When Bleach had taken Spike back to their dorms after his second panic, Spike had stated his intention to skip dinner, but Bleach wouldn’t let him. Whether he faced the others at dinner or breakfast or the next gym session, he’d have to face them. Avoiding the dining hall would only delay the inevitable and make it an even bigger deal when he finally turned up. Besides, some of them would have panic attacks at some point during training. Some of them probably already had. Like Spike, they needed to know that although it might feel like death, it wouldn’t kill you. When he’d said panicking while being chased by the diseased would, Bleach had chosen not to respond.
Spike looked up again, the attention of many of the cadets still on him save for the one that mattered most. Ranger sat close to Matilda like he always did, and he talked at her like he always did. Not for the first time, Spike imagined himself going over there and smashing Ranger’s head against the table in front of him. He’d slam his face so many times against the wooden surface it would turn his nose to mush.
For the past few years Spike had wanted nothing but the chance to go for national service. Now he wanted to be anywhere but. Things were so much easier before. He and Matilda would run through the city without a care. They’d stay up late, talk until the sun rose, look into each other’s eyes, and he’d dream of what their future looked like. Now she wouldn’t even look at him. How could he tell her how sorry he was? How he shouldn’t have made her gamble her freedom on him. Tears itched his eyes. He should have climbed the wall with her that night.
Then she looked at him and he gasped. She held him in her brown-eyed gaze. If she felt something at that moment, he couldn’t read it, but at least she showed him she knew he still existed. A blink of her long eyelashes, it looked like the slightest glaze of sadness magnified her eyes, but he couldn’t be sure. He looked at her hair. The hummingbird clip had gone. He looked back at her face again, but she’d already shifted her focus.
When Hugh shoved his bony elbow into his ribs, Spike tutted and spun around. “What?” Faced with Hugh’s soft features, some of the tension left him. “Sorry,” he said, glancing at the rest of his team and their slack shock. “That was uncalled for. What’s up?”
Although slightly redder than before, Hugh said, “We just want you to know that you haven’t let us down. We understand what happened today, and you should know we’re here for you, standing shoulder to shoulder with you.”
“I’ve nearly had a panic attack every morning I’ve been here,” Elizabeth said.
“Me too,” Hugh said.
Spike rubbed his sore eyes, his movement clumsy as his hands shook. “Thank you. And I’m sorry I’ve been so off tonight. I’m sorry we’re not getting a lie-in tomorrow. I …” Before he could say anything else, he saw Matilda in the corner of his eye as she stood up from her seat. She appeared to be heading towards the toilets. “I … uh, I need the toilet.”
Spike got to his feet, watching Matilda leave the room as he moved through the tables after her.
To get to the bathroom, Spike had to pass team Bigfoot. Ranger sat—like he always did—at the centre of his table, close to the space Matilda had now vacated. Lance sat so close to him, he was damn near perched on his lap. Spike noticed the glint in Ranger’s eye and saw it coming from a mile off. So when he got close to Ranger and the boy shoved his foot out at the last minute, he simply stepped over it and hissed the word prick as he passed him.
Once through the door leading to the toilets, Spike saw Matilda heading for the girls’ cubicle. He broke into a jog to catch up with her and grabbed her shoulder, pulling her around to face him.
After she’d glanced back down the corridor behind him, she said, “What are you doing, Spike? You know the teams aren’t supposed to mix.”
“It’s been so hard to sit in the same room with you every day and not talk to you.”
Matilda looked from one of his eyes to the next and her own glazed with tears.
“Talk to me, Tilly.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“Tell me why you’re behaving like I don’t exist.”
For a second, she just stared at him. For a second, she looked like she wouldn’t reply. “You want to know? Really?”
“I can’t feel any worse than I already do.”
“At first, I ignored you because I could see Ranger winding you up through me. I’ve ignored him too. I wanted you to stay focused on the task at hand. I knew what lay in front of us wouldn’t be easy. I knew you needed to keep your head. Also, we were told we couldn’t have relationships in here. I didn’t want to push that. And then …”
“And then?”
“I saw how you reacted to the diseased. I’ve witnessed your suffering and it hurts too much. Not only is this place breaking you, but it’s taking away all my hope of a better future. I had some before we came in here.”
“I’m sorry. I’ll get better.”
“You’ve nothing to be sorry about. I don’t blame you. I blame myself. Artan and I had freedom in front of us the night before we came here, and against my better judgement I decided to give this a try. I should have taken responsibility for Artan’s and my safety. To look at you reminds me I didn’t. That my brother’s with that man, and will be for the next six months, all for nothing.”
“It’s not for nothing, Tilly. Please, you’ve got to tr—”
“Don’t, Spike! I have to trust myself and my instincts. Have you seen how you react to the diseased?” Her eyes pregnant with tears, she looked disgusted to take him in. “When was the last time we had a protector that has panic attacks when they see one of those things?”
Although Spike opened his mouth to reply, Matilda cut him off. “I’m not angry with you, I’m angry with myself. I made a bad choice. I should have known better.”
“Why don’t you try to be the next apprentice?”
“Haven’t you listened to anything I’ve said? I have to be here for these next six months. Every night I pray for Artan’s safety. If I tried to be an apprentice, I’d have to leave him alone with that man for even longer. And what do you think it would do to Dad to see me trying to be the next apprentice? What do you think it would do to him if I got it? I can’t put Artan in that kind of danger.”
“We could make sure he’s—”
“I need to make the choices that are the best for me and Artan. I need to trust myself and my own judgement. I’m not seeking counsel on it.”
“But—”
“Stop, Spike. Just stop.”
As Spike looked at his love, he drew a deep and stuttered breath. “What does this mean for us?”
No change in her expression, tears now ran from Matilda’s eyes. “We were kids before we came in here, Spike. We dared to dream. Dreams don’t come true in Edin. Ask my dad.”
When a booming laugh bounced off the walls, Spike spun around to see Ranger in the corridor, Lance a step behind him. “Well, well, wasn’t that a beautiful performance? I never realised you were so in love, William.” He winked at Matilda and grinned. “All right, sweetheart?”
Spike balled his fists. “What do you want?”
While covering his chest by laying the palm of one hand against it, Ranger stepped back a pace. “My goodness, you’re a feisty one, aren’t you? I just wanted to use the toilet. I wasn’t expecting to walk in on this. But now I have, I just wanted to say how sweet you two look together. You make a nice couple. That’s okay, isn’t it?”
When Spike looked at Matilda, she shook her head at him. But what did it matter what she wanted anymore? After national service he’d probably never see her again.
“Anyway, enjoy the rest of your evening.” Ranger turned to walk off, pausing before he’d shown them his back. “Oh, and I wanted to warn you about public displays of affection. If the team leaders found out about you two, they’d crush this relationship like a bug beneath a boot heel.”
A rush of blood, Spike moved forward, his shoulders squared. “It’s not a relationship, y
ou idiot.”
Ranger shrugged. “I’m just going by what I saw. Whatever you guys do is your own business. It’s just … it would be an awful shame for the leaders to find out about it, don’t you think?”
“I know something else that would be an awful shame for everyone to find out about,” Spike said.
Although Ranger turned back around to hear it, Matilda said, “Don’t, Spike. That’s not your story to tell.”
A slight frown, Ranger looked from Spike to Matilda. “I must say, you have me quite intrigued.”
When neither Spike nor Matilda replied, Ranger said, “You do know, Matilda, that when all of this is over, I can come and see you in the ceramics district. I can go wherever I want in the city because I’m the son of a protector. So whether I win the apprenticeship or not, I’ll be available. I just wanted to put that out there. I’m not sure William will make it to the trials with his condition.”
Spike pushed off from his back foot, propelling himself forward as he slammed a hard punch into Ranger’s nose. His fist sank with a crunch, driving both him and Lance back several paces.
While Ranger appeared to be trying to find his bearings, Spike threw another punch, Ranger’s head snapping to the side from the impact.
Ranger rallied and yelled while reaching out and grabbing Spike by the shirt. He slammed his back against the wall, driving the air from Spike’s lungs. Wild-eyed, he sprayed Spike with spittle as he shouted, “I’m Ranger Hopkins.” He smashed his forehead against Spike’s, the collision sending a flash through Spike’s vision and giving him a tinnitus ring.
Despite the wobble in his legs, Spike remained upright. He shoved Ranger back, driving him through the boys’ bathroom door, knocking it clean off its hinges to the sound of tearing wood. His teeth clenched and fists balled, Spike fell on top of Ranger and rained punches down on the protector’s son. Blow after blow, he’d destroy that cocksure grin. He’d shatter his cheekbones. He’d—
A strong grip wrapped around the back of Spike’s collar and dragged him off Ranger. He twisted and turned to be free of it, but the person behind him slipped him into a headlock he couldn’t get out of. It took for the man to speak before he recognised Bleach’s voice. “Stop, Spike. Stop now.”
A few minutes later, Spike and Ranger were standing next to one another on the stage in the dining hall. All of the cadets were still there. The coppery taste of blood in his mouth, Spike looked at Ranger to see his red and swollen face, his shirt sodden from where he’d split his nose. As before, when Spike looked at Matilda, she refused to look back at him. If he hadn’t thrown their relationship away before then, he definitely had now.
The beat of Sarge’s limp moved across the front of the stage and the two boys while he addressed the room. “I won’t tolerate fighting. It’s hard enough outside those walls without you tearing each other apart inside them. Besides, it’s a fat lot of good being able to fight each other when you can’t fight them, wouldn’t you say, William?”
Spike didn’t reply.
“I’m taking the lie-in away from team Bigfoot and giving it to Dragon.”
“But—”
Sarge cut Ranger off, and what he said next made Spike’s blood run cold. “That’s not the half of it. As punishment for your behaviour, you’re both going to be spending a night in the hole.”
Chapter 43
Maybe the weather turning had affected Spike more than usual, or maybe the sight in front of him made him cold to his bones. Whatever the reason, he shivered, his stomach tight as he was led towards the large fence sectioning off the hole from the rest of the national service area.
Juggernaut on one side, Ore on the other, they each held one of Spike’s arms in a tight grip as they marched forward. Ranger also due the same fate, Bleach and Fright ushered him towards the fence in front of them. When they’d first mentioned the hole, Spike wondered if it had been an empty threat. A bit like the bogeyman would come to get kids who didn’t behave. There seemed to be nothing empty about his current predicament.
The clouds were grey and heavy with the threat of rain. They pushed down on Spike, their oppressive weight increasing with every step forward.
When they stopped in front of the fence, Spike watched Juggernaut—who left him with Ore—walk over to the gate and free the large bolt on it with a sharp crack. As Juggernaut opened it, Spike tried to see inside, but from his current vantage point, he still couldn’t ascertain what his punishment would be.
Bleach and Fright led Ranger through the doorway first. Following on their heels, Juggernaut and Ore took Spike through after him.
On the other side, Spike saw four more fenced-off sections. Much smaller than the one at the front, each one had a gate in it. Each gate had a long metal pin hanging from its frame so they could be locked from the outside. From what he could see, none of the smaller sections had roofs. It looked like four open-air prisons. He could cope with that. In fact, he’d take that punishment all day long and laugh in their faces the next time they tried to use it as a deterrent.
Like they’d done on the way in, Ore kept a hold of Spike while Juggernaut now closed the main gate behind them.
Bleach and Fright led Ranger off to the right. When Juggernaut had finished with the gate, he and Ore led Spike left.
The farthest left of the four gates, it opened more easily than the main one had, swinging into the cell beyond when Ore raised one of her heavy boots and kicked it. As they led Spike through, he got a closer look at the large metal pin hanging from the wall. At least a foot long and an inch thick, when it went through the metal hoop on the outside, the door would be nowhere near as compliant in granting someone access or escape.
The second he stepped through the doorway, Spike’s stomach sank. A sparse ground with patchy tufts of grass, it had a hole in the centre of it. Too dark to tell how far it dropped, but it looked deep. A large beam ran above his head from one side of the cell to the other. It had a rope hanging from it. A thick rope with a chunky knot tied into it every few feet. It looked much like the rope they’d used on Juggernaut’s last challenge. Easy enough to climb up and down. Access to the hole wasn’t the thing they wanted to make hard here.
Although Spike had kept quiet until that point, he shook his head. “You’re joking, right? The hole isn’t an actual hole, is it?”
But neither Juggernaut nor Ore replied. Instead, Juggernaut held him while Ore grabbed the rope, which lay gathered on the ground like a large snake. She dropped it into the hole and Spike watched it unravel. It had been tied to the beam to allow it to hang down the centre of the pit like a plumb line.
Spike jumped when he heard Ranger scream from the cell he’d been taken to. “No! I’m not going in there.”
Until that moment, Spike had managed to contain himself, but a familiar feeling came over him that he had no control over. Rising up his body, it snapped his stomach tense. His lungs restricted and his throat dried. Although he tugged on his collar with his spare hand, it did nothing to ease the constrictor’s grip tightening around him.
“Now,” Ore said while peering into the hole, her hands on her hips, “you have two ways down. The first one is you climb by yourself. The second is we throw you down there. Whatever happens, you’re going in the hole. You get to decide how you do it.”
Despite his body feeling like it was shutting down on him, Spike wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of hearing him protest. They wouldn’t change their minds, so there seemed little point. Besides, he had to learn to hold onto his panic if he was going to feel it so frequently. After shaking Juggernaut’s grip off, he walked to the rope and grabbed it, his hands sore from punching Ranger in the dining hall. So thick, he needed to hold the rope with both hands. He peered into the darkness. Despite the daylight above, he couldn’t see how far down it went.
“Climb!” Ore said to him.
Spike glared at the woman, who stuck her chin out and pulled her shoulders back. She looked like she’d be glad of the opportunity t
o throw him down there. He shook his head at her before climbing onto the rope.
On the way down, Spike kept his back to the two team leaders.
By the time his face got level with the ground, Spike heard Ranger again. “No, I’m not going in there. I want my dad. He needs to hear what you’re trying to do to me.”
Spike’s arms and legs shook, struggling to support his weight as he continued his descent. When his head sank below ground level, the stench hit him. A vinegar reek of rot. He halted his climb and gripped tighter than before.
Ore shook the rope as she leaned over the hole. It didn’t matter that he clung on, she could shake him free if she wanted to. “Don’t stop now, William. One way or another, you’re going down there. You’d be sensible to do it on your own terms. It’ll hurt much less.”
A deep and stuttered inhale, Spike nodded to himself to keep moving and continued to drop down into the hole.
No more than a ten-foot climb to the bottom, the second Spike stepped onto solid ground and let go of the rope, Ore whipped it away, dragging it back up to her. “Have a good time,” she called down, her voice echoing in the pit. “I’ve heard the nights are long in the hole. It should give you plenty of time to think about your attitude.”
Again, Spike didn’t reply. Now he’d climbed down into the pit, the rotten vinegar tang had given way to the reek of damp earth. If he could see any farther than the beam of light surrounding him, he surely would see the walls alive with bugs. Worms, millipedes, beetles … A slow writhe twisted through his body to imagine them crawling on his skin. But as grim as it was, he’d take a night with insects over seeing any more diseased.
Protectors - Book one of Beyond These Walls: A Post-Apocalyptic Survival Thriller Page 20
