by Becky Wicks
‘I just had to make sure everyone here knows they can’t trust Joshua,’ Journey starts.
‘Oh please, yogi, you were planning to use that information for bribery,’ Shan says. ‘You’re not too hot at it though, are you? You do know what bribery is, don’t you?’
Jaxx snorts.
‘You didn’t have the balls to face Joshua alone in order to bribe him, did you?’ Punk says now. ‘That’s why you waited for now. You want to twist our votes at the last minute.’
‘Journey breathes deeply like a dragon. ‘Can you blame me? Joshua’s already proven himself a murderer…’
‘A murderer?’ Ed repeats, coolly.
‘The fish, the snake, the goat,’ she starts. I roll my eyes. Journey’s not the hippy at all here – she’s the villain. It’s always the quiet ones. Every frickin’ season.
‘Ah, the goat,’ Ed nods his head. ‘Yes. You seemed pretty emotional when it came to that goat today, Journey. What upset you most about the killing, exactly?’
She draws a breath. ‘Look, I know you all might think I’m crazy but I don’t agree with what you made us do and I think as the obvious unofficial leader of this group, Joshua had the chance to make a stand. And he didn’t. Instead he organized the murder.’
‘Oh yeah, real criminal, that one,’ Shan says boredly. ‘Watch out world.’
Before anyone can add anything else to the mess the screen’s flashing on again. ‘Let’s take another look at today’s goat feast, shall we?’ Ed says and instantly we’re transported back to the fire. There are Jaxx and Joshua skinning the goat, tying it to some posts and hanging its headless body over the blazing coals. There’s Journey, watching it all from the sidelines, scowling, then pretending to meditate beneath a palm tree like an angel.
They’re showing us a few hours later now, slicing up the meat, taking it over to the shoreline on our banana leaves and tucking in with bare hands. Joshua’s head is next to mine and Shan's - we’re sitting away from the others. And there’s Journey again, this time alone, looking at us all eating, sniffing the air.
She’s walking towards the cooked goat, tentatively. For a second I expect her to do something stupid, like throw sand or mud on it, or say another prayer, but as Ed beams to the side of us we all watch as Journey does something crazier. She takes a fork, stabs it into the meat and lifts a giant chunk of it into her mouth. Then she runs off into the forest.
Oh my god.
The screen goes blank again. Jaxx and Punk both burst out laughing and when I spin around, Journey is fuming. Shan’s shaking her by the shoulders, laughing uncontrollably; even Joshua’s grinning. Journey shakes Shan off. Her fists are clenched around her long hair. She looks like she’s about to break out of her skin and explode into the Incredible Hulk.
‘Journey. Before today, how long had it been since you’d eaten meat?’ Ed asks her, arms still folded. His voice is borderline taunting and right on cue she cracks.
‘I was starving!’ she cries. ‘And Punk ate the fish!’
‘He couldn’t wait for the goat,’ Stephanie tells her, ‘he needed food, he was weak after his fall, we didn’t have anything else.’
‘I didn’t know I ate all the fish,’ Punk responds, looking confused and slightly traumatized. It’s true, he didn’t. The poor guy was in a cloud of mortification all afternoon; even though we thought it was pretty funny that a med student could pass out at the sight of blood. The others are all laughing now.
‘This show is evil,’ Journey blurts. ‘Seriously…’
‘On that note,’ Ed interrupts, as the stage lights start to flicker around us, ‘it’s time for the votes. Now remember castaways, Alyssa has immunity so if anyone has the charm it can’t be used right now. When you’re ready, one by one.’
A bonfire is blazing to the left, casting us in dramatic smoke as we’re each floodlit the whole way to the booth with a camera on our trail. With shaking hands I write Journey’s name on the paper, show it to the camera and viewers at home with what I hope is more of a remorseful look than one of utter loathing, and drop it into the voting box.
Ed has to be filmed walking to the booth three times. The first time he trips on a rock. The second his hair is out of place, apparently. By the time he lifts the lid on the box and studies the votes my heart is booming so hard I’m afraid the mic’s going to pick it up.
It could go either way, I guess. Journey’s been a pain in everyone’s ass; Punk’s been weak in more ways than one, but what the hell are they thinking knowing I tried to switch their votes to keep Joshua in, in spite of being the one to destroy the sand couch? I’m the one who looks like she can’t be trusted now. I’m the one they might have voted out tonight if I didn’t have immunity. This is getting messy already.
Ed grins like a full moon. ‘The castaway with the most votes tonight,’ he starts, addressing us all with a look of deep, false concern. ‘The one you’ve decided should end their Deserted adventure… to burn their bandana right here on this open fire as a mark of both courage and defeat… is Journey. No surprises there, really, am I right?’
22
Joshua
‘She was definitely the plant,’ Jaxx tells us, hacking into the coconut with the machete in the firelight. ‘They probably rigged that vote to get her out, once they realized we were onto her. I mean, seriously, a cleansing prayer? That should’ve been the hint right there; even if she hadn’t come out with all that murderer shit. How much do you think the network paid to have her act like that in front of us?’
‘A lot,’ Shan follows. ‘Gutted. If I’d remembered there was a role like that up for grabs I’d have taken it. At least you’re guaranteed some cash and a feature on the DVD.’
‘She did know a lot about astrology,’ I say.
‘All girls know about astrology, Tarzan,’ Shan replies, but he sticks out his bottom lip at me. ‘Aaaw, you just want to believe you and Double G are soul mates, don’t you? That’s cute. I approve.’
I ignore him.
‘Makes you wonder what else they’re lining up,’ Jaxx says, sitting down. ‘Who else is a plant?’ He looks between us suspiciously.
‘Well, I’m not,’ Shan says, crossing his legs in the sand and flicking his hair. ‘They hired me for me after I told them I was sailing away on the Barcelona Boy Cruise next summer. I said I needed to either eat rice on an island for eight weeks, or prepare myself the other way.’
‘What’s the other way?’ Jaxx asks.
‘A diet of dick and gummi bears,’ he replies. ‘Thins me right out every time.’
‘So, you and Alyssa?’ Jaxx says to me quickly, changing the subject. I take the coconut and swig it back.
‘You could be lighting fires with just your love sparks, spider monkey,’ Shan says. ‘I don’t blame you. Double G gives me a heart-on too.’ He turns to Jaxx before he can question him again. ‘It’s like a hard-on, but with feelings. You’ve never felt one.’
‘I don’t have feelings for Alyssa,’ I say, maybe a little too quickly. I throw a coconut husk hard into the fire and it spits and crackles. ‘We barely know each other.’
‘Pfft, whatever, hero. If we were operating on Manhattan time you’d be on your eighty-eighth date right now. You’d probably be engaged. Oooh, when that happens you must let me know so we can have the ring hidden in a dead goat. Quelle surprise! I’ll film it for you, she’ll freak, we’ll sell it to TMZ…’
‘I’m just taking each day as it comes,’ I say, looking at the fire.
‘Oh, just go find her, animal,’ he sighs. ‘At least some of us should be getting some action round here. You haven’t switched teams yet have you, Abercrombie?’
‘I’m out,’ Jaxx says, standing up quickly from the sand, just as a bolt of lightning lights up the entire beach and thunder rockets through the sky. I feel the raindrops on my head. I stand up too, reach for my shirt beside me and pull it on. Alyssa wandered off after the votes were announced and I didn’t try to follow her. It looked like she
wanted to be alone, but I didn’t see her come back. Another crash of thunder makes us all look up as the rain starts to beat harder.
‘Oh god, here we go,’ Shan says, getting up to follow Jaxx towards the shelter. But he turns back to me, puts a hand on my arm. ‘For the record, she’s not just playing for that prize money anymore, Tarzan. She was pretty adamant we didn’t vote you out - god bless her libido.’ He winks but I yank my arm back.
‘When did you discuss voting me out?’
Shan scrunches up his face instantly. ‘Oops.’
He hurries away and I watch the raindrops start to dent the sand between us as his words process. I turn and scan the beach. Wherever she’s gone, she’ll likely be back any second. It hasn’t rained since we got here and there’s barely any shelter on the island except for the one we built. But I still don’t see her.
Half of me knows I should follow the guys; start ignoring this thing, whatever it is with Alyssa right now, like I promised I would. But my feet are moving on their own and a camera guy picks up my trail as I head for the rocks.
The rain’s falling heavier now and the wind’s picked up. The ocean looks like it’s jumping for the sky; the trees are swaying crazily. I keep away from the tree line, away from the danger of falling coconuts until the last minute, when I follow the other path towards the challenge pitch and carry on past it to the waterfall. ‘Alyssa!’ I yell out into the wind. Nothing.
By the time I reach the falls, the rain is coming down in shards and I can hardly see. The sound on the palm trees, combined with the gushing flow echoing off the rocks is deafening. I yell her name. My heart is actually hammering now – where the hell has she gone? I reach the tiny beach, scan the churning water. It’s gray now, instead of turquoise. I yell her name again.
‘Joshua?’
The sound above me pulls my eyes to the sky and through the rain pummeling my face I see her, leaning down, almost at the top off the falls. Holy shit. ‘Alyssa.’
‘I can’t get down again,’ she calls. There’s panic in her voice now.
‘Get back,’ I yell at her. She’s on the ledge that leads behind the falls. I wade into the pool quickly and look around me. There are rocks on either side. We climbed them easily before, when it was dry.
I spin back around. The camera guy who’s followed me is drenched underneath a black baseball hat, but the waterproof case he’s put over his equipment means he’s capturing everything. ‘I’m going up,’ I tell him. It’s the first time I’ve ever spoken to one of them. He says nothing but he pulls away from the lens and looks at me with eyes wide, shaking his head to tell me no.
‘I can’t leave her up there. It’s too far for her to jump,’ I say as the heavens open even further and the rain comes down like knives.
I wade further into the water, up to where the rocks start. I lift myself onto the first one. It’s not so bad. ‘Joshua, don’t,’ Alyssa shouts down at me. ‘It’s too slippery! I’m OK, I’ll just wait for the rain to stop!’
But right before the thunder crashes again I hear the terror in her voice and she freezes. There’s barely any room for her to stand. There’s no fucking way I’m leaving her. ‘Stay away from the edge!’ I order her and she presses herself back against the wall.
I reach for the next rock, haul myself up; then the next, and the next. In the hot sun, getting a grip was easy, but some slide under my hands now, forcing me onto another path. I can’t see Alyssa anymore. The sound of the water is deafening and the lightning flashes almost make me lose my grip once or twice as they blind me. For a second I hear Harri in my head, yelling at me to slow down, to think this through.
Water runs into my eyes again as I look upwards. I breathe in water, coughing, but I hoist myself up and up and up, hooking my hands and feet until I’m finally on her level. I swipe my soaking T-shirt over my eyes, scan the darkness. My hands and arms ache like hell. I’m out of practice already, weak from lack of nutrition. I reach for some branches while I find my footing, but they move beneath me and I almost stumble into a cave.
I steady my feet, sweep the rest of the leaves aside. The damn rain is pounding onto my head now like bullets. The cave is tiny, carved naturally into the rocks, maybe seven feet long and less than three wide, but it’s dry inside. I swing my head round to the beach. The camera guy is still down there, pointing the lens at me, but I’m pretty sure his footage will be unusable thanks to the rain.
I turn back to the ledge, climb the two steps up to it, being careful not to slip. The strength of the falls and the heat of the day are creating a steamy mist along the narrow ridge, but I see her, crouching down with her hands over her face.
‘Alyssa!’ I force myself to inch along the natural ledge, slowly. We’re directly behind the falls now, but whereas before when they were gentle, with the rain they’re like monsters lashing at my body and I know we shouldn’t be here.
‘Hey,’ I say, a meter away now and she looks up, slides her back up the wall until she’s on her feet. She’s looking at me, terrified. I edge closer, closer, closer, till I’m against her, arms either side of her head on the wall, stopping the spray from reaching her face.
‘Shit, are you OK?’ I say and she shakes her head. I run my thumbs over her cheeks, her eyebrows. She closes her eyes, opens them. Water is clinging to her lashes, even as she blinks at me. The thunder outside crashes again and echoes around the rocks, shaking me almost as much as my heartbeat and the adrenaline. She looks petrified. Her face is white. 'Alyssa...'
‘I’m sorry,’ she says and she kisses me, wrapping her arms around me. Her white shirt is clinging to her body above her bikini bottoms. The mist is drenching us over and over. I kiss her just as hard for a second but I pull our lips apart, still sheltering her. ‘We have to get out of here,’ I say, an inch from her face. ‘You’re OK. Just stay close and go slow. I found a cave.’
‘A cave?’
‘We’ll have to wait the rain out,’ I tell her, starting to inch back the way I came. ‘Go slowly,’ I call back at her, ‘stay against the wall. You can do it, baby, just put your feet where I do.’
'I can't!'
'Yes you can. Alyssa. You can.' I creep back to her again. I've never seen her look so scared. 'You have to do this. Trust me, trust yourself, OK? It's fine, I promise.'
'OK.'
Slowly she starts to move after me. We creep back along as the thunder roars. It feels like an eternity, but when we reach the end I help her down the two steps, over the uneven rocks to where the branches fell away. Still holding her hand I pull her into the cave. The roar of the water outside is insane as the branches fall back around us, throwing us into total darkness.
We tumble to the dusty dirt floor. It’s too small to stand up, but I pull her on top of me, supporting her head from the ceiling with my other hand. ‘I’m sorry,’ she says through her sobs now. ‘I’m so stupid, Joshua, I just wanted to think, I didn’t know…’
‘Stop apologizing,’ I say, finding her mouth and silencing her with my own. She clings to me for a moment, kissing me. Then she starts hauling off my shirt, desperately. I help her with her own and she pulls at her bikini till our chests are pressed together, naked for the first time. I can feel her heart beating. My mouth starts kissing the rain from her skin, everywhere, tracing the water as it drips from her hair across her chest and breasts. My hand falls over her hip and I realize she’s still shaking.
‘Hey, you’re OK,’ I say again, slowing my actions, lifting my head and reaching a hand to her cheek. She takes it, kisses my fingers. ‘You’re shaking like a leaf!”
‘It was a horror movie out there,’ she says. ‘I don’t like horror movies.’
I smile but something pangs in my heart, so hard I feel sick. I care… like I cared when the wave crashed over her; when she slid down that damn tree. I fucking care about Alyssa. I do have feelings for her, like Shan said. I can’t deny it. But I said I wouldn’t, promised I wouldn’t screw with anyone’s heart again. It’s not fair.<
br />
‘This… thing. We have to stop,’ I start forcefully now, but her hand is snaking down my body, around my arm, across my back and her touch here in the dark is driving me crazy.
‘I was going to say the same thing,’ she tells me, pulling me closer till I’m propped on one arm, leaning over, till my hand is moving of its own accord across her stomach, her thigh. She flips a leg over me. ‘They’ll say they don’t care if we’re hooking up,’ she says, swallowing her tears, ‘but they’ll plot to vote us out now - you’ve seen the show, you know how it always works.’
Her skin feels so good. I groan internally. ‘What will we tell them?’ I say as my hand finds the warm inside of her thigh and then the fabric of her bikini.
‘We’ll tell them we had a fight,’ she says, joining our mouths again and I pull her bikini aside, circle her and press my fingers inside her, first one, then two. She inhales sharply, kisses me fiercely. She feels so goddam good. I should stop.
‘What did we fight about,’ I say after a moment, taking her nipple into my mouth now and sucking hard. I can’t stop.
‘Everything.’ she says, breathlessly, running her hand up my arm and then gripping the back of my neck. ‘We can’t screw this up, Joshua. We’ll never have this chance again…’
She trails off as I cover her mouth again, kiss her deeper, pushing my tongue to hers, tasting her fully.
Alyssa shudders. Her teeth grip my lower lip for a second. I pull her bikini bottoms off completely; somehow find the condom I snatched from the box days ago in my pocket. She reaches for it, starts undoing the wrapper.
‘Just this time,’ she breathes, fumbling at my shorts, helping me take them off. She shifts in the dark, kisses a line up my abdomen and stomach till she finds my lips again. She rolls the condom onto me and for a moment she just stills in front of me, naked. She's quiet. She rests her hands on my shoulders, traces her fingers down around my nipples, back up to my neck; then she draws my lips back to hers. She's still crying, but not as hard. She's trembling, but not with fear.
