by Ann, Jewel E
“Okay … okay.” He flinched.
“Tell me what this is.”
Jackson planted soft kisses on her entire face then hovered over her lips. “I’m making love to you, Ryn. You’re the only woman I’ve made love to. And this? You? It’s my whole fucking world.”
Chapter Eighteen
Some things in life were too overwhelming—too big—to see from Earth. Jillian opened her eyes, feeling a world away from reality. Maybe it was the view from the other side. Her captor’s words broke the unbreakable.
Jessica had a long list of innocent victims, but only one man had she left with a broken nose, two missing teeth, three fractured ribs, and a punctured lung. And he wasn’t an innocent victim.
“I’m sorry.”
She jerked her head up, eyes wide. Across from her, bound and propped up against the opposing wall, was him.
“Fuck you.” She shook her head. It just couldn’t be true. It couldn’t be her reality.
“I loved her. I’ve loved her my whole life.”
Jillian coughed past the sandpaper feeling in her throat. “You’d better be referring to that psycho bitch, because if you’re talking about—”
“Sunny. I loved your mother.”
“Don’t you fucking say that!” She fought against her restraints, but they didn’t budge. Her heart tried to bust through her chest. Could a heart kill someone? Jillian felt certain hers could.
“I loved her before she met your father.”
“Stop! Just … stop.” Tears stung her eyes. They were filled with anger. She couldn’t imagine how many times her world could be shattered and pieced back together, just to have it blown up all over again.
“She loved me too.”
“She would never love you.” Her words sliced through the air. She wanted them to slice through his throat, gouge out his eyes, and rip his fucking heart from his soulless body.
“We met in kindergarten.” He stared at the floor, a smug smile curling his lips.
Jillian squeezed her eyes shut, silently begging for icy water, sauna heat, or even another arrow, preferably to her heart—anything would have been better than the torture his words put her through.
“We lived a block away from each other and became inseparable. She was the first girl I kissed. She was my best friend … the best of everything. Soul mates.”
“Are you two lovebirds playing catch up?” Psycho Bitch descended the stairs, trying to regain some dignity by throwing her shoulders back, as if it could distract from her fucked-up face.
“Let her go, Vic. This has nothing to do with her.”
Her polite smile did nothing to enhance her mangled facial features. “It has plenty to do with her, Special Agent McGraw. Isn’t that what you liked me to call you when you fucked me like a dog, refusing to actually look at my face when we made love? Oh wait … except on our wedding night. You surrendered to the missionary position, but kept your eyes shut the whole time.”
Knox gave Jillian a fleeting glance. She glared at him. How did she not know he had a wife?
“Vicki?”
“Vic.” He looked at his ex-wife while speaking to Jillian. “Virtual Intelligence Command. Edgar gave her that code name. Everyone assumed the eyes and ears of G.A.I.L. was a man named Victor. Instead, it was his orphaned stepdaughter who happened to know her way around a computer. He took pity on her and gave her a job to let her be part of G.A.I.L. because her asthma prevented her from being in the field. Then I took pity on her and married her.”
“Pity my ass. You married me to get your greedy little hands deeper into the inner workings of G.A.I.L. You married me for money and power. You and all your other unscrupulous comrades took something good, something positive that came from my mother’s death, and you turned it into a corrupt business.”
“Money equals power, sweetheart. You don’t protect innocent lives without a helluva lot of power. An army needs deep pockets. Corruption is a fact of life.”
“It was never about protecting innocent lives. For you it was always about revenge.”
Jillian watched her two enemies sling their words.
“Jesus, Irene! What the fuck do you think this is? Revenge! You’re out for revenge and everyone is collateral damage.”
“Irene” narrowed her eyes, flitting them between Jillian and Knox. “Don’t ever call me that again.” She gritted out each word then took a puff from her inhaler.
“It’s your name.”
“It’s not my goddamn name!” Her fist slammed the table, knocking over a can of Mountain Dew and her bow that had been propped up against the leg. “Irene died the day she became Vic. You never knew Irene. She was Gail’s daughter—innocent and full of hope. Vic fed G.A.I.L’s corruption. She married a cheater—a cheater who drove her to the edge of insanity and then shoved her off it. Five years, asshole. I spent five years in that godforsaken place all because of you and your mistresses.”
Irene’s eyes bore into Jillian’s.
“I wasn’t his mistress,” Jillian said with absolute resolution. It was the truth.
“You fucked my husband.” Irene’s rage overshadowed her newfound commitment to God. Underneath that self-righteousness stood a human with an ego and bleeding emotions.
“I fucked up your husband. I did not fuck him.”
The man her mother supposedly loved since kindergarten, sodomized Jessica—raped her. She lacked all ability to rationalize any of that. Even the words caught in her throat. Her mother would never have loved a rapist. It was easy to stay strong when the events in her life held some sort of meaning, some shred of rationale. Knox McGraw and Sunny Day having been soul mates obliterated all sense of reason.
“Let her go, Irene.”
She whipped around, snatching her bow from the floor, loading an arrow, and piercing through Knox’s shoulder in a single blink. “If I let her go, she’ll kill me.”
Psycho Bitch with the bow and arrow skills of Robin Hood could predict the future. Except Jillian wouldn’t just kill her … she’d kill Knox too.
“Besides, the reunion has just begun. We have more guests that will be joining the party.”
Knox grimaced at the arrow plunged into his shoulder. “Are you going to resurrect Sunny from the dead?” he seethed.
He ignored Jillian’s scowl. The bastard had no right to mention her mother in that context.
“You never know. I have God on my side.” Irene tossed the bow on the table.
“I think you’re worshiping a false god.” He goaded her.
“I think you’re going to die first when my original plan was to save you until last. I wanted you to watch those around you perish from your indiscretions. I fear my need to shut you up will spoil my plans.”
“I agree. Kill Knox first.”
That got both of their attention.
“Or you could let me kill him.”
Irene smirked. “You had your chance.”
“I wasn’t trying to kill him. Had I been … he’d be dead.”
She picked up the spilled pop can and headed up the stairs. “Behave, kids. I have some things to attend to.”
When the door shut, Jillian looked at Knox. “You have more protection and resources than the FBI. How the hell did she get you here?”
“She got you here.”
“She snagged me in a grief-stricken state from the airport in Portland. I was on my way to AJ’s funeral. What’s your excuse?”
“I came willingly.”
“Bullshit. Where’s your phone?”
“Home.”
Jillian shook her head. “No way.”
“Irene’s smart. Crazy, but smart. Every bit of ‘intelligence’ that came from G.A.I.L for nearly a decade came from her. She can track a mouse through a back alley in New York City. You were trained to kill with your hands, she was trained to assassinate by typing in a password on a keyboard. Trust me. She has eyes and ears on us as we speak. She’s resourceful and manipulative.” He smirked. “So belie
ve me when I say she has people working for her that don’t even know it. They work for cash. No questions. No names.”
“The texts … did you know she was the one sending them to me? Did you know she found God in the psych ward? Did you keep this from me?”
Knox shook his head, a gruff chuckle vibrated his chest. “No. She was admitted and I let her go. I didn’t give her another thought—just happy to be rid of her. No need to keep tabs on someone locked up in a mental institution. And I sure as hell didn’t know she found God.”
Jillian narrowed her eyes. “You keep tabs on everyone. Don’t try to convince me that you didn’t know she was out.”
He shrugged. “I knew she was out, and I had her followed for a month or so, but nothing she did warranted any more of my time or resources so I pulled my men from her. No flags. No threat.”
“You were wrong.”
He nodded. “I was wrong.”
“What did she say to get you here? Why would you willingly walk into the lion’s den without someone having your back?”
“You … and Sunny.”
“Don’t. I don’t want to talk about that.”
Knox chuckled, tipping his head back against the wall and closing his eyes. “Then what do you want to talk about?”
“Luke. I want to know what you did to him, what you said to him.”
“We chatted about the words you two exchanged in Houston. I’d planned on having the same conversation with you, but out of respect, I decided to wait until after the funeral.”
“Respect? I’m not sure you know what that is.”
“I’m not the bad guy you think I am.”
“You’re a monster.”
Monsters prey on others because they have no self-control … they’re the weak ones.
Knox released a long breath. “I told Dr. Jones to forget about you. I told him to fuck as many women as it took to make that happen.”
Once a monster, always a monster. Of course he said that to Luke.
“Don’t give me that look.”
He didn’t have his eyes open. How could he know what look she gave him?
“You found another lover. You gave him your heart and he died, taking a part of you with him. Dr. Jones needs more than a memory to keep him warm at night. You could have chosen him, but you left him behind. I told him as much. He needs to be angry and pissed at you to move on.”
“I didn’t give AJ my heart. I didn’t have a heart left to give him.” Her words lacked conviction, in spite of her intent to mean them, in spite of wishing they were true.
“I moved heaven and earth for you in your last-ditch effort to save him. People don’t do that for a good fuck. He meant something to you.”
“Jude killed him, but you knew that, didn’t you? I’m sure you had your hand in covering it up … making it look like he died from the cancer and making sure his body made it back to Portland without suspicion.”
Knox smiled, eyes still shut. “Your brother is an unscrupulous lethal weapon. He takes lives without a blink of hesitation. That’s rare. Even your father and I battled with our consciences when aiming our guns at known killers, but not Jude. He was born to kill. But … something tells me he blinked more than once before taking Sergeant Monaghan’s life. He knew he was also killing a part of you. He killed AJ to save you.”
“Fuck you.”
“I know. Fuck me. Fuck Jackson. It doesn’t change anything.”
Irene brought Knox there to torture Jillian. She knew the emotional pain he could inflict would hurt her more than any kind of physical torture.
“He’s with someone. Her name is Charlie. She’s Lake’s physical therapist. My sources told me she’s smart, beautiful, and his family seems to adore her.”
Adore.
She didn’t begrudge Luke a single thing. Jillian wanted him to find happiness. Luke deserved a happily ever after more than she did. Of course imagining him with someone else filled her with pain, but Knox was right, Jackson was right … she chose to leave him behind. If she had it all to do over again, she would have made the same decision. Luke’s family needed him.
“I’m happy for him … for them.”
“Really?” Knox opened his eyes.
“I loved him enough to let him go.”
“How kind of you. I’m sure he doesn’t see it that way. I never took you for the if-you-love-something-set-it-free type.”
Questions whirled in her head. Had her mother let Knox go? Did he let her go? With her mother dead, would Jillian ever know the whole truth? Did she want to know the truth?
Chapter Nineteen
Jones
The unanswerable question. Where does one search for someone who doesn’t want to be found? For the safety of his family, Luke had to go through the motions of his life until the universe answered that question for him—until Jessica answered that question. He remained Dr. Jones by day, transforming into the man willing to risk his career and his own life to find her.
“Brother dearest?” Lake called, letting herself into Luke’s place.
He needed to confiscate her key.
“In my office.” He clicked out of his search screens and shut the top to his computer.
“Watching porn?”
He leaned back in his desk chair, resting his folded hands on his stomach.
“To what do I owe this unannounced visit?”
She eased into the leather chaise lounge in the corner of his office. “Nonsense. I announced myself when I opened the door.”
“You need to get enrolled in school again or find a job.”
“I have a job.”
“I mean a paying job, a forty-hours-a-week job.” Luke applauded his sister for volunteering to work with amputee children at the hospital, a position Charlie suggested, but it became her excuse to not reenroll in college after her accident. Their parents weren’t going to be able to support her living in San Francisco forever and Luke loved his sister, but he was not an enabler.
“Will you drive me home tomorrow to spend the weekend with Mom and Dad?”
“I can’t.”
“Why not? Mom and Dad want to see you, but they have guests and can’t come visit us.”
“I have somewhere I need to be.”
“Where?”
He gave her a pointed look. “Since when are you my keeper?”
“Since Jessica died and since you blew off Charlie.”
Sometimes he swore the woman before him was Jessica. Lake had a strong personality and spoke with uncensored words. Contumacious.
“I’m leaving town tomorrow.”
“For?”
“Research.”
“What are you researching?” Her eyes grew wide with expectancy.
Luke chuckled. “Stuff for something I’ll be presenting at a conference in the spring.”
“What’s the topic?” Lake’s relentlessness was unmatched.
“Life after death.”
“Really? Sounds intriguing.”
“Very. So let’s plan a trip home in a few weeks.”
“Christmas is in a few weeks.”
“Well there you go. Perfect timing.” Luke grinned.
Lake rolled her eyes. “Take me with you.”
“Absolutely not.”
“Why?”
“I’m going to be busy. I won’t have time to watch after you.”
“I don’t need you to watch after me.”
“No.”
“Come on.”
“Absolutely not. It’s too dangerous.”
“Dangerous? Where are you going? Looking for ghosts in the ghetto?”
Luke sighed. “The answer is no. No now. No tomorrow. No if you ask me a million more times.”
“You’re no fun.”
“So I’ve heard.”
“I’m not going to watch Jones for you.”
“I’m not asking you to. Eve has agreed to watch him.”
“I think you’re taking advantage of your secretary.”
“Probably, but she loves Jones, maybe more than me, so I don’t feel bad about asking her.”
“So you’re just going to leave me by myself this weekend.”
“I’m sure Charlie will indulge you in a movie or some female-bonding thing.”
Lake shrugged, a pout stealing her full lips. “I’m trying to give Charlie some space. I think being around me reminds her of you.”
Luke’s brow furrowed. “I’m sorry. That’s one of the main reasons I hesitated getting involved with her. I didn’t want anything to happen to your friendship.” It was a half-truth. Jessica was the biggest reason for his reservations about a relationship with Charlie or anyone else.
“It’s fine. I’m actually comforted by the fact that my brilliant psychiatrist brother is messed-up in the head. It makes the rest of us feel less crazy for having a human side.”
“Next weekend. I’ll go home with you then. Okay?”
“Deal.” Lake stood, taking an extra moment to gain her balance.
He walked around the desk and hugged her. “I am messed-up and yes, the whole ‘human side’ really sucks.”
“I love you, Luke. You’re still my idol.”
“Thanks. But I think you need to set your role model standards a bit higher than me.”
“How long will you be gone?”
“I had Eve reschedule my patients for next week so I don’t feel rushed. It depends on what I find and how soon I find it.”
Her. It depended on how soon he found her.
*
Luke boarded the plane for Chicago. It was the safest destination to take by plane. He would pay cash for a rental car and drive to Omaha where he would pay cash for a hotel. Jude/Jackson was his ticket to finding Jessica. Luke didn’t buy his claim that he couldn’t find her.
“Sir, we’re experiencing a slight delay. Can I get you something to drink while we wait?” the flight attendant asked.
“I’m fine. Thank you.” He tipped his head back and closed his eyes. The 6:00 a.m. flight was always a bitch.
A while later the flight attendants began their pre-flight instructions to the passengers. Luke opened his eyes and stared out the window as they taxied down the runway, waiting in line to be cleared for takeoff.
