‘A couch.’
‘And this stuff on the floor?’
‘A carpet.’ Roz sat down close to Steve and took hold of his hand.
‘You got any at Inner State U?’
‘Yeah – in the dean’s study.’
‘Fantastic…’ Steve waved a hand around the living area. ‘All this space for one guy! Did you know that there were Trackers who lived like this?’
‘Not until I ran into Chisum.’
‘Amazing… And this guy’s just a computer specialist. Just think what Uncle Bart’s unit at New Mex State must be like. It must be enormous! Did you know this unit’s even got its own galley?!’
‘Yes.’ Roz lifted his arm around her shoulder and snuggled up against him. ‘I’ve been here before.’
‘Who with?’
‘Guys. Classmates from Inner State. Friends of Chisum.’ She reached up and tilted Steve’s face towards her so that his cheek rested against her forehead.
‘He certainly gets around,’ muttered Steve.
‘Don’t let’s talk about him, or anybody else. Let’s talk about you. Us.’
‘What d’you want to know?’
‘Everything. What happened to you. What you saw, who you met, what you felt.’
Steve gave a quick laugh. ‘How long have you got?’
Roz kissed his cheek. ‘Long enough. Let me start you off. I knew you were coming. I connected with you on the shuttle. Did you know that?’
‘Yes,’ whispered Steve. ‘I heard your voice in my mind. You said “they were watching”. What did you mean? Who are “they”?’
‘I’m not sure. It’s just something I’ve felt ever since you were captured.’ Roz hesitated. ‘I knew you had crashed. I felt this terrible pain in my right arm and here –’ Roz sat up and touched the right side of her head – the exact point where the bolt fired from Cadillac’s crossbow had pinned Steve’s arm to his helmet. ‘I was in class, working at a ‘scope, when – all of a sudden – my arm flew up like this. I felt this terrible pain, the whole lab started to spin. I felt I was falling then – I fainted.’
‘That’s just how it was with me,’ whispered Steve. ‘The bolt went right through my arm here –’ He gripped his right bicep. ‘What happened then?’
Roz took hold of his hands. ‘When I came round, Kirkorian – the Chief Pathologist at Inner State – was checking me over. They must have given me a shot of something. I couldn’t move and found it difficult to speak. Everything was kind of – muzzy. I couldn’t quite work out what was going on but I’m pretty sure Kirk stuck something in my arm – a probe, I guess. He kept asking me if it hurt. It didn’t but, at first, I couldn’t figure out what he was saying and then, I couldn’t get my mouth to work. It was like – y’know – when the dentist fills your jaw with novocaine.’
‘Might have been shock. I hit the ground hard. Messed me up pretty good.’
‘I bet…’ Roz squeezed his hands. ‘Well, anyway, they kept me in hospital for a whole day. When whatever they’d given me wore off, I looked at my arm but there was nothing to see. Not a mark – or on my head either.’ She smiled. ‘Weird, huh?’
‘Very…’ mused Steve.
‘You’re not the only one to think that. A couple of guys from the Black Tower – one of them a woman – paid me a visit, asked me a lot of questions but –’ her eyes locked onto Steve’s ‘– there was nothing I could tell them.’ She brushed the scar on his left cheek. ‘I felt this too. It happened late at night, didn’t it?’
‘That’s right
Roz nodded. ‘I was dreaming. I was surrounded by huge leaping flames, and there were drums beating, the noise was frightening. I woke up with my mouth full of blood. My face felt as if it was on fire. It was like having shrieking toothache except the pain was in my cheeks not my gums. My jaw muscles were clenched and trembling.’
‘That figures. I had to bite on the arrow to break it.’
‘I washed my mouth out and took a quick look in the mirror. There was blood coming out of both sides of my face.’
‘Did anyone see you?’
‘No, fortunately everyone was asleep. The bleeding stopped half-an-hour later.’
‘What about your face?’
‘You mean next morning? Nothing. Both cheeks were clean. Like it never happened.’ She smiled. ‘All in the mind, I guess. Except there was blood all over my pillow. I told my room mates I’d had a nosebleed.’
Steve nodded. ‘And you think someone from the Black Tower has been keeping an eye on you ever since.’
‘Yes. But I don’t mean I’m being followed around night and day. I mean they’ve got my number. The high-wires don’t like you to be, well – different.’
Steve smiled and ran a hand over Roz’s hair. ‘They’d like it even less if they knew how different we really are.’
‘Yes…’ Roz took hold of Steve’s hand as it rested on her neck and ran her lips over it. ‘For a while I thought they were going to throw me off the course. I really spooked the rest of the class. Kirk – Kirkorian – still hasn’t got over it. I can tell by the way he looks at me.’
‘Did you, uh – tell anyone you knew I was alive?’
‘You mean Annie – or d’you mean Chisum?’
Steve shrugged. ‘He says he’s heard a lot about me.’
‘That’s right,’ said Roz. ‘Your little sister is very proud of you. But I’ve never told him about us. Only you and me know about us.’ She bit the edge of his hand playfully. Their eyes met. ‘D’you remember how it was?’
‘Sometimes, yes. Other times I try to forget.’
‘I’m not going to let you.’
‘Roz, I told you – right after Graduation – people change. Even you aren’t the same person you were when I left.’
Roz shrugged. ‘In some ways perhaps. But not deep down. We’ll always be part of one another. We belong together. I’ve known it since the moment Annie brought me back from the Life Institute.’
Steve laughed, remembering. ‘Aww, c’mon – you couldn’t see straight – you cross-eyed little runt!’
‘And what about you? Even at two and a half you were already a pompous little fart, marching off to primary training with your nose in the air –’
‘How could you remember that?’
‘I remember everything!’ exclaimed Roz. ‘And what I remember most is you running around going “bzz-bzz-bzz” with that stupid little model plane –’
‘It was more fun than having to play with you, worm!
‘Well, I hated it!’ exclaimed Roz. She threw a punch at Steve’s shoulder. He blocked her fist and caught hold of her left wrist as she tried to get through his guard. They rolled around on the couch, wrestling playfully. Roz was strong, with quick reflexes, but she was no match for Steve. They tumbled off the soft cushions and landed with Steve pinning her to the floor. Roz gave up the unequal struggle. Steve could feel her heart beating against his ribs. He pressed his nose down on hers. ‘I was crazy about that plane. Poppa-Jack gave it to me. It was a model of his Skyhawk.’
‘I know,’ said Roz. ‘Annie told me. That’s why I hated it! Because of what flying the real thing did to him.’ She pulled her wrists from his relaxed grasp and slid her arms round his neck. ‘Because I knew that same goddam airplane was going to take you away from me.’
‘Yeah,’ muttered Steve. ‘Y’know, a few months ago, I thought I knew everything, but now…’ He shook his head and sighed. ‘I feel like I’m right back at the beginning.’ He rolled over on his back alongside the couch.
Roz hung on round his neck and ended up on top. She kissed the tip of his nose. ‘You must have learned something out there. Everything must be so different.’
‘Yeah…’ Steve smiled, remembering. ‘If I’ve learned anything at all, it’s that life means being separated from those people you…’ He lapsed into silence. In his mind’s eye were a series of pictures of Clearwater; her face as he first saw it across the firelit circle; standing naked in front
of her hut in the forest, stretching her lithe, supple body; the secret look she gave him when she passed by in the company of her clan-sisters; her body close to his in the darkness during their one night together, warm and vibrant, arched beneath him and over him, whispering sweet-sounding words in his ear; words he had never heard and did not know the meaning of, but which made his heart quicken.
‘“Those people you”… what?’ asked Roz
‘Those people you love,’ replied Steve. ‘Have you ever heard of that word?’
‘Yes, I’ve heard it.’
‘Where’
‘In songs. On some of those tapes you don’t like me listening to. What d’you think it means?’
‘I’m not sure,’ said Steve. ‘This old Mute asked me if it was a word we used. I said “No”. Later on he explained what it meant. Love is a word you use to describe a special kind of feeling you have about somebody. It’s much more than just being friendly with a guy. It’s to do with wanting to, uh – be with someone all the time. But it’s more than that. It’s stronger. It’s like…’ Steve searched for an appropriate description. ‘… wanting to be part of them. When you feel this way about someone, you can’t think of anything else. Nothing else matters. And when they’re close to you, y’know, it, uh – takes your breath away. You feel you’re going to suffocate. Not in a bad way, but because you’re so goddam happy!’ Steve ran his hands over Roz’s shoulders and down onto the base of her spine. ‘Have you ever felt anything like that?’
‘Yeah,’ murmured Roz. ‘It’s the way I feel about you.’ She kissed him hungrily before he could reply, the tip of her tongue chasing his. She slid her trousered thighs outside his and pressed down hard with the point of her pelvis.
Steve felt the zing through the double layers of clothing; felt the heat building up between their sandwiched thighs. This is crazy, he thought. He took her face between his hands and lifted her mouth from his. ‘Tell me about you and Chisum.’
Roz lifted her butt a few inches and brought the point of her pelvis down hard against Steve’s crotch. ‘Fuck Chisum…’
‘That hurt
‘It was meant to. Never mind. I have a Grade One InterMed and I’m studying for my M D. D’you want me to kiss it better?’
‘Later.’ Steve wriggled free and sat down on the couch. Roz sat up, pushed her hair back into place, then curled her feet under her and leant against the couch at Steve’s knee. ‘I’m waiting.’
Roz shrugged. ‘There’s nothing to tell. I first ran into him on a tour of the Life Institute when I was doing my InterMed. We met up again a few months ago. We’ve been together here a few times – usually with other people from Inner State. Not often. I don’t get a lot of free time. We have classes six days a week. Sunday is supposed to be our day off but everybody spends it transferring class notes from their MemoTypers onto disk files, and doing extra revision. The pressure is,’ Roz grimaced, ‘… pretty horrendous.’
‘I can imagine…’
‘You can’t afford to let up for a minute. Sometimes I think if it hadn’t been for Chisum, I’d have…’ She let it hang there.
‘And you’ve still got another two and a half years to go,’ observed Steve.
‘Yeah…’ Roz smiled wanly. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll make it. And, just for the record, he hasn’t jacked your little sister.’
‘I’m not worried, Roz. You’re a big girl now. I just want to know what the score is. What’s his angle? What’s he after?’
‘I don’t know, and I don’t care. If Chisum wasn’t around I’d pop my rivets. He’s a nice, relaxing guy. He knows how to make you laugh. A few of us sneak over here for a few hours every couple of weeks or so. We sit around, swap ideas, talk about things – everything except médecine – brew Java, plug into some blackjack and burn off some grass. It helps take the heat off.’
Steve sat bolt upright and seized his kin-sister’s wrist. ‘Sweet Christopher! I told you to lay off that blackjack junk before I left. And now you’re smoking grass!’
Roz eyed him calmly. ‘So what? You were piped into it while you were out there.’
‘Is that what Chisum told you?’
‘Yeah, tonight. When he was fixing up for me to come over to meet you. I asked him how he thought you might react if I lit up.’
‘And what did he say?’
Roz smiled. ‘He said you might hit the roof but probably wouldn’t go through it. And that if I twisted your arm, you might loosen up and take a puff.’
‘The crazy sonofabitch!’ hissed Steve angrily. ‘I told him! Roz! How could you get sucked into something like this?! Blackjack and grass are both Code One! If the Provos were to hit this place while you were all here –’
Roz cut him off. ‘Steve! Half the Provos in Grand Central are tunnelling out. How d’you think the stuff gets here? They’re part of the network!’
‘Is that what Chisum told you?’
‘Of course. You don’t think I walked up to some meat-loaf and asked him, do you?’
‘And you believe it…’
Roz pulled free of his grip and held his hand between hers. ‘Why not? True, untrue, right, wrong. I don’t know what those words mean anymore – do you?’
‘I used to once. Now, well – I’m not so sure.’
‘Exactly. Anyway, what are you getting so upset about? You’ve done the same thing.’
‘That was different. I was a prisoner.’
‘Yes, of course. I forgot.’ Roz smiled. ‘Did you tell the Assessors the Mutes forced you to smoke grass?’
‘No. They might not have understood.’
‘I bet. And what else didn’t you tell them?’
Steve pulled his hand free. ‘Drop it, Roz. I’ve got enough problems.’
‘I know.’
‘What d’you mean?’
Roz rose to her feet abruptly and looked down at him. ‘You keep forgetting I can get inside your head, Steve. I was with you on your first overground solo, when you crashed, when you were on your way here aboard the shuttle.’
Steve was filled with sudden foreboding. ‘I know. You already told me.’
Roz nodded. ‘There were other times too, big brother.’
‘What “other times”?’
Roz smiled ruefully. ‘Steve – I know there are things you don’t want to tell me. That hurts but – okay, I know you’ve been trying for years to build a wall around yourself. Maybe you can shut out other people but I will always get through. We really are different. Sometimes I hate it, hate having to hide it, hate knowing that you – the other part of what I am – are trying to break the bond between us.’
‘I’m not,’ said Steve. ‘Not all the time. It – you have to understand, Roz – this thing we have… scares the heck out of me.’
‘It used to scare me – but not anymore. What frightens me now is knowing why you’re trying to shut me out.’
Steve’s stomach felt like a ball of lead. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘I’m talking about Clearwater.’
Steve caught his breath and tried to look puzzled. ‘Clearwater?’
‘Yes, Clearwater!’ cried Roz. ‘Did you really think you could keep it from me?! Her name is burned right through your fucking brain! Dark hair as long as my arm, blue eyes, brown skin! Are you trying to tell me you don’t remember that stinking piece of lump-shit crawling all over you?!’
Steve stared at her, unable to speak, then made a grab for her as he started to get up.
Roz pushed him back down and stepped back out of reach. ‘Don’t touch me!’ She mimicked his fake innocence. ‘Clearwater…? Bastard! How could you lie to me?! You make me feel sick!’ She beat the air with her fists then, skirting the couch, she strode across the living area space and went up the carpeted steps into the bed space.
Steve got up from the couch and went after her. His legs were trembling. When he reached the bed space, Roz was on her knees by the head of the bunk. It was a kind Steve hadn’t seen before
– wide enough for two people side by side. Roz had turned back a corner of the bedroll and was pulling a small flat metal box from a compartment hidden underneath.
‘I was going to tell you, Roz.’
She kept her back to him. ‘Yeah, sure,’ she sniffed, rubbing her eyes with the back ofher hand. She dropped the bedroll back into place and sat down on the edge of the bunk with the small box on her lap.
Steve leant back against the doors of the storage unit that formed one wall of the sleeping area. ‘Roz – look at me.’
Roz kept her head down. She fumbled open the lid of the box, pulled out a reaf and a hot-wire coil, tossed the box aside and plugged the coil into a socket set near the head of the bunk.
Steve watched with a sinking feeling. ‘How did you know?’
Roz bit her lip and kept her eyes averted.
Steve squatted down in front of her and waited patiently for her to restablish contact. She pulled the glowing coil from the socket, used it to light up the reaf then puffed on it rapidly and drew the smoke from the rainbow grass down into her lungs.
Steve felt a sudden desire to wrest the reaf from her fingers and slap some sense into her but his anger was overwhelmed by a feeling of utter helplessness. A feeling that everything was slipping out of control.
Roz raised her eyes to his and pulled down some more smoke. ‘How did I know?’
‘Yeah.’
Roz gave a lopsided grin. ‘After everything that’s happened between us… you still have to ask me that?’
‘I want to hear you say it.’
‘I was there, Steve. In you, with you. I could feel her touching you. Touching me!’ Roz bared her teeth, and shuddered violently. ‘I could feel her mind – the power inside it – trying to possess you! Uuugghh – it was revolting!’
Steve fell forward onto his knees and took hold of her free hand. ‘No! It wasn’t like that. It isn’t like that. She –’
‘She’s a Mute!’ Roz spat out the words then swallowed some more smoke.
‘Okay, okay!’ he hissed. ‘Keep your voice down! Yes – she’s a Mute! I couldn’t tell anyone else but I’m not ashamed to tell you. Have you forgotten all those nice things you said about ’em before I left? About how maybe Mutes had a right to live just as we did?’
First Family Page 15
