“Sorry, sorry,” Eamon said for the twelfth time. “I don’t know—”
“Stop saying you’re sorry. I’m not mad at you.”
“You’re not?”
“This is my fault. Ryder is swift and impulsive and my responsibility.” The words tasted sour, and my eyes watered. “I should have gone with you.”
“The whole crew stopped to look for him. They’ll have found him by the time we arrive.” He paused. “He’s probably wandered off, Iris. I’m sure of it.”
I closed my eyes. “I know.”
You don’t, my dad’s voice thundered.
The sun was setting when we arrived at the random, gorgeous field that had become a graveyard of film equipment. The crew was spread out as far as I could see. “You know him best,” Eamon said. “Where would he go?”
I scanned the green fields, piled rock walls, and the glittering edge of the ocean. The sunset was so beautiful it felt sarcastic. “Over there.” I pointed to a stone barn in the distance.
“That far?” Eamon asked, but then he shook his head. “Right, we go.”
We ran, weaving around boulders and stone walls, until my breath burned in my chest. The structure I’d seen wasn’t a barn after all, but a small stone house left over from another century. The roof was missing, and trees grew tall inside. “Ryder!”
No answer. I walked all the way around, finding the only doorway bricked up and the window ledges out of reach. “They don’t want tourists messing around in there,” Eamon noted.
“What if he climbed through a window and hit his head?” I took a deep breath. “Ryder!”
“How could he get up there? You can barely reach the ledge.”
“Eamon. He climbs the two-story banister at home like a spider.”
“All right,” he said, walking to the nearest window. “I’ll give you a boost.” Eamon linked his hands, and I stepped in them, using his shoulders to balance. I peered inside at nothing but overgrown grass before Eamon grunted and wobbled. We fell in a heap, and I sort of flattened his face with my boobs. He sat up with a wild expression, pressing his hair back with both hands.
“Not there?” he asked.
I shook my head.
“Let’s see if anyone else found anything.”
We tried to jog back, but we were both sweaty and out of breath. Our pace slowed, and I growled, “I knew this country was too dangerous. Did you ever read Angela’s Ashes? Every kid dies in that book!”
Eamon laughed, a quick, deep sound. “You are so ridiculous it’s adorable. This is an island that barely boasts electricity. What harm could come to him?”
“What harm? This island is currently full of fantasy whack jobs. You guys believe in elves and controlling the elements with your hands. And you think my brother and I are extra special because of our dead grandma! One of you probably stole him to drink his blood.”
“Drink his blood?” Eamon asked, stunned. “You call us fanatical, but you have the most overactive imagination of anyone!”
“It’s happened before!”
Dead silence, and then Eamon said, “What do you mean?”
“His name is Felix Moss, and when he was twenty-four, he heard M. E. Thorne’s voice in his head, telling him to abduct her grandchild and drink his blood like the characters in Elementia. I wish he’d found me first, but he found Ryder, who was only six! He dragged him into a van, and I ran…I ran…”
I couldn’t take one more step. I started to hyperventilate.
“We’ll find him, Iris,” Eamon said firmly, but I was lost in the memory of that day on the playground. My baby brother screaming. My heart ripping while my mind filled with hot rage.
Ryder’s therapist had told me I should be proud. Fight or flight, Iris, she’d said. Most people don’t know what they’ll do when faced with such a test. Now you know you will fight.
But what about now? I wasn’t fighting; I could barely breathe.
A loud echo reached across the stony field. Back at the center of filming, someone was yelling over a megaphone. “What are they saying?”
“They must’ve found him,” Eamon said.
We ran again, and I was stumbling by the time we reached Cate. She was kneeling in front of Ryder, holding his shoulders at the center of the crew member crowd. I nearly knocked her over, wanting to hug my brother, but I shook him instead. “Where were you?”
“I met a man. A real-life shepherd!” Ryder pointed across the field. My brother looked tired. Small. A fine-boned replica of my stunning mother, and I shook him again because I wanted to shake my parents. The people who had dropped this wild person into the center of my life.
Ryder was surprised by my anger, his brown eyes wide. “Iris, I’m okay. He gave me some tea and helped me come back. The tea was all black and gross, but I’m okay.”
“You know better, Ryder! Do you have any idea what that guy could’ve done to you?”
Ryder blinked. He didn’t know; he didn’t have my imagination. He hadn’t seen The Lovely Bones or learned how to look up registered sex offenders like I’d started doing compulsively two years ago. I didn’t want to hurt him, but he couldn’t think it was okay to go off with a stranger, let alone without telling anyone.
“Look.” I turned him in a circle so he could see the faces of the crew members. “They dropped their work to find you. You probably cost them thousands of dollars and ruined this shoot.”
“I wouldn’t say that,” Cate tried, but I shot her a death look.
Ryder’s face was finally filling with the gravity of his actions, but it wasn’t enough.
“We’re going home. As soon as possible. Tomorrow morning if we can get a flight.”
His shock twisted into a scream that made people cover their ears. His tantrum came fast, and I couldn’t lift him anymore; he was too big. His legs went limp, and when several people tried to help, I warned them back, feeling feral. I had found Ryder safe, and yet I was still pounding all over with fear and anger.
We made it to the van, and I buckled him in the back, mad that my life was so tangled with his, that whatever he did avalanched on me. Loving him this much was downright infuriating. It always felt like a punishment for something I hadn’t done.
• • •
Eamon drove us back. The sky was black, and the road jarred the van with endless bumps. Ryder sniffed in the back, and I crossed my arms, imagining the phone call home.
“We have to come back,” I’d say. “Ryder won’t listen and he nearly got himself killed.”
“Why weren’t you watching him?” my dad would ask.
“It’s not my job,” I’d snap once and for all. “You two shouldn’t have had him if you didn’t want to raise him. You shouldn’t have had either of us.”
“Your mother and I feel that way too.”
I gasped. Even for a make-believe argument, that cut deep.
“You can’t leave,” Eamon murmured. “You’ll break his heart.”
“What about mine?”
“What about yours?” he asked. “What is it that Iris Thorne wants, then?”
I closed my eyes and rested my head against the window. “To play my guitar in a place where no one can hear me. No responsibilities. No elves.”
“That’s escapism, Iris. That’s not real life.”
“Coming from a Thornian, that’s rich.”
He was driving slower and slower, like he didn’t want to get back too fast. “Iris, when I was a kid, I wanted to find a portal. Desperately. No more this world, time for a new one. I thought every cabinet was Narnia’s wardrobe or Alice’s rabbit hole. I even made my own subtle knife.” His eyes twinkled in the dark as he looked at me. “You probably don’t get that reference.”
I did. But I couldn’t tell him. That door was locked tight inside.
“What was wrong with
your world?” I asked.
“A fair amount of disappointment. Loneliness. My da is a piece of work, and my sister moved out when I was still little. Mam worked long shifts.” He paused, and I wondered why he was telling me this. Was Eamon opening up because I’d told him about Felix Moss? This was new ground; no one outside of my family knew the truth. Not even my school friends.
Eamon cleared his throat. “Mam said I was reading the stories all wrong. It’s not about disappearing. It’s about experiencing a new world so you can understand the real one. That’s what Elementia is about. Sevyn leaves home to find her brother, and she finds her life instead.”
This was either too deep for me or I was too exhausted. “Okay, sure.”
“That man…Moss.” Eamon’s voice turned hard, his accent sharper than usual. “He must’ve had a psychotic break. Not all Thornians are like that. There are a lot of us who simply appreciate the story.”
“If you say the books saved your life, I’ll have to stop talking to you.”
“The story saved my life,” Ryder said, his voice scratchy from screaming.
I glanced back at my tiny brother in the huge back seat. “No, it didn’t. You didn’t need to be saved. You were fine and happy. The story’s terrible fans messed up your life.”
That’s right, my dad’s voice slipped in.
Ryder replied even louder. “Byers took Evyn because he was sick. He didn’t hurt him.”
Eamon smiled at Ryder via the rearview mirror. “And Byers saved Evyn in the end.”
“Byers?” I asked. Fantasy talk was so isolating. You either knew everything about the fictional world, or you knew nothing. I grasped to understand. “The clawed hand that reaches through the waterfall and grabs Evyn…that’s Byers?”
“Yes,” Eamon said. “And considering your brother has been part of a kidnapping, you might want to read the book he’s identifying with.”
“Attempted kidnapping. I stopped it. And considering you want to be my friend, you should stop asking me to do something that’s against my nature.”
Eamon squinted, more mischievous in the dark. “Who said I want to be your friend?”
“He does,” Ryder supplied. “He called you ‘rascally cute.’”
I laughed and snorted and sort of choked all at once.
“Now that was cute,” Eamon said. We pulled up outside the circle of trailers. I tried to ignore Eamon’s mild flirting—because I honestly didn’t know what to do about it—and marched Ryder up the steps.
“Iris, a minute?” Eamon called.
“Pajamas. Teeth. Bed,” I said to my brother and shut the trailer door behind him. I turned to face Eamon O’Brien. He wasn’t Julian Young, but there was something about his smile and sandy, wavy fistfight of a hairstyle.
“He’s a great kid. Don’t be too hard on him.”
“Thanks for the parenting advice.” Despite my snark, my voice fell. Eamon motioned for me to follow, and we sat at one of the empty picnic tables. I turned my face up to the very black sky with its silver stars and fiction-quality silver moon. “Ryder’s therapist thinks this fantasy stuff is good for him, but he’s stopped caring about anything real. It’s all costumes and weapons. At school, he signs his name in that phony elf language. Kids tease him. A lot.”
“Iris, how did you stop him?” Eamon cleared his throat. “Moss, that is.”
My words stuck in my throat. “I don’t think anyone has asked me that since the police.”
“Do you mind?”
I shook my head and started talking. Remembering. It was easier this time because I was choosing it. “Ryder was screaming, and I ran. Moss had shut him in the back of a van, but he’d left the driver’s side window down. I climbed through and clawed his eyes while he was trying to drive away.”
Eamon flinched.
“Yeah,” I agreed. “Gruesome. Apparently I blinded his right eye. Our lawyer said that was unfortunate. It gave Moss sympathy points with the judge.” I looked down at my hands, nails so short they often hurt, but it did make it easier to play guitar. “You know what he said when they put him on the stand? ‘I wanted the Thorne family to read my manifesto. I’m Elementia’s biggest fan.’”
“No wonder you hate us.” Eamon’s shoulder bumped mine.
“It’s not hate. It’s more complicated than that. Ryder has been disappearing in this fantasy world since my dad read the books to him. It was supposed to show him that Moss isn’t a monster, just a disturbed fan.”
Eamon faced me, shadows playing with his cheekbones, making him starker. Lovelier. From this angle, I could see what Cate Collins must see: a diamond in the rough. “So what about you?”
“I’m fine,” I said.
He scoffed.
“Hey, I excel at fine. I’m going to have to major in it in college at this rate.”
“Iris, do you always act like this happened to Ryder and not to both of you?”
“I was older. I could handle it better.”
“Could you?”
I laughed, which felt odd but not unwelcome in my still-reeling body. “You’re a piece of work, Eamon O’Brien.” I stood to leave.
“Stay.” Eamon’s voice cracked, which was bizarrely endearing. “For the rest of the shoot. It’s only for, what? Nine more days? You’ll regret it if you don’t.”
“You’ll regret it if you don’t quit telling me how I feel.”
Apparently Eamon and I had leveled up to flirty threats. His brand-new smile turned my heart into a kick drum, playing the rhythm to a song I’d never heard before.
THE SAN ANDREAS FAULT AND OTHER POTENTIALLY DISASTROUS FAMILY FORMATIONS
Ryder sat at the back of the trailer, staring into space. “Are we really leaving tomorrow?”
“I don’t know,” I said. Somehow I wanted to stay. Mostly because of Julian and Shoshanna, but also Eamon. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I wanted to see him in the morning. And maybe even the next day…
“Why did you have to say all that stuff about me ruining the shoot? I got lost.”
“You don’t understand how movies work, Ry. They’re all about budgets and money and time, time, time. You stole their time today. I knew I shouldn’t have let you go without me.”
My brother eyed me coldly, reminding me that it didn’t matter if he looked like our mom. He had our dad in him as well. “Then why’d you let me go?”
“I don’t know.” Except I did. I’d wanted to hang out with people my age instead of feeling like the single parent of a third grader.
Ryder pounded a tight fist against his leg. “I mean, why would you let me do that? Do you want to go home that bad? Is it killing you so much to be here with me?”
“No…” I fought for words through the knots in my heartstrings. “This isn’t my thing, Ry. You know that.”
He blew out a frustrated sigh and then whacked himself in the face. Hard.
“Stop!” I held his wrists and put my face close to his. “Don’t do that.”
“I can’t listen!” Ryder’s cheek was bright red with his little handprint.
“That’s crap. You can do it.”
“I can’t! You and Dad tell me all the time I’m so much trouble. All the time! My therapist says it’s a self-filling prophecy. And prophecy means I can’t stop it!”
I tried not to smile at his jumbled phrasing. “Hey, no prophecies, pal. This is real life. All this fantasy stuff is a hobby.” I scooted closer on the bed, pushing his foam weapons out of the way. “This is a movie. It’s not real.” I pointed at the poster on the wall. “See how fake that is? Think about Shoshanna and Julian. They’re not these characters. They’re actors.”
“You said I ruined their shot. Will Cate Collins hate me?” Tears filled Ryder’s eyes. I pulled him to my chest, furious with myself. I’d yelled too hard. Scared him. You had to make sure
he understood the gravity of his actions, my dad’s voice spoke up, only to play devil’s advocate a second later. Except you were over the line. You shouldn’t have embarrassed him.
I shut down my thoughts with some serious effort. “Come on, Ry. What will make you feel better? I’ll do anything.”
He wasted no time, slipping out of my arms and down from the bed. He searched through his suitcase, returning with something behind his back. “Read to me?”
I knew which book. This was his oldest trick. “No.”
“I want to hear one scene. The one we saw yesterday. With the boat and the cliff.”
I breathed four breaths in one go.
“Please?”
“Only if you don’t tell anyone,” I said. He jumped on the bed, handing over the worn paperback copy of the Elementia trilogy. The book was wider than it was tall, all three novels smashed into one mass-market binding. “Find the page.”
He flipped through, and I was surprised that he made it about a hundred pages in. “I thought Cate was filming in sequence.”
“They shot all the scenes for the island kingdom of Cerul back in LA. They’re going to do all the shots for mainland Elementia here. So Ireland is Elementia. Isn’t that a great idea?”
“Sure.”
He handed the book to me, the binding falling open, evidence of a well-read section. Glancing over the words, I disliked them immediately. All fantasy lingo and thesaurus-inspired color descriptions.
Before I could stop myself, I slipped into my sole memory of Grandma Mae. A snapshot. She’d taken me for a walk in the park and told me that the sky was not blue. It’s azure.
She died a few months later. “[Expletive deleted] cancer,” as my dad would say.
“Iris?”
I glanced at my brother. “You won’t tell anyone that I read this? Especially Dad?”
He nodded solemnly.
MANIFEST
Sevyn eyed the drunken old man with disgust. She moved away from Coad, edging along the boat and pulling her cloak tight. The wind sought to push her to Elementia with a cool hand, so unlike the air her father commanded on Cerul.
Now a Major Motion Picture Page 5
