by Tonya Kappes
One, ding.
Two, ding.
With each ding closer to my destination of floor five, my stomach curls in knots.
“Are you sure you want to do this? You look a little pale.” Erin asks just before the bell dings for the filth, er, fifth floor.
“Right on time.” The Lucy Liu receptionist greets us from behind the counter. “I guess it’s your time to really shine. I hope you do better than yesterday.”
We follow her to the door she had shoved me through yesterday.
“Hon, you need to wait your turn. This isn’t the minajatwa try out. That is at three.” Her squint leads to a fake smile planted across her face.
“I’m not here to strip!” Erin’s mouth drops open and the lines between her eyes crease. She clears her throat. “I mean, I’m Lana’s agent.” She looks at me.
“Lana? Your name is Lana?”
I nod. What kind of porn name is that?
“Lana Deep. And your name is?” Erin opens up her leather bound binder she brought in to look a little more official.
Lana Deep?
“Beth.” She tilts her small frame on her left leg and plants her hands on her hips.
Erin and I stare at Beth, the Asian.
“What? You’ve never seen a Chinese person named Beth?” Her brows cross. “You’re here. Not many people want to do erotic films, much less under the circumstances.”
“What circumstances?” Erin asks. “Maybe I should take Lana and leave.”
“You can’t do that. We are in a bind, and production will shut down.”
“I can’t have my client work under some sort of circumstance we don’t know about.” Erin is pulling out all the stops. I didn’t know she could be so harsh.
“Felicia’s death and all.” Beth shuts the door, and leans in as if she’s about to tell a big secret. “The police have been snooping around here. They think that the killer might be from within.”
“Really?” The excitement must show on my face.
“You seem awfully happy about it,” Beth snarls. “We are watching our backs around here.”
If what Beth says is true, then Joel really doesn’t think that I did it. Or, at least some small piece of him thinks I’m innocent.
“I’m not happy about anyone dying.” My mind is reeling. I can’t wait to see what Erin finds out.
“You stay here.” She points for Erin to sit in the chair in the small room. “We don’t allow agents or assistants in the production room because of all the extra noise.”
“What if I wait in the reception area?” Erin asks, walking over to the door. “Or better yet, is there an administration or conference room where I can sit? I have a lot of clients that have many deals on the table.”
“I’m sorry.” Beth seems a little cautious. “The only office is the one out front. The rest of the floor is set up for the entire production needs, like costumes, hair, makeup, spray tanning and an office for the producer.”
“Then I will just stay out there.” Erin turns the knob to step out.
“Can you do me a favor and watch the front?” Beth did a little dance. “I had too much coffee this morning and I need to go to the bathroom.”
“I’d love to.” Erin grins. Her crystal aura turns a murky, devious and dishonest pink. “I’ll see you soon, Lana.”
Erin goes one way and Beth goes the other, leaving me with my three pieces of pasties.
“Are you ready?” Angela peaks her head in the door. “What are you waiting on? It doesn’t take long to put your costume on and we have to do some miracles on that plain-jane face of yours, Lana.”
Plain-jane face? Can’t she see all the makeup Erin had put on me before we got here?
I follow her to another room in the production area where they apply all the makeup.
“I’m having a bit of a problem.” I hold the pasties up to my boobs. “I think I would do better with a little more on.”
“Lana, have you never been in an erotica film before?” Angela’s eyebrows arch.
I look down, trying not to give her any eye contact, and flop down in the only chair in the room. Her mile-high bright red heels elongate her four-foot frame, and her cleavage takes one’s eye away from her teased-up hair.
“Girlfriend, all you have to do is act like it’s your man.” She bends down and tips my chin up to look back at her. “You do have a man, right?”
“I did, and if he ever finds out I’m doing this, he will never look at me again.” I hold the pasty next to my girl area and laugh.
“From what I gather, you aren’t really having sex with Dirk. He is hot and I mean h-o-t.” She smiles. “He will treat you like a lady, but I’ll let Hugh know that we decided on a cute nightie for you.” She winks. “Come on. I think we can play up that good-girl look you have anyway. The erotic filmgoers will love your little act.”
“Erotica? Is that what they are calling it nowadays?” I ask. I’m just use to calling a spade a spade.
Angela smiles. She gets what kind of girl I am. And she’s kind of growing on me. Big heels, big boobs, big hair and all.
Chapter Seventeen
“Thank you!” I’m giddy with glee when she walks in holding a see-through white negligee. It would have been better if she had brought me a flannel pair of pajamas, but that is obviously entirely too much to ask for.
I can see it now, in the bright lights of the erotic film awards, “And the winner goes to Lana Deep, for her acting skills in Red Flannel Scandal.”
“This is the best I could do. Hugh is definitely not happy that Linda’s protégé has never done a film when Linda assured him that you have.” She holds the flimsy piece of cloth toward me.
“Protégé? I didn’t know her.” There is no way in hell I want them to link me to her.
“So you are telling me that I’m not dealing with her understudy?”
I slowly shake my head. For a second I thought about lying, because if they do think I’m Linda’s little minion, maybe I can learn more about her.
“Don’t tell Hugh. You for sure won’t get the job.” Angela wiggles left and right, shaking her thing as I follow her out the door onto the production floor.
I can’t help but notice that she has a shape to die for. If she lost the heels and big hair, plus a little of the makeup, I bet she is a very pretty girl.
I have to say that it’s much easier working here than anywhere I have ever worked. All the naked people and staff seem to take on the red aura of love. Which is great, because when their colors collide, they won’t make me pass out. And I am sure there isn’t a future for a passing out porn star.
“Lana love,” Hugh’s beret tilts to the side, his pudgy but tall body waddles over to me and takes my hands. He kisses my cheeks like we are in France. I follow suit. “I’ve been dying to see you today. I know you had an off day yesterday with the news of Felicia, but today is your day.” I can’t tell the difference between his eyes and the lighting because he is giddy with excitement. His aura is bright red.
I slip my hands out of his, wondering if this is what they would call an invitation to the director’s couch for a casting call.
“I really wanted to see that little bod of yours that Felicia was talking about, but this….” He stands back with one hand across his girth and the other hand resting on his cheek. “This is going to make our viewers go crazy watching you slowly take it off.”
I smile sweetly, because any minute I am going to explode and show him what real moves I can do, but then I think about Joel and clearing my name.
Hugh’s horny aura drips off him like a wet noodle. “Between you and me, I was going to fire Felicia once you came on board, because the erotica business needs this. You! Fresh young talent. She was starting to lose money. Men were sick of seeing her and stopped coming to her movies.”
What?
Did Hugh just confess? I guess it can happen. Or at least someone in the industry could have offed her. It isn’t unheard of in the conspiracy theories of the Holl
ywood scene---why not in the erotica film industry? I bet it happens all the time; we non-erotica watchers just aren’t privy to it.
“Lana!” Angela grabs me by the arm. “Didn’t you hear me calling you? It’s as if your real name isn’t Lana.”
“Oh, that’s just my stage name.” I smile, tucking all the information that Hugh just told me in the back of my head. “My real name is Jenn.” I smile and let her work her paint and plaster miracles on my face.
“Voila!” She hands me a hand-held mirror. “All done.”
“What do you mean?” I look at my reflection. The makeup is barely visible. As a matter of fact, she took off most of the makeup Erin had put on me.
“Hugh wants you as naked as possible.” She leans in and whispers, “He heard that your body creates beautiful music and doesn’t want to take away from that. If he only knew that you really aren’t Linda’s understudy.” She cackles. “Lana is ready.”
Suddenly all eyes are on me and my nightie.
“Okay, Lana dear, just go with the script.” Hugh yells from the director’s chair as the spotlight blinds me.
The cheesy music blares through the system. I take note of the bed draped in white linens, and a shear tent hanging from the ceiling of the production studio creates a subtle shield for the pretend act that I’m about to do.
“Cut!” Hugh yells. “Lana, are you okay?”
I look out into the crowd; the red aura is bright. They are all excited and I don’t mean ‘I want candy’ excited.
“I’m fine,” I lie. I know I’m not doing the act, but does that mean that I’m fake-kissing or am I really going to have to kiss this guy? Has Dirk been doing erotica films for a long time? And only God knows, but…where have his lips been?
The music comes back on, this time louder.
I glance over at Angela.
“Move,” she mouths and sways her hips, encouraging me to dance like the script says.
I start to sway side to side with my hands straight down to my side. Angela is off stage swaying and adding the swinging of her arms to the side.
I attempt to mock her, but I feel like I’m doing a really good impression of a monkey. Any minute I just might yell out my best monkey impression. I smile, almost laugh.
“Yeah, baby. I’m loving the smile.” Hugh gives me a wink and the okay sign.
Okay, think of how silly you look in this see-through piece of cloth and doing a monkey impression. I can’t help but smile more.
Suddenly a bright yellow spotlight shines down on the back end of Dirk.
Damn! He looks good, even in his nude banana hammock. If his face is anything like his body, I just might be able to pull this off.
His blue aura isn’t budging as he seductively walks backward. His aura definitely isn’t horny like the rest of the room, which is a plus in my book, because I’m counting the minutes until this is over.
As the music comes to a climax, Dirk whips around and I faint. Dead on the spot.
Chapter Eighteen
“Let me talk to her. You know…so we can start to get to know each other.” The male voice rings in my ear.
No, no, no. Pretend to be asleep. I tighten my eyes so it looks like I’m still out.
“Come on, Olivia. You’ve passed out on me so many times that I know when you are faking. Open your eyes.” Joel demands. “I’m undercover, and obviously this must be one more of your goofy jobs, Lana Deep.”
Keep your eyes closed. Instantly they fly open when I realize that I’m lying there half-naked. And this isn’t how I planned for my first time with Joel.
“That-a-girl.” Joel’s aura is back to blue and he has a black silk robe on.
“Typical. Any porn star named Dirk needs a silk robe.” I roll my eyes. “Talk about me having several names.”
“Now you are an even bigger suspect.” He paces back and forth. “I was hoping to go undercover and figure out if someone here killed Linda.”
“Wait.” I point to the towel hanging on the doorknob. “Can you hand me that?”
“I should make you suffer.” He reluctantly hands me the towel. I wrap it around me and sit back down.
“I’m undercover too…” I try to concentrate on his face, but his backside that I saw earlier is embedded on my brain…“In my own investigation.”
“Oh God, Olivia.” He stops pacing and asks, “Your real name is Olivia, right?”
I can’t help but smile.
“I’m so glad you are enjoying this.” He shakes his head.
“Really I’m not, but it’s just like me to get myself into this situation.” The knock at the door stops us in our tracks. I hold my breath when the door opens.
“Hi, Joel.” Erin slips in the door and shuts it behind her. She sits down next to me. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” I nervously laugh. “I passed out when I saw that Dirk is Joel.”
“You are Dirk?” Erin laughs so loud that it echoes. “I thought you were here because they called the police on us.”
“Why would they call the police?” I ask. “They have no idea who we really are.”
“Beth sort of caught me going through the employee files.” She shrugs. “I told her that I was trying to figure out what the base pay was because the money they were paying you is chump change. Do you know they are paying you two-hundred-thousand dollars?”
“Really?” The thought of buying a new car sounds so good. “Did you get me more money?”
“Yes! I got you three-hundred-thousand. Not like we are actually going to get it, but it was still a rush negotiating for it.” There is a little disappointment in her voice. “So Dirk, are you going to arrest us?”
“What exactly is your role in this?” He asks. I still can’t take my eyes off him. His blue aura is radiant against the black silk.
“I’m Lana’s assistant, turned manager that gets 15%.” She states her new title.
“Fifteen percent? That’s a rip-off,” I demand. “I want a new agent.”
“And I got this.” She holds up a file with Linda’s name on it. “Granted, it’s from five years ago, but it gives her real address and salary then. Beth did say that the current files are in Hugh’s office, and no one gets in there other than security.”
Security? Harold!
Harold is the little old man that works as the security guard at Macro Hard. I went undercover over a year ago there and became very close to him. Unfortunately, I lost touch when I moved out of town with Bradley. But maybe it is time to get reacquainted with him.
“Currently 4Play is between security guards. Originally, I had applied to be the security guard, but they insisted that I become the new king of erotic dreams.” He shakes his hiney with a smile on his face.
“What does Carl think about this?” I question him with worry settling in my stomach. I didn’t want Aunt Matilda finding out that I am the new queen of erotic dreams.
“He doesn’t know. And I’d like to keep it that way.” His lashes cast a shadow down his cheeks. “I know you didn’t do it. But I have to find out who did, because all the evidence points straight to you. And if all your lies come out, you will be a cooked goose.”
“Are you trying to rescue me?” A warm fuzzy feeling sweeps over me. “You do believe me. Your aura tells me.”
“Let’s just discuss it over dinner. I’ll pick you up at your place at eight.” He slips out the door as Angela comes in.
“Lana, are you okay?” She asks with a sincere look on her face. “We are all so worried about you.”
“I’m fine.” I stand up. “Are we ready to shoot?”
I don’t mind going out there and laying the big one on Joel. It definitely wouldn’t be acting.
“No. Hugh said that we would start fresh in the morning.” She reaches for the door and turns around. “Be here on time and ready to film. No more second chances.”
“Don’t you worry.” Erin stands up and pulls the edges of her fancy suit jacket down. “She will be here early
. Thank you for the extension, but you know these actresses.”
“Umm, no, I don’t know what you are talking about.” Angela leans against the door, crossing her arms. She had better watch it or her boobs are going to tumble out.
Erin brushes her brown hair out of her eyes. She and Angela seem to be having a war of who-knows-what. Their auras are flaring at each other. Erin flails her arms in the air. “Look at her. She passed out because she’s too thin, always watching her weight.”
Angela’s eyes dip, and she steps out the door. “I suggest you feed her a good breakfast then.” She shut the door behind her.
“What was that?” I grab my clothes and start putting them on.
“Hey, it’s all part of the act.” Erin beams with pride. Her aura is back to its normal crystal. “I’ve got this Hollywood agent thing down. I’m channeling my inner Tom Cruise from the movie Show Me the Money.”
I grab my envelope and stuff the nightie into it. I walk over to the door and open it.
“Well then, show me the money.” I laugh and hold my head high as we walk out of 4Play, off the filth floor and out to the parking lot.
Chapter Nineteen
When we get home from our very entertaining morning, Erin decides she needs to head over to Color Me Love to finish some paperwork and I decide to work on my clients at Splitsville.com.
Since I have to wait to see if Joel is going to give me my car back anytime soon, I might as well put my free time to good use, and it helps me make the day go faster.
“Come on, Herbie.” I grab the dump files off my desk and head out the back door so I can thumb through them while Herbie takes his potty break.
One particular client request stands out. Austin has written a song that he would like me to sing to his soon- to-be ex-girlfriend, Hailey. The picture that he includes must be of happier times at the zoo, or maybe she was drunk like he claims is her natural state.
Hailey has a drinking problem and he is tired of holding her head up. Plus he says that he is twenty-two years old and doesn’t want to be a parent to a twenty year old who can’t hold her liquor.
