‘In part I do,’ Nikolai admitted, and then took a breath. ‘I feel I owe it to Sev as well. I never knew, till yesterday, that he thought I had killed myself. Sev will want to know why I ran away.’
She took a sip of her drink but her throat felt too tight to swallow the liquid as he continued to speak.
‘I was being abused by a teacher.’
Rachel swallowed the liquid down and felt a burn in her chest—not from the drink, more the impossible subject.
She could feel the scrutiny of his gaze yet she couldn’t meet his eyes.
It wasn’t what had happened to Nikolai that made her feel so exquisitely uncomfortable, more her own past.
He had done something about it.
The man sitting in front of her now had had the guts to run away, whereas she had lain in the dark and pretended to be asleep.
Despite the people around them, and Nikolai opposite her, she felt as if she were living it again—the sound of her mother’s boyfriend pushing open her bedroom door... That was the emotional memory he had awoken this morning—being left in the dark afterwards as the door closed.
Being used and then discarded.
No, it was not a subject she would ever discuss.
She ached to have his honesty, to be able to sit there and speak the truth, to tell him she understood.
‘Sexually abused,’ Nikolai clarified, and she felt sweat bead on her upper lip. There were too many people around to be having such a conversation, surely?
‘You don’t need to tell me this.’ Her voice was strangled, her eyes flashed as she told him to back off from the subject, one she wished he had never brought up. Did she tell him she’d known anyway? That his friends had already found out?
No, Rachel decided. It wasn’t her place. For herself, she could think of nothing worse than others knowing. It would be like having your diary read out loud.
‘I’m just letting you know why I ran away,’ he said.
‘I get it.’
‘And I didn’t want you to find out from someone else...’
‘I get it, okay?’
A waitress came back with the dessert menu and, rather than look at him, Rachel read through it. She fought for normality, to slip her mask back on, but she felt as if it had been dropped to the floor.
And then she remembered.
‘You left these.’ She went into her bag and pulled out his sunglasses, put them on the table.
‘Thanks.’
He could feel her discomfort. He could just feel how appalled she was as her hand went up to her hair and twisted a curl.
‘The liquorice ice cream looks nice,’ she said, and then caught his dark gaze.
‘Really?’ he responded coolly.
‘Actually, I’m not all that hungry, I might skip dessert.’
She would rather be anywhere else than having this conversation so she went to her bag and pulled out her purse.
‘It’s fine,’ Nikolai said.
‘At least let me get half.’
‘No need,’ he said, but she noted he did not get out his wallet, or call for the bill. As Rachel stood she felt as if she’d been spun around and she looked for the waitress to pay.
‘The bill...’
‘It’s fine,’ he said again. ‘I own the place.’
He was through covering up and he was through too with Rachel. Oh, he’d prepared himself for discomfort and awkward questions, but to have her dismiss him, to simply reach for the menu, hurt.
It really did.
A moment later they were out on the street and she stood blinking in the light.
‘Nikolai...’
She had handled that terribly.
Even now she was still red in the neck; even now the brief return to her own teenage years had her heart leaping up near her throat.
‘Could we...?’ she started, while knowing it was too late to retrieve things—he had hailed a taxi. And not for sharing, she guessed as he held open the door.
He handed the driver some cash...
‘I can pay for my own taxi.’
‘I asked you here,’ he said. ‘And I make sure you get home.’
Alone.
He was done.
CHAPTER SEVEN
SHE HAD BEEN horribly insensitive.
Nikolai, unaware that she already knew, had told her an incredibly difficult thing.
And she’d suggested having ice cream!
Rachel had never felt more selfish. He had bared his soul and she’d closed hers off. She wanted to apologise but she simply didn’t know how.
In the end, on Wednesday she called Libby. Of course, she rang to find out how she and the baby were doing, but when she got the answering-machine for the second time, instead of leaving a message, she rang again the next day.
And the next.
‘Sorry, Rachel.’ Libby sounded tired. ‘I’ve been meaning to call you but it seems that every time I go to do that, she wakes up!’
‘It’s fine,’ Rachel said. ‘How is she?’
‘Gorgeous, demanding, hard work. Daniil said that she clearly takes after me!’
‘No name yet?’
‘Almost,’ Libby said. ‘We’ll tell you on Saturday.’
‘Saturday?’
‘I’m determined for you to meet her and I’ve got something I need to ask you. Two things, actually.’
‘Such as?’ Rachel frowned.
‘Can we talk on Saturday?’ Libby said, and, in the background, the baby started to cry.
‘Sure,’ Rachel said. ‘Who’s going to be there?’
‘Just us,’ Libby said. ‘Oh, Anya has said that she might drop in. We asked her and Nikolai...’
Rachel stayed silent but she could feel her fingers tightly gripping the phone.
‘He hasn’t got back to us. I think he was heading overseas after the wedding and it looks like he’s gone. Daniil’s texted him a few times but there’s been no reply.’
‘Oh.’
‘I think Daniil just has to accept that he doesn’t want to be in touch.’
‘I guess.’
‘Anyway,’ Libby said as the baby’s cries grew louder, ‘I really do have to go.’
‘Sure.’
Rachel sat for a long time after the call ended. She felt guilty, in part, for Nikolai’s abrupt departure. Oh, he had said that he was leaving but she was sure, quite sure, that had she handled his admission better then maybe he’d have stayed around long enough to speak properly with his friends. No doubt he thought their reaction would be as uncomfortable and as stilted as hers had been.
‘Damn,’ she hissed.
Forget pride—on Saturday she would ask for his number. No matter how awkward it would be, she would ask Daniil if he would give it to her.
It was her apology that was required now.
* * *
Arriving at Daniil and Libby’s luxurious penthouse with the gift she had bought, Rachel was looking forward to seeing the baby and also nervous at the thought of asking for Nikolai’s number.
She had far more reason to be nervous than that!
As Daniil let her in and she walked through to the vast lounge, her eyes were drawn not to Libby, who sat holding a tiny baby, but to Nikolai, and she gave him a flustered, nervous smile. ‘Hi.’
He didn’t smile back. In fact, he didn’t even return her greeting, just offered a very small nod.
Anya was there also and her greeting wasn’t particularly effusive either. Rachel made her way over to Libby and gave her a kiss on the cheek, handing over the present.
‘Swap!’ Libby said, and held up the tiny baby for Rachel to hold.
She was so tiny and light and as she held her, Rachel
surprised herself by feeling close to tears. She took a seat and gazed at the little girl. ‘She’s beautiful,’ she said, stroking her soft cheek. She was utterly perfect and so innocent. ‘I never want to let her go,’ Rachel admitted.
‘Then please don’t.’ Libby let out a tired sigh. ‘She cries the second she’s put down.’
‘Don’t we all?’ Rachel said, her voice thick with emotion. Oh, she’d been excited for Libby but, seeing her daughter, holding her, feeling the wonder that this little person was really here, Rachel was so entranced that she forgot about Nikolai for a moment.
‘Oh, Rachel...’ Libby said, as she opened up the present. It was a small cashmere blanket in the softest of pinks. ‘This is gorgeous.’
‘I wanted to have her name embroidered on it but I still don’t know it!’
‘Nadia,’ Daniil said. ‘It means hope.’
Nikolai watched.
He tried not to but Rachel still fascinated him. He had seen Anya’s cool perusal of the baby, and yet Rachel was moved to tears just at the sight of her.
‘Now that we’re all here,’ Libby said, ‘I can ask you. We want you to be her godmother, Rachel.’
‘Me?’
‘Now, I know it’s a bit of a rush, but we want everyone to be there. Anya’s heading off to Paris soon and I believe Nikolai is leaving once Sev and Naomi get back...’ Libby turned to him.
‘I leave a week on Monday,’ Nikolai said.
‘Well,’ Libby continued, ‘we’ve managed to organise next Sunday.’
Rachel felt her heart plummet. ‘I can’t make next Sunday. I’ve got a wedding—’
‘You can miss André’s wedding.’ Libby easily removed that obstacle. ‘Come on, Rachel, you said you didn’t even want to go.’
‘It’s not that...’
Nikolai watched as Rachel’s face paled and she looked down at the baby rather than at her friend. ‘It’s my cousin Shona’s wedding.’
‘Shona’s getting married too?’
Nikolai, who felt little for anyone and wasn’t particularly enamoured of Rachel, given her reaction to his difficult revelation, felt a stir of sympathy for her. He could sense her discomfort. Libby could not—she was far too busy slotting the jigsaw together.
‘You mean Shona and André...’ Libby’s jaw dropped for a moment but then her mouth snapped closed and she made a face as if she’d bitten into a lemon.
‘Didn’t she come and see you perform in Singapore?’ Libby checked.
‘That’s when they met,’ Rachel said, though still she did not look up and Libby with her baby brain just waded in when usually she wouldn’t have, at least not with others present. ‘But you and he were still—’
‘Libby!’ Rachel said, and looked up and only then did Libby see her friend’s anguish.
‘Oh, Rachel, I’m sorry.’
It was awkward and embarrassing and there was nothing she could do except admit the grim truth.
‘I didn’t know they were seeing each other till a couple of weeks ago when my mum told me about the wedding,’ Rachel said, and she could not bring herself to look at Nikolai. ‘I’m sorry, Libby, I can’t make the christening.’
The uncomfortable pause was broken by Anya.
‘If you are short on people to ask, I can be godmother.’
Libby opened her mouth and closed it and Nikolai watched as even a blushing Rachel suppressed a smile at Anya’s offer. And, because she was good friends with Libby, even though she was probably cross, Rachel came to her rescue.
‘I’ll speak to my mum about the wedding,’ she offered. ‘I’ll see if I can work something out.’
‘Well,’ Anya said, ‘the offer is there if you need me to step in. Right now I have to go.’ She stood. ‘It is closing night and I need time to prepare.’ She glanced over at Nikolai. ‘You are too late for tickets. You will have to come to Paris when you want to see me perform.’
Anya barely glanced at Rachel or even Libby and the baby as Daniil saw her out.
To break the tense silence, Libby teased Nikolai. ‘Was that Anya’s attempt to flirt with you?’
‘No.’ Nikolai shook his head. ‘That’s the arrogance of Anya. She was like it as a child—assuming that, of course, we all want to see her perform!’
‘I do,’ Rachel sighed.
* * *
She tried to push past the awkwardness of before, but really all she wanted to do was go home.
‘You’re not going to speak to your mum, are you?’ Libby asked when Daniil had come back in and the conversation turned again to the christening.
‘No, I was just saying that to give you time to come up with someone other than Anya.’
‘But I want you to be there.’
‘I know you do.’ Rachel sighed because she badly wanted to be there too. ‘My mum and aunt are very close. Shona and I played together all the time, growing up. It would look terrible if I didn’t go to the wedding.’
No matter the cost to her, Nikolai thought.
‘Could you do both?’ Nikolai asked, surprised that he was getting involved.
‘The christening’s at eleven,’ Libby said, and Rachel shook her head.
‘The wedding’s at one and it’s miles away...’ She tried to change the subject. ‘You had two things to ask me,’ Rachel reminded her friend. She just wanted this over with now.
‘Oh, yes. I’ve got a teacher to cover for me but she has to go to a funeral in Spain next week. Rachel, I know you don’t want to teach but—’
‘It’s fine.’ Rachel nodded. ‘I can manage a week.’
‘Are you sure? If not, I can always ask Maria.’
‘I’ll do it,’ Rachel said, ‘though I really do have to go now...’
Everyone in the room knew that she was lying. She just wanted to be gone.
‘Of course.’ Libby took little Nadia as Rachel said farewell to Daniil and gave a small nod to Nikolai. At the door Libby was nearly in tears as she apologised for what she had said earlier about André.
‘It’s no big deal,’ Rachel said.
‘Of course it is. I wasn’t thinking. Not that that’s any excuse. I embarrassed you.’
‘You were just telling the truth,’ Rachel sighed. She gave her friend a kiss and left, and Libby closed her eyes and then headed back into the lounge.
‘Well, I handled that brilliantly.’
‘She’ll be fine,’ Daniil said. ‘Though we will have to think about getting someone else.’
‘I’ll try and talk to her again.’ Libby gave a shake of her head. ‘I doubt it will do any good, though; Rachel’s so prickly about anything to do with her family and simply won’t discuss them. I don’t know why. Why can’t she just say no to her mother for once?’
Nikolai found that he wanted to know that as well but he remained silent as Libby looked down at her baby.
‘I’m going to feed Nadia.’
And once Libby had left, for the first time in many years it was just he and Daniil.
‘How have you been?’ Nikolai asked. ‘How did things work out for you with your adopted family?’
‘They didn’t,’ Daniil admitted. ‘But life is good now. I have Libby and Nadia. I’m back in touch with Sev.’
‘He’ll be living in New York,’ Nikolai pointed out.
‘We’re going there for New Year.’
‘Shared holidays...’ Nikolai’s voice was a touch scathing but Daniil took no offence. It was a survival technique they had all had learned, growing up—to look with contempt at those who relied on, or grew close to, others.
‘It’s good to spend time with friends. And now you are back. Tell me—’
‘Don’t forget Anya,’ Nikolai interrupted, hoping to fend off the questions.
‘We
try to,’ Daniil said, and they both shared a smile.
‘She hasn’t changed.’
‘I think something went on with her and Roman after I left,’ Daniil said. ‘Did you see anything between them?’
Nikolai thought back to the couple of years he had spent in the orphanage after Daniil had left. ‘Roman went into the secure part after you’d gone. I didn’t see him much and as for Anya, she came back for the holidays and still practised her dance steps and helped her mother...’ He shook his head. ‘I left when I was fourteen, they might have had something after that.’
And he had opened the topic of his leaving. Nikolai stood and went to stare out at the magnificent view of London—Westminster and Big Ben—that stretched out before him. ‘The view is good.’
His changed all the time.
Nikolai was forever moving.
He loved his life yet it felt odd to stand in a home, to be here, talking with Daniil. He could hear the baby fussing and yet it felt peaceful. ‘So, you’ve heard nothing at all from Roman?’ Nikolai asked.
‘No. I can’t find him. I went back last year to try and piece things together. I’ve been back a few times but never got anywhere. This time, though... Do you remember Sergio, the maintenance man, who coached Roman and me in boxing?’
‘Of course I remember Sergio.’ Nikolai said. ‘He was a good man.’
‘He died a few years ago.’
There was no shocked gasp or Oh, no! These men were used to loss and grief and never displayed it.
Daniil told Nikolai that he had something for him and headed off but returned a few moments later with a photo.
‘This is a copy, keep it.’
It was the four of them as young boys. Nikolai could remember them asking Sergio to take just one picture of the four of them.
It was the only photo he had of his childhood and Nikolai found that it was too hard to remember that time.
They had been close then, happy then, not that others believed that—the home kids had said they had nothing, yet they’d had each other.
It was only when they had been forced apart by Daniil’s adoption that things had started to go wrong.
Nikolai said nothing. He looked at the photo just briefly and then put it in the inside pocket of his jacket as Daniil spoke on.
Billionaire Without a Past (Irresistible Russian Tycoons) Page 8
