did none of the guys step up to do the right thing?”
She smiled. Despite being only in his thirties, the lieutenant was an old-fashioned guy. Or did that sense of honor come with a badge?
“Not my dad. They were in high school when she got pregnant,” she explained. “He took off for college before I was born and never came back. She did marry the other two guys, but when things ended—badly—she took back her maiden name.”
“So none of them help out with money or their time?”
She shrugged. “Child support payments come sporadically. They have new families, more responsibilities…”
“They have a responsibility to your mother, to their children.” Disapproval and anger filled his voice. “They should do the right thing.”
She smiled, amused that a police officer could be so naive in this respect. Maybe honor did come with his badge, but so should the realism that Tessa had learned long ago.
“They don’t love her,” she said, “and they probably never did. If there isn’t love, there isn’t enough to keep people together.” She needed to remind herself of this, that Chad had already given his heart away. It—and him—would never be hers.
Chad blew out a breath. “So your mom has all the responsibility on her own?”
“I help her with that,” Tessa reminded him with no resentment now. From Nana she’d learned that family came first. Over time and with the love for her family, she’d accepted that.
He stood up, probably as anxious to flee her as every other man who’d realized how little time she would have for him. “That’s why you live here,” he said.
“It’s my house,” she said, although she had never told anyone else who held the mortgage and the deed. Her mom had tried to get a loan, but too many years of using credit cards to buy groceries and clothes and not paying those bills on time had ruined her credit rating.
“You own the house yet you live down here,” he mused as he walked around the couch and peered down a short hall into the bathroom and then her bedroom.
“I really want to talk to you about something else,” she said as she returned her half-full mug to the bar and joined Chad near the hall.
“You didn’t bring me here to prove to me that you’re responsible?” he asked, his mouth curving into a slight grin.
“That’s why I brought you to the house,” she admitted. “That’s not why I brought you here.” She gestured around her modest apartment. “I brought you down here to talk about Kevin.”
His brow furrowed. “What about Kevin?”
“You recognized
him.” Her stomach tightened with nerves as she relived that moment on the driveway, catching Chad’s reaction to when her younger brother had stepped into light. She’d just known the kid had been hanging with the wrong crowd and getting into trouble.
Chad’s broad shoulders rippled beneath his thin, gray T-shirt as he shrugged. “I’m not sure.”
“But you think you recognize him from somewhere,” she persisted, not wanting him to spare her.
He nodded. “Yeah, I think…”
She stepped close to Chad. “Where? Where do you recognize him from?”
He lifted his hand to her face and ran his thumb along her jaw. “What are you worried about?”
She drew in a shaky breath and told herself that her heart raced with her concern for her brother, not from Chad’s touch. “Kevin. I was looking for him in the park that night a few weeks ago.”
“Why the park?” he asked, as he continued to smooth his thumb along her skin.
“I—I,” she stammered, “I was trying to remember where kids hung out, drinking and goofing around…”
“Where you hung out?” he finished, wondering what Tessa Howard had been like as a teenager. Until tonight, he would have considered her a hell-raiser—someone who’d broken every curfew and pushed every limit. Until tonight, he had thought he knew her, but he’d had no idea.
“I didn’t have time to hang out,” she stated flatly. “I was at home—babysitting.”
From her matter-of-fact tone, Chad caught a glimpse into Tessa’s childhood as it must have been. Bleak and full of responsibility she hadn’t chosen but that had chosen her. Yet he could detect no resentment in her tone or on her beautiful face.
She sighed. “So I guess I shouldn’t begrudge Kevin hanging out and having fun, but I haven’t seen, let alone met, his friends. And he comes home late all the time…” Her voice cracked with emotion. “I just don’t want him getting into trouble.”
“No, that’s your job,” he teased, trying to lighten her worries, now that he understood exactly how many she had.
She smacked a hand against his chest. “You’re never going to admit you’re wrong about me.”
He caught her hand and held it against his chest, against his heart. “You were right. I was wrong. You’re not irresponsible. If anything, you have too much responsibility.”
“It’s fine. Nothing I can’t handle,” she said, her chin lifting with pride. “I didn’t bring you here to feel sorry for me. I just wanted you to understand.”
“I do understand,” he assured her, “that you want me to eat crow for making all kinds of incorrect assumptions about you.”
“You can skip the crow,” she offered, “if you tell me the truth about my brother.”
He stroked his fingers across the back of her hand. “If I’d arrested the kid, I would know his name, age and address. If I had my eye on the kid because I thought he was trouble, I would know where he lives, too, and where he hangs out and with whom.”
She nodded. “Yeah, you thought I was trouble and you always knew my name.”
“Thought?” he reiterated. “Past tense?”
“You know better now.”
He shook his head. “I know you’re trouble now—even more trouble than I previously thought you were.”
“Why?”
“Because I have no excuse to not do this…” He lowered his head until his lips brushed across hers. Her mouth was so damn sweet, he groaned as hunger rushed through him, lightening his head as his body hardened with desire.
Her fingers clenched in his shirt, pulling him closer. “Chad…”
Chapter Ten
Tessa unclenched her fingers from his shirt and pushed Chad away, although her hands lingered on his chest. “I didn’t invite you here for this.”
“I know,” he acknowledged, wishing he was relieved rather than disappointed that she had stopped him. She’d done the right thing whereas he hadn’t, taking advantage of her in a vulnerable moment, which he figured was rare for Tessa Howard. He drew in a deep, ragged breath. “I better leave.”
As he turned away, Tessa grabbed his hand. Entwining her fingers with his, she tugged him down the short hall toward her bedroom. Then, her palm sliding over his, she dropped his hand and stepped over the threshold. “Just as long as you know this isn’t why I brought you back here…” she murmured.
His heart hammering, he nodded. “And this isn’t why I followed you home…”
He had not followed her home to make love to her. Despite his best efforts, though, making love to her was pretty much all he had thought about ever since he’d kissed her.
“Are you sure?” he asked when she hesitated just inside her door.
Her teeth nipping her full bottom lip, she nodded, then stepped back and gestured for him to join her. Now Chad hesitated. He hadn’t been a monk the past four years, but those had been casual relationships. Nothing about Tessa Howard was casual.
“We’re overthinking this,” she mused with a shaky laugh, “when we shouldn’t be thinking at all.”
It wasn’t the thinking he was worried about; it was the feeling.
“Don’t worry,” she told him, “I know you’re not ready for a relationship.”
“Tessa—”
“I’m okay with that,” she assured him before he could say anything more. “I don’t have time for a relationship. Every guy I’ve ever dated has gotten sick of having to share me with my family, so I’ve given up trying to find Mr. Right.”
He studied her through narrowed eyes, as he would a suspect, trying to discern if she spoke the truth, or only what she thought he wanted to hear.
“At least I’ve given up on Mr. Right Forever until my brothers and sisters are older,” she explained. “I just want Mr. Right Now.”
Although apprehension and desire tied his stomach in knots, he smiled. “So I’m Mr. Right Now?”
Biting her lip again, she nodded then held out her hand toward him. “You are if you want to be…”
“I want…” he murmured as he stepped inside the small room with her. The bed, king-size with a white wicker headboard, monopolized the space, leaving little room around the mattress. “I want you.”
A shiver rippled through Tessa, raising goose bumps along her skin. She was falling.
Then she was—literally—falling as he pushed her back and she tumbled onto the mattress.
“So you wanna play rough?” she asked as she reached out and snagged one of his belt loops with her finger. She jerked him down on top of her.
He caught himself with his elbows, and while he didn’t crush her, his lower body covered hers. She shifted her hips, rubbing against his straining erection. “Oh, you wanna play dirty,” he said.
“Actually I don’t want to play at all,” she said, partly because she feared she’d forgotten how.
He eased farther off and stared down into her face. “You changed your mind?”
“No, I haven’t,” she assured him, first with words, then with her touch as she yanked his T-shirt up and over his head. Her breath shuddered out at the masculine beauty of his chest—sculpted muscles covered with soft, black hair. Her hand shaking, she reached for his belt buckle.
His fingers suddenly covered hers. “You may not want to play, but we don’t have to rush, either.” He leaned forward and brushed his mouth across hers, gently nipping her bottom lip. “You don’t have to always be in a hurry.”
“No hurry,” she agreed breathlessly as his mouth skimmed down her throat. She arched her neck. “You can take your time.”
He tugged her camisole free of her skirt and edged it up over her stomach. She lifted her arms and let him pull the lace over her head.
“Tessa…” With his fingertips, he caressed the swell of her breasts over the cups of her flesh-colored demi-bra. “You’re so damn beautiful…”
Heat flashed through her, her skin tingling from just the touch of his gaze, which ran hungrily over her. He reached for the clasp of her bra, but s
he playfully slapped his hand and reminded him, “There’s no hurry.”
He groaned, but Tessa lifted up and pressed her mouth against his. She slipped her tongue between his lips, tasting him. He groaned again.
“Forget what I said,” he murmured.
“You don’t want to go slow anymore?” she asked as she teased him with her fingertips, sliding them through the hair on his chest, following it down to where it arrowed under the waistband of his jeans.
“Hurry, hurry,” he urged as he kissed her again with all the heat and passion burning her up.
She reached between them, unclasping her bra and her skirt and wriggling around until she’d discarded both garments and her lace thong. She reached for his belt again, but his hands were already there, pulling it free and unzipping his jeans, which he kicked off with his briefs. She gasped softly.
“You are so damn beautiful,” she said.
“That’s my line,” he reminded her, his eyes dark with desire as he stared at her. “No, beautiful doesn’t cover it. You’re perfect.”
She was afraid that he was—despite his demons—also perfect for her. If only he weren’t still hung up on someone else…
“Shut up and kiss me,” she ordered.
He lowered his head as if to obey, but skipped her lips to nip at her shoulder, her collarbone, then the curve of her breast.
She moaned and arched until he took her nipple into his mouth, laving it with his tongue. And his hands moved over her skin, caressing and teasing. He parted her legs and stroked her center until she shuddered with a climax. “Chad!”
She dragged her nails down his back, clutching him close. “More. Hurry. Hurry.”
“Damn,” he groaned and rolled off her. Pressing the heels of his palms against his eyes, he said, “I don’t have any protection.”
She flopped onto her stomach, reached under the bed and pulled one of her wicker storage baskets from beneath it. Hoping he wouldn’t notice the dust on the wrapper, she pulled out a condom. He didn’t need to know how long it had been since she’d made love because if he did, he might think this meant more to her than he wanted it to be. “I have some.”
