by Jaime Marks
“I’m fine,” she sighed not even knowing where to begin.
He turned her to face him with enough force that she wouldn’t be able to deny him, but still ever so gently. He was always so careful with her. “We both know that is not true, Felycia. You have been pacing since we returned to our quarters. Whatever has burdened your mind it is obviously wearing on you. Please, talk to me.”
She stared into his yellow, glowing eyes that held such compassion and understanding. She wanted to trust him, she really did, but she was so afraid. Devyn treated her with nothing but respect, love and devotion. No one else had ever treated her that way. The only other person who had ever cared about her before she came here had been Byryn, and their history was tenuous and painful because of their bastard of a Father.
Right, like she could even call him that. Grifyn was more of a Father to her than Trevyn ever was, but she was still adjusting to their relationship. Some days it was still a struggle to even accept it.
She took a deep breath trying to figure out what she could say to him. How could she even tell him what was bothering her without revealing her past? She couldn’t, that was the problem. The way the Fae saw things, as soon as he knew the truth, there was no way he would be able to accept her. She had to tell him the truth and talk to him about what she’d been thinking but…how could she without hurting him?
“Devyn…I don’t know how to explain this so I’m just going to say what comes to mind. I know you want to help and be there for me. I want to talk to you, I do, but I can’t turn off these fears and the pain. I want to trust you enough and maybe someday I will, but I can’t…” She shook her head in frustration. “I’m broken inside. I do trust you in some ways, but I’m not ready to give anyone that kind of power over me, especially someone I’m in…”
She froze. Her eyes snapped wide and she slammed her mouth shut. What the hell was she about to say? Was she in love with Devyn? Fear almost made her step back but he tightened the gentle hold he had on her arms, holding her in place. He wouldn’t let her escape this, escape him, but this couldn’t happen for way too many reasons.
His expression remained that compassionate, concerned look that he held a moment ago but his eyes, they held a glint of pleased amusement. His voice took on a slightly commanding tone as he spoke to her that, for reasons she couldn’t even imagine, sent shivers through her body.
“You promised not to run from me, my dear girl. Do not pull back. That you trust me with your safety and your care is enough for now. I will earn your trust, Felycia, completely. Just as I will earn your love…and your words.” He smirked slightly as if to let her know he knew what she’d almost said, but his expression levelled to his normal calm, and controlled before he continued. “There is nothing wrong with what you feel happening between us. You are mine, Felycia; my true mate, my perfect match, and the piece that makes me whole. I feel it more every moment we spend together and I know you do as well…Now, about Byryn. You cannot control what your brother has or has not chosen. I can sense your fear and can rationalize enough of the situation to realize what you suspect. We cannot stop him from taking the risks he feels he must, but you must trust that neither Marcus nor Cymeryn will allow any harm to come to your brother if it is within their power.”
She drew in a ragged breath and relaxed in his hold, allowing him to pull her into his chest. “How do you do that? How do you always know what’s on my mind?”
He kissed the top of her head. “You are part of me, Felycia. I can sense how you are feeling and from there, knowing you as I am learning to, it is not a difficult thing to understand how you might be thinking.” He pulled back from her to meet her eyes again. “You are very tense, my dear. Allow me to draw you a bath?”
She nodded and watched as he went into the bedchambers. Part of her was terrified of this man and the power he seemed to have over her simply by knowing and understanding her better than anyone else ever had. Hell, there were times over the last few days that she wondered if he knew her better than she knew herself. The terrified part of her said she should run, now, while she could still get out with part of her soul intact, but the larger part of her dreaded the time when he would choose to return to the fronts leaving her behind…or turn her away because he learned of her past and the secrets she kept. The idea of being without him was painful.
She sighed and decided she wasn’t going to figure anything out tonight. She’d take a bath and get some rest. Hopefully by morning everything was sorted out and everyone was home safe. The rest of the issues she needed to face could wait for a little longer.
Astryn stared blankly at Kato as he asked her about her education and future plans. How honest was she supposed to be with him? She really didn’t know what the hell she wanted to do. It had always felt like she was waiting for something that would help her decide. Since she had met Kyle a part of her wondered if what she was waiting for was him.
“I’ve completed all my basics and advanced, of course…” She hesitated not really sure what to tell him. “I haven’t chosen a specialization yet. I know I should have by now. I’m sure you were made aware that my Father believes I wish to study at the Order of Light even though he would rather I study at the Hall of Scholars…”
She sighed not sure she really should trust him or any of the Fae in the Palace. If she was talking to Cymeryn she’d be far more relaxed about admitting this, but only because he was Kyle’s father. She honestly believed he would protect her from anything that he felt necessary until Kyle returned.
Kato stepped closer pulling her attention. “Astryn, I can sense your hesitancy and with the brief I received and Mythos’ behavior this eve I can understand it…Perhaps before you continue I should assuage some of your fears.” He motioned for her to take a seat and she glanced at him as she sat in the armchair. Kato sat across from her, studying her for a moment. “If Cymeryn was able to grant you his attention, he would have taken you as his ward. I will not mislead you or attempt to placate you. There is no way to know what will occur when he and Marcus attempt to rescue Kyle. There is a very real concern that Lazurys will not allow Cymeryn to escape his grasp. If it comes to a choice between himself and Kyle, or his twin, the King of Night will fall, sacrificing himself to protect those he loves.”
Astryn swallowed hard but clarity and determination flooded her. Her normal polite, subdued culture slipped and she let the typical facade she protected herself with drop without even realizing what she was revealing of herself. “But why would anyone allow him to risk himself like that? Cymeryn is vital to the future of this race. His Redemption gives the Fae hope that any Shade can be saved. It brings them closer to the brothers, sisters, even the young that they’ve lost!”
Kato smirked. “You are not the docile female you attempt to present yourself as, nor are you merely a rebellious young as your Father would have us believe.”
She snapped her mouth shut, watching him. She hadn’t meant to give him any kind of insight. Really the last thing she wanted was to reveal herself in any way.
When she didn’t respond right away he continued addressing her anger and concerns over Cymeryn’s actions. “You are correct in all that you have said, but you do not know Cymeryn. He carries a great amount of guilt for his actions as Shade. He cannot see his place as clearly as many in this world perceive him. He feels his sacrifice would be justified.”
Kato steepled his fingers as if considering his next words. “In any respect, when Cymeryn and Marcus were made aware that you were potentially Kyle’s mate, they realized that you must be protected. Originally I believe that they meant to move you here with your family, but your Father’s actions complicated matters. It is clear his opinion of your interest in Kyle and while all are free to their opinions and objections, the act of imprisoning you and forcing you to choose a mate other than your true bond is despicable. The fact that you chose to escape in an attempt to reach this realm of your own accord proved that you do not wish to comply with your Father�
�s decision and luckily, a decree has yet to be made.”
He paused until she nodded in agreement before continuing. “You are young, not yet awakened to full Fae. It grants far too much control to your Father. If you are to be free to make your own choices, it means you must also have protection from your family. The Divine Being decreeing your need for protection gives us the leeway we need.” He paused again as he measured her. “Are you aware of the history of my mate and I?”
“The Lady Demytria?” He nodded at her request and she considered what she knew. “I know that she is of the Grifyion Line and was taken as Shade probably…fifty years ago? She’s obviously Redeemed.”
He breathed deeply and seemed to hesitate but smiled, a distant look in his eyes. “Demytria was fire and beauty, but she was also refined and graceful, though not by choice. Grifyion believed his youngest daughter was to be protected and guided onto a path of refinement. They had lost her sister when Demytria was still quite young and I believe he coddled her in such a way out of the pain for that loss. I swear when she applied to the Guardians Academy he about blew a gasket,” he chuckled at the memory, “which she of course did behind his back. Still, she was ever a cultured female and she rarely stepped out of that role…I am a Fae of the Forest. I can assume you know of the tensions between the Elemental Fae and what some have in the past referred to as Pure Fae?”
“Of course, it almost led to a civil war but King Mythion stepped in uniting the races against the Shade. He was able to show the Kingdoms that we could only survive as a species if they put their differences and hatred aside in order to work together. He was able to show them through united efforts that we are all Fae.”
“Precisely,” Kato smiled. “Do those past occurrences remind you of anything happening today?”
Her brows rose. “You think that my situation with my Father and Prince Kyle is similar to what occurred with the Elemental Fae and the Pure Fae?”
He almost sneered when she spoke the term but covered it well. “You must understand that I am not attempting to diminish the memory of Grifyion. He was a great Fae and he and I became close in time. There was a time, however, when he locked Demytria in her room to keep her from me. He would not have the purity of his line diminished. There was more to his decision, fears I could not even begin to understand that drove his choices. He was attempting to protect his daughter from potentially losing a young because of the humanity in me, but at the time I only thought he was acting solely out of ignorance and hatred. It was all too common an occurrence and he never explained otherwise. It was considered protecting the purity of the species.
“Your situation with Kyle can and will set a precedent because he is a Prince of Balance. To allow your Father to dictate this choice for you could cause a ripple effect that will impact many born unawakened Shade.”
“You’re trying to ensure that the Lucerna Lines set an example that they shouldn’t be feared or discriminated against.”
“They deserve the same chance as any and it is part of my motivation, but having been through a similar incident, both I and Demytria also are able to empathize with your position. I am telling you this because I need you to understand that I will not judge you nor restrict you, provided it does not place you in danger. I have taken you as my ward, although we have yet to discuss this with Lord Mythos. He had originally argued for the right as your Custyion, but we felt he was too close to your Father and as you learned this eve he has his own reservations regarding Kyle. Realizing it was an argument he could not win due to circumstance he insisted that if he could not be your sole Custyion, the entirety of the Lucerna Lines oversee your care in order to keep some influence.
He sighed looking away. “Our King is too close to this situation to remain objective and he has been overruled by the Kings and Queen of Balance as well as Commander Devyn a Devyion, Patryarch of our lines. They will discuss it with him if the need arises but I felt you needed to fully understand the situation. You need to know that you are free to be yourself here, Astryn. It does not make a difference if you wish to be in the Order or even join the Guardians, I will support you. The Kings of Balance will support you. As the Prince’s mate you have a right to speak your mind. You will not be censored here. Quite the contrary, as his mate it is your right and responsibility, hence we encourage it.”
She looked down and considered all he had told her. He seemed so sincere. “And if I said I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do and didn’t wish to commit to any one path yet?”
“Then I would never force you to choose one, but perhaps we can arrange for you to spend some time in various roles. Allow you to sample, so to speak, what each would be like in order to aid you in your decision. I know that Princess Staryana has taken a similar route, choosing to study all disciplines before she makes a commitment to any singular specialization. Indeed as Princess she has no need to ever choose.”
She sighed. “It isn’t so much a lack of decision. It’s that nothing fits. Being a Scholar would make me stir crazy and I would eventually claw my eyes out. Being part of the Order is far too restrictive. I’m not exactly a warrior, so I can’t imagine the Academy would fit and even the site of blood makes me squeamish so healing is out. I’m a failure as a Fae.”
He smiled. “Not knowing your path does not make you a failure. It simply means that perhaps it has not revealed itself yet. Did High Priestess Alysse bless you when you were born?”
“Yeah, but for whatever reason she didn’t reveal my path. She said I would understand my place when I found it.” She shrugged slightly. “Thanks for not trying to force me into anything.”
“It is not my place, Astryn. Only you can decide which course is right for you.” The male smiled warmly as he rose. “You should rest. Allow me to show you to your quarters. If there is news of the Prince, I will wake you.”
She followed him to a plain room with a bed, a small desk, a closet and a small bathroom. It felt empty. It wasn’t that she wanted her own suite like at her Father’s manor, she just didn’t want to be alone. Actually she could handle being alone, she just needed to find some way to be closer to him.
“Are you alright, Astryn? If there is more that you require I can arrange for it.”
She hesitated but turned to him. “I know it isn’t proper, but I need…can I sleep in Kyle’s room?” Biting her lip she waited for his reaction. She should’ve restrained herself but she couldn’t stop the words. It was this overwhelming need to feel the connection between them that she couldn’t understand.
He studied her and she could feel his essence flowing over her. “Well, typically I would say not without his and Cymeryn’s approval, but I think under the circumstances it would be alright. He may need you when he returns regardless and it will be easier if you are readily available.”
She followed him out of the suite and down the corridor past Grifyn’s suite. They turned down a small hall and he walked her down to Kyle’s room, opening the way for her. It looked pretty much the same as the room that she had just left, but the feel of it was what she needed. His scent and essence permeated here and it wrapped around her as she entered the room.
“I will leave you. Try to rest. You may need your strength later. I will be right outside your door should you require anything. You will have a guard detail from this point forth, but I thought it might be more comfortable for you if I saw personally to your protection for now.”
“Thanks,” she replied and watched as he left closing the door.
She stood there a moment just allowing herself to feel Kyle. After a while she crawled into his bed, wrapping herself in his blankets. The memory of how close he held her when they danced wrapped around her and she swore she could almost feel his arms. Slowly, feeling more secure than she had in days, she drifted to sleep.
Chapter 8
Kyle could feel her. He knew she was safe and she was thinking about him. Something had been stressing her out for hours and it was more than just his situation. He was so fu
cking worried about her. Whatever was happening, she was struggling and she needed him.
He couldn’t protect her, he couldn’t be there for her, but he could comfort her if they were really connected that strongly. At least that’s what he told himself. He was probably so delirious from the pain at this point that it was all in his head. There was a good chance that he wasn’t even conscious at the moment, but he needed to do something for her. He needed to try.
In his mind he reached out, picturing her body against his, his arms wrapped around her. He had replayed every moment of their dances in his mind. His favorite part was when they’d played A Thousand Years and he had pulled her body against his. The look of shock on her face so quickly followed by lust and desire had kept him holding on. He wasn’t nearly done with her. He had thought he would let it end after one dance, but when the song changed he hadn’t been able to let her go. If that night hadn’t turned into a freaking nightmare he might never have let her go.
When Star had disappeared in an orb of Darkness Kyle had instinctually shielded her with his body. He’d held her there until her Father had reached her. He had known as soon as he felt Lazurys’ Command echo through him that their time was over. When Star had vanished there was no question, he knew what had to be done. There was no way to know if he would make it back and bringing her into his world wasn’t safe for her. It never would be. Once she was with her Father he hadn’t looked back because he couldn’t. He knew she was safe and that was enough. It was better this way. He could only cause her harm.
That was what he’d told himself. He’d had to. It was the only way he could walk away from her. Now all he wanted was to get the hell out of here so he could hold her. He needed to know that she was safe, not because of who he left her with, but because he was there to protect her. He needed to see her for himself and know she was alright. He needed Astryn.
