Oliver: Do you need me to come over?
Emery: Oliver. I’m fine. Really.
Oliver: Okay.
Knock, knock, knock.
I looked up from my cell phone as I sat in bed. Then I headed to the front door and opened it to find Oliver standing there, leaning against the doorframe.
“Hi,” he whispered.
“Hi,” I replied.
He took my hands into his and stepped in closer to me. His forehead rested against mine, and he closed his eyes as mine faded shut too. “Do you need me to come over,” he softly spoke, his hot breaths brushing against my lips.
I nodded slowly, releasing a weighted breath that I hadn’t even known I’d been holding in. “Yes.”
He stayed with me as I cried against his white T-shirt. Over and over again, he told me Reese was my daughter and I was her mom, reasoning away the demonic thoughts that were flooding my system. When my body became too exhausted, when no more tears could be cried, he held me close throughout the remainder of the night.
The next morning, it wasn’t the sun that pulled me from my slumber. It was a little girl, screaming at the top of her lungs. “Mr. Mith! What are you doing in Mama’s bed?” she shouted, jumping on the bed.
“Reese, volume, lower,” I muttered, only able to get out a few words due to my exhaustion. Then I yawned and focused a bit on Reese. Who was on my bed. Right beside Oliver.
Oliver.
In my bed.
Reese.
In my bed.
Oh hell.
“Reese!” I said, sitting up straight. Oliver was rubbing his eyes and trying to piece together what was going on. “What are you doing up so early?”
“It’s not early; it’s late,” she said before turning to Oliver and then back to me. “Why is Mr. Mith in your bed?” She smiled from cheek to cheek. “Are you two in love?” She went back to jumping on the bed, shaking both Oliver and me from our slumber.
Her question shook me, and I felt my cheeks heating up from the comment.
“Reese, no, we are—”
“Yes, I love her,” Oliver cut in, giving Reese his smile that made me feel everything all at once. I turned his way, my eyes widened from shock. He gave me his dopey, tired grin and took my hands into his and squeezed ever so lightly. “I love every part of you, Em.”
My heart flipped, kicked, and leaped inside my chest. I wasn’t ready for that, but truthfully, was anyone ever ready to find out that the person they loved, loved them back? It felt like the biggest dream coming true.
“I love you, too,” I said, feeling as if my cheeks were going to burst from happiness. I wanted to lean in and kiss him, but I knew that might’ve been too much to do in front of Reese. Especially since she’d just found us in bed with one another.
“What about me, Mr. Mith? Do you love me, too?” Reese asked.
Oliver smirked big and pulled Reese into a hug. “Yeah, kid, I love you too.”
Reese began to giggle as Oliver tickled her, making her wiggle all over the place. “Okay, okay, stop!” she screamed out, twisting and turning. This was one of those moments in life when I forgot all my troubles. Moments when the world seemed to stand still and every good thought aligned as one. As the three of us rolled around in bed, this was one of those moments. A moment that would forever live in my heart.
It was funny how those moments could make me forget about all the other troubles I was facing in my life. For a second, I’d forgotten all about the drama that my parents and Sammie had laid at my doorstep.
It felt as if Reese, Oliver, and I were creating our own family, with our own rules. We were creating one of my favorite songs on my mixtape. Just the three of us, and our happiness.
After a few seconds of lying across both Oliver and me, catching her breath, Reese said, “Hey, Mr. Mith?”
“Yeah, kid?”
“Does that make you my dad now?”
Welp.
That seemed a little too much for that morning’s conversation. Oliver’s mouth was agape, and it was clear he didn’t know what to say, so I wrapped Reese into a tight hug and snuggled her. “How about we talk about this at a later time, and for now we go make some waffles?” I offered.
Reese’s face lit up. “With chocolate chips?”
“Yes, with chocolate chips. Let me get up to get started and—”
Reese shook her head and hopped out of bed. “No, Mama. I want Mr. Mith to make me the waffles this time.”
I raised an eyebrow. “I thought you loved my waffles.”
“I do, but I want to love Mr. Mith’s too,” she said matter-of-factly. She held her hand out toward Oliver and pulled him out of bed. “Come on, let’s get started.”
Without another word, the two were walking off toward the kitchen to get started cooking. I could hear their voices as I lay in bed. “I’m going to be honest, kid—I don’t know the last time I cooked waffles.”
“It’s okay. Even if they are nasty, I’ll still eat them because I love you now,” Reese said.
Oliver chuckled. “Well, that’s very nice of you.”
“I know, I’m a good person. And Mr. Mith?”
“Yeah, kid?”
“Stop calling me ‘kid.’”
The following two days came and went without any incidents from my parents and Sammie. For a minute, I thought they’d come to their senses and realized they needed to back off, but I wasn’t that lucky.
After Reese and I came home late one afternoon after spending time swimming in Oliver’s pool, I found a thick envelope sitting outside my door. Picking it up, I noticed the word “Emery” scribbled across the front of it. It was definitely in Mama’s handwriting, and that fact alone made acid start to rise from the pit of my stomach.
“What’s that?” Reese asked.
I smiled her way and patted her behind. “Nothing, sweetheart. Go pick out some pajamas so we can get you ready for bed, okay?”
Thankfully, she did as I said, and I headed into the apartment, nervous about what I was going to uncover in the envelope. After I ripped it open, my heart dropped as I read the letter:
Is this the man you are raising Reese around? This won’t look too positive for you in court. Make the right decision, and hand Reese over before things get messy.
Inside the envelope was article after article of Cam’s interviews about Oliver and the terrible made-up story lines she’d created. They spoke about Oliver’s spiral over the past few months. They spoke about his drug usage, which didn’t exist, and his cruelty toward her. They highlighted every false subject that Cam had made up about Oliver, and it made me sick to see those words lying against the page.
Mama had grabbed every fake article she could find on Oliver, and she was now throwing it all in my face as a way to get her way. The worst part of it all? The articles seemed real, since Oliver had never voiced his side of the story. I couldn’t believe this was happening.
I was going to be sick.
“What are you looking at, Mama?”
I quickly put the papers down. “Nothing, sweetheart. Let’s get to bed.” I stood up with shaky hands and tried my best not to reveal my panic in front of my daughter.
My daughter . . . she was mine, and my mother was trying to take that fact away from me. What kind of woman would do that? What kind of person would ruin someone’s life? Reese had been mine for over five years. I’d spent five years raising her, teaching her, loving her, and now my parents were threatening to tear her away from me.
35
OLIVER
“Slow down, Em. What are you talking about?” I asked. She wasn’t making any sense as she stood in front of me. She’d shown up to my house with puffy eyes and a shaky voice.
“I can’t work for you anymore.” Her eyes were swollen, and I couldn’t imagine the amount of crying she’d done the previous night. I didn’t know what had brought her to spend the evening crying, but I hated that I hadn’t been there to comfort her.
“What happened?” I asked, conce
rn overtaking me as I stepped in her direction.
Her shoulders dropped and rounded forward. “It’s a long story.”
“I have time.”
“I don’t. I’m sorry. I just wanted to tell you face to face instead of over the phone. I figured you deserved that much.”
“What aren’t you telling me?”
Her lips parted, and her body began to shake. She was trying her hardest to keep herself together, but she was failing every single second that passed by. “It doesn’t matter, Oliver. I’m handling it. Which means I can’t work for you.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“It does. I know it’s probably a lot to hear, but I have to do what’s best for my daughter. I have to put her first.”
“Is it about your parents?”
She nodded.
“What does that have to do with me and this job, though? I mean, hell, if you want to quit, that’s fine, Em. But what I really want to know is how I can help you. I need to know what I can do for you.”
“Nothing. You can’t do anything for me.” She glanced down at the tiled floor in the foyer as tears rolled down her face. “Oliver, I can’t be with you anymore. After this, we can’t see each other again.”
That sent a shock of panic through me. “What the hell are you talking about? What does that mean?”
“It means exactly that. I don’t have time for a relationship right now, not with everything going on with my family and Reese. My main focus has to be on her and keeping her safe.”
“Of course that makes sense. But I don’t see why you won’t let me help you. I can do whatever it takes to make sure Reese stays in your custody. I can get you the best lawyers. I can—”
“Oliver, stop. Please. You’re making this harder than it has to be.”
“You’re breaking my fucking heart, so please excuse me if I am making this hard,” I snapped, and I instantly felt like an asshole for doing such a thing, but dammit. My heart felt as if it was going through a fucking paper shredder. I couldn’t think straight.
She wiped away the tears that kept streaming down her cheeks and locked her brown eyes with mine. She didn’t say anything, though; she just stared my way, and with that simple stare, I felt her worry, I saw her fears. I couldn’t help but step toward her and wrap her into my embrace. “Em, come on. It’s me. You don’t have to do this alone.”
“I do,” she disagreed, shaking her head. “I do. You don’t understand, Oliver. My father is a powerful force in our small town, and he has connections with people in the law system, and he will use this against me. He will use you against me.”
“How?”
She sniffled and tilted her head up toward me. “They sent me all these articles from Cam about you. They said it shows proof that you being with me is an unhealthy environment for Reese. What’s worse is there’s no interviews or anything from you to counter the assumptions. So it makes you look guilty.”
Son of a bitch.
How could someone shoot so low to hurt another person?
Did they really think they were doing what was right?
Did they think this was the best way to go about everything? By ripping a child away from the one parent she’d known her whole life?
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how to comfort her over this issue, because I knew how Cam’s comments appeared. She’d painted me as a sick devil.
“I’m sorry,” I muttered, not knowing what else to say, because shit. I was so fucking sorry. And sad. And hurt.
She pulled me in closer and laid her lips against mine, kissing me hard. Her kisses didn’t taste like new beginnings anymore. Her lips tasted like goodbyes, and that broke my fucking heart.
“Please,” I muttered against her mouth, not even knowing what I was begging her for. Because I knew it was too much to ask her to stay. I knew it was too much to beg her to give us a chance. I would never want to be a roadblock in Reese’s life. I would never want to be a cause of Emery losing her daughter.
But damn it, it hurt.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her lips still grazing mine. I didn’t want her to pull away. I didn’t want her to walk away from me, because I needed her more than I’d realized. I loved her. I loved her so much, and the thought of losing her was killing me second by second. And that was exactly what was happening. I was losing the woman who’d saved me.
“This is just a bad track,” I said, my hands against her lower back, holding her to me as I shook my head. I rested my forehead against hers and closed my eyes. “This is just a bad song on our mixtape, Em. This isn’t the end of us. Okay? This isn’t the end, and I will wait as long as it takes for everything to work out for us. I’m not giving up on this, I’m not giving up on us,” I told her.
She gave me one last goodbye kiss as she slowly removed my touch from her. With one big step backward, she let me go.
“I’m so sorry, Oliver,” she repeated, turning to walk away. “I love you,” she whispered, walking out of the front door quickly, almost as if she had to run away; otherwise she might’ve thought about staying.
She didn’t even hear me tell her that I loved her too.
The next several days all felt like night. Even though I wanted to turn to my familiar demons, I didn’t do it. I wanted to drown in the whiskey and wake up with vodka in my hands. I wanted to shut off my brain and forget how I’d lost the two girls who meant the world to me.
But I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t spiral, because that would prove that Emery’s parents were right about me. That would prove that I wasn’t good enough for the two girls I loved.
I missed Emery. Every second, every minute, and every hour of every day, I missed her. I turned to the only thing that kept me sane in the darkness: I turned to my music.
I wrote nonstop, almost in a manic state. The words poured out of me until my studio floor was littered with paper. Then I wrote some more.
When my mind felt emptied, I called Tyler over to come listen to a few of the tracks I’d created that week. I wasn’t even sure if they were any good, but I wanted him to hear them, because it felt like the first time in ages I’d been able to truly tap deeply into my emotions. I was learning to use my pain to create beauty.
I didn’t only write about Emery and Reese. I wrote about my brother. I wrote about the pain and sorrow that flooded through me. I wrote about hurts and happiness. I worked through every single emotion that hit me because I was no longer pushing everything down within me. I felt it all and didn’t criticize myself for the need to feel. When anger built up in my system, I wrote it down. When love was heavily in my heart, I created from that place of being.
I created a mixtape and set it in front of my friend to hear.
Tyler’s jaw sat on the floor after I played the tracks for him. He raced his hand over his head. “Holy shit,” he muttered. “You did all of this over the past two weeks?”
“Yeah, I did.”
“Holy shit,” he repeated, running his hand over his mouth. “Oliver, this is the best music you’ve ever created. It’s raw and real, and holy shit,” he huffed, shaking his head in disbelief as he pushed the palms of his hands against his eyes.
“Don’t tell me you’re crying,” I joked.
“Fuck off, will you? There’s nothing wrong about a grown man expressing his emotions.”
“So, that means you like it?” I asked.
“That means I think you’ve created your comeback album.”
“I don’t really care if the world hates it,” I started to argue, but he cut me off.
“Nobody’s thinking about the world right now, Oliver. I’m talking about your world. This is the comeback album for you and your soul.” He clapped his hands together. “So what about Emery? Did you figure out how you’re getting her back?”
I grimaced, because I wished it was that easy. I wished I could just play her a few songs, and everything would fall back into place. But I knew better than to give myself that false ho
pe. Emery had too much to lose in order to keep me. I wouldn’t get in her way.
“I can’t have her back, Tyler. She can’t be in my life.”
“Wrong.” He clasped his hands behind his head and gave me a smirk as if he knew something that I didn’t. “I saw you with her, Oliver. I saw how she was with you. It’s not that she made you better . . . you made her better too. You’re stronger when you both are together. So, now’s not the time to respect her wishes, because these aren’t her true wishes. Now’s the time to fight for her. To fight for each other. We only get this one shot at life. Please don’t stop fighting for Emery’s love.”
“What do I do?”
“Don’t play dumb, Oliver. I think you already know, and you’re just too much of a little bitch to do it. So go ahead. Just do what you think needs to be done.”
I hated him, because he was right. I knew what I had to do, but I also knew I would be crossing some lines.
But for Emery and Reese?
I’d cross every border, if it meant I could keep them in my life.
“Thanks, Tyler.”
“Yup. Always here,” he said, repeating the words my parents often said to me. “Alex would love this, you know,” he said, waving toward the soundboard at the tracks I’d played for him. “This is what he wanted from you all along. To go back to the basics. Now, figure out a way to let those two girls hear this too. Don’t let your music die in the studio.”
After speaking to Tyler, I knew I had to do something for Emery, even from a distance. So I went to the last person I wanted to see in order to try to protect Emery from losing Reese.
“I’m surprised you called,” Cam stated as we sat down at a table outside a restaurant. I wanted to meet in private, but of course, Cam wanted to go somewhere public. Probably for the opportunity of the paparazzi to get their photographs of us together. “Now, what do you want, Oliver?”
“We need to talk.”
“Oh, now you want to talk? You sure didn’t when you broke up with me for your bullshit reasons.”
“They weren’t bullshit, Cam. We both knew that we weren’t compatible.”
“Yeah, but I was sticking it out because I saw the opportunities that could’ve come from being with you. You could’ve really helped my career.”
The Mixtape Page 26
