“Sweet,” Kai enthused. “We need to practice.”
“Wait. I’m calling Nessa,” Dane said, bouncing up and down. “She’ll let the paper know. Should swell the crowds.”
“I want to add a song to the set list,” I said.
“Now? That’s a terrible idea,” Kai said.
“Quit whining. I’ll play the piano, and you already know the harmony.”
“We don’t have a piano,” Kai said. “Christ, Clay. What are you thinking? This isn’t a huge venue and we don’t have extra pianos laying around.”
“Relax,” I said. “Take a breath. Seriously, dude, you need to loosen up.”
“Kai’s right. There isn’t even room on the stage for an upright, let alone a good baby grand. And we don’t have one,” Dane said, shoving his phone back in his pocket.
“Which is why I’m borrowing one of my dad’s old but still really good keyboards. Sure, I’d prefer the grands, but this is going to be fine. Colt’s going to bring it over in the next hour. He said he’s told his friends about the show and to expect a big turnout. Before you ask, my parents can’t come. They took Cassidy to Disneyland. She’s wanted to go for years.”
Dane’s face softened. Like pretty much everyone, he had a soft spot for my little sister.
“Focus!” Kai yelled. “We don’t have that long to tighten up our songs.”
“So I want to play the new one we started practicing this week.”
Kai groaned. “It’s not ready.”
“It will be. We know the parts. The lyrics are tight and you’ve got the chord progression locked in.”
Dane’s lips curled with skepticism. “Are we sure it’s ready?”
“Is this why you want the piano?” Kai asked.
“Yes. Abbi deserves it.”
I didn’t get a chance to see her before we went on stage. I broke two sets of strings—one on my guitar and the other on my banjo. Kai muttered about this being our worst practice ever, thanks in part to my fumbling fingers. They’d chalked it up to nervousness, but they were wrong. I didn’t want to admit to my epic stupidity this afternoon with how I reacted to Abbi.
My chest tightened as the clock ticked closer to our start time.
Why hadn’t I played it cool? I should’ve just rolled with her comment, hugged her close and kissed her. I should’ve . . . I squinted as the stage lights came up, trying to find her in the crowd. It was way bigger than usual with bodies packed in tight between the stage and bar, thanks in large part to Abbi’s family’s influence.
Damn, I was nervous. So unusual. I hadn’t ever been nervous on a stage.
There she was. Right below me. Everything settled down. I winked at her and she blew me a kiss.
The music was tight, and we hit all the cues. The eight songs Kai and I had written went over well. Alt-folk was gaining popularity, and while most of our songs fell into that category, we straddled the alt-country line, thanks to growing up children of the Internet generation. We played “Open Road” by Roo Panes because Kai’s voice fit it so well. Dane sang a kickass version of The Shadowboxers’s “She Forgives,” which he dedicated to Nessa, who, standing next to Abbi, beamed back at him.
While R&B would never be my strongest style, we got the harmonies right. We’d discovered that when we really felt the lyrics, style didn’t matter so much.
My turn. Nerves fluttered through my gut. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea.
I didn’t play piano at gigs often—not that I couldn’t; I’d taken to most instruments with an ease that never ceased to amaze my parents and piss off my brother.
I never sang alone because I’d grown up on some amazing harmonies. They added depth to the listening experience. But Abbi had asked for a song, and it was a small price to pay for having her here tonight.
“So I have some special guests here tonight. My girlfriend picked out a pretty cool stepdad. Thanks for coming, Asher,” I said with a nod in his direction. His arm was curled around Lia’s waist as she sat next to him. He raised his free hand in salute.
I let my fingers drift across the first notes of the song I’d written about Abbi. “I don’t play many ballads. Simon’s much better at that than I am.”
“You just need practice,” Simon yelled.
I laughed. “Just so. I’m a little nervous because Hayden Crewe’s here, and I’m definitely not up to his level of competency of the piano.” I waited for the laughter to die down. “Abbi, you told me to sing something to make you say yes.”
I focused on the keys, my voice a little unsteady as I worked my way through the first verse.
With every heartbeat, I breathe you in,
Soft, not too sweet. Your eyes see my sin.
You’ve lived through your own kind of hell
Been burnt by friends, not really,
If they’re willing to sell you. Oooh, oooh
I hit the chorus and felt the words deep in my gut, just as I had when I wrote them. My fingers relaxed on the keys, the words pouring out.
With each breath, the fever in my blood grows—
My heart flips when you look at me like that
’Cause I need you now, just where we’re at.
Oooh, oooh.
Abbi’s eyes softened to that deep violet I loved so much. I winked. I was pretty sure she blushed, which was awesome.
Many sounds of silence sealed in the jar
Shoved ’neath the bed or back too far—
Filled with the truths but bits of who
They tried to rip and shred from you.
Oooh, oooh
But with each breath, the fever in my blood grows—
My heart flips when you look at me like that
’Cause I need you now, just where we’re at.
Oooh, oooh.
Kai and Dane joined in, their voices harmonizing with our instruments and each other for the last verse and chorus.
I found you, not what I expected.
Your back of steel has been well-tested
The many sounds of silence pressing from every side—
Still, you keep going; Fighting against every lie
Oooh, oooh.
With each breath, the fever in my blood grows—
My heart flips when you look at me like that
’Cause I need you now, just where we’re at.
Oooh, oooh.
Someone clapped. Simon. Hayden wolf-whistled. Lia, Briar, and Ella hollered as they wiped their eyes. And Abbi. She was right in front, where I could see her, smiling up at me.
30
Abbi
Nessa leaned in. “He’s really into you.”
“No more than I’m into him.” I watched as Clay thanked the crowd, ribbing Dane who was struggling to get his amp unplugged from his guitar. He was so smooth. Such a consummate performer.
And if it panned out well, he’d have a very nice record deal by the end of the school year. Dread and excitement mingled in my chest, causing it to tighten. Music was Clay’s dream. One I’d have to learn how to support, just like my mom and aunts did. Neither of them wanted the limelight, but they championed their men while still balancing their own needs. I had no idea how, but I’d have to learn.
Clay turned those sexy eyes back on me, the corners crinkling with humor. His eyes dropped to my mouth.
I blew him a kiss. Nessa sighed.
For Clay, for us, I’d work through my fear. I didn’t have a choice, really. He’d done so much for me. And giving up Clay wasn’t an option.
I just hoped I was strong enough to deal with whatever the media decided to serve up about me this time. The wait was terrible. At least when the story hit, I’d respond.
Mom touched my shoulder. “We’re heading out,” she said.
“Okay. Let me tell everyone bye. Nessa, do you and Jenna want to meet my family?”
They both nodded, wide-eyed. At the table, I introduced my friends, who stumbled over their words. I rolled my eyes, unsurprised by their flustered responses
. It took them a while to remember Asher and Hayden, and even my uncle Simon, who was still building his ever-growing following, were just people.
“I heard one of you is dating the guitarist,” Hayden said. “Quite a musician.”
“Thanks,” Nessa said, her voice higher than usual. “He’s a very nice person.”
“Always good in a guy,” Aunt Ella said with a wink. “I’m dragging Simon off, love.” She stood and kissed my cheek. “Your mum is keeping Jeremiah because she’s a doll. I’m going to sleep until noon. Tell your bloke bye for us. He knocked off my knickers.”
“You’ll be up by seven,” Simon said with a chuckle, giving me a hug. “And no more talking about knickers.”
“Seven will feel amazingly late,” Ella responded. “Give me my moment.”
“So glad I don’t have a kid to deal with,” Hayden said, standing and stretching.
“Just Princess, who wakes us up at five thirty every morning,” Aunt Bri complained.
“She settles down fine. You just need to know how to pet the girl,” he said with a wink, causing Jenna to sway and whimper.
“Bye, Abs. This was fun,” Aunt Briar said, hugging me. “I’ll call you as soon as I know anything,” she whispered into my ear. “It’ll be soon. Your mom and Asher are pushing forward.”
I nodded. “I’ll call you all tomorrow.”
“Come over. Bring Clay and your friends,” Mom said. “We’ll do a cookout.”
Jenna grabbed my hand hard enough to make me wince.
“Excellent! Another barbie. Count Bri and me in,” Hayden said. He turned to me, slinging his arm over my shoulder in a friendly hug. “These guys, they’ll do well.”
“Absolutely,” Asher said. He kissed my forehead, and I wrapped my arms around his middle. “We love you, Abbi,” he murmured into my hair. He stepped back. “You okay getting home?”
I nodded. “Love you, too. I’m good. Clay’s taking me. Thanks for coming. I know Clay appreciated your support.”
Asher smiled and slid his hand around my mom’s waist.
“Talk soon, honey,” Mom said, hugging me again.
“Love you.”
“Whew. That is one helluva a family you got there, Abbi.” Jenna sighed, collapsing into the chair. “I mean, crap on a stick. They’re even nice.”
I giggled, my nose wrinkling at her image. “They’re pretty overwhelming. I wasn’t sure Clay would be able to withstand their combined force when he met them all this afternoon. At least in social situations, they spread out. Well, usually.”
“I can see why. That’s a lot of personalities. And holy hotness,” Nessa said, fanning herself. “It’s like you’re related to all the beautiful people.”
I grabbed one of the seats nearby. “How long does it take the guys to break down?”
“Not too long.”
I wanted Clay to take me home now. I wanted to lay him back on his bed and kiss every inch of him. Him singing for me, that had clicked the final piece. I’d known for a while I was falling in love with him, thanks to his misplaced and sometimes grudging help. Now it was irrecoverable. Irreversible.
I loved him. Hard. Like one of the heroines in my mom’s books.
He didn’t feel the same. But no matter what happened, I’d be so thankful to him for helping me stand up to the emotional bullying.
Hands slid across my shoulders, a thumb pressed into my neck. I started until I smelled Clay’s bodywash. I already knew his woodsy scent, and it both calmed down my racing heart and revved my body temperature up.
His chuckle vibrated against the back of my head as he bent down, pressing his lips behind my ear. I shivered, my response to him visceral. I couldn’t stop it any more than a pilot could halt a plane midair. A pulse started to beat between my legs and I gasped when his lips slid up to my ear.
“I liked seeing you here. I liked the way you looked at me like you do when I’m about to sink deep inside you. Made it hard to concentrate on our songs. Then you parted your lips, like you did just now, and I kept thinking how they part when I kiss your navel. How you moan just like that when I bite your earlobe.”
He bit the sensitive tip. Reckless, wild need scorched through me and I stood and spun, my arms around his neck and my lips on his.
“Crap, that’s hot,” Jenna muttered behind me. “I really need to get me a guy.”
“I give Abbi a nine for that move,” Nessa said, laughing.
Clay cupped the back of my head in that way of his, cradling me closer. His tongue ran the seam of my lips, parting them so he could glide in with leisurely strokes. I clutched him tighter and followed him through our personal dance.
Sighing, I pulled back slowly, a bit at a time so that just our mouths separated. “I like you dedicating songs to me,” I whispered against his chin.
“I’d never guess,” he chuckled, kissing the tip of my nose. “I wrote it for you. You ready to go?”
I glanced back at Nessa and Jenna, both of whom were listening. Nessa shooed me off.
“Go. Have fun. Jen and I are going to hang here for a while.”
“I can stay here, keep you company.”
“With that level of unsatisfied sexual tension? Nope.” Jenna shook her head, eyes dancing. “This is part of our wind-down. Three a.m., baby.”
She winked. Clay leaned down and collected my bag, grasping its handles in a fist.
“Bye, ladies. See you soon.”
“What about your equipment?” I asked.
“Stored in the back of my and Dane’s SUVs. Let’s go. I need to kiss you more. More of you and more times.”
“You got a plan there, captain?”
His lids slid lower over those smoldering green eyes. “Oh, yeah.”
“Good. I like a man who knows where he’s going.”
31
Clay
Tonight, I hadn’t been sure about our music, something I was always sure of, until I saw Abbi. Which either made me unstable or lovesick. Concerned as I was about falling in love, I wasn’t sure I had it in me to stop it from happening. Sure, she’d said she was falling for me, but she hadn’t even agreed to move in with me. Which was why keeping the media off her back or saving her from Bethany was so much easier than admitting I wanted her in my life.
“You okay? You got all quiet and pensive.”
I threw her a grin, surprised by how much the simple touch of her hand to mine calmed my insecurities.
“I enjoyed your performance tonight,” she said, turning her head toward me. “Thank you for the song. I got so hot when you looked at me, singing to me.”
And just like that, the desire was back, scorching. Good thing I’d just pulled into the building. I’d planned to take those sweet, soft lips, but her neck called to me. I kissed her racing pulse. Moved up to her jaw. Cruised along that strong line until my lips were over hers. She moaned as she dropped her head back into my hand, trusting me to support her.
She opened for me, and my hunger built. She’d been through so much, had her trust in people smashed over and over, yet she was here, with me, letting me love her.
I eased back, stared into her dreamy eyes. That was the third time I’d thought of love and Abbi together. She blinked at me, and my face tightened. “We’re here.”
A frown built between her thin, russet brows. I opened my door and walked around to hers. By the time I’d come around the car, her confusion had flushed to hurt. She ignored my hand as she stepped from the car. She stood next to me, silent and small, shrinking back into herself once again.
“I can just call a cab and go back to my dorm.”
“No.” The word was harsh. “Dammit, Abbi, stop doing that. I want you here.”
And I did, desperately, even though it meant opening myself up to more of these feelings I needed to stop having.
She followed me into the elevator and into the condo.
“I don’t know what’s going on with you, Clay. One minute you’re obviously very into me, but the next, yo
u slam up this wall. I can’t keep up.”
She was so brave. Those words were steady but she’d forced them out of the fear I’d seen building since I’d pulled away on the pier earlier. Problem was, I didn’t know how to protect her heart, my heart, and keep moving forward with us.
I couldn’t let Abbi go. I couldn’t let her fall in love with me. Everything was so jumbled. So I kissed her, trying to tell her I was here with her. But I wasn’t.
I was too afraid of what could happen, what I’d seen happen with my parents.
And she knew it.
“How was the interview?” I asked.
Abbi worried the skin around her thumb. I pulled her hand away, holding it. She squeezed back lightly. “I think it was okay. I don’t know how to gauge these things.”
“Briar went, right?” I hadn’t been able to—I had a class and then rehearsal for another gig—the frequency of our shows had been way up since Abbi’s family came to the Tractor Tavern last month. Abbi hadn’t asked me to get out of rehearsal either, and I hadn’t offered. Maybe I should have. But we spent so much time together already, adding to it seemed like crossing some line.
The attention focused on Abbi and me, whether from the media or fellow students, grew to near insanity over the past month. Not only did people stop us to ask for our picture and autograph, some stopped us to tell us who we’d be better with, especially me. I hated the way they treated Abbi, but there wasn’t much to do about it except keep her close, which had the added benefit of me getting to love her sweet body all over campus and at all hours of the day.
“Yeah. Briar and my mom were there. They said it went well.”
I raised her hand to my mouth and kissed the back of it. “Then it did.”
The interview caused a stir as we’d expected. But I wasn’t prepared for just how intense the scrutiny would be. For the next few days, neither Abbi nor I left the building without a recording device or camera shoved in our faces.
During those days, the enormity of Abbi’s case hit me. I was in the middle of one of the biggest lawsuits of our generation. Not really the publicity I wanted, but I’d promised Abbi I wouldn’t walk away. If I did now, I’d be the world’s biggest douche.
Seattle Sound Series, The Collection: Books One to Five Page 93
