“You made lemon drops.”
Stiffening, she turned to glare at him. “Don’t make more of this than it is.”
“You remembered lemon drops are my favorite,” he said with a smile. He was absolutely going to make more of it.
“I didn’t hit my head and lose my memory. It would be hard to forget they’re your favorite. You used to shamelessly beg me and Grandma to make them every few days.”
“I didn’t beg,” he protested, leaning his shoulder against the wall.
“You did, constantly. Every time you came here, or went to the bakery, you were begging for them. Don’t add lying about cookies to your list of sins.”
Ignoring that last bit, he said, “But here you are, making lemon drops, and I didn’t even beg.”
With an exasperated sigh, she turned to face him, wiping her hands on a towel. “I told you not to make anything out of it. You won’t let me pay you with cash, so I’m paying you in cookies. This isn’t me doing something nice, St. James. This is me not wanting to owe you anything.”
“Fair enough,” he said, nodding. Say what she would, he was still going to read something more into it. “Have you checked the water yet? It might not get hot right now, but it should still be warm enough to tell.”
She turned the hot water on, waiting with her fingers under the stream of water. After a few moments, she turned to look at him with a big smile. “It’s working! Thank you so much, Jax!”
Eyebrows raising, he smiled at her. “I’m Jax again? Two times in a matter of minutes. That’s encouraging.”
Freezing, she turned around and shrugged, but he could see the tension in her shoulders. “Just another slip of the tongue. I was just excited about the water heater. Don’t read anything into that one, either. Those cookies on the counter over there are almost finished cooling, and then they can be put in some Tupperware.”
In other words, she was kicking him out as soon as humanly possible. That was okay. At least she’d called him over to begin with.
“Oh, I forgot your receipt. I’ll go grab it from the truck,” he said, turning away.
Mind racing, he walked slowly to the truck, trying to figure out how to either prolong their time, or get in her head, make his presence known. He needed to figure out a way to make more progress, to get her to lower her guards and let him back in, even if it was only a small bit. He could work with a small bit. But he couldn’t make any progress at all if she kept him so tightly locked out.
He was on his way back in when he saw it. He wasn’t looking for it, and if it weren’t for his shifter sight, he would have stepped on it and crushed it. A smile stretching his lips, he bent over and gently plucked the four-leaf clover from the ground. This was perfect. She might be able to ignore him, but she couldn’t pretend their past hadn’t happened.
Walking back inside, he found her scooping lemon drops from the cookie sheet into a bowl. Putting the receipt on the counter, he walked up just as she snapped the lid on the container and turned to hand it to him. Accepting it, he held the four-leaf clover out to her, watching as her eyes widened and then darted to his face.
“Don’t forget our history, Piper. Don’t pretend it never happened. There was bad shit, yeah, but there was good shit, too. We had twelve years of good shit before our worlds turned upside down. That’s what I want. I want that again with you, and I know we can get there. We have shit to work through, a lot of shit, but we can do it, Piper. The reward at the end of all that work is priceless.”
She drew in a stuttering breath, and he pressed the four-leaf clover into her hand, darting in to kiss her cheek as she stood there unmoving. Turning, he walked to the door and paused when she spoke, angling his body to see her.
“You’re right, we did have all that,” she said, her voice starting out shaky and then gaining strength. “But our worlds didn’t turn upside down. Mine did. You’re the one who broke us, Jax, and you very nearly broke me in the process. But I will never give a man that kind of power over me again, and if I did, it sure as shit wouldn’t be you. So yes, I will remember our history, as a glaring neon guide on what not to do. Remembering the good times isn’t a good thing, like you think it is. All it does is serve to remind me of how you threw everything we shared away like it was nothing, as easily as you take out a bag of trash. And before you try, know there is ab-so-fucking-lutely nothing you can tell me that would make what you did okay. Thank you again for replacing the water heater. You can go now.”
Jax watched as Piper tossed the clover in the trash can and turned back toward the counter, back stiff. Exhaling, he let himself out and walked to his truck. Despite her words, he felt encouraged. Her voice told him everything he needed to know. She was trying to pretend like she was unaffected and didn’t care, but he heard the buried longing, mixed in with the pain.
He couldn’t just blurt out why he broke things off with her. He longed to, so they could try to work past it. But she didn’t know what he was. Didn’t know he was a shifter, not a normal human. He’d planned on telling her after she graduated; about what he was, and what she meant to him. That she was his mate. But he never got the chance. His grandfather started threatening Piper, wanting Jax to break it off with her. He wanted Jax to mate an eagle shifter, not a human. Keep the bloodline pure.
So instead of telling Piper he was a shifter and beginning their future together, he broke up with her instead. And she obviously still felt the pain of their breakup—just like he did.
Slamming his hand on the steering wheel, he leaned his head back against the head rest. Her pain gutted him, and left his eagle clawing painfully at his chest. And it was so much worse knowing it was no one’s fault but his own. His reasons might have been solid to him back then, and he might have done what he had to stop the threats against her. But the hurt she felt, then and today, was one hundred percent his fault.
Soon, he’d tell her the truth. What he was, what happened eight years ago to make him break up with her. Everything. But he needed her to soften a little on him first. He didn’t want her to think he was making up crazy shit to get in her good graces again. He needed to be in them before he told her the truth.
Everything was so fucked up. The whole situation, her pain, and his. And all because of a dickhead old man with delusions of grandeur, and Jax’s inability to protect her like she needed. But never again. He’d never allow anything to come between him and Piper again.
Putting his truck in gear, he headed back to Rocky River. Come hell or high water, he would make it up to her. He would make her so happy that her pain would seem like a blip on the radar. He wasn’t sure how, but he would, if it was the last thing he did.
“What are you doing?” Jax asked.
“I’m making a clover necklace. I can make you one if you want,” Piper replied.
“No thanks, Pippy. I’m a man. I can’t be seen wearing a flower necklace.”
Piper giggled. “You’re ten. Hardly a man.”
“I will be soon,” he muttered, looking around the clearing. “Why do you come here so much?”
“Because it’s full of clovers, and I want to find a four leaf.” She paused and sighed dramatically. “Alas, I haven’t found one yet.”
“How come? The ground is covered in clovers.”
“Four-leaf clovers are very rare,” Piper informed him. “They’re hard to find. But I’m not giving up until I do.”
Jax frowned, searching the ground. “I can help. I have excellent eyesight.”
She put down her half finished necklace, excited to have help. “Really? Let’s look!”
Less than five minutes later, Jax was shouting in triumph. “Found one!”
“Gently! Pick it gently,” she warned, running up to his side.
Using as much care as he could muster, Jax picked the clover and held it out to her. “There you go.”
Taking it carefully, Piper stared at it in awe. “I’ve been trying to find one of these for months. Thank you, Jax. You’re the bestes
t friend a girl could have.”
Jax smiled, his eyes doing that weird color change thing where gold swirled around his pupils. “Our friendship is one of a kind, Pippy. Rare, like that four-leaf clover. Promise we’ll be friends, no matter what.”
“I promise,” Piper said solemnly, hooking her pinky through his. She looked down at the clover in her hand. She was going to keep it forever. Not only because it was rare, but so she’d remember this moment forever.
Piper finished cleaning up the dishes and wandered into the living room. Standing still, she fought with herself for a moment before sighing and going back to the kitchen. Walking up to the trash can, she picked the four-leaf clover back up, cradling it in her palm. Memory after memory washed over, and she found herself smiling as she traced the edge of the leaves.
If she could look past how she and Jax ended, there were so many wonderful memories to delve into. She never let herself go there—but just tonight—she was going to let herself remember what the four-leaf-clover had meant to her, and to Jax, once upon a time.
They’d spent hours as kids scouring the clearing looking for them. And it was always Jax who found them. She had perfect vision, but his must be off the charts, because he never failed to find one if there were any to find. And then, as teenagers, they’d used the clovers as an excuse to go to the little clearing and make out. Let’s go look for four-leaf clovers was really code for Let’s go make out.
She’d saved every single clover they found, starting with that very first one, pressing them in a book and then adding them to a photo album. Wondering if the album was still there, she headed up to her old bedroom. She’d avoided it since she returned home, sleeping in one of the guest rooms, but maybe it was time to finally go inside.
Taking a deep breath, she turned the handle and pushed the door open. It was like a time warp, everything exactly the same as it was when she left for college. The walls were still a pale pink, and the same pink and purple bedspread covered the double bed. The window seat still held all her old stuffed animals, and her posters were still on the wall.
She stared at it for a moment before kneeling in front of the drawers of her vanity. Releasing a sigh when she opened one of them to find her photo album right on top, she laid the clover on the vanity before dropping to sit cross legged on the floor. Pulling the album out, she ran her fingers over the front where she’d written Piper and Jax in permanent marker. Still unsure she wanted to do this, she opened the cover and couldn’t help her smile. There, on the beginning page was the first four-leaf clover they found, along with a picture of ten-year-old Jax standing with eight-year-old Piper, his arm around her shoulder as they grinned into the camera.
Tears pricked her eyes, and she shut them tightly. No, she didn’t want to do this. Didn’t want to open this old can of worms. Everything Jax wanted her to remember was still crystal clear in her mind. She didn’t need to look at old pictures to think of that time. But more than that, she shouldn’t be letting herself think of it at all. All she should be thinking about was that fateful day two weeks before she graduated, when Jax ripped her heart from her body and shredded her soul to ribbons.
Opening the book to a blank page, she slipped today’s clover inside and shut the album, putting it back in the drawer. Standing up, she walked back out of the room and looked around the hallway, feeling lost. Maybe she should go downstairs and watch TV, maybe read a book. A soft whine hit her ears, and she glanced over to find Snickers sitting in front of the door to her grandmother’s room.
“I don’t think I’m ready to go in there yet, Snicks,” she said with a sad smile. “Come on, let’s go downstairs.”
She walked to the stairs and turned her head, but her dog was still sitting by the door. Calling his name again, she frowned when he still didn’t come. Debating for a moment, she slowly turned and walked to the door. Maybe if she opened it, she could get Snickers to give up and come downstairs with her.
Taking a deep breath, she opened the door. Intending to close it again, she cursed when Snickers ran inside.
“Dammit, Snickers, get your furry ass back out here right now. I mean it. Now.” Tapping her foot, she waited, but he never came. She couldn’t even hear the jingle of his dog tags. “Come on, Snickerdoodles. I’ll make you a turkey sandwich with extra cheese. You like those,” she coaxed.
Nothing. Mother trucker. Steeling herself, she pushed the door open wider and hesitantly made her way inside, tears pricking her eyes as she looked around. It still smelled like Passion, Helen’s favorite perfume, and everything was just as her grandmother always kept it. Even her grandpa’s reading glasses still sat on the bedside table.
Breath hitching, she took a few steps inside, looking for Snickers. Her eyes landed on an envelope propped up against the jewelry box on the dresser, and she walked forward, gasping when she saw her name on the front. Unable to help herself, her feet moved forward, and she reached out a trembling hand to pick it up.
A letter. Her grandmother left her another letter. There had been one with her will, but it mostly contained instructions for the house and bakery. Wondering what else her grandmother wanted to tell her that she hadn’t already, Piper walked to the bed and sank down. Taking a deep breath, she opened the envelope and pulled out the paper.
Piper,
There are things I wanted to tell you that I didn’t want to leave with Harold. My lawyer is a good friend and a good man, but he has a nosy streak a mile wide. And what I have to tell you is for your eyes only.
When you showed up on our doorstep, you were just a terrified little girl. Barely six years old. And though your grandfather and I did what we could to put you at ease and make you happy, we weren’t successful at first. And I can pinpoint the exact day you relaxed and started the journey back to happiness. The day you met Jax.
You two were inseparable for so long. You were more than joined at the hip—it was like you were one being. I’ve never seen anything like it. There was only one other couple I’ve ever seen who came close to matching that level of intensity, and it was your grandfather and I. He was the love of my life, Piper. Even at seventy years old, after being together for fifty years, I still got butterflies when he kissed me. That’s what I want for you.
And Jax is that for you. I could see it even when you were fourteen years old. I know you probably don’t want to hear this. I know he hurt you deeply. I know that even eight years later, you still feel that hurt as deeply as you did when it happened. I could see it in your eyes, though you did a good job of pretending.
I also know you’re angry. You’re pissed as hell at him, and you have every right to be. But honey—a love like what you and Jax shared doesn’t come around twice. And he’s hurting, too. I can see it in his eyes every time he comes over to mow the lawn or fix whatever breaks. I caught him staring at a picture of you one day, and the longing and pain there in his eyes nearly broke my heart.
I’m sorry for not telling you I hired him. But I had to see for myself, had to get to know the man he is today. And it’s so clear to me that he’s hurting as much as you are.
I’m not saying you should forgive him just like that. I’m just saying, think about it—did he ever, once, give any indication that he never wanted to be with you before he broke things off? I think you’ll find the answer to that is no. That boy was so in love with you, all he could see was you. Now ask yourself—since he was so in love with you, why did he break up with you? What happened to make him do what he did? It was so out of character for him.
I can’t know, of course, but everything in me feels like something happened to make him end things with you. I’m begging you, Piper. Ask him. Don’t run away from him, or keep pushing him away. Because if I know Jax like I think I do, he’s trying right now to get you to give him another shot. Don’t shut him down and run back to Seattle. Ask him what happened eight years ago, and then you can go back, if that’s what you wish.
I love you, more than you could ever imagine. And all I
want for you is for you to be happy. If, after getting answers, you think you can find that in Seattle, then go. Sell the house and the store and go, and don’t look back. But I really feel like you’ll find it right here in Eagle Creek with Jax. You two feel fated and meant to be, like my Peter and I were.
I love you,
Grandma
P.S. I’ve told you how proud I am of the woman you’ve become, but I want to reiterate that. I know I’ve always pushed modesty, always telling you to be subtle, and less is more, is the way to go. And your look is anything but modest and subtle. But it suits you, Piper. Who you are on the outside matches who you are on the inside. And I’m so proud of you for being strong enough to make that work. Never change, dear. Unless it’s to lose a bit of the stubbornness you have for Jax. Again, I’m so proud of you. And I love you more than words can say.
Piper slowly lowered the letter and stared out the window, tears streaming down her face. The last thing she expected when she began to read was a ringing endorsement for Jax. Her grandmother listened to her cry over Jax that whole summer until Piper went to college. And after that, neither one of them mentioned Jax again.
She never realized Helen knew she never really healed from Jax. She’d just stuck a band-aid over the wound and pretended that she was over it, but she never truly was.
That’s why, in the beginning of her marriage to Scott, she felt so much guilt. She tried to turn herself into something she wasn’t, desperate to make it up to him, wanting him to stay with her. It hadn’t taken long for that guilt to wash away as Scott became increasingly controlling and manipulative. And in the place of guilt was fear.
That was something else she blamed on Jax for years. If she hadn’t been hurting so badly, if she’d been seeing clearly, she would have seen Scott’s true colors early on, and she never would have dated him, much less married the bastard. But Jax’s actions colored everything, and she didn’t see until it was too late.
Fight Song: A Paranormal Shifter Romance (Rocky River Fighters Book 3) Page 6
