by Tonya Kappes
Color Me A Crime
An Olivia Davis Paranormal Mystery
Book Two
Tonya Kappes
Also by Tonya Kappes
Women’s Fiction
Carpe Bead ‘em
Anthologies
Something Spooky This Way Comes
Believe Christmas Anthology
Olivia Davis Paranormal Mystery Series
Splitsville.com
Color Me A Crime
Magical Cures Mystery Series
A Charming Crime
A Charming Cure
A Charming Potion Short Story
Grandberry Falls Series
The Ladybug Jinx
Happy New Life
A Superstitious Christmas
Never Tell Your Dreams
A Divorced Diva Beading Mystery Series
A Bead of Doubt Short Story
Strung Out To Die
Small Town Romance Short Story Series
A New Tradition
Non-Fiction
The Tricked-Out Toolbox~Promotional and Marketing Tools Every Writer Needs
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. All rights reserved. No part of this publication can be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without the permission in writing from the author or publisher.
Edition: November 2012
Copyright © 2012 by Tonya Kappes
Cover Design By Laura Morrigan
All rights reserved
License Notes
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to the publisher and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
What others are saying about Author Tonya Kappes
“Full of wit, humor and colorful characters, Tonya Kappes delivers a fun, fast-paced story that will leave you hooked!” Bestselling Author, Jane Porter
“Fun, fresh, and flirty, Carpe Bead ’Em is the perfect read on a hot summer day. Tonya Kappes’ voice shines in her debut novel.” Author Heather Webber
“I loved how Tonya Kappes was able to bring her characters to life.” Coffee Table Reviews
With laugh out loud scenes and can't put it down suspense A Charming Crime is the perfect read for summer you get a little bit of everything but romance. Forgetthehousework blog
"This book was fun, entertaining and good to the last page. Who knew reading auras could get Olivia in so much trouble? Sit back, smile and cozy up to Splitsville.com, where Olivia does the dumping for you. There's heap loads of humor, a dose of magical realism, sprinkles of romance, and mystery when someone ends up dead!" Author Lisa Lim
“This book was funny and clever with a unique premise. I truly couldn't put it down.” Author Diane Majeske
“I loved this book. Grandberry Falls is my kind of town and I for one would love to live there and get to know all the local folks. I enjoyed reading this book and can't wait to read the next book about Grandberry Falls by Tonya Kappes. I have added Tonya Kappes as one of my new favorite authors.” Jean Segal
“The fantasy world that Kappes introduced came to life. This is definitely one series that will be on my To Be Read list as subsequent books come out.” author Andrea Buginsky, A Magical Cures Series
To my guys (Eddy, Austin, Brady, and Jack) for all of the
love and support that keeps me going until the last words are written.
Thank you Judy Beatty for making my sentences into real sentences.
Chapter One
“Is Isla there?” I question the apprehensive voice on the other end of the phone line. I hope she’s an easy dump. Not only do I not have time to worry with an arguer, I’m exhausted.
I woke up several times last night with a reoccurring dream, um…nightmare, about Orange Buddy. A nightmare that rocks me to my core since most of my nightmares have turned out to have a little bit of truth in them. My only hope is that this particular nightmare about Buddy’s death is because we went on a horrible blind date a few weeks ago after my best friend, Erin, set us up.
Let me backtrack. Erin, my best friend since…well, since forever, had a planning business, Plan It. Yeah, not a real creative name, but it served the purpose. Anyway, with our ever-so-tanking economy, her clients began to make pigs-in-a-blanket and used spam as pate instead of paying Erin to create the real fancy foie gras or bruschetta for their parties. Needless to say, her clients planned on a shoestring budget leaving Plan It to die and Erin in the unemployment line.
But not for long. As my Aunt Matilda said during a night of one too many cosmopolitans, “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and dig into people’s emotions. I had a dream you opened a matchmaking business.”
Of course, we all died laughing because my alter ego, Jenn, is the queen of breaking people’s hearts with my internet sensation business, Splitsville.com.
After a few more drinks under our belts, Color Me Love was born and, unbeknownst to me, I was her first client. I thought I was doing her a favor when her client didn’t show up for the blind date---but little did I realize---I was the client. Needless to say, Buddy was my blind date and we clashed, leaving me cursing at him under my breath and a cow-patty smashed into the bottom of my shoe.
“Hello?” Isla’s sarcastic voice chimes in my ear and brings me back to the moment of my dumping her ass, right here, right now.
Tapping my earpiece to get rid of the static, I glance at Isla’s picture JR had sent me on his online dump application.
JR is dumping her because she is so controlling, and it’s up to me to break up for him since he hired Splitsville.com. Only, it’s going to be a little difficult to dump my clients today because I told Erin I would go into work early to match up some couples in the database, and here I am using my time to dump couples instead.
Yes. I have two jobs. One is a breakup service, and the other is a matchmaking service. Ironic? Maybe, but I can’t seem to escape issues that deal with the heart. You wouldn’t know it, but I am a hopeless romantic.
The bell over the front door of Color Me Love dings, letting me know I’m no longer alone. Damn! I forgot to lock the door behind me when I came in.
I grab my bag that is sitting in the chair next to my desk and glance out the one-way mirror when the sunlight bolts through the glass.
Nine o’clock. Ugh! The client is early and I still haven’t dumped Isla. I take out Isla’s file and quickly thumb through it, keeping a close eye on the woman nosing around out front. She picks up each brochure before turning up her nose and putting them back.
She definitely looks to be the nosey type. Her wide-brimmed white and black striped straw hat coordinates well with her bright yellow sundress that has a small white and black stripped hem.
“Hello?” Isla snips.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” I smack my forehead. I have to get in the game or this dump is going to be an epic fail. “Is Isla there?”
“This is she,” her chipper voice chirps…but not for long.
“How are you today?” I wonder if I start off on a good note, if she will skip the entire “Process.”
There is a sniffle coming from Isla’s end of the phone. “I’ve got a little cold, thanks for asking. Who is this?”
Oh, a cold. I rub my hands together, maybe Isla won’t feel like stayi
ng on the phone and I can dump her fast.
Before I start my spiel about why I’m calling, I glance out the window and watch the woman on the other side.
What is she doing? She runs her finger along the desk. Is she checking for dust? I begin to feel sorry for Erin. This woman is going to be a high-maintenance client.
I should probably get up and greet her to let her know that she is not alone, but I don’t. I’m holding out for a quick acceptance from Isla. Plus, Erin will be here any minute.
My job isn’t to greet or even meet the clients. Besides, Erin will kill me if she finds out I’m here working on Splitsville.com.
“I’m Jenn from Splitsville.com, and I’m calling on behalf of JR,” I say, wondering if I should just blurt out that I’m her worst nightmare, or if I should toy with her a bit.
“Is he okay?” Concern drips from her voice. Only I know the concern can turn to bitterness or hate in seconds flat.
“Oh, yeah, he’s great. But you aren’t going to be.” It’s like ripping a Band-Aid off. You have to do it fast so the sting is minimal. “He hired me to break up with you, so you are now dumped. Do you understand?” I try to hurry her along. The woman out front looks to be a little…anxious.
I guess I’d be anxious too if I couldn’t get my own date and had to hire a service like Color Me Love.
“What? Who are you?” Not only does Isla have a nasal drip, she is in a full-blown panic attack. It is a stage I know all too well.
Splitsville.com started a couple of years ago when a friend wanted to dump her boyfriend. She was a big chicken, so I did it for her. I called his ass up, broke the news and Splitsville.com was born.
Here’s how it works. Clients contact me through an online form where they give their name, email address, working phone number for the dumpee, the reason for dumping, a few details of their relationship, a picture of the victim and, the most important part, payment in full. The reason for the cashola up front was in case the dump was a joke. In that case, they deserve to lose their money for being an ass and I deserve to keep it for having to deal with them.
I offer three “Breakup” packages. The cheapest and most popular is “the general breakup” for a low price of fifty dollars. “The engagement breakup” is a little steeper at one-hundred dollars. It totally should be more, because I can’t imagine being in the fiancé’s shoes on this one. And, the worst and most expensive breakup of all is “the divorce breakup,” setting the big jerk or jerkette back a mere two-hundred dollars.
Anyway, I use a list I call ‘The Process’. ‘The Process’ contains the steps that each dumpee goes through before they understand they’ve been dumped. I only keep the list so I know how much longer I’m going to be on the phone with the dumpee.
The Process
1. Panic (This is the first emotion when they hear the word ‘breakup’).
2. Disbelief (They think I’m playing a joke on them).
3. Defensive (After they realize I’m not joking, they want to explain their side).
4. Explanation (They want me to explain the situation all over).
5. Denial (This is where they take it out on me and deny my existence).
6. Anger (Awww…this is where my eardrum gets busted).
7. Acceptance…Finally! (They have to acknowledge the breakup and I can end the call).
Today I don’t have a lot of time. Erin needs me to work at Color Me Love and JR needs me to break up with Isla. So this morning before I left my house, I grabbed my laptop and files so I can do both jobs. Unfortunately, Color Me Love’s client is an hour early.
Anyway, I offer my services at Color Me Love to help Erin out. You see, I have “a gift.”
Reading auras is my “gift” as some people call it. I call it—chains. I’m locked into my life of suffering. I see auras. People auras, animal auras, you name it.
As a child, I didn’t really know what all the colors meant. I quickly learned not to talk about it. My dad left when I was eight and the only memory I have of him of him yelling at my mother.
“Damn it, Dawn,” he’d say, “You’ve got Olivia believing in that crap.” And then he’d grab me and scream, “Don’t you dare go around telling the town folk about your crazy colors. They’ll lock you up in juvie.”
I didn’t know what juvie was, but I knew it didn’t sound good. Momma and I would keep our mouths shut; that is, until Aunt Matilda found out daddy left us, and she came to stay.
“Be proud of who you are!” Aunt Matilda would look deep into my eyes. She gave me scarves to match the auras I’d describe to her and made me skirts with all the colors of the rainbow in them.
That’s when I wished Aunt Matilda was my momma instead of Dawn. Then, one day, Momma went to the market and never came back. For the longest time, I thought I’d actually wished her away.
But all that is in the past.
Still, I’m going to be helping Erin out at Color Me Love. I sit behind a mirrored window reading the client’s aura while Erin interviews them, asking them all sorts of stupid questions that have nothing to do with fixing them up. Their auras tell me everything I need to know in order to make a love match.
You wouldn’t believe what your aura says about you. Everything.
I tell Erin which suitor will be the best match for her client based on their aura compatibility.
The clients don’t see me, but I will be able to see their auras. She has to do this, one suitor at a time, or my senses go all haywire. This is one of the other reasons I started Splitsville.com. If I focus on too many people at once, I pass out. And that becomes very hard to explain once you do it several times a day. Plus, passing out makes me a liability, so the employer usually lays me off, when I know good and well that they mean fire. Shit-canned and out of a job.
“Hello? Hello?” Isla screams in the phone, bringing me back to the reality that I just dropped on her. She is getting shit-canned out of a relationship.
There is a little panic in her voice which makes me pause and wonder if I’m going to have to go through the steps in ‘The Process’, but hope it’s just a little minor shock and she quickly accepts, because I have to get an “I understand” before I can let her off the phone.
“Do you mind holding on a second?” I ask, not waiting for her response.
Taking the earpiece out of my ear, I leave my little office behind the safety of the mirror and go out to the front of Color Me Love, where the client is waiting for Erin.
“Hi.” I glance over the woman’s shoulder, careful not to look at the six different aura colors radiating from her body. Her bright yellow dress makes her look like a big rainbow. All of those colors completely confuse me and will totally make me pass out. “Can I help you?”
“I’m here!” Erin rushes out of the back, her purse dangling off the crook of her elbow, coffee in her hand and her black hair flying behind her. “Traffic.”
Suspiciously, my eyes narrow. Erin is a crystal aura…always…unless she is lying. And her sickly yellow-green outer aura is saying she’s just laid a big fat lie on me and Rainbow Bright. Besides, who is Erin trying to pull the wool over on? There is never traffic in Park City, Ohio.
I guess I should never say never. In fact, there is traffic during the annual Spring Fling parade, but that is months away.
“I’m so sorry to keep you waiting, Felicia.” She puts her coffee on the table and drops her elbow. Her purse crashes to the floor, and she sticks her right hand out for Rainbow Bright to shake while she uses the left hand to give me the client file. “I know you came in early to meet with me and I’m late. But we will set you up on some great dates. I know you won’t be disappointed.”
“I’m counting on it.” Felicia draws out the ‘I’ in ‘I’m with her deep southern accent, making a two-syllable word out of it.
Felicia Evans. Hmm…I prefer Rainbow Bright. I place the file under my arm.
“Have a seat.” Erin picks up her purse. “Would you like a cup of coffee?”
“Yes. Two sugars and two teaspoons of cream. You do have cream? Not milk, but cream.” Felicia’s sweet southern accent is followed by a smile that isn’t the least bit genuine.
Aunt Matilda always preaches to me to follow everything up with a smile, even if you say something negative. That’s the way southern women do things. And we sometimes like to throw in a little “God bless her heart” when we gossip. It seems to make the gossip not feel so much like, well, gossip.
“I’ll get it.” I roll my eyes, knowing I’m going to have to go to The Coffee Shop next door and grab Felicia her special order. Erin knows we don’t have a coffee pot. I’ve never understand why she offers things to clients that we don’t have. And it always comes out of my pocket.
I rush back to my little office in the back and grab the earpiece.
“Are you there, Isla?” This entire breakup is a mess.
“I’m here and I tried to call JR, but he keeps sending me to voicemail. So who are you again?” Her words are firm.
“I’m Jenn, and of course JR didn’t take your calls. He has broken up with you using my online service, Splitsville.com.” I grab my wallet out of my bag and go out the back door into the alley behind Color Me Love. “Do you understand he is breaking up with you?”
“Wait. No way would he break up with me.” Her nasally laugh rings in my ear.
“Can you please blow your nose?” Sometimes I have to be flat-out honest, and she needs a good nose blowing. I picture a stream of snot dripping out of her perfectly shaped nose.
“I told you I have a cold. And if he wants to break up with me, he can do it himself.” A loud buzz rings in my ear.
“Oh, no. You did not just hang up on me.” I grip my wallet and walk into The Coffee Shop.
The place is packed as always. The only other coffee house is on the other side of town, owned by the same people. I haven’t been in there since I was accused of murder a year ago and had to track down the killer on my own or I’d be someone’s “bitch” in jail right now.
