The Chaos of Luck

by Catherine Cerveny

  “I want to touch you,” I said, sliding to the edge of the bed. “Let me show you how much I want you.”

  Down to the floor I went, dropping my towel. I knelt with him, running my hands up his chest. Compared to my chill, his skin seemed like it was on fire. His muscles, always so hard and formidable to the touch, felt like stone under my fingers as I caressed his shoulders, chest, and abdomen. He sighed as my hands danced along his skin, followed by my lips and tongue. I traced the tattoos and kneaded the sculpted ridges of muscle, loving the way he felt against my body. I felt him relax as I touched him, as if only I could drain away his tension.

  With gentle prodding from me, he stood, towering over me as I knelt on the floor. My fingers dragged over his skin as he moved, my hands stroking his hips, skimming his ass, and coming to rest on his thighs, heavy with muscle. I tipped my head back to look up at him, my damp hair tumbling down to brush my bare feet as I admired his absolute perfection. Even his scent got to me, musky and so male, making me weak with wanting him. Though I’d never admit it to anyone but him, I loved looking at him like this. There was some tiny part of me that got off on knowing how easily he could dominate me. At the time same, I couldn’t help but feel a euphoric giddiness knowing he was mine. Mine to look at. Mine to touch. And for the moment, I could do anything with him I wanted.

  He’d been half aroused before. Now his erection grew and lengthened until he was rock hard and thick. His hands went to my head, his fingers threading through my hair, clasping my skull. He tipped my head back farther, looking down at me, his expression half glazed yet anticipatory. I smiled to myself. I knew exactly what he wanted, but took my time giving it to him. I’d never been a big fan of oral sex. Before, I only doled it out grudgingly on birthdays and special occasions, and even then, under protest. That was until Alexei.

  I rose up on my knees, my hands lightly running along his thighs until I reached up to cup him. My fingers grazed his shaft. I kept the touch gentle and felt him twitch restlessly in my hands. When I increased the pressure and stroked along the length of him, his breath came out in a hiss. Then I took him into my mouth, opening to take as much of him as I could. He was so large, I couldn’t go as deeply as we both wanted without gagging. Instead, I flicked my tongue over him and cupped his balls, massaging with one hand while I rubbed his shaft with the other. Sucking and licking, his grunts of approval spurred me on to increase the tempo and the pressure. I tasted his pre-cum, salty on my tongue. He wouldn’t last much longer, not when he was this worked up.

  His hands tightened in my hair and his hips began to thrust in and out of my mouth, making me pull back so I wouldn’t gag. Above me, he groaned harshly and I watched as his abs flexed with every thrust as he picked up his pace. I sucked harder, feeling my own arousal grow in response as I worked my tongue over him. Then a final glide and he was coming, the hot jets shooting down my throat as I swallowed.

  I pulled away, pleased with myself. I was getting better at reading his body’s cues. He continued to look down at me, panting, his chest glistening with a light sheen of sweat. His hands stroked my face, keeping my head tilted back to meet his gaze. I could see even after what we’d just done, he was still aroused and wanted more. But the look on his face said something else and kept me from reaching for him.

  “What’s wrong?”

  His expression was stricken, an emotion I rarely saw from him. “Why can I never get enough of you? Even when I’m in you, the wanting never stops.”

  His admission should have thrilled me. Instead it left me feeling raw and exposed.

  “You don’t have to make it sound like wanting me is so horrible. It’s normal to want someone this much. Sometimes I spend all day thinking about getting you out of your suits.” When I tried to stand, he wouldn’t let me. “Alexei?”

  “I would come back to you for anything you had to give, whatever it was, because I just can’t stay away,” he said, now stroking my hair. “When I saw you that first time in Nairobi, I never imagined I would feel the way I do now. I didn’t think I was capable of feeling so intensely, and part of me hates this crippling need I have for you.”

  “I’m not holding you against your will,” I said, a sob rising in my chest. “You could go whenever you wanted.”

  “No I couldn’t. You are the only thing that makes this world real to me. Without you, I wouldn’t remain in this reality anymore. I would do anything to keep you, but when I saw you with him, I understood I could lose you anyway. It kills me to know for all that I am, I’m not enough.”

  I tried to stand and still he wouldn’t let me. Frustrated, because this wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have on my knees, I ground out, “You’re the only man I want to be with. Why can’t you believe that?”

  “Because your cards say otherwise. I see them behind you and I know they haven’t given you the answer you want. They are one of the ways your luck gene manifests and they’re telling you to go. If that’s what you believe, how can I stop you?”

  He released me then and headed to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. When I heard him turn on the shower, I realized he wasn’t coming back. Getting up, I took in the scene behind me, finally seeing what he’d been looking at this whole time. My cards were scattered all over the bed, as if I’d been doing readings in my sleep. They were jumbled and chaotic, saying nothing and everything, and betraying me as obviously as if I’d spoken aloud. I may have said and done all the right things to Alexei, but the cards were saying something else, and that left me cold and scared in a way I hadn’t felt in a very long time.

  Chapter Seven

  Alexei was called away on Consortium business soon after that. I suspected it was minor stuff he could have delegated, but his leaving was actually a relief. I sat outside on the balcony for the rest of the afternoon and early evening, first sunning myself, then looking up at the sky and listening to the other resort guests enjoy themselves. He hated that he wanted me. What was I supposed to do with that little nugget of pain? What did that mean for us going forward?

  When I got up the next morning, Alexei was still gone. However, I found evidence he’d returned to the room at some point. I also found a shim telling me he’d gone to work out in the resort’s fitness center and would find me later. I’d moved past feeling hurt and sorry for myself, to pissed off and annoyed. He’d wanted me to close my shop and brought me to Apolli for this romantic getaway. And now I was supposed to feel guilty over a relationship from years ago he didn’t know about? Enough was enough. I was seeing the sights if it killed me, pissed-off boyfriend or not.

  I passed on ordering room service since I still didn’t feel like eating. Stress and anxiety could do that to a girl. I consoled myself by imagining how I would waste the extra calorie consumption points later. I took the time to curl my hair and pull it into a high, loose ponytail that cascaded down my back in waves—a look I knew Alexei liked given how he’d wrap the curls around his fingers whenever I wore it this way. Then I selected a pink halter dress with a shimmering pink overlay. It did wonderful things to support my breasts, yet still flowed loosely to midthigh and covered all my bruises. Lastly, a pair of cute matching sandals for walking and I was ready to go. I couldn’t say why I went through all this extra effort when he wasn’t even there to see it, but I was mad and throwing a temper tantrum seemed childish. If Alexei was going to leave me to my own devices, fine. His loss.

  I sent him a shim saying I’d gone to explore the town. Usually, his replies were instantaneous. He could think out a detailed response in no time whereas I had to tap laboriously on my bracelet for a few lousy sentences. Quicker if I did a voice record shim. No face-chats, though. That only worked c-tex to c-tex, and as wired as he was, not even Alexei could manage that. His implants were too advanced to work with my antiquated tech. Now was no exception: My bracelet vibrated almost immediately. I ignored it. I had a feeling I might not like what he’d sent back.

  I decided to walk to the center of town. What I�
�d originally thought was a street was actually a glamorous pedestrian walkway that glittered with what looked like gemstones. They were crushed under a layer of a clear, flexible material that sprang back when stepped on. It created a cushiony effect, making me feel like I could walk for hours and never have sore feet.

  The street was lined with baskets of vibrantly colored flowers. As I watched, tiny drones flew between them, ensuring the plants were watered and pest-free. The sun felt warm on my skin and I hadn’t bothered with sun protection. The sun wasn’t as damaging on Mars as it was on Earth with its ravaged ozone layer One Gov still had yet to fully repair. Pretty shops and cafés lined both sides of the pedestrian walkway. I noticed a few sporting-goods stores for those interested in skiing opportunities offered at Apollinaris Mons. Or you could book helicon tours that took you to the top of the caldera, some fifty miles across. Though it was less than half the height of Mount Everest on Earth, it was still impressive to see an ancient shield volcano rising out of the ground and soaring overhead.

  I window-shopped and bypassed most of the stores without dropping a single gold note. I was obviously more upset than I realized if I couldn’t shop my way to happiness. That was when I saw the All People’s Temple past a small park at the end of the walkway. Wow, talk about a kick in the ass from karma. Visiting a temple was exactly what I needed.

  Before the Dark Times, organized religion had been waning on Earth. After, it had rebounded like wildfire as people clutched desperately at any straw to save themselves. Faiths got blurred and rules became less rigid as global disasters decimated the population and billions died. It wasn’t that the old faiths no longer existed. They’d just sort of fused into a stew of beliefs as people took what they wanted, which was how the All People’s Temple sprang into existence.

  They were everywhere on Earth, but not so much on Mars. I’d noticed Mars, founded on science and reason, was more secularized than Earth had ever been. Compared to Earth, it was a paradise, making it understandable why people wouldn’t cling to any log in the ocean. Perhaps that explained why I didn’t find running my shop as fulfilling now. People weren’t desperate for the same reassurance they would be okay. Maybe my skills were lumped in with the same religious hodge-podge as everything else and I just hadn’t realized it.

  Even if religion wasn’t popular on Mars, it didn’t look like this temple was suffering from a lack of donations. Its roof was a series of golden steeples leading to an arching dome overhead, and its walls were rounded, smooth, and glistening with crystals. The gardens along the walkway were lush, full, and colorful. It was so pretty, I had to go in. And it had been so long since I’d been to any sort of religious service, I felt residual guilt. My father’s family believed in everything and anything. Alexei believe in nothing. It was safe to say I fell somewhere in the middle.

  It was cool and quiet inside the temple. I was the only one there. Figured. It smelled of incense and candle wax thanks to the votive candles in the temple’s center. It was also dark, but the numerous crystal statues along the rounded walls were lit up by overhead lights, all symbols of the many gods the temple encompassed.

  Since this was sacred ground, I took off my sandals and set them by the door. The floor was warm under my bare feet, which was nice. I was a big fan of heated floors. Approaching the votive candles in their vast array of colors housed in clear glass holders, I scanned my c-tex against the reader and offered a donation to the temple. I lit two candles—green for hope and yellow for optimism, though I supposed that was like asking for the same thing twice. Then I knelt on a nearby pillow, closing my eyes and trying to lose myself in the prayers I’d learned from Granny G as a kid.

  I’m not sure how long I prayed—tough when I had so much whirling around in my head—when the door opened. Someone else had come in to pray. It was too dark to see who it was, and I closed my eyes and tried to get back to my prayers. My c-tex vibrated on my wrist. I hit “ignore” because it didn’t seem appropriate to read my shims while praying. I had about two seconds of peace when it vibrated again. I almost hit “ignore” a second time before it occurred to me that it might be important. I didn’t often get back-to-back shims.

  I glanced at the new person, stunned to find a One Gov hooah approaching. I think my stomach dropped to the floor and I almost fell off my pillow as the black-clad soldier stopped in front of me. He was dressed in head-to-toe body armor as if expecting an all-out assault, wearing everything except a face-shield. Shock warred with horror as he stood a scant few feet away. My last run-in with a hooah had left me paralyzed from nerve gas and my ass thrown in jail. It wasn’t an experience I wanted to repeat and it took everything in me to stifle a scream. My bracelet vibrated, stopped, then started again, but I couldn’t look it. I didn’t dare take my eyes off the hooah.

  Except instead of arresting me, the hooah held out a tiny blue-jeweled disk—a holo-adapter that could be used to communicate and transmit near life-sized holographic images. It was also old tech and something I could plug directly into my c-tex bracelet. I looked from it to him, then back to the holo-adapter. I couldn’t help but note the One Gov symbol emblazoned on its face—a yellow sun and three white dots representing Mars, Earth, and Venus.

  “Please take it, Ms. Sevigny. The Under-Secretary would like to meet with you. He knows of your tech limitations. This will allow you to contact him directly.”

  I blinked, relief hitting hard when I realized I wasn’t being arrested. It was followed by a fresh squirt of panic. The Under-Secretary, my grandfather, still wanted to see me. “What if I don’t want to contact him?”

  “He said he thought you might say that. I was told to tell you, he knows your heritage will make you curious.”

  It wasn’t the answer I expected. Then again, none of it was. “Did he happen to mention which side of my heritage would be curious?”

  “If you want more answers, you’ll need to speak to him personally.”

  Wow. You couldn’t argue with that level of inscrutability. “I get to pick the time?”

  “And the place.”

  So what else could I do? I held out my hand and let him drop the holo-adapter into my waiting palm.

  Task completed, the hooah marched briskly down the aisle, past the altar, and disappeared into the shadows between the crystal statues. What the hell? Was there a secret door back there? I tried rising to follow, more curious than scared. Apparently I wasn’t as unmoved as I thought since my legs didn’t seem interested in cooperating. Getting up from the kneeling pillow felt like the most impossible thing in the world.

  Which was about the same time the main door of the temple crashed open, filling the room with light. In seconds, Alexei knelt in front of me, his hands running over my face, shoulders, arms, back, as if checking for wounds. His expression was a combination of worry and anger.

  “I came as soon as I was notified. Are you alright? Were you hurt?”

  “I’m fine.”

  “What the fuck does Vieira want?” How he’d guessed what happened so quickly, I had no idea, but he’d always been fast that way. Worry was giving way to anger.

  “I don’t know, but he wants to meet with me.”

  Alexei swore softly. “Where did the hooah go?”

  “Out the back, behind the altar.”

  Immediately two of the chain-breakers with him peeled off, heading in the direction I indicated. Alexei stood, pulling me with him and swinging me up in his arms. I gasped and threw my arms around his neck, thrown off balance by the suddenness. Then he strode down the aisle, carrying me the whole way.

  “Put me down,” I protested. “I’m not some suitcase you need to haul across town.”

  He ignored that, instead asking, “Why didn’t you answer my shims?”

  “I was in the temple. I thought it would be rude to check them when I was supposed to be praying.”

  He made a noise that might have been a laugh if the look on his face wasn’t so disgusted.

  “Besides, I
hate to admit it, but I was scared. Lately it seems like every time I see a hooah, I end up behind bars.”

  There, his arms tightened around me and he pressed a kiss to my temple. “That will never happen again; not so long as I’m alive to prevent it.”

  I experienced one of those weak-kneed, girly moments knowing he’d do whatever he could to keep me safe. I wanted to burrow into him and sigh into his neck until it suddenly occurred to me: “Don’t you have people watching me? How did the hooah get past your security?”

  Another disgusted noise. “Two of my people failed to report in. They were found unconscious back at the resort, stuffed into a utility closet.”

  One Gov had taken out his security. Not good. Now I could see the reason behind his irritation.

  “Then how did you find me? Wait…Do you have spyware installed in my c-tex?”

  “Of course,” he said as if it should have been obvious. “If I thought I could get away with it, I’d put tracking nanos in you as well.”

  That squashed the girly feelings. “Over my dead body are you tracking me with nanos! If that happens, I hope you’re ready for a lot of alone time because I will never have sex with you again.”

  His expression said that clearly wasn’t happening. “Which is why I haven’t done it. Not yet anyway.”

  Soon we were outside, and I found myself bundled inside a cool, darkened flight-limo.

  “Now what?” I snapped, slapping away his hands when he tried to smooth my dress over my thighs. “Don’t tell me I have to go into lockdown at the resort.”

  “You’re going to the room, and once I determine it’s safe, we’re heading back to Elysium City.”

  “We just got here! I didn’t get to try the hot springs! I haven’t even bought any tacky souvenirs yet. What the hell kind of vacation is this?”

  “You were just contacted by a representative for one of the most powerful and dangerous men in the tri-system. A man who is an enemy of the Consortium, and whose daughter tried to kill you, in case you need reminding. Do you think I want you in a place where I can’t be confident you’re safe?” The look on his face said there was no arguing with him. “Where are your shoes?” he asked abruptly.