Images kept hitting me like a baseball bat. With each one, I flinched until I was crumpled on the floor.
The way he seemed to enjoy watching my face while he raped me. His awful smell—body odor mixed with cigarettes and chips.
How could he have done that to me? Why hadn’t my parents listened to me? Why me?
I felt a warm hand on my back, and I screamed.
“Audrey, it’s only me.” Kate knelt down beside me. “What can I do?”
I looked into her face. She was crying. I was crying. And for the first time, I wrapped my arms around her and held on. We stayed like that until the images vanished.
Chapter 8
Monday started out bad and only got worse. Kate had a staff meeting, so I had to catch a ride to school with the twins. Since Justin was in the backseat, I climbed in the front. That’s when Caleb informed me that he was also giving his girlfriend, Hannah, a ride.
As we pulled into her driveway, Caleb honked the horn and turned to me. “The passenger seat doesn’t move forward. You’ll have to crawl in the back.”
The front door of the house opened, and Hannah came out. Not having much time, I unbuckled and tried to get one leg over the center console, being careful not to hit the stick shift. Using the front seats, I hoisted the rest of my body into the back. In the process, my leg caught, and I fell into Justin’s lap. He tensed and looked mortified. I hurried to move off him. When I buckled my seat belt, I glanced over to see that he was still frozen.
“Sorry,” I mumbled. He turned his head toward the window.
Hannah got in and Caleb introduced us.
I expected Hannah to be thin and beautiful, and she was. Long, platinum-blond hair, blue eyes, and flawless skin. What more could a girl ask for? Maybe her skirt could be a tad bit longer. I mean, did it even cover her butt? And her shirt could cover a little more—hello cleavage. She obviously dressed to attract attention. Hopefully the only attention she got was from horny teenage boys, and not from older men. Hannah obviously didn’t think about that. Most girls our age didn’t. I certainly never did before.
Caleb and Hannah talked to each other while Justin continued to stare out the side window. Oh well, at least no one was paying any attention to me. Even though I was sitting as far from Justin as I could, the tension was almost tangible. His hands were balled into fists, resting on his legs. Was he mad at me for falling on him, or for looking in his window?
When we got to school and parked, Justin shoved the seat forward, squishing Caleb, and jumped out of the Jeep. He took off before anyone else could even unbuckle.
“What’s up his butt today?” Hannah asked, getting out of the car.
“Oh, you know Justin,” Caleb replied, reclining his seat. He exited the car, pulling his seat forward and helping me out.
“Yeah, but that was weird even for him,” Hannah said.
Caleb put his arm around her shoulder, glancing my way.
“I’ll see you in class,” I said, indicating that I could take care of myself. Hannah looked at me nonchalantly and smiled. She wasn’t as friendly as Caleb.
Not wanting to follow them, I decided to go around the football stadium and enter the school from the back by the baseball fields. The sun was out, as always, but it was chilly. Hardly anyone was around, so I sat on the concrete steps by the fields. I really didn’t want to be at school. It felt like such a waste. In all honesty, now that I wasn’t going to kill myself, staying here in California was only putting reality on hold.
I still hadn’t called or emailed Kara yet. At some point, I’d have to face her. It was just that I didn’t want to see her—my best friend—look at me like everyone else did. To see the horror and pity on her face because she knew I was raped. Would she treat me the same?
And how in the world was I ever going to have a boyfriend—not that I’d had many in the first place, but my chances now were nonexistent. No one would want me, knowing what Bill had done. I was afraid to open up to anyone, especially a guy.
The only person who knew exactly what I had gone through was the voice, and I wasn’t even sure if he was an actual person or not. It was pathetic—I actually missed him. When I had first heard thevoice, I thought I was going crazy, literally. After all, I had been trapped in that cabin for weeks.
Once he started talking to me, it still took an additional month before I was rescued. But the voice was with me through it all. He gave me the will to live. I never did ask him who or what he was, for fear he would leave. Or if I was delusional and speaking to my subconscious, I didn’t want to be conscious of it, because then it would definitely end.
The more time I spent with the voice, the more intrigued I was. He got to know me, really know me, and he slowly became a part of me. So when the hunters found me, I was devastated that the voice left, leaving a void that I didn’t know how to fill. I could barely cope with the kidnapping and rape, so losing the one thing I depended on was more than I could handle.
The bell rang, making me jump. As I headed to class, my thoughts ran wild. I needed to focus on something simple, normal. Sliding into my seat for first period, a girl walked by, hitting my head with her backpack. She turned, and I thought she was going to apologize, but she just smirked. Seriously? What in the world was that for? I didn’t even know her name; how could she be mad at me? It was childish, and after everything I had been through, stupid.
On the surface, the rest of my day progressed as usual. Caleb was very much the focus of everyone’s attention. He had some big play in the football game Friday night, which everyone kept talking about. As always, he was in a good mood. I tried to smile and pretend I was okay, that everything was normal.
Which was why I was surprised when Caleb passed me a note in Spanish class, asking what was wrong. I was acting the part, paying attention in class, and taking notes. How in the world could he possibly know my real mood?
Unsure of how to respond, I decided not to answer. But he kept glancing at me, expecting something. I shook my head and smiled. When the bell rang, I gathered my books, preparing to walk the halls for the fifteen-minute break. Most people hung out in one of the two quads or around the locker areas. I planned my route accordingly.
Caleb slid next to me, grabbed hold of my backpack, and pulled me outside the classroom, between two buildings, away from everyone.
“What are you doing?” I demanded, shifting my shoulders and readjusting my backpack.
“What’s going on?” he asked.
“Nothing. Why?”
“You . . . I don’t know. I can tell something’s bothering you.”
“No more than the usual,” I whispered.
Caleb grimaced, looking up toward the sky. An entire minute passed, and Caleb still hadn’t said anything else. It seemed like he was really concentrating on something. I glanced up. Nothing was there, not even a cloud.
“Is everything all right with you?” I asked, breaking the awkward silence.
“I’ll see you in physics.” He turned to go, but then stopped. “If you ever want to talk, I’m here for you.” He left before I could respond.
That was odd. Perhaps it was just his personality, though, to always want to see everyone happy.
In calculus, Mr. Stone droned on and on about some theory. I couldn’t stay focused, and didn’t take a single note on the lecture. Oh well. I would figure it out at home later. It took longer that way, and wasting time was always good. No, not wasting time, but rather keeping my mind from wandering—that was the ultimate goal.
For some reason, my eyes kept finding their way to Justin. I noticed his hat move, and realized his head was turned slightly in my direction. Although, then it was back down. Maybe I’d just imagined it. Justin’s hat was so low that I couldn’t see his face that well. It almost looked like his eyes were shut. His right hand massaged his forehead.
“Makayla?” I didn’t realize Mr. Stone had even asked a question. The teacher looked at me expectantly. My notebook was still blank. Dang it
.
“Could you please repeat the question?” I asked, humiliated. Of course this would happen during one of my classes with Justin. He had to think I was an idiot.
Instead of repeating the question, the teacher moved on to another student, who answered right away. When the bell rang, Mr. Stone asked me to stay after class. Lovely.
For the first time, Justin didn’t bolt. Instead, he lingered, playing with his backpack. When I realized that everyone else was gone and I was alone with Mr. Stone, unexpected panic washed through me. I was frozen, unable to move.
“Do you need something, Justin?” Mr. Stone asked. Justin shook his head. “Makayla, can you please come here?” He sat behind his desk, waiting for me. I still couldn’t move. Logically, I knew he wouldn’t hurt me. But then I hadn’t really thought my uncle would hurt me either. Looking at my arms, I pictured Bill’s hands restraining them.
Mr. Stone cleared his throat. “Makayla? Is there a problem today?”
For some reason, I couldn’t get my emotions under control, and tears threatened to spill over. My hair caught on my backpack, and the image of Bill grabbing it swirled through me like smoke. What was happening? Why was I having a breakdown now, right in front of my teacher and Justin?
“Kate,” I managed to choke out. Justin walked over to Mr. Stone and said something so softly I couldn’t hear.
“Kate Brown is your aunt?” Mr. Stone asked. Justin glanced at me. Several things surprised me, but I couldn’t focus on any of them right now. I was going to lose it, and I needed Kate.
I nodded. Mr. Stone called Kate’s classroom, and, within a couple of minutes, Kate came hurrying into the room.
She pulled me into a hug. “It’s going to be okay. I’m here.” My resistance evaporated and I hugged Kate back, my tears falling onto her shoulder.
Kate took the rest of the day off and drove me to Del Mar Beach. Sitting on the sand, we stared at the ocean for hours. Kate never said a word, but she was there next to me.
The water was mesmerizing—the waves crashing onto the shore before being viciously sucked back out. It was beautiful and terrifying at the same time. I never tired of watching the ocean. It was hard to be depressed here with the weather so warm and comforting. Back home when it rained, which was quite often, it was easy to wallow in self-pity. I focused on the positive—that I was alive, healthy, and at an amazing place with my aunt. Beautiful and terrifying at the same time.
After dropping me off at the house, Kate went to Rubio’s Mexican Grill to pick up fish tacos for dinner, which she assured me I would love. I didn’t feel like watching TV, so I went up to my room and grabbed my copy of A Tale of Two Cities. The window was halfway open, the sun shining through on its descent. I was about to close my blinds when the twins next door caught my attention.
“It would be nice if you cared a little more,” Caleb spit out. After a few seconds, he continued, “It sure doesn’t show.” And then again, “You said she was fine. Clearly she wasn’t. If you hadn’t been there, who knows what would’ve happened.” Justin had his back to me, so I couldn’t hear what he was saying.
“But that’s the point,” Caleb continued. “I told you there was something wrong. If you had spent some time with her, you would’ve known.”
Who were they talking about?
“She’s not going to bite. What’s the problem?” Caleb said, staring at Justin. He shook his head. “Too late now, don’t you think?” And with that, Caleb stormed into the house, slamming the door.
“Oh, come on, Caleb. You don’t know the half of it,” Justin yelled. He grabbed a golf ball and threw it with a scary amount of force onto the golf course.
Justin’s voice sounded familiar. Not the same as the voice, but there was an eerie similarity. Holy crap. My hands shook so badly, I couldn’t close the blinds. I grabbed my book, dropping it three times before I managed to make it downstairs. Instead of reading, I turned the radio on and cranked up the volume. All I needed to do was focus on the music, the lyrics, and block out everything else, because I couldn’t handle any more crazy thoughts.
Chapter 9
The wave broke and water rushed around my ankles, rough and angry, before the ocean reclaimed the water, sucking it back out. Another wave came, bigger this time. It rose higher and higher until it was above my head. I turned to run, but the wave crashed over me, knocking me into the sand. The force took my breath away, and I gasped for air, inhaling water instead. I tried frantically to find solid ground. Everywhere I kicked or reached, there was water. A force jerked my body and pulled me deeper into the ocean. The water darkened as I tried swimming to the surface, but which way was up? I couldn’t breathe. My chest felt like it had rocks pressing on it.
A hand appeared in front of me, and I grabbed it. The person dragged me above the water, and I gasped for air, clinging to the side of a small boat.
Audrey—it’s only a dream.
Bill stood above me, smiling. “Miss me?” he asked.
I screamed and woke up, wet—from sweat, not water. After counting to one hundred, I slid out of bed, forcing myself to take slow, steady breaths. Taking a shower didn’t sound very appealing, so I threw on clothes and went downstairs, looking forward to school for once.
I was one of the first people in civics. When Caleb arrived, he walked straight toward me with a smile on his face. Squatting down next to my desk, he leaned in close. “Doing any better today?” he asked. I moved away, but my body didn’t go rigid from the closeness. He smelled familiar. Caleb must use the same soap or shampoo as my brothers.
I noticed several people looking our way. “Much better. Thanks,” I said.
“Come over tonight. We need to study for tomorrow’s physics quiz.”
I nodded, and he went to his seat. A substitute teacher walked in and gave us a study packet to work on for the period. We were allowed to work in groups as long as we kept the noise level down. The sub sat at her desk, reading a book. She wasn’t paying attention to us. I immediately got to work.
“Excuse me. You’re Makayla, right?” Someone tapped my arm, and I jerked away.
I had forgotten that was supposed to be my name. “Oh, yeah.” I looked at the girl sitting next to me. She was pretty, with strawberry-blond hair and brown eyes. She wore a tank top and shorts. I still couldn’t believe people wore summer outfits in October. Of course, it was over eighty degrees. But still.
“I’m Maddie. Do you want to work together?”
“Sure,” I said, not really wanting to.
“It must suck being a new student your senior year. Where’d you move from?” Maddie moved her desk up against mine.
“Um,” I forgot where I was supposed to be from. “The L.A. area?”
“How do you know Caleb?” Her eyes darted over to where he sat with a group of football players. “You two seem close, like you already knew each other or something.”
“We’re just neighbors,” I clarified.
Maddie smiled deviously. “He’s so yummy. I wish he were my neighbor.” I laughed and tried to focus on the assignment. “Have you met his girlfriend?” she sneered.
“Briefly.”
“She’s a cheerleader. They’ve only been dating a few months though.”
“Are you friends with Caleb?” I asked.
“Hardly. We run in very different circles. Doesn’t mean I can’t admire the scenery though.”
“What about his brother?” I couldn’t help myself.
“Justin?” Maddie looked confused. “I don’t know. They’re so different. He mostly keeps to himself, although he hangs out with Caleb and his friends sometimes. I hear Justin goes to all the parties with Caleb.”
“We should get started on this,” I said, changing the subject.
We finished right when the bell rang. Caleb came over to walk me to Spanish. I caught Maddie giving me a smile.
The next few periods passed in a blur. For some reason, I couldn’t stop thinking about Justin. I kept picturing him stan
ding in his backyard, throwing that golf ball. He made me feel uneasy and off balance, as if I were standing on one foot in the ocean.
During lunch, I went to Kate’s room as usual. Only, when I got there, Kate was leaving and locking her door. “I have a lunch meeting,” she informed me.
“That’s okay. I’ll keep the door closed.”
“Sorry, honey, I can’t.”
“What do you mean? You’ve left me alone in there before.”
“Audrey, you need to stop hiding in my room.”
Where was this coming from? “But I don’t know anyone here.” My body started to shake, and my hands became clammy with the thought of having lunch with the entire school.
“And you never will if you keep hiding.”
“But I’m not going to be here for very long.”
She looked at me. “I don’t think that’s the reason. I’m sorry, Audrey, but it’s for your own good.” Kate turned and walked away.
Seriously? How could she do this to me? I had come to school so she could keep an eye on me, not to make friends or fit in. I already had a school and friends. I didn’t need any more. I stood there, dumbfounded. What was I supposed to do?
Students were everywhere. Some sat in the hallways, others on the grass in the quad. It seemed everyone had a group and every group had a spot. Reminding myself that I was Makayla, not Audrey, I played the part and walked around like I had somewhere to go. I was hungry, but couldn’t sit and eat by myself, so I kept on walking, finally deciding to go to the bathroom. At least there I could hide in a stall and eat without anyone staring at me.
The closest bathroom was by the gym. Heading in that direction, I saw Justin talking to a girl near one of the food carts. He didn’t see me, so I slowed to get a better look. She wore skinny blue jeans and a gray shirt, and her black hair was cut short. She leaned toward Justin, his hand touching her arm. I hadn’t realized he had a girlfriend. So he was capable of talking and being friendly—just not with me.
For some reason, I pictured that hand touching my arm. The girl he was with smiled, flirting with Justin, but his face seemed serious. I didn’t think I’d ever seen him smile. He dropped his hand from her and crossed his arms. All of a sudden, the girl looked shocked. Then she nodded. I wondered what in the world they were talking about.
The Voice Page 5
