The last man to touch her hurt her. Badly.
“I want to be your friend. Let me do that,” I said, my voice low, like I was talking to the injured dog I’d picked up in front of our neighborhood when I was thirteen. Slurpy, Cassidy had named him, because of his penchant to lick. He was the best dog we’d ever had.
Finally, after countless painful heartbeats, Abbi raised those big blue eyes to mine. The pain in them rocked me back. The way she’d reacted to the frat guys, the way she held herself. Aw, fuck. She looked like Slurpy had that first day, but his cuts and bruises were on the outside. Easier to repair and recover from.
“I can’t,” she choked out. “I just . . . Bye.”
She stood, putting her messenger bag over her shoulder with trembling hands. But she walked with quick, strides toward the exit. That walk, back straight, chin up, was so at odds with the woman she was now.
At the last moment, she stopped and looked back. Her face was in shadow but even from where I sat, I could feel her longing.
Her eyes, when she’d looked back, hadn’t shuttered fast enough. The glimpse into her kept my butt on the couch. She turned away, hand gripping the banister as she sped down the stairs. I leaned forward, hands clasped between my knees and watched her disappear.
6
Abbi
I made it out of the building before the shaking overtook my ability to walk. I stumbled to the wall and leaned against it, gulping in air. My legs trembled harder than they did after I ran ten miles.
I tipped my face up to the late twilight, waiting for my heart to slow.
I didn’t know what that was. When Clay touched me, I’d lit up faster than a sparkler. The need to get closer to him hadn’t dissipated even now. My whole body ached for his touch, his smell, his warmth.
My reaction was beyond intense—like I’d cut off a piece of myself when I walked away. An important piece that would never regrow.
In the twenty minutes I’d talked to Clay Rippey, I’d been more at ease than I’d been with anyone in the past year. Even scarier was how hyperaware I was of his every movement.
I’d let him touch me. More, I’d craved the warmth from his hand seeping through my jeans to my skin. Like the addict I’d been accused of being, I already wanted another hit of Clay. My body urged me to run back up the steps and into his arms, screw the consequences. And there would be many.
Steve, for one. He’d release more pictures, stir up the gossip, something to get even with me for starting a new relationship that didn’t include him.
I exhaled in sharp, painful bursts. Music composition. Gawd. I wanted to slam my head back against the bricks but I managed to refrain. How stupid was I going to be?
Clay was part of the very scene I had to escape. Steve had proven my inability to fit into his beautiful-and-famous-people world. I didn’t understand the rules and I didn’t know how to protect myself from the viciousness of the trolls who’d been more than happy to share those pictures. I was young, attractive, and for that—for just being—people hated me. Without even knowing me.
I’d lost so much of myself in such a short time. Much as I loved my family, I couldn’t share what Mom’s relationship had done to my life. Not when Asher was so kind and my mom was finally happy.
Mom and Asher fit. They didn’t let the rest of the world affect their bubble. I wish I had that ability, but I didn’t. Each critical word written about me hurt, a deep cut that wouldn’t heal properly. I hadn’t developed a thick enough skin to let the comments roll off. I wasn’t sure I ever would.
I pushed off the wall. Grabbing my sunglasses from the pocket of my jacket, I shoved them up on my nose. They made my surroundings too dark, but I need the barrier from the rest of the world.
All I did these days was build barriers.
Walking toward my car, I firmed my resolve. I was here to learn, to reach my dream and become the best vet I could be. No guy, no drama, and no tabloid would take that from me.
“Abbi!”
I quickened my steps. I needed time to harden my decision into steely resolve.
Clay’s feet slapped the pavement in an even, easy stride. My car was in the lot nearest me. Get in it, go home. Spend the weekend buried in my covers. Hiding was definitely the smart choice. If Clay looked at me again, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stay away.
“Abbi, please.”
He was close, his breathing harsh from running. His voice lowered, the same yearning threaded through his words that slammed into my chest when he’d rescued me on the stairs.
I stopped, unable to deny either my attraction or his plea. Clay was moving so fast, he wasn’t prepared for my abrupt halt. He caught my elbow and twirled me into his chest, still moving, until he landed, hard, in the grass near the edge of the path. He clasped me tight, keeping me hugged to his chest as he absorbed the impact.
“Not what I planned.” He laughed and groaned all at once.
“I don’t know,” I giggled. “The twirl was pretty smooth.”
His hands squeezed my waist a little. They were warm. Safe. Before I realized it, I’d relaxed into him with a sigh. He let his head drop back into the grass.
“Clay,” I whispered, my muscles tensing for flight.
“Don’t. Not yet.”
His breathing regulated but I could still feel his heart slamming into his chest. I wanted to believe I did that to him, because I wanted him. God, I wanted Clay. So stupid. And wrong. My muscles tensed again, but he smoothed his hand down my back.
“Just listen for a minute,” he said.
“Considering you’re stronger and me struggling would only draw more attention, I guess you have my undivided attention.”
I moved my messenger bag to the side, making sure it wasn’t digging into either of us.
“Yeah, sorry. I didn’t mean to make a scene. I couldn’t let you leave. I tried.”
He tipped his chin down and looked at me. I stacked my hands on his chest and propped my chin there, meeting his gaze. He lifted his left hand and brushed my long hair back, behind my shoulder.
“You have the most beautiful eyes. So guarded, a little sad, but bluer than anything I’ve ever seen.”
“That’s quite a line,” I said, trying to make light of what he was doing to me. “I bet you write the lyrics to go with your compositions.”
“Truth is, Abbi. Can’t deny it.”
He trailed his other hand up my back and I shivered. He cupped the back of my head, fingers splayed wide. I didn’t know how he did that—made me burn and feel so safe.
He shouldn’t. I shouldn’t feel like this.
He hadn’t even kissed me. He studied my eyes for another long moment. I waited, breathless, needing his lips on mine.
“Whatever happened at Tech,” he started.
I scrambled up, my heart pitter-patting in my chest. Clay was just like all the other men I’d met. He was smoother, sure. But still just waiting for a chance to get into my pants or maybe get my side of the story. Last I’d heard, my version was worth a cool $100,000. Not many people would turn down that kind of money.
“Abbi, something bad happened there. To you. Didn’t it?”
“Leave me alone,” I said. The trembling worked its way from my voice back into my limbs. I searched for my sunglasses that had flown off when he pulled me into his arms.
I didn’t see them. They were expensive; a gift from Asher when I finally came out of my room just in time for a trip to Australia where different journalists asked the same questions, unwilling to let the story die. Unwilling to give me any privacy or space.
I shouldn’t have stopped. Dammit, I’d started to trust Clay. I wanted to believe in him. In a future untainted by those pictures.
“Just tell me so I can know.”
“You’ve read what those sites say. I can tell. You know what the world thinks of me.”
“I’d like you to tell me what really happened.”
He kept his voice quiet, soothing. Like I was an i
njured animal.
I didn’t have any friends, and I couldn’t have a relationship with Clay. He’d hurt me if I let him. I opened my mouth, prepared to tell him off again.
“I want to know you, Abbi. Not just because my brother asked me to look out for you.”
He sat up slowly, wincing, his eyes pleading. I shut my mouth, my chin beginning to tremble.
“No,” I whispered, forcing my feet back. “I don’t want any part of the tabloid lifestyle. So just leave me alone.”
I bolted to my car. I didn’t even bother to take off my messenger bag when I slid into my seat. My hands were shaking so hard, I struggled to shove the key into the ignition. My breath fractured with the need to leave, to get away. To ease the ache building in my chest. For a few minutes I’d been Abbi, just a girl talking to a friend. Sure, he was hot, but that hadn’t been the best part.
I’d been normal. Until Clay reminded me of everything I’d lost. Tears ripped at my throat, burned through my nose. A sob built, choking me. But I clenched my teeth, holding it down.
I started the car. I fought the gearshift into reverse while trying to buckle my seat belt over the bulky leather bag.
I’d sworn off men for good reason. I couldn’t forget that. Because I wouldn’t survive another so-called romance.
7
Clay
I sat in the grass, my arms around my knees. My stomach hurt nearly as much as my ass. I’d screwed that up. Royally.
“Nice job there, lover boy,” Kai snickered. He offered his hand, which I ignored. I watched Abbi’s taillights until she turned the corner, out of sight.
“Clay! Are you okay?”
Kai rolled his eyes, and I groaned. Of course she’d be here. I’d swear she’d implanted a homing device in me somewhere.
“Fine, Bethany.”
“I was worried about you,” her eyes were so big in her triangle face.
“I’m good.”
“Great!” She was so chirpy. And tiny. Like the baby bird my little sister had tried to save after it fell out of its nest. I’d never been able to muster much sympathy for that creature. In fact, my family laughed at how grossed out I’d been when it made noises.
“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” Kai asked, his irritation obvious in both tone and the set of his mouth.
“I’d planned to hang out with you guys,” she said.
We were about the same height while I was on the ground. She put her hand on my forearm, rubbing back and forth.
“You wanna go do something? I mean, it’s Friday so we could, like, hit a bar. Play some pool?”
I yanked my arm back.
“Can’t. We’ve got plans.” I dipped my head toward Kai.
“Yeah,” he said. He stuck out his hand for me. This time, I let him haul me to my feet, wincing at the pain in my tailbone.
“You sure you’re okay?” Bethany put her hand on my arm again. I glared as I shook her off. “That girl was totally in your way.”
“I’m fine,” I gritted. I bent to gather my stuff. Abbi’s sunglasses were tangled in my bag. I picked them up, staring at them for a moment, before pocketing them.
“That was one hell of a fall. Or save. Either way, I’m not trying it.” Kai grinned.
“Not recommended.”
“So that’s Abigail Dorsey?” Kai asked, falling into step next to me as I started walking toward my car.
I grunted.
“She’s even better looking in person,” Kai said, tapping his chin. “I mean, smoking.”
I shook my head, still reeling from my realization. I’d have to call Colt to see if he’d come to the same conclusion.
“Are you, like, seeing her?” Bethany’s voice was high. Well, higher than usual.
Crap. I hadn’t realized she was following us. Who did that?
I groaned as I stopped walking and turned around to look at her. I didn’t want to be an asshole, but there was no way I was going to encourage her.
“No,” I told Bethany. “But I like her.”
I tucked my lips into my mouth, wondering if I’d said too much. Bethany’s shoulders slumped, her expression sliding from shock to hurt. Time to leave.
“Kai and I need to head out.”
Kai started walking first. I followed, annoyed his shoulders shaking.
“Well, bye,” Bethany called.
I threw my hand up in a bit of a wave but kept moving.
“I can’t believe you told her you liked Abbi,” Kai said, chuckling.
“She wasn’t taking any of the subtle hints most people get. You know, like me walking in the other direction whenever I see her.”
I scowled. My ass hurt, I’d upset Abbi, and I was tired of running into Bethany every time I tried to walk across campus. Much as I didn’t want to, I’d have to ask my dad for advice on how to deal with Bethany’s rabid desire to make us a couple.
“Yeah, Bethany’s tenacious and I don’t mean that in a good way. She’s gonna think you’re interested in Abigail.”
“I might be,” I said, surprising myself.
Kai stopped walking. “I get that; she’s gorgeous.”
“That’s not why,” I said.
“So why then? Why mow her down?”
“I didn’t handle that well,” I said.
“Lucky for you, there weren’t many people out here to see it. ’Cause otherwise—day-um, that would’ve made some great social media footage.”
My step hitched. Would Bethany be that mean? I looked over my shoulder. Nah, she didn’t have her phone out. Plus, irritating as she was, Bethany wanted me to like her. Posting my lame-ass exploits on the Net wouldn’t make that happen.
“You’re uncaring, Kai.” My back loosened up finally, and I was able to walk without a limp. “And you better not post anything about Abbi. I mean it.”
“Dude, I’m not going to do anything to her. Scout’s honor.”
Kai held up two fingers. The wrong two. I shoved his hand away from my face. “You’re such a friend.”
“That’s right, buck-a-roo. If you buy me a beer, I won’t even mention your crash-and-burn to Dane.”
“Not sure I care if you do or don’t.”
Kai gaped at me, but I shrugged and kept walking. “I’m going to keep an eye on her. Colt asked me to, and Charles and Neal were hassling her in the library tonight.”
“What’s that got to do with you?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. But there’s more to her story than we know. I have a terrible feeling it’s bad and that those pictures of Abbi aren’t the worst of it. Do you know who posted those?”
“I have no idea. Why would I?”
“She looked at me the way Cassidy did once she got her diagnosis.”
Kai put his hand on my arm to pull me to a stop. His normally laughing eyes were serious when he faced me.
“You can’t fix people or their problems. I mean, look at Cassidy. That’s not something you can simply will away.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. I didn’t like to talk about Cassidy. Kai studied my expression, pressing his advantage.
“I’m officially worried, man. You’re talking about dating the girl with the most downloaded pic of the decade.”
“I’m not going to date her.”
“But you’ve thought about it. You don’t do relationships.”
I didn’t. Because I didn’t believe they’d last. Or, they’d twist around into something ugly, like my parents’ marriage. I didn’t want that either. Easier to be single, remain unattached and uninterested.
I clapped him on the back. “Nothing for you to worry about because there’s nothing there between us.” Such a liar. “Let’s get that beer.”
8
Abbi
I pulled over a couple of blocks from campus and removed my bag to buckle up properly. I also needed the time to calm down.
I shouldn’t have run from Clay like that. I dropped my head against the steering wheel. I hadn’t wanted him to see me cry, b
ut that wasn’t a good reason to leave the guy mid conversation not once but twice. My cheeks burned.
I hated that he’d seen those pictures. Once Steve opened the floodgates with the first picture of me at the fraternity house, hundreds of pictures of me hit my social media accounts. I’d had no clue so many people snapped shots of me. I had no control of what I looked like, where I was, what I was doing in those pictures. They’d been taken and posted without my knowledge or consent.
Most of them were boring: me studying at the library, walking to my dorm after class. But some, like the pictures from that night at the fraternity house, were provocative and hinted at the reputation I’d been given. Slut. I shuddered, hating the word. And the people who threw it around had no idea of its power, the way it cut, deep.
I could sue Steve for starting the social media storm that had slandered my character and destroyed my ability to go back to Tech this year. I might even win. I’d thought about it, mainly because I didn’t want him to get away with bullying me for not wanting to continue a relationship with him.
And I really didn’t like that people thought I was the bored party girl willing to do anything for the next thrill.
But if I did press charges, I’d have to relive those months at Marin Tech. Each time anyone even hinted at that night and the weeks that followed, my mom had to stifle a panic attack. I wasn’t going to be the reason she had another one. I’d made myself that promise back when we still lived in Rathdrum and I’d pulled up to our house to see an ambulance in our driveway. She hadn’t been hurt too badly, but it was my actions—not answering my phone—that caused the problems in the first place.
I set my bag into the passenger seat and rebuckled my seat belt. I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel. Two choices: go back to my lonely dorm and mope until bedtime or go home and play video games with Mason for a couple of hours.
Like there was a choice. I was and always would be a social creature. That’s why Clay’s offer to be friends was so tempting.
Seattle Sound Series, The Collection: Books One to Five Page 77
