by Bright, Sera
One girl from the group, a junior named Brooke, broke away from her friends and approached him. I slowed to a stop. I couldn’t blame him for his newfound popularity and libido—that would be hypocritical.
I’d attempted to whore it up myself, too. Trevor’s harassment had slowly stopped, but my reputation continued to gain legendary status. And for a few drunken months the summer before senior year, I had tried to earn something I never deserved in the first place.
Ash gave Brooke a nod like he couldn’t care less she existed. I rolled my eyes when she tossed her auburn hair over her shoulder, rocking back on her heels. Girls loved the challenge when he acted sullen and distant. I could see where this was going, and started to look around for somewhere to sit down while he finished his manwhore act. There would be some cocky self-assured dialogue, followed by giggling and fake coyness. Then numbers would be exchanged with hints of a hook up later. Hell, I should just go now, and leave him to his fun.
“Katie!” Ash waved me over. Brooke looked over her shoulder, clear annoyance on her face.
Reluctantly, I walked over to them. Beads of sweat dotted his lean chest and shoulders. Sinewy muscles crossed his torso. Slivers of the finest white lines marred his shoulders, a few scars remaining from his father’s beatings. You could see them if you knew to look closer.
Ash placed a hand on the small of my back, as if he wanted to show Brooke we were more than friends. My eyebrows shot up to my hairline. If he didn’t want to talk to her, he didn’t have to use me as an excuse.
“I didn’t think you were ever going to show up. You didn’t return my last two texts.” With a broad smile, he looked down at me. “I’ve been waiting for almost an hour, brat.”
He continued to ignore Brooke. Her mouth hung open, and then she snapped it shut.
“I didn’t check my phone until I was home from my run,” I said tightly. “Don’t be so impatient.”
Brooke skulked off to her friends. Ash didn’t pretend to acknowledge her departure.
“Come on, let’s go find a place to sit down,” he said.
We found a place in the sand sheltered by the overhanging cliff and sat down together. Scrubby weeds spotted the beach as it transitioned to the rocky soil of the cliff face. I willed myself to relax. It wasn’t a big deal. I kicked off my running shoes and peeled off my socks, tossing them in a pile. I should let it go, and not bring it up. I wiggled my toes into the hot sand.
“That was kind of rude,” I blurted out.
A blush swept over my face. So much for letting it go. I raked my hand through the sand. Picking up a handful, the grains poured through my fingers.
He knitted his brow. “What was rude?”
“Using me to ignore Brooke trying to flirt with you.” I instantly regretted how jealous I sounded. A few pebbles and rocks remained in my palm and I shook them off to dig in again. There was no reason to be possessive, I told myself firmly. Our relationship wasn’t like that. We were just friends. Always just friends. And Santa Claus was real, too.
“Brooke who?” Confusion read across his face.
I stared at him. Why was he playing dumb? “You know, the girl trying to talk to you, and then you waved to me and I came over.”
“I wasn’t paying attention, I was looking for you.”
How did he not remember her? It was less than two minutes ago! She’d stood right in front of him in a purple bikini, strutting and begging for him to notice her boobs. I had noticed them. They were hard to miss in that scrap of fabric she wore. I glanced down at my chest. And mine were just as big, but I didn’t exactly flaunt them.
Oh, crap. I was jealous. Insanely, utterly, overwhelmingly envious of some girl he hadn’t even paid any attention to. Right down to comparing cup size. I scooped up another handful and clenched the sand in my fist. The more I tried to hold on, the faster the grains escaped from my hand.
A pang of guilt hit me. This was one of the last times we’d be together like this, and I was ruining with my sulking. At the end of the summer, two months away, I was supposed to leave for Michigan for school, and he was going to Los Angeles to attend his dream art school. I wondered what it had cost him to convince his parents to let him go.
A few dandelions stood feebly in the sand. I plucked the wilted stalk of one and blew a small puff of air. The seeds danced in the wind and then vanished into the iron-gray sky. That would be us soon. He would go one way and I would go another. I snapped another dandelion and held it to my lips.
Ash picked up a stick with solemn expression shadowing his hazel eyes, like he could sense the sadness lurking in my thoughts.
“What?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Nothing.”
The dark clouds moved closer, almost to the shore. The elastic tie holding my hair up in a messy bun broke suddenly. My honey-colored brown hair tumbled over my shoulders and covered my eyes. I pushed it off my face. It was too thick, and in the heat of summer, too hot to wear down. Ash watched me with an enigmatic smile, twirling the thin piece of driftwood between his fingers.
I plucked the stick from his hands. “Mine.”
“Is that what you think?” He reached over to snatch it away. “It’s like you never learned how to share.”
I stuck my tongue out at him, and held the stick out too far away for him to grab it. Trust me, I had plenty of practice in learning the concept of sharing things that should be mine. I wound my hair into a knot, and pushed the stick through the mass of curls to hold it all up. The skyline blurred in the wind, the outlines of the buildings phasing in and out of focus.
A tendril fell loose on my shoulder, and Ash began to play with it. Lately he’d become more affectionate. My neck tingled at the nearness of his fingers. Hiding my response was becoming more difficult by the day. It felt less casual every time he did it, like an invitation to temptation. Or maybe that was wishful thinking on my part.
“What has you so tense? Did someone ask you on the way here if you’ve decided on your major?” he teased. “Maybe what you want to do with your life, too?”
My shoulders stiffened tighter, if possible. College was all that everyone had talked about for the last year. At first, it was where everyone was applying. Then it was who was accepted where. Now it was what everyone was going to major in. It was like everyone knew what they were doing, and I went through the whole process as unsure about the whole idea as I had been when I opened the applications. I still didn’t know what I wanted right now.
Normal people wanted to go to college. Normal people also probably expressed their emotions and desires in a straightforward manner. The standards of normalcy mystified me on a daily basis.
“You’ll be happy to know I’ve narrowed down my possible career choices after some very careful deliberation,” I told him.
“Really? Do tell.”
“I’ve decided I want to help people,” I said gravely.
“Impressive.” He wrapped the lock of hair around his finger and smiled. The dimple formed in his cheek. “That’s not vague at all.”
“I know!” I waved my hands in the air. “Once I eliminated all the possible careers that purposefully cause more human suffering and pain, I am left with…oh, a million choices instead of a million and two?”
He laughed, but I hunched over and went back to raking my hand through the sand. Lightning strikes flared across the dark water. Despite my sarcasm, it bothered me that I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I knew what I wanted to be. Strong. Brave. I stole a glance at him through my lashes.
Loved.
What was so wrong with taking the time to find out where those things would lead me before committing to a school and a career? Especially when I was going to have to do it on my own. A crazy idea had been simmering since my dad gave me the money for graduation.
Ash bumped his shoulder against mine. “It’ll be okay.”
“Maybe,” I said cautiously, and then decided to just say it already. “Have you ever thought about what it would
be like to just take off?”
He looked at me, surprised. “Like running away? I thought that was the point of going to college.”
It was for him. He’d worked out an elaborate way to slowly disengage from his parents in L.A. by the end of the school year. Change his phone number. Move off-campus. I’d offered him money for him to do it faster, but he refused to involve me. I could only guess what that meant.
“No.” I shook my head. “Have you ever wondered what it would be like to just take off and explore? You know, go to tourist traps and take bad photos. See the sun rise over one ocean, and set on another. Sign up for volunteer projects. Follow dirt roads to nowhere, and then get lost again the next day.” I dug my fingers through the warm, pebbly sand and scooped up another handful. “An adventure for no reason other than to have one.”
Ash looked out over the water. More lightning glowed from the undersides of the clouds. “Is that what you want to do? Skip out on going to college?”
“I should go.” I poured out the sand in my hand. “I should be responsible. If I’m careful, I could save almost all of my money. But—”
“You’re tired of being responsible and always doing the right thing.” He studied me with a serious expression.
I nodded. “All I know right now is that the idea of going away to college isn’t what I want.”
“I think you should do it.”
It was my turn to look surprised. “You do?”
“Yes, if it’s what you really want.” He held the last dandelion up to the platinum sky. The seeds floated off on a gust of wind. “Life’s too short to be miserable. Or whatever the cliché is.”
Which was why I tried to be happy that he was leaving for California. He was leaving all of this behind—even if it meant leaving me behind, too. I’d do anything for him. I leaned closer and breathed in the citrus scent of his favorite body wash.
We needed to leave soon, before the storm changed direction and hit the beach. Everyone else had already left. I stood up and took my time to dust the sand off my legs. They were my best feature, shapely and toned from running. While Ash got to his feet, I covertly watched him from under my lashes. He seemed mesmerized by the motion of my hands over my skin.
I straightened up and he stepped behind me, wrapping me in his arms. My breath stilled in my lungs. Pretending it didn’t affect me as much as it did, I tucked my head under his chin and concentrated on the feel of him holding me. I needed to commit it to my mind permanently. Together we watched the white-capped waves roll onto the beach.
“Everything is going to change soon,” I said.
“Maybe, but some of it will probably stay the same.”
“You’re going to go to art school and forget all about me,” I teased, to hide my fear for when it came true. His arms squeezed me gently around my waist.
His voice came out strangely raw. “You think that could ever happen?”
Yes, because that’s what people do. And if it was what Ash needed to do to find happiness away from this place, then I wasn’t going to stop him. “You never know, you could fall down a flight of stairs and develop amnesia.”
He relaxed a little with my reassurance, only to let me go. The dusting of fine hair on my arms raised on end as the sharp smell of ozone permeated the air. A crack of jagged light struck the lake. Thunder exploded around us, shaking the ground. Another lightning bolt struck the rock jetty on the far end of the beach. Rain poured from the clouds in a wall of water. For a single second, the world existed in a state of pure physical chaos.
The storm trapped us. It wasn’t safe anymore to leave by the exposed stairs. Ash shouted at me but I couldn’t hear him over the noise. He grabbed my hand and pulled me toward a covered picnic shelter on the other side of the beach. We sprinted barefoot through the sand together. The drilling rain completely soaked us through to our skin. By the time we made it to the shelter, my lungs felt scalded in my chest and my heart matched the thundering rhythm of the sky.
I bent over with my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath. I’d never seen lightning hit that close before. The oxygen gradually returned to my lungs, allowing me to stand up. Ash stood in front of me with his hands on his hips, his chest expanding deep with each inhale.
Rivulets of water rolled off his lean tanned torso to pool at the waistband of his shorts, now hanging lower on his hips from the wet fabric. I followed the glistening drops with my eyes as they traced the pattern of his chest and stomach muscles. I was spellbound. A curious liquid heat spread throughout my body, but I didn’t glance away. He was gorgeous. My fingers curled into my palms, tingling with the urge to reach out. How would he respond if I touched him now?
“Katie?” His face held an unfamiliar expression as he returned my stare. Very much like hope.
Busted. He caught me this time. I usually only swiped quick peeks when I thought he wasn’t paying attention. A lone picnic table sat on the concrete floor. I hopped up on the table, dangling my legs over the edge. The stick came loose from my hair and I pulled the tangled mess over my shoulders. My tank stuck to the soft skin of my stomach.
The white shirt had to be see-through at this point, probably revealing my pale pink bra, the same color as my skin, giving the illusion of my naked breasts on display. I sucked on my lip and thought about covering myself with my arms.
Except a minute ago, I’d gawked at his body, so it was only fair he could look at me. If I was truthful, I wanted him to look at me in the same way. And then do more than just look. But maybe it wasn’t a good idea. He’s leaving soon, my heart reminded.
Ash continued to stare at my face, unnerving me with his eyes. An uncanny sensation that he was experiencing the same internal war crossed my mind. Then he smiled, seemingly with a touch of relief. The connection between us was changing fast, just like the storm had moved in swifter than I’d predicted. I twisted the wet strands of my hair into a coil.
“You were checking me out,” he said. “Weren’t you?”
“Please. You know you’re hot.” My face flamed brighter. “You don’t need me to prop up your ego, it’s doing fine all on its own.”
He placed his hands on my bare thighs and pushed my knees apart. I quivered at the intimacy of the gesture. He moved in between my legs and leaned close, his face inches from mine. Silver streams of rain fell from the eaves.
“Maybe my ego only cares about what you think.” A fierce glint lit his eyes. “Ever think about that?”
“Then your ego has some serious issues. It may want to think about therapy.” We were in serious danger of crossing a line that shouldn’t have existed in the first place.
“Why do you do that?” He licked his bottom lip.
My breath hitched. I wanted to lick that lip. “Do what?”
“Turn everything serious into a joke.” He brought his hand to my face and caressed my cheek. The sounds of the storm quieted. All I could hear was our breathing.
“You just noticed?” I said. “You’re not very observant if it took you eighteen years to figure that out.”
His warm breath tickled my lips. He wasn’t inviting me to temptation with easy affection anymore. He was flat-out offering.
“I don’t think I’m the unobservant one in this relationship,” he said hoarsely.
I closed my eyes. “What are we doing?”
“I think I’m going to kiss you.”
“You think? You don’t sound very confident.” I opened my eyes, and gave him one last chance before we went too far. “Haven’t you done this before? I don’t let amateurs kiss me.”
“There you go again.” His fingers trailed over the curve of my jaw. “I’m on to you, and your secret.”
I kept a few secrets hidden from him. “And what would that be?”
“This.” He brushed his lips against mine in a feather-light kiss, then pulled back.
My stomach somersaulted, and a whimper formed in my throat. That wasn’t enough. His eyes searched my face, as if he was askin
g a question and it was my choice to answer truthfully or not. I could be brave. This was my chance.
“Ash?” I tilted my face up.
A mysterious smile played on his lips. “Yeah?”
“Would you please kiss me?” My voice trembled around the edges, nervous about making a mistake. “I trust you to know what you’re doing now.”
“I think I can do that.” He cradled my face in his hands.
He kissed me gently at first, his lips soft and seductive. He took his time to explore, like he wanted to know every curve of my mouth. It was heartbreakingly sweet. But I hadn’t waited this long for an innocent embrace.
I clutched at the back of his head, twisting his silky dark hair in between my fingers. A growl vibrated in his throat. His tongue slid into my mouth, consuming me. Ash was definitely no amateur.
His hands moved from my face and down my shoulders. They were everywhere, lighting me on fire. He skimmed my ribcage, circled my waist, cupping my bottom. I molded myself around his torso. I was touching him the way I’d always wanted, but it wasn’t about want anymore—we needed to be closer.
He broke the kiss with a stunned look on his face. I moved to scoot away, ashamed to have acted immediately slutty with him. But he wouldn’t let me go.
“No, just give me a minute,” he whispered.
I buried my face in the crook of his shoulder and took in a breath. When I had been kissed before, no one had made me feel anything like that, or anything at all, really. Most likely because I wished all the other guys were someone else, or leave me alone in peace.
“Is this going to change things between us?” I murmured into his neck, where his pulse throbbed to a rapid beat. I don’t know why I asked. I already knew the answer. There was no way it wouldn’t.
His fingers slid up the hem of my damp shirt, causing me to shiver. “Yes, but it will make everything easier, too.”
“What does that mean?” We were going to say goodbye soon. My heart wrenched. If anything, everything was going to be so much harder. I hadn’t wanted to think about that part.
