Ellie could have told him that he’d be just fine, since it was only white wine, but truly? In that moment she didn’t care.
“Oh, Harry. Get over yourself,” Holly said. Then, to Ellie’s shock, Holly handed Ellie her nearly full martini glass, as she made shooing motions at her ex-boyfriend. “She told you she was hurting and asked you to leave, and you were a prick. Just go.”
Harry made another series of unintelligible noises before doing just that, spinning on his heel and stomping away.
Ellie watched him go with her mouth hanging open, not quite able to believe what she’d done.
“I have to say, it’s nice to see you standing up for yourself for a change.” Holly shook her head when Ellie tried to hand back her drink, gesturing for Ellie to drink it herself. Not sure what else to do, Ellie did, slipping into one of the chairs at the empty table.
She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it again, eyeing her cousin as she did.
Holly smirked as she slid into a seat across the table from Ellie, straightening the top of the dress that her ample bosom was threatening to spill out of.
Finally, Holly’s words penetrated the shock of her own behaviour. “What do you mean, it’s nice to see me standing up for myself?” Ellie narrowed her eyes at Holly suspiciously. A lifetime of barbs from the woman had taught her to be wary.
“Oh, relax. I’m not trying to be a bitch. Well, not any more than usual.” Holly waved a hand at Ellie. “I mean it. You’ve always let people push you around. Me included. It’s nice to see you get some backbone.”
“Are you drunk?” Ellie narrowed her eyes.
Holly laughed.
“Just a tiny bit tipsy. Just enough to say something I should have said a long time ago.”
Ellie was caught by surprise when Holly reached across the table for her hand. It was… well, it was freaking weird.
“I know I’ve always given you a hard time. You made it so easy, always being the good girl. I knew you’d never fight back and I’m just enough of a bitch to enjoy watching you squirm.” Holly made a face, and Ellie felt the irritation of a lifetime ripple over her skin. “But you’ve always had it all figured out. You knew what you wanted out of life, and you went and got it.”
What? Holly was envious of her?
“Trust me, I am so far from having it all figured out.” Ellie snorted indelicately, looking down at the last inch of liquid in her glass. Shrugging, she decided to be in for a penny, and drained it.
Holly barked out a harsh laugh. “You do too. You have a career.”
“I thought you said I was a purveyor of nerdware.”
“You live in the city.”
“Moving away isn’t exactly hard.”
“You have someone in your life who cares for you. Actually cares for you.” With this, Holly pierced Ellie with a stare. “Why haven’t you told anyone that you and Nate are together? Apart from Harry, of course.”
Ellie looked at Holly, and as Harry’s face, dripping with wine, played across her memory, she felt her lips twitch. Holly’s expression mirrored her own, and within seconds they were both giggling, picturing Harry’s expression as the nice girl he’d expected to spend the weekend with upended her drink in his face.
Once the laughter had died down, Ellie saw that Holly was still waiting for an answer to her question. And she wasn’t entirely sure that she had one.
“I…” It was a combination of things, and therefore not an easy one to answer. God, had it really been just a couple of days ago that she’d thought she wanted just a fling with Nate? That she’d been so sure she could protect her heart?
“Look.” Holly reached across the table again, catching her cousin’s fingers in hers and squeezing. Ellie stared down at their entwined hands, still puzzled by this newfound side of her relative. Had the queen bitch of Ruby Lake really changed? Probably not. That would be too much to ask. But she obviously had a side to her she’d never let Ellie see.
Just as Nate had a side he’d only let Ellie view.
Regret for her hasty behaviour wrapped around her and she sighed.
Releasing her, Holly gestured to the waiter for another drink. Ellie arched an eyebrow, noting the alcohol flush already spreading over the other woman’s skin. Holly was just tipsy enough for this conversation to happen, but she wasn’t so drunk that this wasn’t real.
“Do you love him?” Holly asked.
Ellie reeled, startled. She hadn’t been expecting that question. She hadn’t even let herself entertain the notion.
She had feelings for Nate, sure. She’d had them for a long time. And he’d awakened a sexual force inside of her that she hadn’t even known existed.
But love? Falling in love with him was just stupid.
Wasn’t it?
Or was she so far gone, she didn’t even have to think to answer the question? If she didn’t love him, she wouldn’t have pushed him away earlier.
“You know, some of us spend every waking moment searching for someone to love.” Sitting up straight as the waiter brought her fresh drink, Holly downed it in one swallow, then picked up her small clutch purse, clearly finished with the conversation. “If you’ve found it and you walk away from it for some stupid reason, then you deserve all the hell that I gave you over the years.”
And then she was gone, the strange conversation a mere echo, as though it might never even have happened.
Ellie sat still for a moment, turning it over in her mind.
Love. Could she admit that she loved Nate?
She was on her feet before she could even finish the thought. Hell yes, she loved Nate… she’d loved him for as long as she could remember.
And she’d do whatever it took to prove it to him.
Chapter Sixteen
“Thanks for the ride.” Nate shifted uncomfortably on the velvety seat of Kate’s ancient Toyota Corolla. The upholstery was scratchy enough to irritate his skin right through the fabric of his suit pants.
And that made him feel and sound like a complete wuss. But he was man enough to admit it—he’d grown accustomed to the perks that wealth afforded him.
“No prob.” Kate adjusted her rear view mirror, pulling out a lipstick and retouching the shimmering purple color on her lips at the same time as she signalled her turn into the parking lot of the motel.
Nate winced at her split concentration driving.
“You sure you’re good from here?” she asked, shifting to park so he could exit the car.
“Yeah.” After the scene with Chase and Ellie, Nate had needed to get the hell out of there… out of the room, out of the lodge, out of the entire damn wedding. He was certain his former best friend no longer wanted him there, anyway.
Kate had offered to give him a ride.
“Actually, no. I’m not good.”
She looked at him quizzically; hell, he wondered himself if he was crazy. But suddenly the thought of going into that damn motel room, where the scent of Ellie’s strawberry shampoo would be hanging heavily in the air, was the last thing he wanted to do.
“Can you take me to McKay’s?” Before this weekend, Nate had never operated on instinct. He was the first to admit that he liked to plan, that he liked control.
Then he’d walked into that motel room, and back into Ellie’s life. The little blonde had pried loose his iron-clad restraint, leaving him open to impulses that he normally would have ignored.
Like the impulse that was riding him right now—the one that nagged at him to go confront his mother.
“Sure thing, cowboy.” Tossing her lipstick into the unused ashtray, Kate swerved back onto the road and continued until the neon lights of McKay’s were visible in the blueberry twilight. She skidded to a stop in front of the main doors, and Nate dug his fingers into the seat at the recklessness of her driving.
“Thanks for the lift.” Eager to get out of the cramped car, he undid his seatbelt and slid out. Kate smirked before peeling backward in a cloud of dust and gravel and reeled out o
f the small lot, which was mostly empty.
Mostly empty… but Nate recognized one vehicle there, the ancient Impala that his mom had driven, even back when he’d been a teenager. He was shocked that it was still running, then shrugged the concern away. Not his problem.
Straightening his spine, he made his way through the front doors of the bar, reminding himself that he was in control here. He wanted some answers, but he could leave at any time. He was here by choice.
None of this stopped him from feeling just the slightest bit like a little boy again when he stepped into the bar and immediately locked eyes with his mother.
Hannah Archer’s mouth formed a small “o” of surprise at the sight of her son.
He nodded once in reply, affirming that he was there to see her, before seating himself at a table in a back corner. It had a perfect view of the door of the ladies washroom, and remembering what he and Ellie had done in there made a shard of glass twist in his gut.
He pushed that thought away. She’d made her choice. And more than just man to woman, as dominant to submissive lover, he had to honor it.
As his mother crossed the bar toward him, he tried to shake away thoughts of Ellie and the friends he’d left behind at the wedding. But he couldn’t—Ellie, Chase, Gavin and Lucas, even his mother, his stepfather—all had a hand in making him the man he was today.
Before he could fully accept that after years of denial, he needed some answers.
“Nathan.” Hannah had taken off her apron and left it behind the bar—he figured she was taking a break.
When she handed him a glass with two inches of amber liquid over ice, he took it warily, cocking his head.
“Jack on ice. That’s your drink, right?” She twitched, fingers working themselves nervously against the thighs of her jeans, as she seemed to have some internal debate before finally seating herself across the small square table.
“It’s one of them,” Nate finally acknowledged before taking a cautious sip. He shouldn’t have cared that this woman knew that one small detail about him, but for some reason, he really did.
They sat in silence for a long moment, the heaviness of it broken only by the clink of glass behind the bar. Nate shifted uncomfortably in his chair.
He wasn’t used to so many of the sensations he’d been feeling this weekend. He was used to be in command, which meant that finding himself at a loss for words was doubly frustrating.
“You said you left Tom.” Finally, he let a thought spill out of his mouth.
Hannah drew in a shaky breath.
Nate noticed that her hand kept sliding down to pat at the right front pocket of her jeans—the place she’d always kept her pack of cigarettes. He wondered if she’d quit.
He wondered why he cared.
She drummed her fingers on the tabletop, then surprised Nate by gesturing to his glass. “May I?”
“Sure.” Nate slid the glass of whiskey across the table to Hannah, who lifted it, inhaled the heady fumes, then took a big gulp.
“Better.” She huffed out a breath, staring down at the table before finally looking Nate in the eye. As he’d always been, he was startled by how similar his own eyes were to hers—like looking in a mirror.
“Yes, I left Tom.” She took another, smaller sip of the whiskey before sliding the glass back across the table to Nate. “I suppose you want to know why.”
“That’s one way of putting it.” Nate snorted out a sarcastic laugh. When Hannah regarded him quizzically, he shook his head. “The question is more… why now?”
“Ah.” Hannah bit her lip, then twined her fingers on the table in front of her. “Why now, and not back then, you mean?”
“Bingo.” Rage surged anew as he watched the woman who was supposed to be his mother ponder the question. Jesus, didn’t she understand, even now, what it would have meant to him as a kid if she’d chosen her son over her husband, just once?
“I know that I can’t ever make it right.” Swallowing thickly, Hannah blinked in the dim light. “And I certainly don’t expect you to understand.”
“Try me.”
“Sometimes in life you’re lucky enough to meet someone special. The one, I guess you could say.”
“Don’t, do not tell me you thought Tom was the one.” Nate slammed a fist down on the table, making the ice cubes in his drink rattle. “That’s bullshit and you know it.”
“I wasn’t done.” Hannah arched an eyebrow. “For me, that man was your father. On paper, we seemed completely wrong for one another. Nothing fit. And yet somehow everything did.”
Ellie’s face flashed through Nate’s mind. He shoved it away as his heart started to ache.
“When he died, I was—well, I was sick. Mentally. I’m sure you remember.” He did, oh he did. His loving mother had turned into a weeping zombie, unable to do more than cry or rock herself in a corner. “Then I met Tom. And for a while, he was the reason that I could be myself again.”
Nate felt a sliver of pity for the woman his mother had once been—but only a sliver. She’d been his mother, damn it, and her job had been to protect him.
“I won’t go into the psychology of abuse with you. I suspect you’re long past the point of caring, anyway.” Hannah smiled wryly, but there wasn’t any merriment in the expression. “Just know that somehow, some way, my entire being, my sense of worth, became wrapped up in Tom. I couldn’t function without him, not even to give you what you needed. He was certainly not the one for me, and I know it wasn’t healthy. But that’s the way it was. And I’m glad that you finally know.”
Nate had been sitting stiffly throughout Hannah’s entire explanation, and now, as she regarded him warily, he found himself sinking back in his chair. Curiously, cautiously, he poked at the feelings rioting around inside of him.
He wasn’t ready to forgive her. He’d had one too many of Tom’s fists in his face for that to ever happen. But now that he’d experienced what he had with Ellie, now that he knew firsthand the gut wrenching pain of losing her…
He had a bit more insight into how someone’s world could fall apart in the blink of an eye.
Hannah looked at him hopefully as he shoved his chair back from the table. A momentary flicker of something inside of his chest had him reaching for her hand, but he snatched it away before he made contact.
“Thank you for telling me.” Solemnly, he stood. What did this moment call for? A hug? A handshake? He couldn’t bring himself to do either.
Hannah opened her mouth to speak, then seemed to think better of it, only to change her mind again.
“I wish you well, Nathan.” There was a sad finality in her voice.
Nate thought he’d steeled himself against any feelings for her years ago, but her words were a thorn prickling at the delicate skin of his side. “I… I wish you well, too.” He nodded before finally turning away.
He didn’t know if he’d ever see her again, but he’d gotten what he’d come for, and that was enough.
Hannah called his name before he’d gotten two steps away, and he turned back, looking over his shoulder, his defences instantly rising. What now? Was she going to ask for money? Tell him this had all been a joke?
“Is it true that you’re dating Eleanor Marshall?”
Nate almost laughed. Dating wasn’t exactly the right word, since she was embarrassed to let anyone know that they were together.
But then again, it was none of Hannah’s business, so he settled for a non-committal shrug. “Why?”
“I always liked her.” Hannah smiled, and Nate felt all of the hurt that Ellie had dumped on him in the last few hours sucker punch him in the gut again. Yeah, he’d always liked her too. Too bad she didn’t feel the same way.
“And if Eleanor Marshall is the one for you, then I can’t have screwed you up too badly.”
Chapter Seventeen
The metal key almost slipped from Ellie’s hand as she jammed it into the lock of the motel room door.
Please be here, please be here
. Pulse pounding, she slammed into the room that she and Nate had shared for the last few nights, then moaned with frustration when a quick glance around told her she was too late.
Everything of Nate’s was gone. The only trace that he’d been here at all was the lingering scent of his cologne in the air, something musky that made her mouth water, a reminder of everything they’d done together in this very room.
“Shit.” Ellie sank down onto the bed. She’d been banking on his being here in the room, on being able to apologize and explain, since he still wasn’t answering his phone, and he hadn’t returned any of her texts.
She was too late. What should she do now?
Do you love him?
Unbidden, Holly’s voice echoed in her head. She’d never have imagined that Holly would be the one to give her solid love advice, but the way that her cousin had laid it out, well, there weren’t many other ways to look at it.
Yes, she loved Nate. Maybe she always had. And in the face of those feelings, how could she care what she looked like to the rest of the world?
She’d pursue him until he told her to stop. After the way she’d acted in front of Chase, she at least owed him that.
Picking up the corded phone that sat on the bedside table, Ellie pressed zero for the front desk and at the same time started shoving things into her duffel bag. He couldn’t have gotten very far.
And as for Harry’s tale of Nate leaving with Kate? She owed it to Nate to hear his side.
“Yeah?” Ellie immediately recognized the voice that answered as Stephanie, the front desk clerk who’d batted her very underage eyelashes at Nate on Friday.
“Yes. This is Eleanor Marshall in room forty-two.” She thought the girl might have snorted on the other end of the line; she didn’t really care. “Can you please tell me if Nathan Archer has checked out, and if so, when?”
There was a moment of silence, followed by a long, drawn-out sigh and the clicking of nails on a keyboard, though Ellie would have bet her yearly salary that Stephanie already knew what she was painstakingly taking the time to look up.
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