by A J Rivers
As he says those words, I realize what he’s saying. My stomach twists and turns into a tight knot and I feel like I might get sick.
“Jonah was here,” I say. “He didn’t come through the woods and meet Elliot. Somehow Elliot brought him back into the woods. When I got here, he was in the basement, wasn’t he?”
Xavier nods. “I think so.”
“Why didn’t Jonah mention it?” I ask. “When I talked to him about it, why didn’t he tell me that’s where he was?”
“You never show your hand,” Xavier says. “You never know when it might be useful.”
Chapter Twelve
Sam finds me an hour later, wrapped in a blanket, sitting on the front porch. Leaned back against the cabin, I stare at the spot where Elliot died. Since that night, I’ve remembered so many more moments of my life when he was there. But I had no idea who he was that night. I couldn’t remember his face or what he had meant to my family.
I regret that. I know there’s nothing I can do about it. I shouldn’t let myself feel bad for not remembering a man who was kept purposely on the periphery of my existence. My parents didn’t want me to know he was there. He wasn’t supposed to be a continuous presence or someone I would consider a friend.
He was there to protect us. He was very dear to my parents. I know that, now. But they never wanted me to realize that. His purpose was to watch over my mother, and by extension, me. The work she did for Spice Enya was incredible, but it was also dangerous. She put her life on the line every single time she went out to save another woman.
Elliot, like the other men who carried the Murdock title, was a buffer. He acted as liaison, transportation, bodyguard, and anything else that was needed to make sure the rescue missions my mother embarked on were successful and she came out the other side as unscathed as possible.
Of course, anyone who witnessed anything even close to the types of things my mother saw during those missions knew she wasn’t really unscathed. Even when she was physically safe and encountered no danger, each one of those missions changed her. It affected her deeply, but she kept doing it because it mattered to her so much.
If there ever came a time when seeing what those women were going through and helping them find a new life didn’t impact her, that would have been the sign it was time to stop. It would mean she had hardened and didn’t really care anymore. Then it would have become even more dangerous.
“I was wondering where you went,” Sam says, closing the door and coming over to me. “I made some breakfast. It isn’t fresh cinnamon rolls, but it’ll get us through.”
He smiles that big little-boy grin I fell in love with so long ago, but I can’t manage much more than tilting the corner of my mouth up.
“I’m not really hungry,” I tell him. “But thanks.”
He lowers himself down beside me and moves close. “What’s going on? Why are you sitting out here like this?”
I hold my hand out toward the wood slats in front of me. “He died because of me.”
Sam shakes his head. “Emma, don’t do that to yourself. You can’t keep thinking of it that way.”
“I’m not thinking of it that way,” I say. “That’s the reality. Xavier could tell every step about that night. That was why it was bothering him so much. It didn’t make any sense until the last pieces fell into place. Then, he realized it wasn’t a fluke. It wasn’t some random encounter when Elliot got shot in a fight or a heated moment. He sacrificed himself. He came here knowing what Jonah was going to do, and that the only way he was going to lure him out was with himself as bait.”
“You don’t know that for sure,” Sam says. “That’s not the way Jonah tells it.”
I look at him. “And I should believe him?” I shake my head and turn away again. “Why did he wait?”
“What do you mean?” Sam asks.
“Jonah. He was in the cabin when I got here. He knew this place and he was waiting for me. He followed me from the train station, but he knew Feathered Nest and got to the cabin before I did. He waited for me to get there. But I was here for a while before Elliot knocked on the door. Why did Jonah wait? Why didn’t he just come up the stairs as soon as I came into the cabin?” I ask.
“You sound like you would have wanted him to,” Sam says.
“Maybe I do,” I say. “If he had, I could have confronted him myself. I could have handled him before he went after anyone else.”
“Emma, you didn’t even know you had an uncle. You wouldn’t have known who he was or what was happening. You would have thought it was your father coming after you. Do you honestly think you would have done anything to protect yourself?” he asks.
“If he had come for me, he wouldn’t have hurt anyone else,” I say.
“Jonah is not in his right mind. He isn’t now and he wasn’t then. He hadn’t been for a long time. If we’re going to go on the belief that he was hiding inside the cabin when you were there, you’re assuming he was lying when he told you his version,” Sam says.
“You never show your hand,” I say, repeating Xavier’s warning.
“But maybe he doesn’t even realize he was lying,” Sam says.
“How could he not realize he was lying about where he was?”
“He has his own story. His own narrative going on in his head all the time. He created what he wanted his life to be and isn’t going to accept anything else. He doesn’t really have a choice now, considering he’s in prison, but four years ago, he would have done and convinced himself of anything to fit what he wanted. That includes twisting the reality of what he did and why,” he explains.
“I just feel as if there was so much pain and tragedy because of me. Because people try to protect me. If Jonah had just come out when I first got to the cabin, Elliot wouldn’t have had to be there. He wouldn’t have gotten hurt.”
“People don’t try to protect you because they think you’re weak, or you can’t take care of yourself. Any more than you protect people because you think that about them. Elliot was doing what he promised your mother. That was his duty. He knew you from the time you were born and carried the guilt of not saving your mother for seventeen years. He would have come no matter what. Even if Jonah emerged the second you stepped into that cabin, Elliot would have still come for you.”
He reaches for my hand and rests it on top of one of his. His fingers run down it, slowing down as he reaches my ring finger. He brushes his fingertips around the base of my finger, then down its length to the tip.
“I’m sorry we’re not taking our Christmas vacation the way we planned this year,” I say.
Sam and I have been planning a getaway for Christmas for nearly a year, but with everything that has happened over the last couple of months and so much still unanswered, we decided to stay home instead. We’re having Bellamy, Eric, Dean, and Xavier over, so it will feel like a big family Christmas. I’m looking forward to it, but I was excited for that time with Sam.
“It’s alright,” he smiles. “It’s better this way. Besides, we can build up our time off and use it for an even bigger trip next year. A celebration.”
I smile and lean over to kiss him. The sound of my phone alerting and the feeling of it vibrating in my pocket ends the kiss. I pull it out and check the screen, expecting to see Bellamy’s name, or something from the Bureau. But it’s neither.
“Something wrong?” Sam asks.
I shake my head as I sweep my finger across the screen to open the message. “It’s an email. But I don’t recognize the address.”
“What’s the name?”
“Third Floor.” I look at him quizzically and hand the phone over to him. “Maybe it’s a company or something?”
Sam looks at the message. “‘Are we still on for lunch?’“ He lifts an eyebrow at me. “Were you planning on meeting up with anybody here? Mirna or Caleb, maybe?”
“No,” I frown, shaking my head again and taking the phone back. “I didn’t even tell them I was coming in. Since we’re only goi
ng to be here until tomorrow afternoon, it didn’t really seem like I needed to.”
“They must have gotten the address they were trying to send it to wrong. Happened to me once. A woman was determined I was continuously snubbing her invitations to family functions, then emailed me to tell me that she had accidentally been emailing some nice boy and he explained it to her, but there was no excuse and I needed to be at a Sunday dinner that week,” he chuckles. I keep staring at the message for another few seconds before he nudges me. “Emma?”
“Huh?” I ask, looking up. What he said sinks in, and I nod. “Oh. Yeah, that must be it.”
“Something wrong?” he asks.
“No. It’s just weird. You’d think if the sender had lunch plans with this person, he or she would know the email address,” I say. “And notice that my name is on the address.”
“You would think that woman would know she wasn’t emailing her great-nephew. There must be another Emma Griffin in the world.” He smiles and leans over to kiss my cheek. “But you’re the better one.”
The door opens and Dean looks out. “Sorry to interrupt, but Xavier has taken all the bacon and built it into a log cabin style structure on his plate. He says you two haven’t gotten to the table for breakfast, so he is declaring eminent domain and staking his claim. He’s going to systematically work his way through the food, and I think his eye is on the potatoes next.”
“We’re coming,” I say.
Sam helps me to my feet and as I start toward the door, he pulls me back into his arms.
“Hey. Are you sure you’re alright?”
I nod, forcing a smile. “Yeah. I’m fine.” I kiss him. “Now, let’s go before he declares dominion over the coffee, and I have to start preparing for war.”
Chapter Thirteen
A cold soaking rain that settled in during the late morning keeps us hunkered down in the cabin for the rest of the day, and by the next day, I’m ready to leave Feathered Nest. It won’t be forever. I’ve come to terms with the idea that I’m never going to be completely done with this place.
There was a time when that would have been painful to admit. It would have made me angry; I would have fought with everything I had against it. I didn’t want a place like this to have a hold on me. But now I see it for so much more.
I know that my parents had a tie to this town and that it meant a lot to them. In a way, I can feel them here. I don’t know the details of their time here. Maybe one day I’ll visit with my father and he can tell me more about it. Until then, I’ll remember this is where my life began. In a hospital just outside of the town, brought into the world by an incredible woman being taken care of by another woman whose path would cross mine again one day.
But this time in a completely unexpected way.
Sam comes up beside me as I stand in the gravel in front of cabin thirteen and take a last long look at the porch. At least for now.
He wraps his arm around my waist and leans down to kiss my head. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” I say.
“You sure?”
“I am. Let’s go home,” I say.
We pile into the car and Xavier begins to prepare for the road trip. His preparations for a long drive are like watching a small mammal bed down for the winter. Stuffing pillows and blankets around himself, he creates a nest. From there, he puts his bag easily accessible near his feet. This bag is not for his clothes or toiletries. It is only for the trip and contains all the necessities for a drive any longer than an hour.
Paperbacks, puzzle books, snacks, and various other things ensure he’ll stay comfortable throughout the drive. Sometimes it seems as if he’s actually readying himself for the off chance the car will break down and he’ll have to attempt to survive the ravages of the wilderness with only what he brought along with him.
We haven’t yet ventured out into the wilderness far enough for him to actually encounter any ravages, but if we ever do, we can feel confident Xavier is ready to meet the challenge. Or at least to be the sole survivor.
The drive home isn’t anywhere near as eventful as the drive to Feathered Nest. We don’t make any detours and we stick to the road, with the exception of the occasional pit stop. Both Dean and Xavier are asleep when we get to Harlan. Sam pulls into the driveway of Xavier’s house, and I turn around to gently wake them up.
“Guys,” I say, alternating between jiggling Dean’s leg and tugging on Xavier’s blanket. “We’re here.”
It takes a few seconds to wake them up, then we help carry everything into the house. My own nap in the car leaves me understanding the somewhat wobbly way they walk through the house when they get inside. There’s something disorienting about traveling during the day and falling asleep in the car. It’s like coming out of a movie theater during the day. It feels as if it should be dark. The sunlight is out of place.
Dean goes through each room while Xavier makes his way into the kitchen and starts taking the drinks left over from the drive and lining them up along the bottom shelf of the refrigerator. It all has the air of ritual, but that isn’t unusual for anything involving Xavier.
“Are you going to stay around for a little bit?” he asks when he’s done.
“No. We need to get on back to Sherwood,” Sam tells him. “I need to check in with the station before it gets too late. There wasn’t too much going on there when I left, but you never know what kind of craziness is going to happen over a weekend.”
“Probably less without Emma there,” Dean teases.
I glare at him and he laughs.
“Alright, we’re going to head out. I’ll talk to you soon. If I don’t see you before then, I’ll see you when you come for Thanksgiving,” I say.
Sam and I get back into the car, and he looks over at me as we pull away from the driveway.
“Have you heard from your dad?” he asks.
“Yeah,” I nod. “I talked to him for just a couple of minutes last week. He can’t really spend a lot of time on the phone.”
“Is he going to be able to come for Thanksgiving?”
He asks it with the hesitant heaviness that comes with already knowing the answer to the question. I shake my head.
“No. He said he’s making a lot of progress building up trust with the chapter of The Order in Iowa and he doesn’t want to compromise that at all,” I say. “Apparently only a couple of people who were there when he was are still active in the chapter. Some of the younger ones are less trusting of someone showing back up after so long. Especially someone who is widely known to have been missing for ten years.”
“I thought you said some of The Order members helped him while he was deep undercover,” Sam says.
“They did. But they are members of other chapters. Besides that, they can’t talk about their involvement in his undercover work with the other members. It could compromise the cases he was working on, particularly everything dealing with Jonah. The last thing we need with him is to provide any fuel for appeals or motion for a new trial. Dad just needs to work his way back into the trust of the chapter,” I say. “From there, he’ll try to figure out everything he can about the chapter in Harlan.”
“Are they going to believe him?” Sam asks. “We already know that chapter was rogue. If Sterling Jennings and the other members went to other chapters for help, I can’t imagine they would just come right out and say what they were running from. Whatever they came up with to get their help, your father’s going to have to convince the ones helping them that he knows better.”
“That’s the next challenge,” I say.
“Do you believe Lilith when she says she doesn’t know where they are?” he asks.
I nod. “I do. She doesn’t really have any reason to keep lying for them. Everything they put her through and the manipulation they used to get her to kill her husband then serve them for more than a decade tore her apart. She gave them up as much as she could, then almost killed herself because she couldn’t live with what she did and didn’t want
them to be able to get to her. She’s doing so much better now. I really think if she had any idea where they might have gone, or how we could find them, she would tell us.”
I let out a sigh and turn to look out the window beside me.
“What is it?” Sam asks.
I turn back and press my lips together, piecing through the thoughts rushing through my head.
“What if he doesn’t find anything?” I ask.
“The different chapters of The Order associate with each other. Somebody knows something. And your father is the best of the best when it comes to getting people to tell him what they know. They won’t even realize he’s trying to get information out of them, and they’ll let something slip.”
“If they’re with another chapter at all,” I say.
“What do you mean?”
“The Order elders aren’t the only people missing,” I say.
“You mean The Dragon?” he asks.
“No one has been able to track him down in the last couple of weeks, either. He disappeared the night he tried to kill Xavier and hasn’t been heard from since. At least, by me. We already know he had connections to The Order. Each of them owed each other at some point or another. They paid those debts, but that means that they are in a mutually beneficial relationship now. They know they have something on each other. But they also know they can work together. What if the elders didn’t go to another chapter for protection? What if they went to Darren instead?”
“Where would he go?” Sam asks.
“I don’t know,” I say. “It hasn’t been all that long that I have known he isn’t dead. I don’t know where he’s been or who’s been helping him. But if he’s been protecting the elder members of The Order, my father’s on the wrong path. He won’t be able to find out anything.”
“Then we find The Dragon,” Sam says with a wink, as if it’s the easiest thing in the world. “And we slay him.”
I knew there was a reason I love this man.
