by Jamie Pope
“No.” He shook his head. “I can’t ask you not to go to California, to stay and make a life here with me, because that would be selfish, but I will ask you to stay with me tonight. I crave you and I miss you and being with you makes my days a whole hell of a lot better.”
She reached for him, wrapping her arms around him as tightly as possible. His sweet words only made her feel more terrible. “I miss you, Tanner. I miss you so damn much.”
“You don’t have to miss me. You can just marry me and have my babies and we can forget all this happened.”
“Oh, shut up, Tanner.”
“I do want to marry you,” he whispered in her ear. “I’m not asking you, but I want you to know that. I want you to know that I love you enough to spend the rest of my life with you.”
“I wish you didn’t.”
He sighed. “Why can’t you let yourself be loved?” “I’m too messed up.”
He looked at her for a long time, as if he were weighing his words carefully. “I found out what happened to that man who assaulted you.”
“Archie?” She pulled away from him, her heart racing so hard it was painful. She clenched her fist, bracing herself for news she desperately wanted to hear and never wanted to learn at the same time. “What happened to him?”
“He’s dead.”
She stumbled backward and grabbed onto the kitchen counter to keep her upright. Tanner stepped forward and lifted her into his arms.
“You didn’t kill him, though. He died in prison. He was a predator. The other inmates took care of it.”
“Why the hell didn’t you lead with that part?”
“You felt bad. That man tried to hurt you and you felt bad for defending yourself. Don’t you see you can stop running now?”
She shut her eyes and nodded, feeling close to tears. She wasn’t sure what emotion was flowing through her, but it was intense and it made her breathless. “Take me to your bedroom.”
He was heading in that direction even before she got the words out of her mouth.
Her heart hurt as she saw his room again. She had spent so many nights here loving him. She missed the room and the slight smell of the ocean air that wafted through the windows. He set her gently on his bed and removed her shoes.
She looked down at him, so handsome in his cotton blue button-down shirt and camel colored pants. She began to undo his buttons. He didn’t say a word, just stared at her as he undid the buttons she couldn’t reach. He went for his pants while she removed her dress and soon they were both completely naked. She wanted him. She throbbed for him, but she didn’t want this time to be that fast mind-numbing sex that they were capable of. This was probably going to be their last time together. She wanted to savor every moment. She wanted to remember all of it. Every touch. Every moan. Every look he gave him.
She climbed beneath the covers and he joined her there, gathering her close, smoothing his hand down her nude back.
This felt like coming home. There was nothing on earth that felt as good as being this close to him.
“How are you feeling about the visit from your biological father?”
“I like him. He’s easy to like.”
“Do you think you’ll see him again?”
“Probably. He won’t be my father, though. He’ll be a friend. I had a very difficult relationship with my father growing up, but I kept wondering if he would be bothered by this meeting. If it would hurt his feelings if he knew I liked Richard so much.”
“Why?”
“I was the most awful teenager on the planet and he could have washed his hands of me. He could have completely disowned me at any time, but he was there. Cleaning up my messes. Bailing me out. Lecturing me on why it was important to be a good man. Looking back on it now, he was my father. When it was probably really hard to be. I’m not going to give up on him now.”
He was loyal and sweet and kind. He would be such a good father, a good husband to some woman. Nova hated that woman already and she hated herself for falling so far into love so fast. “Make love to me, Brennan. Don’t stop until tomorrow comes.”
* * *
Nova left Tanner’s house that next morning and picked Teo up at Wylie’s before returning to her apartment, which was nearly all packed. She had given her notice to her landlord. Much of her furniture was gone, given to one of her friends who was moving to a bigger place. It was all set. The flights were booked. Her position at the salon, resigned. There was no stopping it. Her new life was about to begin.
She wished that she could muster up some excitement over it. She should be excited. She was moving to a gorgeous place. She was going to be doing what she loved. This was her dream coming true. This was why she’d worked so hard for all these years. But the closer she got to moving day, the more depressed she became. Instead of anticipation, she was feeling dread. It was going to be hard starting over again. She had done it before. Twice now. And each time she had changed.
Who would she be after this move?
Would she even like herself?
Seeing Tanner last night made it worse. Having made love to him all night made it worse. Hearing him say he loved her over and over made it almost impossible for her to walk out the door.
He didn’t once ask her to stay. He didn’t once tell her that he wanted to go with her. He asked to see pictures of the house she was going to be staying in. He wanted to know all about her new boss. He was being supportive and it nearly killed her. She had wanted him to ask her not to go. She had wanted him to be a forceful jackass and demand that she be with him. It would have made things so much easier.
But the last thing he said to her was that he loved her and Teo too, and in the process he made her feel like a monster. She was hurting him. She who had been hurt so many times was hurting someone else, and it wasn’t a good feeling. But he would move on. He would find someone to love. Someone who loved him deeply in return.
“It feels empty here, Mommy.” Teo wandered around the living room. Only the couch remained and some boxes.
“It does.”
“It makes me feel sad.”
Me too, she wanted to admit. “I know, baby.” She picked him up and walked over to the couch with him, pulling her phone out of the pocket of her dress. “But just think about how much fun we’re going to have in California. We’ll have the entire summer to do great stuff. We’re going to spend a few days at Disneyland and there’s three other big amusement parks I want to take you to.” She pulled up the Web sites of the places on her phone and for a few minutes they checked out the pictures. “And since Mansi is coming with us, she said we have to go to the redwood forest. Do you know about redwoods?” She pulled up pictures of the state park in Northern California for him. “They are the biggest trees in the world. We can rent an RV and go camping.”
Teo looked up at her skeptically. “You said you’d rather get your fingernails pulled out than sleep outside.”
“It won’t be outside. It will be in a camper. Or maybe we can see about renting a cabin. We never stayed in a cabin before.”
“Do you have enough money for vacations?” he asked her in a very adult way. “We never been on one before.”
“No, but I’ve been saving a lot of money. I worked so much so I could do these nice things for you eventually. You know Mommy is getting a new job and I’ll be able to do more things with you.”
“You don’t have to take me on vacation.”
“Uncle Wylie and Aunt Cass are going to come. I thought you were excited.”
He shook his head. “Mr. Tanner is staying here.”
“He can’t come, baby,” she said softly. “He needs to stay here and work with Uncle Wylie.”
He sighed and went back to looking at her phone. They had had this conversation before, but Teo still had a hard time understanding why they weren’t going to be together anymore. His heartbreak was Nova’s fault. She should have never let them get so close. She should have kept her guard up. Tried harder to push Tanner
away.
A knock at the door distracted Nova from her train of sad thoughts. She shifted Teo from her lap and stood up to answer it. She had been so distracted, she had forgotten to ask who was at her door before she opened it. It was something she should have done this time because her ex-husband was standing before her. A ghost from her past that she had trouble believing was real.
He still had that impossibly long black hair. But he had filled out since she had last seen him. Beefed up. His arms were covered in tattoos. His face was hardened. There was not an ounce of softness in his eyes.
He was supposed to be in prison. She had gone down to Mississippi where he had been extradited just for the trial. He had only received five years and those five years weren’t up.
“What are you doing here? You’re not supposed to be out.”
“You know why I’m here. I told you I wasn’t going to let you get away with this.”
“Teo, run to your room and lock the door!” She stood in her doorway, blocking Elijah as best as she could.
“But, Mommy—”
“Now!”
He did what she said and moved faster than she had ever seen him move.
“You bitch.” Elijah shoved her aside. “You’re going to make him afraid of me. I’m his father!”
“You’re the man who nearly beat me unconscious and then flung a six-month-old across the room when he wouldn’t stop crying. You aren’t a father. You aren’t even his father anymore. You’re an abusive addict who should still be in prison for murder.”
“They can’t prove I had anything to do with that killing.”
“You didn’t say you were innocent. You just said they couldn’t prove it. Do you think I want that kind of man around my child?”
“He’s not just your child,” he raged.
“Your rights were terminated. I have a restraining order against you. You’re not supposed to be here. You’re not even supposed to be out of prison. This isn’t going to end well for you.”
“Did I forget to mention I was granted parole? I’m a free man.”
“Get out, Elijah!” She refused to be afraid of him. She had worked too hard to get where she was; she wasn’t going to cower.
“You’re moving.” He walked farther into the place. “My mother said you were doing hair. That you had gotten yourself in with the rich crowd. I can see it in your face. You think you’re better than me.”
“It’s not hard to feel superior to a violent thief.”
“You can feel superior all you want. I know where you came from. What are all the fancy politicians going to think when they find out that your mother was a drunk with a record?”
“That was her. It has nothing to do with me.”
“It has everything to do with you! Those are your roots. Your bad blood. You’re going to end up just like her. A nobody who dies alone. You were a waitress, living in a shitty motel filled with hookers when I met you. I got you out of there. Where do you think you would be if I hadn’t? You would be one of them. Selling your body for a few dollars in order to feed yourself.”
Her hand cracked across his face. She hadn’t meant to hit him. He had beat her. She knew better, but he cut her deeply. It was the same shit he used to say when they were together. He knew how to get to her, because he knew what terrified her the most.
“You’ve still got fire,” he said with a grin as he advanced on her. “You’re still the sexiest woman I have ever seen.” He grabbed her arm and pulled her close to him. She recoiled from his touch. His fingers dug into her skin. He was always rough with her. He never knew how to touch her. “I hate you, Nova. But I thought about you when I was on the inside. Your hot little ass. The way your tits looked. The way it felt when I was in you.”
“Get off of me.” She tried to yank herself away from him but his grip was too tight.
“We can try it again.” He wrapped his arm around her. “You can take me with you. We can be a family. It’s hard for a convicted felon to get a job. You can take care of me like I took care of you. You need me. If it weren’t for me you would have nothing. You would be nothing.”
For so long she had carried that hurt around with her. It had taken her years to lose that feeling. It had taken being with someone who truly loved her to make her realize that she was good enough and strong enough to achieve anything on her own.
“What do you say, baby?” He dropped his voice to the pitch he always thought was seductive. “You and me again.” He grabbed her behind and squeezed, as his mouth came crashing down toward her. A flash of panic went through her before calmness came over her. She relaxed and let herself be kissed, and when Elijah pushed his tongue into her mouth, she bit down on it, causing him to howl in pain. He backhanded her. Her face throbbed, but she wasn’t going to let him beat her again. She stomped on his foot, remembering the moves from the self-defense class she had taken when she had first arrived on the island. Her knee came up and connected with his groin, just before the palm of her hand slammed into his nose.
Elijah went down with a loud thud and just after he did, she heard sirens and heavy footsteps rushing up her stairs. Tanner and Wylie appeared in her doorway, both of them looking ready to murder.
“I’m fine, boys.”
“Your face.” Tanner glanced at Elijah writhing on the ground, lifted him up, and slammed him so hard into the wall that plaster fell from the ceiling. “You like to hit women? You’re really going to like having the life stomped out of you by a man.”
“Tanner, let him go.” Two police officers were in the doorway. Nova recognized one of them as the father of one of Teo’s friends. “We’ll take it from here.”
“How did you get here?” she asked all of them.
“Teo called me,” Tanner answered after he surrendered Elijah to the officers. “I was headed to the job site with Wylie.”
“He also called the police, Nova,” the officer said. “He said a man was trying to hurt you, and judging from your face, he did.”
“Your lip is bleeding. His handprint is on your face.” Tanner came over to her and wrapped his arms around her.
How different his arms felt around her than Elijah’s. So much better. So right. Tanner always knew how to touch her.
“We’re going to need your statement, ma’am,” the second officer said to her.
She nodded. “I’ll be right down.” She didn’t look at Elijah as they took him away. “Wylie, can you go check on Teo? Tell him I’m okay. I don’t want him to see me hurt.”
“I will.” He kissed Nova’s forehead before he went to the back to see Teo.
Tanner slid his hand over her uninjured cheek and looked into her eyes. “We came over here prepared to save you and here you were saving yourself.”
“It’s nice to know that I have someone willing to save me.”
He kissed her nose. “Let’s go give your statement. I need that asshole out of here as soon as possible.”
Her statement was given, Tanner was by her side, his arm protectively wrapped around her. A phone call revealed that Elijah had been released from prison, but a condition of his parole was that he was not supposed to contact her, which he had broken before he ever was released. Nova realized she should have said something when she first got the letter nearly a month ago, but she thought he was still in prison and no threat. If she had said something, her son would have never had to lock himself in the room and be terrified that some man was going to hurt his mother. But it hadn’t been just any man, had it? Elijah was Teo’s father and she was going to have to address the issue now. No more pretending that he was dead.
She walked back upstairs and found Teo cuddled in Wylie’s lap. The look on his face nearly broke her heart. It was pure worry and then relief when he saw that she was fine. “Come here, little one.” She held out her arms to him and scooped him up. “You’re my hero.” She planted a dozen kisses on his face. “You’re so smart. You did the right thing calling. I love you so much.”
It was
then he started to cry. He must have been holding it together since Elijah appeared at the door and now he was sobbing.
“I’m so sorry, Teo,” she said, feeling helpless. “We’re safe. Nothing is going to happen to us now. I promise.”
“Why was that man so mad at you? I heard him yelling.”
She left the room with Teo and sat them down on the couch and took a deep breath. Tanner stood there, his expression neutral. He had told her that she should tell Teo about Elijah. That he had the right to know. That every person had the right to know where they came from if it were possible.
“Teo, that man is your . . .” She hesitated. The word father didn’t seem right. Elijah had never loved him. Even before he got locked up, he was never there. He was the other half of Teo’s DNA, but he wasn’t a father. “I lied to you about something, Teo. I told you your father was dead, but he isn’t. That man was your father. He did some bad things and was in jail and I didn’t want you to know that. He wasn’t allowed to see us anymore. I’m sorry for not telling you.”
Teo was quiet for a long moment as he processed what she said. She didn’t know if he understood. If he would hold this against her for the rest of his life.
“I don’t want that man to be my daddy.” He looked up at Tanner. “I want you to be my daddy. Why can’t you?”
Hurt flashed in Tanner’s eyes and he looked at Nova briefly. “I love you, Teo. I love your mother, too. I—Damn it, Nova! I can’t do this anymore. I refuse to hurt him. You’re going to have to be the one to tell him. This is killing me.”
He turned to leave and the panic that Nova felt just a little while ago returned, only it was much stronger this time. It choked her.
You won’t be happy without him.
“I love you!” The words came tumbling out.
