by Beth Garrod
“I’ll be having one of those.” My least favourite hand in the whole school grabbed one out of my pile. Talk of the devil. And his hands. “If you’re lucky, I might even invite one of you ladies. Probably Rach, as you’re the fittest.”
His idiot mates laughed. I crossed a mental line through my ‘especially, definitely not seeing Luke’ goal for the day. Was it fair to have this much bad luck before nine a.m.? Sensible people aren’t even awake then.
Tegan grabbed the paper back.
“Did you not see the small print?” she asked. “It says no pets, parents or massive losers. Soooo, you should probably start making other plans. Got some stickers to collect?”
He shot me a look. I shot one back. Yes, I had told my friends, and no, I didn’t care how much he hated me for it.
“Girls, please. It’s getting embarrassing. First Saturday, now this. Surely you can find someone else to spend your time talking about?” He put his hand on Tegan’s arm. She jerked it away. “Oh, and Tegan. Has no one told you a sharp tongue doesn’t suit you? It was much softer on Saturday – when you had it in my mouth.”
Rage rushed through me, like a human radiator that had been turned up to ‘very hot’ or whatever they get set too. That boy had SUCH a nerve. Lying in a message was one thing, trying to get away with it to our faces was another matter. Who did he think he was?!
But Tegan snapped first.
“The only thing YOU have in your mouth is a bunch of lies. So jog on and leave us alone.” She slammed her locker door shut, barging him into the middle of the corridor with her body. I friend swooned. I was so proud of how brave she always was, standing up for what’s right, even in front of all his mean mates. The most I was managing was furious looks, and they sometimes got confused with the sort of face you might pull if you have trapped wind.
But Luke didn’t get the hint (although is it a hint when you spell it out and shout it in someone’s face?). He stepped back into my path and looked me straight in the eye.
“Look, Bella, as a friend, I’m just looking out for you. No one wants mates they can’t trust. Do they, Tegan? Fit Rach? I’m sure you’ll thank me one day.” He grabbed a flyer out of my hand and winked. “Even if I have to wait till prom to hear it. You know where I am if you need me.”
His uber-smarm burst my mouth open. How dare he patronize me? He wasn’t my mother, or a teacher! Or even my sister on a bad day. I felt like the Incredible Hulk, just less green, and more cross.
“Well, as a friend let me tell you THIS. It’s true. You WERE a TERRIBLE kisser, so whoever was in that pic, I feel nothing but sorry for them.” Gulp. Did I just say that out loud? I felt more shocked than Luke looked. People were staring. But my mouth was on a mission.
“Tegan would never snog you in a million years.” Hello, out of body experience. I swear I was hearing the words at the same time as everyone else, like it wasn’t my brain making them. Auto-mouth continued.
“In fact, she calls you Puke.”
Luke bristled. One of his mates sniggered before getting elbowed in the ribs. But this time I didn’t care. Messing with me was one thing, messing with my mates was another. “And if you think I’d believe YOU over HER, you’re even more of an idiot than I thought.”
Had I finished? Mouth, tell me we’ve finished. But no. It had other ideas.
“And, and . . . and as for prom, the only thing I’ll be saying to you is, ‘Have you met the fittest man in the world?’ who incidentally, will be my date. That won’t be you. Obviously.”
Luke was frozen to the spot. Guess he’d never seen this side of me before. And neither had I.
A cough came from behind me. I turned and realized we were now surrounded by a crowd. Luke noticed the same and instantly jerked back into jerk mode. Being yelled at by me was not a good look for anyone. I’m sure it even cringed-out Mumbles.
“As if you of all people will have a date. Have you seen yourself recently? Unless he has a thing for –” he stared at my head – “goat herders.”
Well at least I’d guessed the right insult for today’s hair. Always one step ahead.
“Well, I do. And he’s called Zac.” I turned to face everyone as if doing a tour in a museum, but the exhibit was my love life. Well, my hypothetical love life, but now wasn’t the time for disclaimers. “I met him on holiday. He’s six foot and he’s in a band and we’re seeing each other, and he may or may not like goat herders, I don’t even know, and he’s going to be at prom. With me. And he’s the world’s biggest FITTIE. And he smells great.”
Not the big finish I was hoping for, but oh well. But before anyone could react, a voice boomed through the hall, bouncing off the walls.
“WHAT ON EARRRRTH IS GOING ON HERE?”
If I didn’t want one teacher to hear me yelling about fitties, our art teacher Mr Lutas was it. He was the antithesis of anything fit. Except for his trousers, which were way-too-tight fit. But it was Mr Lutas that was now looming over both Luke and me, and he was fuming.
“Congrrratulations on prrroving you can’t even manage adult behaviour for twenty minutes of a new terrrm.”
I threw Luke my best dirty look. This was all his fault. Typical.
“How verrry disappointing that you all just continue to live up to my verry low expectations.” Mr Lutas clicked his fingers. “Now get to class immediately. THE LOT OF YOU.”
I mumbled sorry, closing up my locker as the crowd disappeared even quicker than it had arrived. The last thing I wanted was trouble in prom term. You had to have enough prom points to be allowed to go and I didn’t want Mr Lutas taking that away from me. Although at least then I wouldn’t have to work out how on earth I was going to achieve the impossible: getting my big foot out of my mouth and proving Luke wrong by getting someone who had disappeared from my life to reappear at prom. As my date.
CHAPTER
TEN
The combo of Luke and Mr Lutas (do all evil things begin with L? No, lemurs) meant that we were so late for morning classes that we got held in over break. So not only did that mean no checking PSSSST for signs of Zac, it also meant my first chance to properly debrief with Tegan was over lunch.
Lunch was the same old routine: pick up Rach, pick up Tegan, get lunchboxes, secure decent lunch seat, chow down. I opened my lunchbox and was relieved that today’s box of delights was cheddar, not lady-cheese sandwiches. We were going through a phase of bringing in kids’ lunchboxes. Mine’s a Peppa Pig one, which gives me major guilt whenever it contains a Peperami.
Tegan was deep in thought, chewing on something healthy and weird like celery. “I was thinking – should the three of us go back to Black Bay? Do you reckon our mums would let us?”
I’d obviously sold it better than I should have done.
“Ueermmmm. . .” It was the best yes/no/not sure noise I could muster through sandwich munching.
“We might get some clues on Zac and be a bit nearer to getting him to prom?”
I love how me getting Zac to prom was now a team effort. But I didn’t think heading back to Black Bay could be worth it if he wasn’t there. He’d said he only went for his gran’s birthday.
“Er . . . yeah . . . (chew) . . . maybe . . . (swallow) . . . Sorry, big bit of cheese there.” I swallowed again. “I guess we could look into it? Maybe a weekend? Next year? We could explain my future husband is on the line. . .?”
“Marriage isn’t love, Bells. How many times do I have to tell you? OTPs are about the soul, not the surname.” Tegan was right, but her surname didn’t create a lifetime of jokes about mackerel.
“Yeah, sorry, and I guess we are only one semi-snog into our relationship right now.” I slurped my Ribena wondering if there would ever be a time when we would have a more extensive relationship, like one full snog or above.
“So were Jay and Bey at one point and look where they are now.” Good old optimistic Rach. “We’ve all got to start somewhere.” She stared into the distance. “Although it probably helps if that start is
n’t exercising alone dressed as a cereal box.”
I shook my head in despair but cheered up as I spotted a friendly face walking into the canteen.
“Oi, Mikey!” I waved my arms big style, like I was bringing a plane into land. He grinned and walked over. “Long time no speak.”
“Got to keep myself in demand.” His hair had grown since I last saw him, mainly outwards. I looked at it curiously.
“So the rumours are true – you really are trying to grow the first ever in-built hair-helmet?” I sometimes wonder if he takes hairdressers an emoji as his inspo pic.
“Well, isn’t that what girls are completely mad for these days? Safety and style?”
He ran his fingers through his thick black hair, like he was in a hair advert, but gave up as he realized he was rubbing finger crisp debris into his hair, creating salt and vinegar potato dandruff.
Tegan politely pretended not to notice the falling morsels.
“If we can possibly hold ourselves back, might you be joining us for lunch?” She pulled out the spare stool beside her.
“Can’t, I’m afraid. I’ve got a full week of homework to do, and thirty-seven minutes to do it.”
And he was still prioritizing lunch. I loved this guy. Although it was unlike him to turn down some Tegan time.
“Oh well, tomorrow? Same place, same time?”
“Sure – I could do with people seeing me hang out with the most badass girls at St Mary’s. In fact –” he did a full 360 degree turn – “do you think they’re seeing me now?”
Wow. I have never been called a badass before. Laughing, I pulled his jumper.
“Siddown. And tell us exactly what you’ve heard. . .”
“Only that between the three of you, you totally annihilated Luke in front of all of his mates? Everyone is talking about it.”
My stomach knotted. As much as I was glad we’d done it, I didn’t love the idea of everyone chatting about it.
Tegan looked disapproving.
“Well, everyone needs to stop talking about it, and get on with their own lives.”
But the hint went over Rachel’s head – funny, considering she was so tall.
“It was amazing, though. I wish you’d been there Mikey! Srsly. Tegan and Bells were on fire!”
I jumped in.
“Not literally. You would have heard the alarms. And our jumpers would have melted.”
“Thanks for clearing that up, Bells.” Mikey laughed. “But melted jumpers or not, I wish I’d been there. It’s about time that douche got a taste of his own medicine.”
I never understood that phrase. Surely the only medicine we taste is our own, or we’d all be stealing strangers’ medicine, which sounded very risky. Mikey stood back up.
“Tomorrow you can tell me all about it. Just not loud enough for Tegan to hear, cos we don’t want to be on the wrong side of Ms Power Woman!” He winked at her. “So I will love you and leave you as I’ve got a geography essay due in on South America and all I’ve got so far is – ‘it’s like America, but lower’.”
Mikey was not like most of the other boys I knew. He was sort of, well, nice. I didn’t have a brother, but if I did, and it was OK to have once fancied him for 0.5 days, then I imagine he’d be a bit like him. He’d been the honorary boy in our group ever since four years ago when he’d asked Tegan if she wanted to join their kick about on the playing field in our village. What started off with needing someone for a five-a-side, had developed into him being hopelessly and utterly in love with her. Not that Tegan could see it – or would believe it even if she could.
As soon as he was out of earshot, Rach gave me a cheeky eyebrow raise and I knew we were in for a classic instalment of BUM-ing. A pact we’d secretly made with each other to Big Up Mikey (BUM) to Tegan until she realized that he was a boy and not an inanimate object.
“Is it just me, or is Mikey looking all kinds of cute these days?”
Helmet hair aside, he was looking good. But Tegan didn’t react one way or the other, and soon we got back to chatting about this morning and how we’d have to stay below the radar to make sure we didn’t drop any prom points. Everyone started the year with twenty, and you needed ten to go to prom, so normally it’s only the total troublemakers and jokers that are in real danger of not going. But Mr Lutas’s bad side is a dangerous place to be. The only fun he has is when he’s stopping other people’s. That and painting bowls of fruit. Why can’t he just take a picture of them instead, it’s much quicker?
Mr Lutas had already docked me six prom points this year for being too engrossed in an article about the true meaning of your crush’s messages, and accidentally switching off a freezer instead of a camera charger. I’d melted the entire Year 7 first-ever attempt at ice sculpture. On the plus side, I did learn when someone messages you with ‘See you later’, it ‘ninety per cent might mean that they’ll see you later’.
The bell rang, shattering our prom plotting, and Tegan and I reluctantly headed to double physics. As if that should be allowed on a Monday. Our surnames meant the two of us were in the same class for all of our lessons (top set, but on average our year thinks Macbeth is a type of sandwich, so it’s nothing to be too smug about). The one good thing about physics was that it was so boring, it gave me plenty of time for thinking about more useful things. As Mrs Scuse droned on, I wondered whether, since she was so good at physics, she could explain why in her lab sixty seconds seemed to take six hundred. Or how my life could get so messy in 48 hours. In just two days, I’d landed myself with the problems of figuring out how to avoid Luke AND Mr Lutas for a whole term, and how to make a boy, who probably isn’t speaking to me, doesn’t go to school any more, and is wandering around Wolverhampton totally unaware, be my date for prom.
Mrs Scuse caught my eye and I did a fake-interested smile. Seriously, lady, as if I have any time to care about the heat generated by burning a peanut when all this is going on. The only thing I need to know about Kcals is that it’s the bit of a crisp packet I don’t look at.
As soon as the bell rang, Tegan and I scrambled towards the door, our bags already packed up as of five minutes ago. Rachel met us at our usual spot – by the tree with the enormous nobble, AKA Bum Tree – so we could walk back together. But someone I only half recognized was heading our way. She looked like one of the girls from JOGS.
“Hey, Teeg!” she shouted in our direction.
Tegan gave a tiny wave back, but her normally friendly face was lacking its usual smile. And so was Rachel’s. The girl marched over, unaware.
“Hi, Rachel, great party, thanks. Bella, shame you couldn’t make it.”
Was the atmosphere weird, or was it just me? I half-smiled, not wanting to be rude. But now she was closer, maybe I did recognize her after all. And she knew me. Wasn’t she one of Tegan’s gymnastics friends? She rummaged in her bag. Yeah. It was definitely her.
The weird tension suddenly made sense as gymnastics friend pulled something out of the bag. A wide-brimmed purple hat. THE wide-brimmed purple hat. She pulled it over her long brown hair, as if it wasn’t the most vital clue in a snog-mystery ever produced. It should be in a museum, not on a head! As the hat weight went on to her shoulders, it instantly came off mine. Hurrah! Hat-rah! So SHE snogged Luke! Mystery solved!
I prodded the other two, but they hadn’t twigged as quickly as me. Maybe I could get a selfie with us and The Hat, and send it to little liar Luke to show him he’d been caught out?
Hat girl registered the awkwardness. All three of us were acting oddly, but in very different ways.
“Sorry, have I interrupted something?”
The only thing she’d interrupted was us solving the final mystery. I wasn’t cross with her. I was delighted! I leapt in to answer slightly too enthusiastically for someone she’s only met once.
“You’re not interrupting, it’s GREAT to see you. Honestly. Really great, hatually, sorry, actually.”
Did she look relieved or unnerved? My manic smile must have
struck again.
“Well, it was just a quickie. For Tegan really.” Tegan was slowly shaking her head. Hat girl looked confused.
Hat girl looked back at me. I gave her a reassuring nod to carry on. She didn’t need to explain herself. It was Luke who had caused all the problems.
“I just wanted to say thanks. For putting my hat back in my locker. Seriously, Tegan, I knew you’d take care of it. And you looked HA-MAY-ZING in it. You can borrow it again any time you like.”
I didn’t hear any other words.
The hat wasn’t a hat after all. It was a bomb. That Tegan and Rachel clearly thought they’d diffused. But they hadn’t. And it had just exploded my world apart.
CHAPTER
ELEVEN
Plus side: at the age of fifteen years and one hundred and twenty-seven days I’d already achieved the worst day of my life. Opposite of plus side: my life was ruined and I could never go back to school again. And last year when I’d asked Mum about home-schooling, she’d suggested learning the Karma Sutra instead of biology, which meant that option was out too.
I couldn’t figure out what was worse.
Having two ex-best friends.
Having the whole school see me shout at my ex for being a liar.
Having the whole school knowing all along he was actually the true-er.
Having a person I don’t really know forever thinking of me as ‘that girl who had the most extreme reaction to a hat, ever’.
Being called a goat herder.
I should be cringing so hard right now, but luckily/ unluckily my cringe muscles are fully occupied with feeling one hundred per cent gutted instead. How could Tegan and Rachel do this to me? HOW? And why?! Why couldn’t they have just told me? It was the lying that twisted my insides way more than the kissing.
I’d been walking, going nowhere, since it happened, hoping that being alone could help me work it all out. But all I’d worked out was how to get really sore feet, and that I should definitely de-junk my school bag more often. (Note to self, no one person needs to carry around seven half-used lipbalms. Unless they have multiple mouths. Which they won’t.) My eyes ached with the feeling of tears pushing to come out. Well, water blobules, you can stay right where you are. You’re not deserting me too, not like everyone else. I pushed myself upwards on the swing, the rush of air helping to seal them in. If there’s one way to claw back some dignity after the most humiliating day of your life, it’s by spending the evening solo-swinging in a children’s playground. At least MIAGTM wasn’t here to witness the tragedy of my life. Although he’d probably heard about what happened, and was laughing at me along with the rest of the world. I’d achieved the kind of humiliation that spreads all-years, all-school. Probably all-countries. People in Papua New Guinea were likely laughing at me right now. Eurgh. I was a human embarrassment epidemic.
