by Jennifer Rae
For a long time he didn’t answer. Her nervousness returned. She couldn’t help but notice his hesitation.
‘I don’t know about that, Amy. You meet people, they teach you things—and then they leave. That’s normally how it works.’
‘Not everyone leaves.’ Fear edged her nervousness. What was he saying?
‘Everyone leaves.’ His voice was quiet.
‘Even you?’ She wasn’t looking at him. She was talking into the breeze. She couldn’t face him.
‘Even me.’
The world stopped turning. Amy’s heart stopped beating. A primal instinct she hadn’t known she had roared within her. Slowly turning, she faced him, sitting up.
‘Luke...’ She tried to smile. ‘You don’t mean that.’
His hands were behind him, he looked relaxed and casual, but he took off his sunglasses and met her eyes. ‘I’m not a keeper, Amy. We both know that.’
‘What does that mean?’
Amy’s heart beat faster. This wasn’t what he was supposed to say. I love you. I need you. I can’t live without you. Not this.
‘You know what it means. You know what I’m like.’
‘No. Tell me. What are you like?’
‘Married to my work. Absent. Unreliable.’
Amy’s brow furrowed and breathing became difficult. What was he trying to say?
‘You’re a hard worker. So am I. That doesn’t mean you can’t have a relationship.’
‘No, it doesn’t. But the person I have a relationship with would have to be very understanding. And forgiving. Nothing like you.’
He laughed, and her fear and nervousness gave way to something else. Anger.
‘Nothing like me? Oh? Why? Because I’m a wild animal? A thoughtless, silly party girl? Because I can’t be serious? Because what you want is someone more domesticated?’
‘No...’
‘Or is it because I can’t hold down a relationship? Because I change my mind? Because I put myself first? I told you about Laurie the other night because I thought you’d understand—not because I thought you’d hold it against me.’
‘That’s not what I meant, Amy. I just meant that you need someone who can take care of you. Who knows how to handle you. Who can protect you.’
Amy stood up over him. ‘I don’t need a keeper. I need a partner. Which is what I thought you wanted to be for me. I guess I was wrong.’
Why had she said that about soul mates? This wasn’t how the conversation was supposed to go. He was supposed to be saying he loved her, but he wasn’t doing it. He was making her heart hurt. Why had she said that...? But then again, what if she hadn’t?
Luke stood too now, and towered over her. But she wasn’t afraid. She deserved love. Luke had taught her that. She wanted him and they were supposed to be together—she knew that now. She’d found herself in these past few weeks. She’d realised that what she wanted wasn’t wrong. He’d helped her find that out and he wasn’t getting out of it that easily. She knew he loved her—she’d felt it. So why was he saying this?
‘You need someone to take care of you.’
‘No, I don’t. I need you.’
Luke stared at her. He didn’t move. She could see his mind ticking but he still didn’t speak. And then he just turned and left her standing alone in the bow of the boat. Angry, confused and hurt.
What the hell had just happened?
No. He wasn’t doing this. He wasn’t going to shut her out. Not after the last three weeks. Not after this perfect day. And not after she’d finally realised what she was looking for. Him.
‘Don’t walk away, Luke. We need to talk about this. About us. About what’s happening here.’
Luke didn’t answer. He just kept walking until he got to the cabin and pulled another beer out of the fridge.
‘Luke...’
‘I shouldn’t be here. You know Kel Huynh is getting back to me today and yet you drag me out here.’
Luke picked up his phone and moved it in the air.
‘Luke, forget work. We need to talk about this.’
‘Forget work? Do you know who I am, Amy? Do you know what I do? You say you work hard, but you don’t have a business to run. You don’t have a family to take care of. What about Willa? You said she called—maybe something’s wrong? I haven’t spoken to my father since I came back to Sydney, and this project will fall over if I don’t sort all this out. Don’t you understand? I don’t have time to be out here on a boat, rubbing suntan lotion into your back and talking about our feelings. I have work to do. You know—like a responsible adult. I’m not an overgrown party animal, Amy. I’m not wild and free like you. I’m domesticated and I like being domesticated. People rely on me. They need me. And while you’re around I’m letting everyone else down.’
* * *
His speech ended in silence. Luke didn’t even know what he’d said in the end. He’d just been talking, moving his lips. Distracting her. Distracting himself.
He’d felt something earlier. In that kiss he hadn’t been able to break away from. A dangerous connection that had felt so right and so bloody wrong at the same time. He couldn’t do this. He needed to get back to work. He couldn’t look at her face for one more minute because he’d let her down again. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually. And he couldn’t face that.
He checked his phone. No reception. No connection. All he had to look at was her disappointment and hurt. Just as he had that night, all those years ago. A man had taken from her what hadn’t been his to take.
He’d found that man that night, and he’d made him sorry he’d ever come to Weeping Reef. Then he’d packed the bastard up and sent him away. Banned him for life from that resort and any other resort Luke had ever worked at. Now he was the one who needed to be exiled.
Without another word he went to the boat’s radio and contacted Rocky, and within ten minutes they were heading back to the city. Back to real life and not this fantasy world where anything could happen. Where Amy could actually be his. She thought it would work out because she was young and hopeful and optimistic, but he knew what would happen. He’d never be able to give her what she truly deserved from a relationship—not long-term.
When the boat docked Amy was off and onto dry land in seconds. She didn’t say goodbye. She hadn’t said anything since his outburst and he didn’t blame her. But this was the right thing to do. They couldn’t fool themselves and think this might be something it never would be. Better she knew that now rather than five years down the track, when they were married and had a couple of kids.
He watched her go, her legs moving fast and her arms folded tightly across her chest. He didn’t stop her. Why would he? What would he say that he hadn’t said already? The best thing now was to let her go and hope that one day she would find someone she could rely on. Someone who could prevent bad things happening from her.
His phone beeped manically. Twenty-five messages. He needed to get back to work. He needed to focus. He had to get back to reality and not think about the wild animal that was now running as far away from him as she could.
* * *
Amy felt a kick on the back of her seat for the eleventh time. They hadn’t even taken off. She should be in first class right now. Enjoying a relaxing glass of champagne and sharing a blanket with Luke. But she couldn’t sit next to him. She couldn’t even look at him.
As soon as she’d got back to the hotel she’d gone to Reception and got another room. She’d expected him to call or message her but he hadn’t. Not once. Not even to check that she was all right. He didn’t care. He never had. That thought made her feel the same way it had the last two hundred times she’d thought it. Sick.
The thumping behind her began again. Then came the crying and the calling out. ‘Mummy!’
Amy s
tuck in her earplugs and closed her eyes. She tried to stop the tears in her eyes from falling but she couldn’t, so she put on an eye mask and cried for eight hours straight.
When she landed back in Sydney she told herself to stop.
‘Enough.’
Her phone beeped insistently as soon as she’d picked up her luggage. Ten missed calls. Two from work and eight from Willa. She dialled her friend’s number immediately. She hadn’t called Willa back about her news. She didn’t want to speak to anyone but it was time now.
‘Amy! You’re back! Yay! Yay!’
Willa was smiling. Amy could feel it through the phone.
‘I’m back.’ Amy tried to smile too. Enough, she told herself again.
‘I’ve been trying to get hold of you for two days. What’s been happening—how’s Luke?’
Amy hadn’t told Willa about her relationship with Luke. She’d told her friend she was going with him to Singapore to research his hotel business for her own work. She was sure Willa hadn’t bought it, but—as the good friend she was—she’d pretended to.
‘Fine. I think. What’s happening with you—why have you been so desperate to get hold of me?’
‘Oh, Amy. I have news and I needed you to know first! But I couldn’t get hold of you—and I had to organise the party—it’s this Saturday. We wanted to get everyone together while they’re still in town!’
‘Slow down, Wills. What party? What are you talking about?’
Willa laughed a joyful, happy laugh that made Amy’s heart ache just a little bit.
‘We’re engaged, Amy! Rob and I are getting married!’
Of course they were. Perfect. Just what she wanted to hear after a disastrous break-up with the man she loved—the man she’d always loved. Possibly the only man she’d ever love.
Amy smiled as wide as she could. ‘Willa, that’s amazing news—congratulations!’
She really was happy for her friend. Willa had been through so much, and for her to find love again was wonderful. Amy thought perhaps she was being a little greedy, finding two men to love and marry within eight years...but that was irrelevant. She was over the moon that her friend was happy. But the news still made her chest ache and her stomach heavy.
Willa didn’t seem to notice. Nor did she notice Amy’s apprehension when she told her about the party on Saturday night. Luke would be there. She’d have to face him. See him and still be in love with him, knowing all the time that he didn’t love her. That he’d put his responsibilities and his work before her. That he didn’t consider her relationship potential because she was too ‘wild’.
It was stupid and irrational, and a ridiculous reason not to love someone, but she couldn’t help feeling hurt all the same. Because she wanted him to love her. So much. And she missed him already. The feel of his skin, the scent of his neck and the taste of his kisses. She needed him right now. With his big arms around her. Holding her up. Saving her as he always did.
But he wasn’t there and he never would be. And on Saturday night she’d have to smile and act happy and pretend everything was okay. This was going to be the performance of her life.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
AMY HAD BARELY had time to think about anything since she’d arrived back in Sydney on Monday. Her work had become manic and Willa had been calling her non-stop.
Amy was glad of it. The only time she cried now was when she was in the shower, and that didn’t count because the tears might have been water and no one would know except for her puffy eyes the next day. Which she excused away with claims of jet lag and tiredness after a big weekend.
And yesterday she’d managed to go a whole hour without thinking of Luke. She’d been trying on dresses with Willa, and seeing her friend so in love had made her thoughts veer to him, but once her friend had started talking about how happy she was, and they’d begun trying on shoes and jewellery, talking about the new home Willa and Rob were going to build, Willa’s excitement had taken over and Amy had felt genuinely happy. No pretending.
It had been a nice feeling, and she wanted to feel that way again, but now the party was starting and she was hot. A storm was brewing over the humid city.
The party was being held at a harbourside restaurant. Willa had recently sold the harbourside mansion she’d shared with her ex-husband and was now living in an apartment that was way too small for the hundred or so people now mingling in the restaurant.
Cracks of lightning lit the starless sky and Amy counted the seconds before the boom of thunder. Ten seconds. Which meant the storm was ten kilometres away. Depending on which way the wind was blowing, they could expect rain in less than an hour. Torrential rain, by the look of the dark clouds that had rolled in and which now blanketed everything in a surreal darkness.
It was sticky and hot and uncomfortable, and the air was filled with a weird sort of apprehension. Which made her feel as if she wasn’t the only one in the city tonight feeling sad.
She hadn’t spotted Luke yet, and even though she told herself she didn’t want to she knew she was dying to see his face again and watch him—see if he was happy, or miserable like her. He hadn’t called. He hadn’t made any contact. That was ripping at her inside, but she had to smile and get on with things. She couldn’t change how he felt. All she could do was power through this tough time and hopefully come out not too scarred at the end.
Yeah, right, she scolded herself. The scars were going to be thick and deep with this one. She knew that already.
‘Hey, Amy, thanks for helping this week. Willa’s been a bit crazy. She settled down once you came home, though.’
It was Rob, Willa’s soon-to-be husband. Amy liked Rob. He was calm and strong and he loved Willa fiercely. She wanted that for her friend. Everyone deserved to be loved like that. And it didn’t hurt that he was handsome as all get-out.
‘I’ve been happy to do it. I needed the distraction.’
‘Distraction from what?’
Willa appeared, her hair pulled back in an elegant chignon and dressed in a gorgeous cream designer dress that made her pale skin glow.
‘Ah...work...mostly.’
‘Liar.’
That was the thing about best friends—you had to keep the good ones for life: they knew too much.
‘I’m not lying. I’ve been busy since I got back—seems they can’t operate without me...’
‘Liar,’ Willa repeated. ‘Rob, could you go get me a drink?’ She smiled sweetly at her fiancé.
‘Of course—female code for, Go away. We’re about to have a deep and meaningful and you’re not invited.’
‘That’s why I love you, darling—you’re so smart.’
Willa smiled and kissed her fiancé. Amy turned away.
‘Now, Miss I’m-Going-to-Singapore-for-Research, are you going to tell me what the hell is going on between you and my brother or am I going to have to beat it out of you?’
She knew. Of course she knew. It was obvious. Willa had known about Amy’s crush on her brother all those years ago and Willa had seen their connection in the bar that first night. Willa also knew that Amy could sell snow to the Eskimos, but she couldn’t lie to her best friend.
‘Nothing. Absolutely nothing. He’s moved on.’
‘Has he? Is that why he hasn’t stopped growling at me since you two got back? Is that why he’s spending the night out on the balcony, arguing with anyone who walks past about how Australia was robbed in the cricket?’
‘Willa, I don’t want to do this here. Not tonight. It’s your night. Your engagement party. We’ll talk about it another time.’
‘No, we won’t. We’ll talk about it now. My best friend and my brother are unhappy and angry and I need to know why. I deserve to know why.’
Amy took a deep breath. She did deserve to know. She told Willa everything
else and she should have told her about this. Maybe she wouldn’t have cried so much. Maybe she wouldn’t have fallen for him the way she had. Maybe her friend would have advised caution and told her to hold back. And maybe that was why she hadn’t told her in the first place.
‘It’s just a disaster, Wills.’
The tears welled again in Amy’s eyes but she wasn’t going to cry. Her eye make-up was on point tonight and she wasn’t going to ruin it.
She took another deep breath. ‘We had a...a thing. It was good. It was great. At least I thought it was. Then we went to Singapore and everything turned bad.’
Amy explained that she didn’t think Luke had even wanted her there in the first place. How he’d told her about the guilt he felt about his mother and about Willa’s divorce. She told Willa how they’d talked about Laurie and how she felt she’d let him down.
Amy fought back tears again when she explained how Luke had made her feel that night. Loved. Accepted. Normal. Then how he’d shut down and left her alone. She told her about their night in the office and their day on the yacht and how she’d thought that everything was good and they felt the same way about each other.
Then she told Willa about the argument, and how Luke had said that she was a wild animal and he didn’t want a wild animal. And about how he’d looked her in the eye and told her he had responsibilities and that she had no idea what that meant. After spending weeks paying her attention and making her feel like the most important person in the world, it had taken one day and one argument for her to feel like nothing to him.
The tears did fall then, because she realised what she was so sad about. He’d never let her down before. He’d been there for her in her darkest time—he’d always had her. But that day on the yacht she’d felt that everything they’d had was a lie, and that was what cut her the most.
Willa listened without interrupting and without moving. Then she breathed in through her nose and let it out, and took both Amy’s hands in hers.
‘Amy, I’m going to tell you something and I want you to know it’s for your own good. Do you trust me?’
