by Hugh Cook
'These hands,' shouted Slagger Mulps, 'these hands are ready for war.'
He wrenched down his trousers and showed off his male pride.
'And this - this, boys, this is ready for war as well. I'm built for action, that's the truth.' He pulled up his trousers.
'Arabin,' said Mulps. 'Arabin so old that every bit of hair has fallen from his head, he can stay behind on the Teeth. Aye. Mount sentry over rat, mouse and cockroach. But I'm for war, boys. War. Conquest. Gold.
'Last time I spoke, I spoke against empire. But times - well, as Drake Douay says, times change. We've got a king on our side. An ogre on our side. All the ogres on our side. Half of Stokos on our side. That alters odds.
I'm in for gold, conquest, wealth, women. Who's with me?'
A roar of approval showed that most of the pirates were. Drake knew that many other people would speak before a final decision was reached. But he was already sure of what would happen: the pirates would vote for empire.
After much heated discussion - in which another half a dozen pirates died - the reavers of the Greater Teeth did indeed vote for a war for empire. And Jon Arabin sent Harly Burpskin to tell Drake Douay that his days with the Warwolf were finished. Drake had expected as much.
He did not rightly understand why Arabin was still against empire, but knew his public opposition to Arabin must end their friendship. But to be an outcast still hurt. He had admired Jon Arabin, had rejoiced in Arabin's approval, had struggled hard to win promotion from ship's boy to crewman—
And now it was all over.
Still, he was in amongst friends. His brother. His uncle. His king. And others from Stokos. And they had their own ship, the Tank, to make ready for a preliminary probing raid on Cam.
The probing raid was a disappointing, almost fruitless affair. The Tarik, with Drake aboard, sailed the six hundred leagues or so to Cam. As they dared the approaches to the harbour, three ships came out to meet them. Those ships chased the Tarik right round the shores of Stokos. Finally, in bad weather, the Tarik shook off the pursuers, and headed north.
They had learnt that Sudder Vemlouf, ruler of Stokos, had a navy of at least three ships.
'What we should do,' said Drake, 'is go in force. Aye. Half a dozen ships. Or send in spies. Perhaps we should ask Sully Yot to spy for us - he's got Muck's trust.'
'That's an excellent idea,' said King Tor.
So Drake arrived back at Knock with his hopes high. Sully Yot would be asked to spy for them; Yot would refuse; Yot would be thrown to the sharks or tortured to death, which would be a just and proper punishment for killing Drake's much-loved dog. (And, of course, for attempted murder of Drake Douay.)
When Drake landed on Knock, he was disgusted to find that Sully Yot had sailed with the Warwolf, bound on a raiding expedition to the Ravlish Lands.
'What else is new?' said Drake.
The latest excitement proved to be the challenge which Lord Menator had set Slagger Mulps. It seemed the Walrus was demanding to be Grand Admiral of the Fleet of Imperial Conquest. Menator had doubts about his worthiness, but had given the man a chance to prove himself.
If Slagger Mulps could sail to the terror-lands beyond the protection of Drangsturm, capture one of the monsters of the Swarms and bring it back to the Greaters as proof of his prowess, then he would be 'seriously considered' for the position of Grand Admiral.
'It sounds to me,' said Drake, sagely, 'that Menator thinks Mulps is too big with ambition. So Menator wants to kill off Mulps. But he doesn't want the blood to show too clearly on his own hands.'
Drake's analysis was correct. Menator wanted to appoint only his own men to positions of power. Menator knew such a policy would not win approval from the pirates - so he had chosen to try to kill off Slagger Mulps subtly, by tempting him into accepting a suicidal dare.
To Drake's surprise - and to the surprise of others -Slagger Mulps took up the dare, and began to ready his ship for a voyage south.
'The man's mad,' said Drake to Drake. 'And I'm glad I've no part in that madness.'
Slagger Mulps was due to sail on the first day of spring. The day before the Walrus set sail, Drake was called to a conference with King Tor and Lord Menator. It was Menator who did the talking.
'We've thought long and hard about this challenge we've set for Slagger Mulps,' said Menator. 'We can't think of any way for him to cheat - but he's a pirate, so there's no telling what devious tricks he'll turn to. Thus we want someone aboard his ship to be our eyes and ears. To report true as to where he goes and what he does.'
'Man,' said Drake, 'then don't look at me. I crewed with Jon Arabin, sworn enemy of Slagger Mulps. If I were to go aboard his ship, his crew would kill me. Why, my own worst enemy sails with the Walrus. That's Atsimo Andranovory, a man made for murder. So I'll stay with King Tor, thank you very much.'
'You'll do no such thing,' rumbled Tor. 'You'll sail for the south with Slagger Mulps. Not least because I need"to test you. You've been chosen to marry my daughter. You've been chosen to inherit my throne. I need proof I've made the right choice.'
'Why,' said Drake, 'surely you can trust your own judgment.'
'In my youth,' said Tor, T studied the Inner Principles of the Old Science, just as you did. From that, I learned that judgment is best supported by experiment.'
T see,' said Drake. 'Perhaps . . . perhaps a test to destruction.'
'That depends on what you're made of,' said Tor.
'The Walrus sails tomorrow,' said Drake. 'Have you jacked this up with Slagger Mulps? Is he happy to have me on board? Have you got a promise of safe conduct out of him?'
'We've not spoken to Slagger Mulps,' said Menator. 'Nor will we,' said Tor.
'Then how,' said Drake, in something close to despair, 'how do I get on his ship? And if I do - how do I survive?' 'That,' said Tor, 'is your first test.'
16
Name: Slagger Mulps.
Alias: the Walrus.
Birthplace: Ch'enameg.
Description: very tall; very thin; long sharp nose; green hair; green beard; green eyes; long arms and double-thumb fists.
Career: started life as a gardener's boy, then had to depart hastily from Chenameg. Lived as a limmer in Jone (in Selzirk) until sentenced to life as a galley slave after being caught raping a pig in a public toilet hard up by Ol Ilkeen. Liberated after five years when Abousir Belench, an Orfus pirate, dared a dawn raid on Lake Ouija. Thereafter prospered as a blade of the free marauders.
Status: Orfus pirate; cave owner and slave owner on Knock (largest of the Greater Teeth); ship's captain.
Ship: the eponymous Walrus.
'This good place,' said Whale Mike.
He held aloft his lantern. By its yellow light Drake saw three stoves, heaped sacks of charcoal, a huge hammock in which a horse could have slept in comfort, casks which presumably held ale or stuff yet stronger, hams hanging from hooks, strings of onions, boxes, crates, ropes, a heap of timber and a rack of tools.
'This place is huge,' said Drake.
'Well, I not'small,' said Whale Mike. 'This ship, she was Gol-sa-danjerk. That her name. Now she Walrus. This was hold, but I make changes.'
'Have you always been ship's cook?' said Drake.
'Oh, I many things. But I good cook. I do that long time. Cook always eat well - that not so?'
And Whale Mike laughed.
Drake looked at the array of tools - hammers, mallets, chisels, awls, a variety of saws and other implements.
'Who owns these tools?' he said.
'Oh, they mine,' said Whale Mike. T carpenter. I do many jobs. We not got big crew. Some of these jokers, they not so smart. They not understand carpentry stuff. But that no problem for me. I smart joker.'
Drake thought Whale Mike's estimate of his own intelligence was, to say the least, optimistic. But he did not say so. Instead, he said:
'Thanks for bringing me aboard.'
'That okay. You my friend. That not so?'
'Definitely so,' said D
rake.
'You sleep,' said Whale Mike. 'You get rest, talk good tomorrow. You have to talk fast, that not so?' 'Very much so,' said Drake.
Wondering how he would fare on the morrow when he had to face the Walrus.
'Under there,' said Mike, pointing to the shadows beneath a rack of hams. 'There sacks. That comfortable, that not so?'
'Surely so,' said Drake.
And crawled in under the hams, and laid himself down on the sacks. It was comfortable enough. He stared up at the bulky shadows of the hams. How well were they secured? It would only need one to fall. . .
Whale Mike began to hum a happy song. What was he doing? He was sitting on a coil of rope, working on something. What? Ah . . . the tooth of a whale. The lamplight gleamed on Whale Mike's sallow, swollen face. No ears. Was it cold, having no ears? What was it like to be stupid?
A shadow jumped onto Mike's shoulder'. A ghost? A demon? No - a cat. Slowly, Mike turned his head until he was staring the cat in the face. Was he going to bite it? Eat it? Tear it apart and gullet it raw?
As Drake watched, Whale Mike kissed the cat. That settled it! The man had to be soft in the head!
Footsteps thumped over the deck above. A voice called down the companion-way which led down into Mike's all-purpose cabin.
'Mike?'
'Yol'said Whale Mike.
'We're bringing the water aboard. Can you give us a hand?'
'No problem,' said Mike.
The cat jumped from Mike's shoulder as he stood up. Though he was more than twice Drake's height, his head did not quite touch the ceiling. He must be very important to rate so much space. But of course - when there was a battle to fight, or an anchor to pull up, or a monster to kill, Mike must be the ideal person for the job.
When Mike left, Drake began to explore. The cat - perhaps it was psychic - immediately hid.
'Puss puss puss,' said Drake, trying to tempt the cat into kicking range.
The cat prudently stayed hidden.
Drake examined Whale Mike's scrimshaw. The whale's tooth was being worked into a representation of the writhing bodies of a dozen naked men and women. It was obscene. Fascinating. And very delicate. Done with great skill.
'He must've stolen it off someone,' muttered Drake. T hope he doesn't wreck it trying to finish it.'
He heard heavy feet and profound thumps up above as barrels of water were brought on board the Walrus.
'I must be crazy,' said Drake.
Stowing away on the Walrus at risk to his life - yes, maybe he was a bit crazy. How would he explain himself to Slagger Mulps on the morrow? Perhaps he could ask
Whale Mike to hide him here for the entire voyage. No. That was too dangerous. Mike might get sick. Or die. Or fall overboard. Or the ship might flood. Or sink. There were a thousand ways in which he might be discovered.
He would have to win over Slagger Mulps. Get protection from Mulps. But . . . what if Mulps once again handed him over to Atsimo Andranovory? Drake remembered Andranovory demanding a suck. Having him hauled into the sky on a rope. Remembered his long agony as he swung from the end of the rope . . .
Drake poked amongst the casks and cases, looking for something to eat. The air was heavy with the smells of onions, smoked seal, hams, dried fish, herbs and spices. He cut himself a bit of ham. Chewed it slowly.
Perhaps Tor means to get me killed.
King Tor was strange. Sometimes he seemed to have perfect confidence in Drake. Other times, doubt ruled his mind, demanding that he set Drake tests.
Maybe he's one of these people who's not sure of his own mind. Maybe. He's not much of a leader, perhaps.
Jon Arabin never changed his mind like that.. Yet, even so, circumstances had brought about a change in Drake's relationship to Arabin. There was every chance he might end up as an enemy.
And Slagger Mulps . . . man, I've got to make friends with him. Now that's crazy. Wild.
Yet not impossible.
The lamp flickered, and went put. Drake stood in the darkness, trying to orientate himself. Where was his bed of sacks? With hands extended like the feelers of an insect, he began to explore the night. Barked his shin against a crate, and hissed. Something hissed back at him. What?! Oh - only the cat, of course . . .
Drake found the mess of sacking where he was to sleep, and settled himself down. Brooding on his future. To become a friend of the Walrus? An enemy of the Warwolf? It was all too possible.
He lamented the instability of human relationships.
Life would be so much easier - and so much safer! - if one kept the same set of friends and enemies for a lifetime. At least he could be sure of Heth. Blood, that's the stuff. Family.
He bitterly regretted being parted from Heth. He wished he was back on the good ship Tarik. Would he see Heth again? Why, of course he would. At journey's end . . .
Drake heard a thump of boots coming down the com-panionway. Suppressed laughter. Who was that? Not Whale Mike, by the sound of it. Smaller people. Two of them? Maybe three.
'Gragh!' said a gutteral voice.
Then hawked. Then spat.
'The grimby cludge keeps a lantern lit, mostly.'
'Andranovory?
'We'll manage.'
A tight, confident, well-controlled voice. Clear. Sharp. Ish Ulpin? Possibly . . . Sounds of collision. 'Malskok!' A chuckle.
'Oh, An'vory, man! You're so much fun when you're happy!'
That, unless Drake was very much mistaken, was Bucks Cat.
'Here's a cask,' said Andranovory. Muffled fumbling. Happy splash of liquor running into - a crock? Bottle? Mug? 'A toast
A clink of mugs in the night.
'A toast to what?' said Bucks Cat.
'Victory,' said Ish Ulpin. 'We'll play this Menator's games for now, but when we're ready . . .'
'Throats open,' said Andranovory.
'Oh man, oh yes,' crooned Bucks Cat. 'I'll slice the little one myself. Imagine - him as king?'
All three laughed.
Drake began to sweat. He knew exactly who those three were talking of. Just his luck! He remembered how Bucks Cat and Ish Ulpin had forced him into the sea, a horizon away from Stokos. They were true killers. They would abolish him without a moment's hesitation. If they caught him.
Someone touched Drake. On the buttock. He almost screamed. Then realized it was only the cat. The cat began to crawl onto him. Ugh! What's the difference between a cat and a rat? More fur and a thicker tail, that's all. . .
'There must be stronger stuff than this,' said Andranovory.
'Sure to be,' agreed Ish Ulpin. 'But we'd have Ockle's luck searching by dark.'
Ockle? Ockle's luck? What the hell did that mean?
'Oh man,' said Bucks Cat, with a chuckle. 'I thought you would've worked it out by now. The stove's still hot. One is, anyway.'
Movements in the dark. What? Hiss of - pain? Anger? Someone finding a hot stove the hard way, maybe. Sound of cloth tearing. For what? To wrap around fingers for handling a hot stove, perhaps. Protest of metal. A stove door? Opening? Gleam of red coals. Flare of flame. A twist of cloth bursting into light. Flames rising to reveal—
'The lantern,' said Ish Ulpin, as the twist of cloth in Andranovory' s fingers burnt itself out. T've found the lantern. Give me another light, I'll get it going.'
The lantern would reveal everything.
Drake grabbed the cat - which could not have been psychic after all, or it would have understood its danger.
He flung it through the night.
A scream. A shout. A prolonged yowl. A furious seething hissing and spitting. Several obscenities.
' Hey!' said a familiar voice.' What going on down there?'
'We'rejustleaving,' said Ish Ulpin.
'Oh, you leave all right,' said Whale Mike, clambering down into his private domain. 'Who this?'
'Let go of my beard!'
'Oh! An'vory! Walrus, he speak to you three times already. You drink too much. You drinking now, that not so? You stay out of here. And
what you do my cat? She not happy. I hear that.'
'Your crazy cat attacked us,' said Ish Ulpin.
'That not so,' said Whale Mike. 'That cat not stupid. You step on her, maybe. Who this?'
'This is me, Bucks Cat.'
'So you've got all three names now,' said Ish Ulpin. 'There's nobody else down here. If you want to play the child and tell the Walrus, you know what names to give him.'
'This not child stuff,' said Whale Mike. 'This serious. There only so much food, only so much drink. We got long way travel.'
'You talk like a sheep-shagging schoolmaster,' grumbled Andranovory.
'What you know about schoolmaster?' said Whale Mike. 'You from Lorp. They got no school there. This serious matter.'
'Okay, okay, it's serious,' said Bucks Cat. 'We got the message. How about letting go before you break my arm?'
Mike obliged.
Ish Ulpin, Bucks Cat and Andranovory quit the hold in a hurry. Whale Mike lit the lantern from the stove, nodded at Drake, then tempted his cat into his arms for comfort.
'What they do to my cat?' he said.
'Andranevory got hold of it,' said Drake. 'He was going to push it into the stove.'
'Oh, that just like An'vory,' said Whale Mike. 'He not so good. He drink too much.'
'But the cat fought back,' said Drake. 'Man, that's a beautiful cat you got there. I love cats.'
'That good,' said Whale Mike, stroking his cat and kissing it once again. 'That mean you smart. All smartest people like cats. Not like dogs. That dog, that stupid animal for stupid people.'
'Verily,' said Drake.
And, before he slept, he helped Mike slander dogs at length and in detail, and praise the race of cats to the very heavens.
At dawn, the Walrus put to sea. Towards noon, Drake stumbled onto the deck in company with Whale Mike. The Greaters were but a smudge on the far horizon. But, much closer, visible in every detail, was the unlovely Andranovory. Who gaped at Drake.
'Hoy,' said Andranovory. 'That's - that's—' 'This my friend,' said Whale Mike. 'We go see Slagger Mulps.'
'You - I - hey, boys! - there's—'
Andranovory swayed on his feet. He was drunk -hence his incoherence. There were ragged red cat-scratches on his right-hand cheek.
