by Lucy King
‘Would you like a lift?’
A startled look of horror crossed her face. Surely his suggestion wasn’t that bad? But if that was her reaction to a lift, maybe he’d wait until she was in a more relaxed frame of mind before putting forward his proposal that they continue to see each other. ‘No. It’s fine. I can get a taxi.’
‘You’ll never find one. It’s pouring outside.’
‘Or a bus or a train or something.’
Her cool tone and the way she deliberately avoided eye contact was beginning to irritate him. As was the incessant shuffling of papers. What was the matter with her? Alex crossed his arms over his chest. ‘Is something wrong?’
‘Wrong?’ Her gaze flicked to his for a second and then darted away. ‘The press conference went well and Jo’s career is back on track. What could possibly be wrong?’
The ball of baffled frustration that had been ricocheting around his chest stopped and burst. To hell with waiting. ‘How about the fact that only a couple of days ago you were writhing in my arms, gasping with pleasure and begging me for more, yet now you can’t wait to see the back of me?’
Colour stained her cheeks and her gaze slid to the table. ‘That was then.’
‘What’s changed?’
‘What happened on the island was a one off.’ She sighed and when she did finally deign to look at him her eyes were unfathomable and Alex found he didn’t like it one little bit. ‘A momentary lapse of reason. It was a mistake.’ She plucked her jacket off the back of her chair.
‘So I guess an affair’s out of the question,’ he drawled.
Phoebe went very still. ‘An affair?’
‘You and me and the hot sex you were so keen on on Saturday night.’
She threaded her arms through her jacket and did the buttons up. ‘You’re right. Totally out of the question. I’m not interested in an affair.’
Disappointment far greater than it should have been thwacked him in the stomach. Then just before she twisted away he saw that her hands were trembling and it made him wonder. ‘So you don’t want me?’
‘No, I don’t. Not any more.’
He slid off the table and moved closer. ‘And you don’t want me to pull you into my arms right now and kiss you until you’re shaking with desire? You don’t want me to peel that little suit off you and spread you over the table and trail my mouth over every inch of your body?’
‘No.’ Her voice cracked.
‘In that case you definitely won’t want me doing this.’
Alex spun her round and brought his mouth down on hers. His arms snapped round her and he pulled her tight against him. He plunged his tongue into her mouth and desire flared inside him. His heart hammered. But Phoebe remained rigid in his punishing embrace.
He broke off, breathing raggedly, and stared down at her. ‘Kiss me back,’ he muttered hoarsely.
‘No,’ she said, glaring at him, fury written all over her face.
God, why was she denying this? Did she really not want him? The thought made him dizzy for a second. It was an uncomfortable sensation. But maybe she didn’t. Maybe he’d read it all wrong and Saturday night had just been about high-running tempers. If that was the case then he had no business hauling her about, however much he might want to.
He was just about to let her go when he saw something flicker in the depths of her eyes. His heart skidded to a halt. She did want him. Triumph and relief pummelled through him.
He’d make her respond, make her see that an affair was an excellent idea, if it was the last thing he did. He loosened his grip on her and slid one hand slowly up her back to her neck and buried his fingers in her hair.
Alex felt her tense as if in preparation for another onslaught, but when he lowered his head this time he brushed his lips against hers and then dropped feather light kisses along her jaw.
Phoebe’s head dropped back and he smiled against her skin. He explored the creamy smoothness of her neck and then found her mouth again and this time when he kissed her he found no resistance. Just warm, wet sweetness.
‘If you don’t want me,’ he murmured, ‘then this is the moment when you would slap me.’
Phoebe jerked back and without warning her hand flew up. She was quick but Alex’s instincts were quicker. With a sharp curse he blocked her hand and wrapped his fingers around her wrist.
‘What was that for?’ he said, his eyes blazing.
‘You suggested it.’
Alex stared at her, stunned. He’d felt less at sea in the middle of the ocean in the throes of a force-twelve hurricane. ‘You want me.’
‘No, I don’t.’
He’d had enough. ‘I thought I was good at denial but you’re a master. You’d drive a man to drink.’
‘All right,’ yelled Phoebe. ‘I do want you. You’re right. Saturday night was amazing. I do want a repeat. But it’s not going to happen.’
Alex shoved his hands through his hair. ‘Why the hell not?’
She gaped. ‘How can you even ask that? While I was in your bed, papers were going to print with that story. I should have been here.’
Alex froze. Was that what this was all about? Guilt? It was lucky he was an expert on the subject. ‘That wasn’t your fault. It was mine. I shouldn’t have dragged you off to the island in the first place.’
‘I could have got on that boat. I should have got on that boat.’
Alex frowned. ‘It wouldn’t have made any difference. We were due to leave at lunchtime.’
Phoebe threw her hands up in a gesture of anguish. ‘I’d planned to hitch a lift with one of your colleagues who was leaving that night. If I’d done that, if I’d had the strength to stick to the plan I would have been here for Jo.’ She laughed bitterly. ‘But no. What did I do? Leap into bed with you.’
He winced at the disgust in her voice even though he knew it was directed more at herself than at him. ‘Guilt doesn’t do anyone any good. It’s a complete waste of time.’
‘Hah. What would you know about guilt? I bet you’ve never suffered a moment’s guilt in your entire life.’
Alex felt as if she’d thumped him in the gut. ‘Is that what you think? Then let me set you straight. I’ve spent the last five years riddled with guilt. Over what happened to Jo. Over whether I could have done something to prevent it. And you know what? Maybe I could have done more. Who knows? But one thing I’ve come to realise recently is that beating yourself up about something that can’t be undone is utterly pointless.’
‘It isn’t pointless,’ she said sharply. ‘It can stop you making the same mistake again.’
‘Can it? Does it stop you making the same mistakes again?’
Phoebe glared at him. ‘It’ll stop me jumping into bed with you again.’
Alex reeled. ‘I didn’t realise you found it so unpleasant the first time.’
Her shoulders dropped and she ran a hand through her hair. ‘I didn’t. You know I didn’t. But you make me lose control. You distort my focus. My judgement does derail when I get distracted and I can’t risk that.’ Her voice cracked. ‘Honestly, sometimes I feel like my finger is hovering over my self-destruct button and it’s only sheer will power that stops me from jabbing at it and watching my life unravel with some sort of morbidly fascinating relief. I nearly just lost everything. My business, my career, everything I’ve ever worked for.’ She pulled her shoulders back and shot him a look of calm finality. ‘I won’t compromise that for a brief fling with you. It’s just not worth it.’
Something deep inside Alex suddenly exploded. ‘That’s utter rubbish.’
‘What?’ Phoebe gasped but he carried on regardless.
‘You’re good at your job. You know you are. You spent long enough telling me about it. You might not have been available the instant the story hit the papers, but you salvaged the situation regardless.’
‘By the skin of my teeth.’
‘But you did it. And if you’re so terrified of your precious life unravelling, why set up your own busi
ness when nine out of ten start-ups fail within the first year? Now I have no idea where this sudden misguided lack of confidence comes from, or even if it is a sudden misguided lack of confidence, but whatever it is, for some reason I can’t work out, you’re using it to hide behind.’
‘I’m not hiding behind anything. Is it really so difficult to believe that I just don’t want to have an affair with you?’
‘Frankly, yes. Because your body still craves mine as much as mine craves yours.’
Phoebe shrugged as if electrifying sexual chemistry was nothing more than a minor inconvenience in her life. ‘That’s just biology.’
Alex felt the energy drain out of him. Why was he fighting so hard for this? It wasn’t as if Phoebe were the only woman on the planet. ‘Fine.’ He stepped back and shot her a humourless smile. ‘You know something? I really don’t need the hassle. I just thought a fling might be fun.’
And with that he turned on his heel and stormed out.
CHAPTER TWELVE
THE MINUTE PHOEBE got home, the strain of holding herself together snapped. The door slammed behind her and her bag landed on the hall floor with a thud. Her raincoat fell into a crumpled heap a foot further on and she stumbled into the sitting room. Her legs gave way and she collapsed on the sofa shaking uncontrollably.
The taunts and accusations Alex had hurled at her spun round and round inside her head so relentlessly that she wished she could reach in and yank them out.
Because he didn’t know her. He couldn’t know the effect her upbringing had had on her. Nor the power of the rigid principles that her parents had instilled in her. He couldn’t possibly understand the stress of living with the fear that of all the siblings she was the one most likely to let everyone down. Unless she kept a firm grip on her emotions that could happen all too easily.
So Alex was wrong. She wasn’t hiding. It was all about self-preservation, mainly saving herself from herself. He had no right to have a go at her like that.
And yet…
The little voice that had been hammering away at her conscience throughout the Tube journey refused to be silenced.
What if Alex was right?
Phoebe sat up, crossed her legs and pulled a cushion onto her lap. What if she was using her insecurities as an excuse and hiding behind a wall of guilt?
She’d survived the past couple of days, hadn’t she? She hadn’t let anyone down, least of all her family.
And actually guilt didn’t stop the same mistakes happening over again, did it? Not when other emotions came into play and corrupted your ability to think rationally.
Guilt certainly didn’t prevent problems and tricky situations sprouting up all over the place. And what was she going to do when they did? Torment herself with ‘what if’s and ‘if only’s and ‘should have’s? Or just get on and deal with them?
Frankly she was always going to fret about any course of action she took and wonder whether things might have turned out better had she done something differently. It was the way she was built and had been for the last twenty-nine years. She might as well get used to it.
Phoebe chewed on her lip. She tentatively ran her mind back over the conversation with Alex in the conference room and tried to look at it from his point of view. All he’d done was suggest an affair and she’d completely overreacted. Her cheeks burned and she buried her face in the cushion.
What was so scary about an affair anyway? People had them all the time without going to pieces. After all, it wasn’t even as if Alex had been proposing a proper relationship. Just sex to unwind after a long day at work. Stringless, emotionless but scorching nonetheless.
Fun, he’d said. An affair with Alex wouldn’t just be fun. It would be amazing. Exhilarating. And probably about time. She’d worked hard, but it had been at the expense of playing, and didn’t she deserve some fun?
Surely she’d be able to keep her focus clear. She was a very different person from the infatuated fool she’d been when Dillon had betrayed her three years ago. And what was she going to do? Steer clear of men and messy emotion for ever?
As her brain adjusted to the possibility of an affair with Alex Phoebe felt excitement flicker in her breast. She had no plans for the afternoon and she was far too wound up to settle down to work. She ought to dash over to his office right now and tell him of her change of mind.
Hmm. In all likelihood he’d never want to see her again. She’d resisted him. Rejected him. She’d nearly slapped him, for heaven’s sake. Shame hit her square in the chest. That had been particularly appalling. She owed him an apology for that at the very least.
Because she had wanted him. He’d definitely been right about that. She’d wanted him with an urgency that confounded her but had her heart thundering just thinking about it now. When he’d described what he’d like to do to her on the table in the conference room she’d nearly passed out at the thrill.
Phoebe jumped up as the glimmer of an idea crept into her head. Maybe there was a way she could let him know she’d changed her mind without actually having to suffer the embarrassment of admitting that maybe, just maybe, he was right and she’d been wrong.
After all, didn’t actions speak louder than words?
Alex sat back in his chair and tried to concentrate on the meeting going on around him. Negotiations with his latest investment opportunity were at a delicate stage. He ought to be dedicating his full attention to it.
But all he could think of was Phoebe’s flat refusal to have an affair with him. The disdain in her voice, the look of horror on her face… It grated more than it should have. He never usually had any trouble persuading women into his bed.
Although there hadn’t been too many of those lately.
Maybe that was why her rejection stung.
‘Alex?’
The voice of one of his finance department snapped him out of his thoughts. ‘What?’
‘They’re pushing for twenty-five percent. I know we originally wanted a fifty-percent stake, but I think we should drop it.’
‘Settle at forty,’ Alex said and suddenly got to his feet.
This was driving him insane. And dammit, there was no reason he should feel like this. His scowl deepened with every stride towards his office. Where was his address book? He threw himself into his chair and pulled out the drawers of his desk. Aha.
Alex brushed off the dust and flicked through yellowing pages filled with the phone numbers of women he’d dated over the years. One of the numbers was bound to still be valid. He didn’t particularly care which one. Any of them would do to prove to himself he didn’t need Phoebe.
His phone rang and he snatched it up. ‘What?’ he barked and then told himself to calm down. Whatever his frustrations, they had nothing to do with his secretary.
‘I have a Ms Jackson to see you.’
Alex nearly dropped the phone. Then his eyes narrowed and he felt himself grow cold. What was she here for? Wasn’t rejecting him bad enough? Was she now planning to slap a sexual harassment charge on him as well?
He had every intention of telling his secretary to tell Phoebe to get lost, so he was utterly stunned to hear the words, ‘Show her in,’ coming out of his mouth.
Alex clenched his fists and moved round to stand in front of his desk where he reckoned he’d look more intimidating and more in control. And if ever he needed to be in control, now, with his brain behaving like a loose cannon, was it.
The firm rap at his door made his pulse spike.
‘Come in,’ he said curtly.
The door swung open slowly and Phoebe sidled in. Something about the way she moved had every one of his senses springing to attention.
Unable to help himself, he let his gaze travel over her. Her hair was tied back but she’d done something to her eyes. They seemed bigger than he recalled, more slumberous somehow. Her mouth seemed…poutier.
Alex swallowed and dragged his gaze over the rest of her. She was wearing the knee-length raincoat she’d had on earlier—with
the collar turned up and the belt tightly tied around her waist—but she’d changed her shoes. If she’d been wearing those black patent heels at the press conference he’d have remembered. As he’d have remembered the inches of leg enclosed in sheer black nylon.
‘You’ll have to be quick,’ he said, hauling his gaze back up to her face. ‘I’m in the middle of a meeting.’
‘So your secretary said. I don’t mind waiting.’
Was it his imagination or had her voice dropped a couple of notes? ‘Fine. What can I do for you?’
A slow smile curved her lips. ‘It’s really more a question of what I can do for you.’
Alex’s mouth went dry and his body temperature shot up as an image of exactly what she could do for him slammed into his head. So much for thinking he was in control. He needed to sit down before the effect she was having on him became too obvious. Deliberately taking his time, he levered himself off the edge of his desk and moved to sit behind it. At least her legs were now out of sight, not that that offered much comfort to his aching body.
‘And what is that?’ He picked up a pencil and began to twirl it around his fingers as if he couldn’t be less bothered by her presence in his office.
‘I’ve come to apologise.’
Alex’s brain had clearly disintegrated because he hadn’t the faintest idea of what she was talking about. ‘What for?’
‘Slapping you.’
‘You didn’t.’
‘I wanted to.’
‘Why?’
‘You suggested an affair.’
‘You turned me down.’
She reached up and pulled the band from her hair. Glossy curls tumbled over her shoulders. ‘I’ve changed my mind.’
Alex’s pulse leapt. ‘How predictable,’ he drawled.
Phoebe’s smile faltered for a split second but she didn’t take her eyes off him. ‘I thought you might say that.’
She took her hands out of her pockets and unknotted her belt. Then she started to undo the buttons. Achingly slowly. The lapels fell open revealing a V of skin and a tantalising glimpse of black lace.
The scorching heat of her gaze trapped him where he sat. Alex couldn’t move. He could barely breathe.
