by Ann, Jewel E
“I want you.”
“Tell me you need me.” He slid his finger a little further, teasing her slick entrance.
“I need you … so bad.”
Biting her shoulder, he slid his finger all the way in as she moaned.
A breath later his hand disappeared, leaving her feeling wobbly and drunk with need. She turned toward him and took his hand, guiding it to his mouth. He sucked her arousal from his finger then she pulled it from his mouth and wrapped her lips around it. His blue eyes faded to black as she sucked his finger.
With a simple tug, she pulled the towel from his waist. Pressing her palms to his bare chest, she walked forward as he retreated a step at a time until the back of his legs hit the bed. The moment she wrapped her hand around his erection, he kissed her. It wasn’t soft or patient. It was angry and laced with pain. He pulled her onto the bed and rolled on top of her. His mouth assaulted hers, and she welcomed the raw need.
The only thing she wanted her broken, shell of a man to do was control her because he needed it. She saw it in his eyes. Lake’s accident robbed everyone of their sense of control. In the midst of their fucked-up world, she could give him this even if it would be gone in the morning.
Luke pinned her wrists above her head with one hand and shoved her right knee toward her chest as he sank into her. Then he fucked her, fucked the world, fucked the unfairness of life. Amid all the anger, the physical need, and blinding emotions, he made love to her. It’s the only way he knew how to be with her—complete, unconditional, earth-shattering love. When it was over, he collapsed onto her, buried his face into her neck … and he cried.
Control never lasted. Eventually the illusion of time, the pull of gravity, and catastrophic events reminded everyone of their mortality and their utter insignificance in the great big world. Life was nothing more than one long blink. Here today. Gone tomorrow.
*
“I can’t do this.”
Jessica opened her eyes, unable to remember when he stopped crying. Her mind shut out the rest of the world and her body became a safe harbor for Luke to let go of everything.
“What can’t you do?”
He rolled to his side, taking her with him. At some point his touch became an extension of her own flesh.
“I can’t watch her die.” His soul bled into his red eyes.
Her hands clenched his hair like his words did to her heart. “Then don’t.” She released his hair and traced the lines of his face as he closed his eyes. “Watch her live.”
He opened his eyes, brows drawn tightly.
“She’s strong, so much stronger than anyone can imagine. I know you and your family don’t see it, but I do. I recognize that strength. I know you think I’m a fighter, but I’m nothing compared to her. She’s healing … just be patient and let her body heal. When she wakes up you’ll be here to help heal her heart.”
“It’s going to break her.”
Jessica shook her head. “Ben’s death and her leg … it will crush her, but it won’t completely break her. You won’t let that happen.” She kissed him. “And if I’m wrong, if it breaks her … we’ll love every single piece of her.”
He smiled. “Those were my words to you.”
“You have a way with words.”
“I have a way with you.”
Jessica shoved him onto his back, covering his body with hers. Capturing his bottom lip, she dragged it through her teeth, baring a sly grin. They’d come so far, so far she’d slit her wrists before drawing a drop of blood from his beautiful skin.
“I don’t want you to have a way with me.” She sat up and so did he. Lifting her hips, she inched onto him, both of their breaths catching, waiting, begging time to stop. “I want you to have your way with me.”
And he did.
They banned all clothing and interaction with the outside world for the rest of the weekend, with the exception of Luke’s phone which they agreed he would only answer if it was his family calling, but they never called.
*
Lake’s condition didn’t change over the next two weeks. Jessica believed with everything inside her that Lake would live. Luke took her optimism and fed it to his parents every day, just enough to keep them going. They needed him, his medical background, his patience, and his reassurance. He became their lifeline. Although Jessica missed the them they had for one amazing weekend, she knew his family needed him.
Early on a Friday morning, she drummed her fingers on the keys of her computer at work without actually pressing any of them. Between the almost-wedding and Lake’s accident, she’d fallen behind with work. Her concentration was nonexistent and the fact that it was Friday made it even more difficult to feel motivated.
Her impatient tapping brought up her calendar. She sighed at all the appointments and dates that lead up to the wedding. The following weekend was blocked out for “honeymoon in?” because Luke wanted to surprise her. She never did ask where he’d planned on taking her. It didn’t matter.
She stared at her P day. H days were for hair appointments. C days were for teaching self-defense classes. V days were for taking Jones to the vet. But P day was the start of her period, which according to her calendar was ten days late.
“Shit.” Having children with Luke was high on her life’s priorities, but the timing was all wrong. She wanted to share that kind of news when he could jump up and down, squealing like a little girl. That would never happen, but the visual brought a smile to her face and that smile felt good.
Bugging out of work early, Jessica stopped by the drug store for a pregnancy test. If it was positive she wasn’t going to tell Luke until Lake came out of her coma, if it was negative she wasn’t going to tell him at all. That’s why she took the test, all three of them, in the bathroom at the drug store. No evidence needed to go home with her.
Pee wait.
Pee wait.
Pee wait.
No more pee. No more tests. She waited.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Knight
“They were all negative.”
Luke blinked, diverting his gaze away from hers. She couldn’t read him. Disappointment? Relief?
“I would not have left with your child. I wouldn’t have taken something like that away from you.”
“But you did.”
She flinched. Another stab to her heart.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it to sound that way.”
“I deserve it.”
“You don’t.”
“I left, but more than that, I left you behind. I didn’t have to, I chose to.”
“I understand.”
“I don’t want you to understand.” Anger flared in her words, sending tears of regret down her face. “I don’t want your compassion, I don’t want your forgiveness, I don’t want your …” She bit her lips together.
“My what? My love?”
She nodded, squeezing her eyes shut.
“That’s not your choice. It’s mine. Don’t ever ask me to not love you.”
“I’m so tired,” she whispered, keeping her eyes closed.
“Jess?” His voice cracked.
More tears found their way out.
“I need you to live.”
“I’m already dead. You know that. I saw you … at my funeral.”
*
Day
Three negative tests.
In spite of the timing being all wrong, a pang of disappointment settled in Jessica’s heart. It was ridiculous since they weren’t trying to get pregnant. She called him anyway, but it went to voicemail. Just the sound of his voice took away some of the sadness.
“Hey, babe. I’m on my way home. Work feels like too much … work.” She laughed. “Just wanted to hear your voice. I guess your stuffy recording will have to suffice. Just a little blue today. Call me if you want me to meet you at the hospital later. Love you.”
She stuck her key in the door, but it was unlocked. Easing it open, she breathed a sigh of relief u
pon spotting Jude.
“I wasn’t aware you had a key.” She closed the door and kissed Jones on the head. “What’s up with the stony expression? Who died?”
“Your parents,” Knox said, stepping into view.
“What?” Their joke was cruel and not welcomed after her shitty day.
“Jess.” Jude moved toward her, tears pooling in his eyes.
Her life slowed, digging its heels into the ground like she could change the direction of fate before the official impact. Knox’s mouth moved. She heard nothing but the thundering echo of her heart, the pounding of doom.
“No. No. NO!” She collapsed into Jude’s arms.
It was too much—Claire, Ben, Lake, her parents. No one could endure so much tragedy. It wasn’t fair.
“We have to go.”
“Go?”
“You know the drill. I’m sorry. You have to make a decision and make it fast.”
She pulled away from Jude, glaring at Knox. “A decision?”
“Dad didn’t show up to work today. Knox found them at home. Someone shot them.”
“No. Stop talking.”
“You’re next. This life is over,” Knox said.
She shook her head.
Jude grabbed her face. “Look at me.”
Jessica didn’t want to look at him. She didn’t want to see him pretend to be strong. He had as many tears running down his face as she did.
“This is what Dad trained us to do.”
“He … they trained us to defend, to …”
“Stay alive.”
“No.”
“Yes. It’s over. We have to leave. Fin de journée.”
Their dad spoke fluent French, thanks to his French mother. He made it seem like a vacation. He joked about moving to Paris if they ever had to flee for their safety. Their temporary life a side effect of his job. After Gail Brighton died, everything and everyone become temporary.
“Luke …”
“He can come, but he will be dead in his family’s eyes.” Knox didn’t look at her. He seemed to be dealing with his own emotions, a rare side to him that she’d never seen before. Maybe because he was too busy being a monster.
“What? No. I can’t. Lake is in a coma. It would kill his parents. They’re barely hanging on right now.”
“Just you then?”
“No. I can’t leave him. He’s my … my …” A sob ripped from her chest, obliterating her heart. “He’s my everything.”
Knox looked at his watch. “Every second we wait, puts you one step closer to death.”
“Choose, Jess.”
“Jude … I can’t. Please don’t …” She fisted his shirt. “Don’t ask me to do this. I can’t.”
“You can. You have to. If you stay, you’ll die and he and his family could too. I won’t let you stay. I’ll fucking drag your ass out of here before I’ll let you stay.”
“I have to say goodbye. I have to leave him a note. I have to—”
Knox grabbed her purse and tossed it on the counter. “You walk away with the clothes on your back. That’s it.”
“Let’s go.” Jude wrapped his arm around her, leading her to the door.
She turned, tearing out of his hold, and hugged Jones. “I love you. Tell Daddy I love him too. Take care of him, Jones.” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “Tell him I’m so very sorry.”
Jessica took one last look around. “I feel … numb … lifeless … dead.”
“You’ll be dead by morning.” Knox led the way.
Jessica followed, resisting temptation to look back. She could never look back again.
*
Knight
“Why suicide?”
Jillian looked at Knox, his eyes shut, jaw slack.
“It was the only way. Two unrelated murders would have raised too much suspicion. Suicide confirmed by a paid-off coroner was believable. Tragic, but believable.” She coughed.
“Jesus, Jess …” Luke homed in on the light splattering of blood that landed on her legs.
“My throat is raw. No … no more talking.”
She closed her eyes, swallowing the metallic taste back down. He said no more, at least not in the dungeon.
It didn’t take long for her dreams to play. The closer she came to dying, the more vivid her dreams became. In her dreams he spoke to her with love. It was Jones standing guard over the most precious little baby cooing in a white crib. Luke’s smile reached his ears. His lips mouthed, “I’ve never been so happy.” The camera in her dream panned out, but the person standing on the other side of the crib wasn’t Jessica. It was the completely put-together woman Jessica always knew he’d end up with, the one he deserved. Her hands were snow white, not a drop of blood had they ever taken from another human.
“Oh my … this is not good.”
“Jessica! Goddammit! Stop it!”
Irene. Luke.
Her eyes fought to open. Her teeth chattered. Voices echoed. Jillian was tired or dead. “Is it over? Am I dead?” she whispered. She imagined a light. People talked about a light. Maybe there wasn’t a light where she was going.
“There she is.” Irene’s fucked-up face came to focus first. In her hands was an empty five-gallon bucket. “I fear we’re losing you. Five gallons of ice water on your naked body and not so much as a flinch.”
“Leave her the fuck alone.”
“Luke …”
“I’m here, baby.”
“She’s fine.”
Knox.
“She’s not fine.”
“Baby?” Irene cackled. “I’m pretty sure once you decided to fuck your sister’s physical therapist, you lost the right to call her baby. What was her name? Charlie?”
“Shut up, Irene.”
She glared at Knox. “Tape his mouth shut. It’s not his turn to speak.”
The guy in the baseball cap placed duct tape over Knox’s mouth. Knox gave him the you-will-die look. Jessica had seen it many times before.
“Now where were we? Oh yes, I think we were talking about Charlie.”
Jillian met Luke’s eyes. She hated the guilt in them.
“It just so happens … I have some pictures of her.” Irene opened one of three large envelopes that sat on the table. She held up a photo of a woman with dark chin-length hair and blue eyes. “She’s quite attractive. Wouldn’t you agree?”
Jillian stared at the photo, but didn’t say anything.
“I asked you a question. Do you need incentive to answer?” Irene nodded at her sidekick.
He pulled out a long knife, but not just any knife. It was identical to the one Four used on Claire. He took a step toward Luke.
“She’s stunning,” Jillian answered, looking at Luke.
His face tensed with pain.
Irene gave the cutter a nod and he stepped away from Luke. “What about this one?” She held up a photo of Luke and Charlie holding hands while taking Jones for a walk. They were both smiling. “How does he look?
Jillian watched the guy with the knife. His hand squeezed the handle.
“Happy,” Jillian said.
One rule: Luke lives.
“He does, doesn’t he? How do you think he looks here?”
She held up a photo of Luke kissing Charlie by the pier, his hands tangled in her hair, hers fisting the back of his shirt.
“Answer me.”
“Hungry.”
Luke wouldn’t look at her. It pissed her off. He had no reason to feel guilty, but the look on his face fed Irene’s desire to continue with her mind-fuck games.
“Hungry? I like that. I’d say from how far his tongue is in her mouth that he’s starving. Were you starving, Dr. Jones? Did your mouth devour every inch of her body?”
“I didn’t fuck her.”
Irene nodded to cutter guy, but he didn’t move toward Luke, he came at Jillian.
“No. No! Stop!” Luke’s eyes widened, his body wriggling against the restraints.
Jillian looked only at Luke. She
didn’t flinch, not even a blink as the sharp tip of the knife pierced her skin on the swell of her breast. Blood oozed from the one-inch cut.
Luke squeezed his eyes shut, twisting his neck to the side. She needed him to stay focused on her. She needed him to know that she was okay, the pain was hers to take and if it meant saving him, she could take absolutely anything.
“Dr. Jones, clearly you’re new to this game and not as experienced as Jessica—Jillian—whatever the hell you want to call her. Let’s review the rules: Don’t speak unless spoken to. Answer only the question asked. And be honest.” Irene tsked. “If you don’t master the rules soon, I fear your baby won’t last long. Understood?”
He nodded.
“I can’t hear you.”
The cutter stepped toward Jillian again.
“Yes.”
“That’s better. Now … sadly I don’t have any more photos of you and Charlie, but I do believe she flew out to Houston to be with you. Am I right?”
“Yes.”
“Now you’re getting the hang of it. Next question. I know my dear ex-husband spoiled your plans, but if my sources were correct, she was on her way to the hotel where you were staying. True?”
“Yes,” he answered through gritted teeth.
“Were you two going to share a room?”
He did it again … he diverted his eyes. Jillian silently begged him to not look away, to not give Irene anymore control.
“Yes.”
“And were you going to fuck her?”
Tears filled his eyes.
Jillian didn’t want him to answer, not for her, for him. She’d let them cut her … forty-four times if necessary to take away Luke’s pain.
“Look at her when you say it. It’s the only way she’ll know you’re telling her the truth.”
He met Jillian’s eyes, a single tear rolled down his cheek. “Yes.”
Irene faced Jillian. “How does that make you feel? And don’t lie. I’ll know if you’re lying.”
She searched Luke’s eyes for something more than pain and regret, but that’s all she could see. “Empathetic.”
Silence settled over the room as Irene studied Jillian, her eyes narrowed, lips twisted. “I can see that.”
