My empathy wanted to interrupt Delano, to hug him, squeeze his hand, say I was sorry. But he probably wouldn't have noticed. His arms rested on his legs, palms open, his chin tucked to his chest and eyes closed. He sat like a spiritual medium, channeling the confessions of ghosts forced into silence for too long.
"I couldn't protect Lydia," Delano said. "I failed her. I swore my next partner would never suffer for my inadequacies. Yet I continuously fail you. I failed at your birth, so stressed and rushed to protect you I fell for the Realm's oldest trick. I failed at retrieving you before Orin, before the Realm's propaganda overpowered. I failed you from being winged—the brand marking you as Realm property they'll relentlessly hunt. I failed you with Sam. Failed you as Raina flushed you out, caught you, tortured you." He gripped the roots of his hair, grimacing. "I'm such an idiot. I had time to remove the bomb from the mine instead of us, but I panicked, and you suffered. I wish I was smarter. I wish I was stronger. But I'm not, and it's unfair to take anger about myself out on you."
The owl snored loud and fast and comically phony. I almost told Delano he had never failed me, that he was acting ridiculous, unfair, and harsh, and people who thought clearly when C-4 was thrown at them existed purely in fiction. But I figured imposing those truths on his truths would create arguments. Instead, I asked: "Were you scared I'd blame you?"
"I am to blame. I'm scared you'll hate and leave me."
"Never!"
"I'm not a good person, Miriam," he whispered. "And I'm a horrible, weak partner."
"I do not believe that." Then I realized what he didn't see, and spoke firmly: "Del. None of that is your fault."
Tears sprung to his eyes, making me understand he needed to lean on me as much as I needed to lean on him. He was strong, but his strengths were physical, magical, grown from wisdom and life. Right now, my strength was emotional. We both were teachers. We both needed to learn how to better ourselves. I doubted he realized it, though. Or maybe he denied it. But I saw that hidden truth beneath his despair and terror, read it like tea leaves in the dark creases beneath his eyes. Selfishly, I'd considered only how terrified I was to enter his world, oblivious he was more terrified to meet me in mine.
I shifted my weight, the cot creaking like an opening door. It was as if the dust settled, the colors crisped, clarity shone like crystal. I dropped my defenses without expression or outward gestures, no declaration to mark the occasion. I flexed my emotional muscles and decided to give myself even if it hurt. I decided to stop constantly leaning, and instead support him when he needed strength. I decided to expose my heart and become an ally. I committed.
Maybe it was obvious, but back then I was stupid and in denial. In retrospect, I realized that was the moment we partnered. That was when I destroyed us both.
You're supposed to push him away! my fears reprimanded.
"I'm sorry," Delano whispered.
Reject him! Leave! Protect yourself!
A spirit possessed my tongue. "You are forgiven." I slipped my hand over his. "You are always forgiven."
Delano smiled a sad smile, then his forehead wrinkled and he reached for me. My treacherous heart bled. My treacherous arms pulled him against me. He hugged me gently. My treacherous nose enjoyed the forest scents beneath Irish Spring, stirring images of comfort and home in my treacherous brain.
"I'm going to kill Raina," he said against my neck. "Strangle the giggles right out of her."
Her name hardened my heart. "Not if my hands find her first."
Delano stroked my hair, then turned to kiss me, to continue what we started before a bomb exploded.
My fingers blocked his lips. "No. Just because I forgive you doesn't mean I'm not still upset and embarrassed."
"Oh." Delano's eyebrows drew together, as if unable to comprehend why an apology didn't equal an instant kiss and make up. He cleared his throat and leaned back. "Um, okay. I deserve that, I guess."
"I need time."
He rubbed his neck. "Well, it's not much, but maybe this will help atone for my behavior: I've received word our population has dipped too low and the darklings are meeting to reconstruct the territory borders." His lip twitched when his eyes met mine. "It's a boring formality, but my old cellmate and his partner are attending. They're the closest I have to family and I'd like to introduce you."
I blinked, repeating his words internally, making sure I understood. "Wait. Leave your territory? Meet darklings?"
"Yes. It happens every decade or so to even out everyone's energy influxes. Last time my territory expanded west and north past Bear Valley. I better extend east toward the desert this round." His face darkened. "I'll fight if they force Tahoe."
My nerves buzzed with excitement. A vacation! Of course, more territory meant more forced work, and less time focusing on protecting ourselves.
"Won't it harm the Earth if all the darklings leave their territories?" I asked.
"The US will suffer a heatwave, but a few days won't cause long-term damage."
My toes wiggled beneath the sheets. "When is it?"
"The full moon. We'll arrive the night before."
Enough time to heal. Mostly, anyway. "Where?"
Delano glanced to the sniffer, then me. "Drivable."
"Will it matter I'm not a darkling?"
"I want you there, exactly as you are." Delano cupped my hands in his. "Please come?"
I bit my lip, then curled my hands in his and nodded.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
"The sentries abandoned the hunt!" a returning scout said, and the camp erupted into cheers.
I sat with several faeries at the tables, using razors to scrape the heads off thousands of matches, and collecting the powder in yogurt containers. I was eager for the hostages to return to their families, and for the rebels to receive their needed money. But mostly I wanted freed from the sniffer's bronze stare.
Everyone's sigh of relief seemed to expand the walls. A few fae released glittery bursts of magic simply because they now could, and the sentry hostages beamed, knowing their adventure-soon-to-be-taleteller-propaganda was ending. The hound snarled at the commotion while the sniffer shut his eyes in his cell's corner, appearing to meditate.
Cham had insisted Delano and I stay at the camp until the troops evacuated and the hostages were ransomed. He'd smiled neighborly when he'd offered, but I suspected he wanted to monitor our magic usage. He watched us like a warden, not a host. Delano and I headed to the darkling convention tomorrow, and upon return we'd tackle the new mine. I was eager to depart, eager to return to our lessons, eager to create a space, a new home.
The base buzzed with excitement. Everyone was free to leave at will, but lingered, refusing to miss the Realm's transmission. Sundown approached. The rebels crowded around the television hissing black and white snow. The clock ticked. Feet shuffled. The faeries' heat radiated, making me sweat. I glanced at Orin standing beside me. He shrugged.
Kager grunted. "She's late."
Cham simpered. "Probably redoing the budget to spring these assholes."
The screen hissed snow. Night magic unfurled; my eyes closed and rolled. Faeries stepped back to give me space. Delano pushed through the crowd, bare-chested and barefooted, zipping up his jeans. Orin sneered as Delano wedged himself between us.
The Realm's trumpet sounded and a red R flashed on screen.
"We are sorry to keep you waiting, brothers and sisters. We had last minute revelations we needed to take into consideration." Layers of makeup failed to conceal Raina's dark circles. She looked worn, stressed, depleted. Good, I thought. I hope you're suffering, you evil parasite.
Raina spouted off about grain and ammunition production, then droned about struggles she blamed on everything except the Realm rules that created the struggles to begin with. Vina scribbled notes to later decipher truth from propaganda.
"The rebels attacked in region one, took multiple hostages," Raina started.
Cham rubbed his hands. "Here we go."
"Their local commander is vicious and ruthless, an impressive fighter."
Cham smirked, his chest puffed. The crowd exchanged glances and eye rolls behind his back.
"And … and …" Raina snuffled. Her underlip trembled as crocodile tears rolled down her face. "It's because of his cruelty we must report, with immense sorrow, he refused negotiations and murdered our brothers and sister in cold blood."
Cham's jaw dropped. Murmurs and exclamations filled the camp.
"But! But! We're alive!" Weeper gripped the bars, his wide eyes wet and shimmering. "Who lied to her?"
"She's lying, idiot," Orin said. "She decided your lives are worthless."
"But! But!"
"Shut up!" the sniffer snapped, his attention riveted to the screen. "She's still talking."
And talk she did. Raina babbled about labor and economy and glory, but only mentioned the hostages to vilify the rebels and to increase curfew times and stricter controls for Realm citizens. According to Raina, the hostages were murdered. The rebels hated the Realm's prosperity and were hell bent to destroy it. The end.
Raina signed off. The rebels remained bunched, staring at the hissing black and white snow. Kager shut off the television. The base was silent, except for the clock ticking, the rock tumblers rumbling, and the sentry weeping in his cell.
After a long moment, the fourteen-year-old girl asked: "Now what?"
Cham's face purpled. A vein bulged in his forehead. "Kill them, I guess."
"But we surrendered," Weeper blubbered. My heart ached for him. I wanted them gone, but through money and pass-offs, not bloodshed. "Give them more time!" he bleated. "Please! There's been a mistake!"
"There's no mistake," Orin said. "The Realm betrayed you like they betrayed us."
"But! But!"
"Recruit me."
All eyes shifted to the sniffer.
"Recruit a sniffer?" Orin laughed.
"All you offer is mistrust," Cham said. "That's not worth another mouth to feed."
"Raina ignorantly handed you a gift," the sniffer said. "We're not dead. Broadcast us alive from the consulate. Show the world our faces to prove the Realm lies. Let the civilians see the truth about their controllers."
The faeries laughed, even Delano.
"Pffft. Just saunter into the consulate and seize the broadcast studio, huh? There are, what? Walls three feet thick to keep out darklings, numerous electronic locks and guards? Plus, an army of border sentries if an alert gets through the gate!"
"Walls four feet thick, two sniffers, roaming guards, and security codes I will give you," the sniffer said.
"What are you doing, traitor?" the woman hostage shouted.
"I'm dickering for my life, dumbass," the sniffer snarled.
"A sniffer career is a terrible thing to lose," Orin said. "You'll betray us to reclaim favor."
"My life proves the Realm either lied or made a mistake. They'll praise my loyalty to my face, then secretly execute me to maintain their illusion."
Cham crossed his arms, lips pursed.
Orin gasped. "You're considering trusting a sniffer?"
"If value can be obtained—"
"There's no value in slit throats," Delano said.
"The sentries are no longer swarming your territory," Cham snapped at him. "Leave if you disagree with my decisions."
"Even if he doesn't betray us;" Orin started, "even if we managed the impossible and breached the consulate; even if we broadcasted the hostages and our message; even if we proved the Realm lies, the Realm will find a way to twist it. Ask Vina. The people will accept whatever propaganda the Realm issues to hide their mistake."
"The people are oppressed, not asleep," the sniffer said.
"Says you."
Cham's jaw gnawed. He sighed. "You're right, it's not worth the risk." He nodded to Kager. "Shoot them."
"Raina's under surveillance!" the sniffer blurted.
Cham pushed down Kager's rifle. "What? Why?"
"She's in deep trouble. It began with the changeling and the golden retriever."
"Golden retriever?" Delano laughed. Orin shot him daggers.
"The darkling baby escalated her problems, as well as other … incidents. The elites are enraged and want her gone."
"How can you know this?" Cham asked.
The sniffer grinned. (At least, I think he grinned. His lips resembled the hook of a devil's claw pod.) "Because I'm who they commissioned to assassinate her."
Cham's jaw dropped, then he cast me a glare which shriveled my insides. This is your fault, it said. If we didn't rescue you, our problem would've been killed for us.
"Several power players will arrive at the consulate to inspect Raina's work," the sniffer said. "You can hold the compound long enough to kill them and broadcast your message, especially if your other troops join you. But you'll need insider help."
"Even if we survived this suicide mission, what then?" Orin asked. "Insert ourselves into power? Hardly."
"Le-Lexine Sulone muh-might take up the ca-cause," Weeper stammered. Everyone turned to his cell. "My brother's an inland sentry. He-he told me the Erna ag workers are rebelling, but it's not reported. Lexine has popularity among them."
"Lexine's as bad as all the other Realm politicos," Cham said.
Weeper shook his head. "No. I dunno why, but she's standing against some ag worker regulations."
"It's because of her best friend and her son," the sniffer said, almost to himself. He glared at Cham. "I arrested them myself."
"Why?"
"Officially, false espionage charges. Really, they're from the old rule's darkling families. Such arrests have increased, filling the pits with potentials to erase the ancestral lines." The sniffer nodded to his thoughts. "Yeah. Lexine will step up. If she has a clear path to the leadership seat."
Delano and I exchanged a glance, and I knew we shared the same thought. A hand was offered, strong enough to rescue someone from dangling off a cliff. We had a shot to stop scraping along and hiding, to avoid a slow march to destruction through starvation or disease or violence. My insides tingled. This was the improbable chance we had hoped and strived for, our shot at overthrowing the Realm's totalitarianism. Weeper tapped his forehead manically, as if trying to gouge out his third eye to avoid dealing with the future. The lights flickered on shoddy wiring, and aluminum tumbled to powder in the corner. Accept the offer, I thought, as Orin scolded everyone for considering it.
Am I a dreamer? I wondered. Am I willing to trust a sniffer out of a desperate need for hope?
Cham rubbed his chin. "If Dain and Xalvador send more fighters … If Lexine joined our side … Supported our cause…"
Alys grinned. "If Orin leads like before, we'll totally win!"
Cham's eyes widened, shocked. Orin cleared his throat, glancing away. "H-How do we know the elites are coming?" Orin said. "Maybe it's a setup so the border sentries can destroy us."
"They're arriving next week for three days," the sniffer said. "The darkling can confirm their arrival from the darkshine before they scurry to their nighttime bunker."
"I love how I'm being volunteered," Delano sneered. "By a sniffer, no less."
"What harm does it do you?" Cham snapped.
"You told me to leave, and now volunteer me for something I dislike?" Delano's lips twisted in thought. "A thousand bucks."
"A thousand? The Realm is your enemy, too!" Cham said.
"And because of them I'm broke. A thousand bucks."
"A hundred."
"Five hundred. I need travel money."
Cham's jaw worked. "Fine," he grumbled. "Delano will verify the sniffer's intel. Once confirmed, we'll use the sniffer's intel to plan our maneuvers at the consulate."
"Not so fast," the sniffer said. "I have conditions."
"You're in no position to be cocky."
The sniffer grinned his devil's claw grin. "Neither are you."
Cham glowered, his jaw working. After a moment he said: "What do you want?"
"My hound stays with me, and no harm comes to her if I die."
Cham's shoulders relaxed. "Fine, but you remain jailed."
"Understood."
"Deal."
"I'm not done," the sniffer said. "Stop feeding her your filthy scraps. Grain free food only. Organic. She has a sensitive stomach."
"You've gotta be kidding," Orin balked.
Cham studied the sniffer, who glared back with fire and brimstone in his hammered bronze eyes.
"You can't consider this!" Orin said.
"People revolt when political leaders die. Strikes and riots break out," Cham said. "It's the footing Lexine needs. That we need."
"Sniffers can't be trusted!"
The sniffer gritted his teeth. "Grain free. Organic. Or kiss your shot against the Realm goodbye." He studied Cham, lips pursed. "Attrition is a pathetic way to die. Snuffed out as if you never mattered. Is that the kind of feeble leader you are?"
Cham's eyes narrowed.
"He's a liar!" Orin exclaimed. "Sniffers care only about—"
"Shut up, Orin!" Cham stabbed his index-finger at his face. "Do what you're trained to and retrieve grain-free, organic dog food!"
Orin gaped. Chortles warbled in the crowd. Orin reddened as he spun on his heel and marched out. The door slam reverberated through the base.
Cham rubbed his forehead. "Kager, release the gervish."
The hound snarled and frothed as Kager approached. "Ease!" the sniffer commanded, and the hound settled. Kager opened its crate. Cham opened the sniffer's cell, his rifle ready. The hound slunk to her master in a crouch, whining, ears pressed and tail thumping between her legs.
"Hey, Jeanie. Jeanie-Beanie. Jeanie-Bean my jelly-queen." The sniffer pulled her head to his chest, kissed her skull with his devil's claw lips. For a second I saw his teeth, straight and white, flash inside his smile. He scratched his hound's belly when she rolled, her tail thump-thump-thumping.
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