by Nicola Marsh
But that’s exactly why she hadn’t told him, had known he’d want to do the “right” thing and there wasn’t a chance she’d let him sacrifice his dream out of obligation.
For that’s what it would’ve been. If he hadn’t wanted to stick around just for her, there wasn’t a hope in Hades she would’ve used her unborn child as a means to make him choose between the life she wanted and the life he’d planned.
“We’ll talk about this tomorrow.”
She laid a comforting hand on his forearm, snatching it away as he glanced at it in disgust, like nothing would make up for what she’d done
Not that she had any intention of making up for anything. She had her reasons for not telling him about Adam, letting him follow his dream just one of them.
Now that he knew about Adam she’d deal with it, just like she’d had to deal with being shoved from town to town as a child, living transiently at a military base before moving on way too soon, the early death of her mother, the regimented upbringing by a father who cared more if her shoes were polished than about giving his only child a hug, his death shortly after Adam’s birth a guilty relief.
“Here’s your jacket, Mom.”
Adam skidded to a stop in front of her, his guileless expression endearingly familiar and it took all her willpower not to bundle him into her arms, hold on tight and never let go, to shelter him from whatever decisions his parents made that would impact his future.
“Do we have time for a milkshake on the way home? You wanna come, Flynn?”
She smiled her thanks at Adam while slinging a protective arm across his shoulders and squeezing. The last thing she needed was Flynn joining them for anything. She needed time; time to process everything, time to deal with his reappearance in her life.
Adam swiveled his head between them and as Flynn’s expression instantly softened, she had her answer as to whether he’d want any involvement with their son.
“Sorry, mate. I’ve got an appointment. Maybe some other time?”
Flynn ruffled Adam’s hair and she waited for her son to bristle. He hated people doing that, believing it was an action reserved for younger kids.
To her amazement, Adam smiled. “Cool.”
He turned to her and she quickly masked her surprise. “I’m starving.”
“You’re always starving.”
She dropped a kiss on the top of his tousled head, prepared for the wrinkled nose, the roll of the eyes. Her baby was growing up way too fast and she’d hate the day when he deemed himself too old for his mom’s kisses.
“Hop in the car and we’ll get going.”
“Okay. See ya, Flynn.”
Adam waved as he ducked into the car, clambered into the car seat and belted in. She loved his independence, beyond proud.
They were a good family unit, a solid partnership and she hoped to God the man in front of her wasn’t about to change all that.
“You’ve done a great job raising our son,” Flynn murmured, the unexpected tenderness in his voice bringing a lump to her throat.
“Thanks.”
Our son.
Those two tiny words affected her almost as much as the emotion in his voice and she hugged her middle, desperate for her arms to hold onto something other than him.
Time stopped as they stared at each other, lost in a moment laden with sentiment and if the two short blasts of the car’s horn hadn’t disrupted them, she didn’t know what she might’ve foolishly done. If he’d flinched at a touch on the forearm, she’d hazard a guess his reaction to a hug wouldn’t be welcoming.
“I better go,” she said, reaching for the car door.
“I want answers and I’ll get them, Lori, that’s a promise.”
His tone sent a shiver of foreboding creeping across her skin, raising her hackles.
Adam’s home life was stable and she wanted to keep it that way. What answers could she possible give to erase the audible bitterness clouding Flynn’s growled warning?
“We’ll talk tomorrow.”
Her subtle head jerk toward the car, where Adam was peering curiously out the window, had its desired affect when he nodded and stepped away.
“Best we leave it ’til then. I’m too damn angry to even look at you right now.”
He ran a hand across the back of his neck, absentmindedly rubbing the corded muscles that stood out like a beacon to his fury.
“Tomorrow, I’m going to get to the bottom of this so don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
Her heart dropped into free-fall as he strode away, his threat ringing ominously in her ears.
As Flynn pulled into Riversdale Drive, a host of memories assailed him, none of them pleasant.
He remembered the first time he’d come here, buoyed by the prospect of seeing where Lori lived. His mates had scoffed at their burgeoning friendship, saying Lori was dabbling in the forbidden, playing with a guy from the wrong side of the tracks.
He hadn’t cared for there was nothing false or contrived about Lori and their shared feelings. Though they’d both been young, they’d shared a bond that far surpassed their years and he’d assumed they’d spend the rest of their lives together.
Until he’d finished high school, foregone his dream to pursue an economics degree to don an army uniform to pay his dues with an already ailing Pop and she hadn’t wanted anything to do with him.
As he drove along the tree-lined road, he passed the Ballantine mansion. Not much had changed: the sprawling grounds maintained to magazine-style perfection, the two story cream-rendered house in pristine condition, the adjoining garage large enough to house enough luxury vehicles to rival any royal collection. No doubt about it, Colonel Ballantine had liked the finer things in life, which made Lori’s apparent abhorrence of the cushy life even more unusual.
He’d assumed she’d been rebelling like any other teenager, not wanting to discuss her family, and it had taken an impromptu visit here to ram home the yawning differences between them.
He hadn’t cared. At the time he’d been so smitten he would’ve done anything to maintain their relationship. Even after he’d joined the ADFA and she’d virtually dumped him, he hadn’t quit. Not in his nature; then, now, ever.
He’d been away four years, following a dream that had more to do with repaying debts than a love of the military and it had taken his impending departure for the front line for Lori to see him again.
The memory of that night had burned into his brain, had sustained him through hunkering down in damp ditches waiting for the enemy to pass, had given him courage to confront hostiles and raid their weapon base, had lent him the impetus to attend rehab every day when he’d taken a stray bullet in the leg and attend endless debriefing sessions with psychologists.
Lori may have walked away from him that night but the memory had lingered through the dreariness, the mundane, the horror. Inadvertently, she’d done him a favor, making his last memory of Melbourne an incredible one.
And here he was, the memory he’d harbored and the reality as far apart as this quiet leafy street and the ravaged bunkers in Afghanistan.
His hands clenched the steering wheel as he pulled over in front of the house number she’d given him, unable to control the renewed surge of anger sweeping through him, destroying his good memories, leaving bitterness in its wake he feared he’d never eradicate.
He had a son.
She hadn’t told him.
Would anything she said tonight change that?
Unlikely, but he needed to hear something, anything, that would explain why the woman he’d once loved had denied him parental rights.
Slamming a hand against the steering wheel, he studied the house, surprised by its modesty: a small clinker brick cottage with decaying wooden frames and a faded terracotta roof, surrounded by a large overgrown garden. When she’d mentioned the Colonel had bought it he’d expected a mini-palace to rival the mansion up the road, not this … this … home.
Another stab of animosity lanced his gut.
He should’ve been the one to provide a home for his son, a place to return to, a house filled with light and laughter, a garden just like this one, with a tire hanging from a rope attached to an old oak tree, a scooter lying on its side in the grass, a bike propped up near the door.
As a kid, this would’ve been his dream home. Then again, anything would’ve been better than the two-room hovel he’d called home. Not that the decrepit house had been a problem as such. It was what occurred within its walls that drove him to be the man he was today. Ironic, he’d only joined the army to pay Pop back for leaving it to raise him and as a result, the army had been the only real home he’d ever known.
But he couldn’t think about the past now, couldn’t allow old memories to taint what he’d come to do.
He needed answers.
Lori sure as hell better give them to him.
CHAPTER FOUR
“You look cool, Mom.”
Adam lay on Lori’s bed and rested his chin in his hands, looking up at her while kicking his legs in the air.
“Don’t you mean hot?”
She slicked a sheer gloss over her lips, her hands shaking with a mixture of anticipation and nerves.
“Gross.” Adam rolled his eyes, clearly embarrassed by her teasing.
“Glad you approve.”
She twirled in front of her son, feeling beyond foolish she’d gone to this much trouble. But she’d needed to dress up, needed to feel confident with what she had to face.
Flynn was furious with her and while she couldn’t blame him, she hoped he’d hear her out.
Smoothing nervous hands down the aubergine jersey dress, she wished she had more time: more time to gather her thoughts, more time to find the right words to explain what she’d done and why, more time to come to terms with the fact she’d have to tell Adam about Flynn.
Adam sat up, his solemn expression startling her. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure, sweetheart.”
A sliver of unease wormed its way into her soul. Adam’s intent expression, his nose crinkled and his forehead puckered as he nibbled on his bottom lip. Whatever he was going to ask her it would be one of his usual doozy questions, ranking right up there with how dogs have puppies and how is God real if we can’t see him.
“Is Flynn my dad?”
Lori gaped, momentarily speechless as her initial unease exploded into unadulterated panic.
She wasn’t ready to have this conversation with her son, the words she needed to say bubbling up in her throat only to stick there.
Adam rushed on before she could find the right words, whatever they were.
“I just wondered, that’s all. He has the same eyes as me and he looked at me real funny at school yesterday. Though don’t worry, it’s cool. He seems okay for a grown-up. Do you think he’ll stay long? Do you think he’ll go out with us for a milkshake? Do you think he likes me?”
Lori’s heart ached at the earnest, wistful expression on her son’s face. She would love to answer all his questions but it was impossible considering she didn’t know the correct response to half those questions herself.
Sitting on the bed, she took Adam’s small hand in hers.
“You’re very clever, sweetheart.”
She paused, swallowed the lump of emotion clogging her throat.
“Yes, Flynn is your dad. Remember I said your dad had a very important job overseas and I couldn’t contact him? Well, that’s the reason I couldn’t tell him about you.”
Adam’s wide-eyed stare as he hung on her every word tugged at her heart.
“He’s a nice guy and once he gets to know you he’s going to love you as much as I do.”
“Really?”
Adam’s gray eyes, so like his father’s, filled with tears and she scooped him onto her lap and hugged him tightly.
His off-the-scale IQ and astounding perception fooled her into thinking he was way older than his five years at times, and then something as simple as his tears would give her a much-needed wake-up call.
“Sure thing, little man. How could he not love you?”
She kissed the top of his head, praying she was right. She had no idea how far Flynn wanted to take the relationship with his son. And if he did, what would that mean for her?
She should’ve told Adam about Flynn a long time ago. It wasn’t like he hadn’t asked and she’d basically stuck to the truth, that he had an important job overseas and she’d lost contact and didn’t know where he was. Thankfully, Adam hadn’t pushed it, though now Flynn was back in their lives, had she done the right thing in relegating him to the past?
She had her reasons for keeping silent, solid reasons built on protecting the most important person in her life — Adam. But would Flynn see it that way?
The doorbell sounded and Adam wriggled out of her arms and ran out of the room before she could stand. She followed at a more sedate pace, fiddling with her hair, twisting her hands before making a conscious effort to cool it.
Adam wrenched open the door. “Hi, Flynn. Mom and I had a chat. She told me who you are and everything. Can I call you Dad?”
Lori held her breath, praying Flynn wouldn’t break Adam’s heart as he had hers all those years ago.
To give Flynn credit he recovered a lot quicker than she would’ve done in the same circumstances. He squatted to Adam’s eye level and held out his hand.
“I’d really like that.”
“Cool,” Adam said, ignoring Flynn’s outstretched hand and flinging his arms around his father’s neck.
She blinked back tears as her gaze locked with Flynn’s over the top of their son’s head, silently willing him to understand, to forgive her, but she could read little in his steely gray eyes before he quickly lowered his gaze.
Flynn wrapped his arms around his son for the first time, desperately hoping he wouldn’t blubber.
With Adam hanging onto his neck for dear life, a confused jumble of emotion burst within him: fear he wasn’t cut out for fatherhood, pride this refreshingly honest child was his and love for this little person who was a part of him.
The fact that Lori stared at him with tears shimmering in her beautiful hazel eyes didn’t help matters one bit.
“Yeah, it’s cool.”
Flynn snuggled into his son’s neck, savoring the fresh scent of lemon soap and shampoo indicating Adam had just had a bath. He imprinted the smell on his memory receptors, wondering if this would be the first of many experiences that he’d get to share with his son.
Adam pulled away as if embarrassed by the sudden display of affection and gestured toward Lori.
“What do you think of Mom’s dress? And she never wears that gunk on her face. She put it on especially for you.”
Flynn almost grinned at Lori’s horrified expression, the first time he’d felt like smiling all day.
“Your mom looks lovely, even the gunk.”
“Okay, see ya later.” Adam picked up a backpack and ran across the yard to the neighbor without a backward look.
An attractive young woman stood on the porch next door and waved to them as Adam bowled past her into the house.
“Thanks, Jane,” Lori called out. “We won’t be too late.”
“Take your time,” Jane yelled across the yard before following Adam inside.
“She seems nice,” Flynn volunteered, with every intention of making this evening longer than Lori anticipated.
He wanted answers and if it took all damn night, he’d get them.
“She is. Her son’s Adam’s age so it works out well. We do reciprocal baby-sitting when needed.”
Flynn could’ve skirted around the issue of Adam, or waited until they’d got in the car, even held his tongue until dinner. However, he’d always been a straight shooter and Lori knew it.
“I’m surprised you told Adam about me.”
Her startled gaze flew to his. “I didn’t have a choice. He guessed.”
“What?”
She nodded, a tiny, proud smile p
laying about her glossed mouth.
“He’s super intelligent, high IQ for his age. Gifted, I guess, though I hate labeling kids that way. He basically bailed me up when I was getting ready, told me he knew you were his dad.”
“That’s one smart kid.”
He skimmed a hand over his hair before stuffing it into his jacket pocket, hating how he hadn’t conquered the habit after all these years.
So his kid was a genius. Made it all the harder, for if he stuffed up this fatherhood gig, a good chance his son would see right through him.
“I try to answer his questions as honestly as I can though sometimes … ” she trailed off, her eyes glittering with humility as if lost in some precious memory and his heart clenched with the unfairness he’d missed out on so much all these years.
“Sometimes?”
She refocused on him, her radiant smile clear evidence of how much Adam meant to her.
“Sometimes it’s tough to remember I’m talking to a five year old going on twenty. He unwittingly puts me on the spot so many times I’ve become adept at thinking fast.”
She paused, gnawed at her bottom lip, hesitant. “Something you’ll find out if you spend time with him.”
“Oh, I intend on spending a lot of time with my son.”
His subtle emphasis wasn’t lost on Lori as she picked up her bag and keys, guilt streaking across her face as she avoided his gaze.
“Where are we going tonight?”
“New restaurant in Collingwood.”
He’d buy her abrupt change of subject for now. They had plenty of time to establish ground rules where Adam was concerned; he wouldn’t leave her alone until they did.
“I haven’t ventured much into Collingwood since that first inter-school debate.”
She didn’t have to add, “When we first met.”
“You won’t be slumming it this time. The suburb has changed quite a bit.”
He couldn’t keep the bitterness out of his voice and she raised her eyes to his, the gold flecks glowing in the muted light from the single lamp she’d left on in the hallway.
“I didn’t mean it like that. I work in Richmond, I live in Richmond, and Adam takes up most of my time so I don’t go out much.”
