by Rayne, Piper
The elevator dings and she files out, wearing a navy skirt that’s tight all the way to above her knees and a tank blouse that’s tucked in to show off her incredible figure.
“Hey,” I say.
“Hi.” Her eyes are rimmed red and there’s still wetness pooled in her gorgeous greens.
My hand rises to cup her cheek, but she slides past me into my condo. She stands by my entryway table without putting down her purse or taking off her shoes.
“I got you a pizza,” I say, stepping into the kitchen.
She doesn’t follow.
“I need to ask you a question,” she says, her voice quivering.
On the phone, she sounded mad, but not like it would be the end of us. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own dissection of my feelings for her that I didn’t consider that this could break us up.
How do we break up when we were never really together? At least not formally.
“Come and eat.” I take the pizza out of the oven. “I hope you like goat cheese. Enzo swears by it.”
“I’m not hungry.”
I glance over my shoulder. She’s still in the same spot, so I drop what I’m doing and walk over to her. Grabbing her purse strap, I try to lower it down her shoulder, but she stops me, her hand cold.
“I’m sorry about Greg. If I could change it, I would. I was actually thinking of some ideas where maybe we could—”
“Did you sleep with Margo Gregory?”
Air leaves my lungs in a rush.
Her eyes lock on mine. She wants to see my reaction, to judge if I’m lying or not. Bella does it often. I always thought it was a trust thing.
“Why would you ask me that?”
“It’s an easy question, Carm. Did you, or didn’t you?” A tear slips down her cheek because whatever happened in the time between that phone call and now, she’s decided she already knows the answer.
“What happened? I thought this was about Greg. Why are you bringing up Margo?”
She swallows, and it’s so audible that it echoes through the quiet condo. My hands yearn to grab her, to hold her to me and beg her not to leave, because once I admit the truth, she’s going to storm out of here.
“I had a little run-in with Margo. She’s upset, by the way, what with you canceling on her. So she decided to ambush me in the elevator and tell me about all the times you fucked her after she signed on the dotted line.”
I wince at her words. All the times? It was once. I run my hand through my hair, pull my tie from around my neck, and toss it on the entry table. It’s stifling in here.
“Answer me,” she says, her jaw clenched.
I stare into her eyes as I deliver the truth I know will gut her. “It was once. A long time ago. I was young and naïve and stupid.”
She nods, another tear dripping off her eyelash onto her cheek. “You lied.”
I think back, trying to remember exactly when we talked about Margo.
“In the Hamptons at the nightclub our first night. I asked you if you’d ever slept with a client and you said no.”
“Did I?”
She inhales such a deep breath, the flesh in her collarbone indents until I think she might never release her breath. “Have a nice life.”
She reaches for my doorknob, but I sprint there and sprawl in front of it, blocking her exit.
“That was before us. What does it matter? I’ll tell you everything you want to know. It was once, and it was years ago. We were drinking after she got the place she wanted, and one thing led to another. She means nothing. But you…”
Her eyes remain on my hand on the doorknob, her head shaking asking me to just stop talking, but I’ll keep going if there’s any hope in convincing her.
“Bella, what we have…”
Her eyes shoot to mine. “All we have is sex. We fuck. That’s all there is between us. Now let me leave.” Her hand lands on top of mine on the doorknob.
“No. Listen to me.”
“No, you listen to me. Since you’ve entered my life, I’ve gained and lost a client. My business is failing, and you seem to be the one benefiting from my downfall. I was willing to put that aside because it’s business. But you lied to me. You lied to me when it didn’t even matter what the answer was. I wouldn’t have cared. I might’ve thought a little less of you, but we weren’t anything then, so what did it matter? If you lie about that, what else are you lying about?”
My hand falls off the knob and I grab hers. “I’m sorry, but this isn’t something for us to break up over.”
“Break up? We’re not even a couple. You made that perfectly clear. You don’t do relationships, remember?”
“I know what I said, but the truth is that I want one. With you. When I said that, I was scared that my job would get in the way of us or that you’d hurt me. But I know now that having you in my life is better than not having you at all, even if there’s the chance that means future heartbreak. I’ve fallen for you, Bella.”
She stares at me for a minute, and I plead with her with my eyes.
“Too late.” She grabs the doorknob.
I push my shoulder against the door. “No, I’m not.”
“You are. What else have you lied about?”
“Nothing.”
“That you remember.” She crosses her arms.
“So that’s it? You find out I slept with a client over five years ago and suddenly you’re ready to call it quits? Who’s the coward here?” I storm away from the door. I’m not going to lie down on the train tracks just for her to plow me over.
“You’re a liar. You manipulate people.”
I shake my head, opening my fridge and taking out a bottle of beer. “Did I manipulate you to sleep with me? You’re going to put our downfall on me?”
“I didn’t lie. You supposedly want to make us official now, but you don’t lie to someone you care about.”
I slam the bottle down on the island countertop, my palms resting on either side of it as I lean forward. “You’re so goddamn righteous. Some people might say that a lie by omission is still a lie. I’ve tried for how long to get out of you the real reason you left your old brokerage, and every time I ask, you dodge the question. You were never fully in this relationship, so don’t make it seem like I’m the only one who had reservations going in.”
“We don’t have a relationship, remember? You made that perfectly clear! And my reasons are personal!” She’s yelling, but I don’t even care at this point.
“We are in a relationship. Maybe we didn’t say the word and we told ourselves it was just fun, but I don’t go antiquing with the women I fuck. I don’t take hours exploring their body. I don’t take them to five-star restaurants, and I certainly don’t leave them texts begging to come over. You’re my fucking girlfriend, whether you want to admit it to yourself or not, and we both know it.”
“Have you fucked any other clients?”
I shake my head and down the entire beer. “And you still can’t trust me.”
“I can’t trust you because you lied.”
We’re at a standstill. I’m so aggravated and pissed off, and I’m at a loss of what to say to get her to understand that she’s the first woman I’ve cared about in a decade.
“I’m sorry I lied. I knew you’d think less of me and we’d just gotten over the whole you-hating-me hump. We were talking and we weren’t anything yet and it wasn’t something I felt you needed to know. I forgot about it as soon as we finished the conversation. Even if I had thought of it after we were together, I don’t know if I would have brought it up. If I told you that I’d slept with Margo, you’d go back to thinking what a bad guy I was. That I wasn’t the guy you were discovering I was deep down. I wanted you to know the real me, not the person you thought I was. But it was wrong not to answer honestly when you asked.”
Her strong stance sways and she stares at the floor.
“Come on, Bella, we can move on from this.” I’m halfway to her, and from her appearance, it looks as if I�
��m getting somewhere with her. “I want to explore this thing with you because I think we’re perfect together.”
Just as I’m inches away from touching her, she retreats, her eyes back to being two green balls of rage. “I’m sorry, we can’t. I can’t.”
Just like that, she hurries out my door, slamming it. I throw my beer bottle into the back of it, and it smashes into brown shards across my wood floor.
“Fuck!”
This is exactly why I shouldn’t do relationships.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Bella
“Come on, Carm’s not coming.” Annie sits on the other side of my desk.
It’s Friday, and they should’ve already left for the Hamptons. Evie tried to stay back with me, but I know the British guys are having a huge party and she should be there instead of wallowing in my own personal pity party.
“It doesn’t matter. I’ll just be a downer, and I really need to work.”
Annie leans back into the chair rather than leaving. She clearly has something she wants to get out, but she’s worried about how I’ll react. “Before I say anything, I want you to know I understand your reasoning. Lying is not a sign of a good man. And he is my boyfriend’s brother so I can’t really pick sides, but I get why you freaked out.”
“Just say it.”
She wavers for a moment. “He’s a good guy. He lies about stupid shit sometimes because he worries what people think of him. But with you… it’s the first time since I’ve been in their lives that I’ve seen the real him. He’s himself with you. Even Enzo says so.”
“I just need some space.”
“He’s a mess. Have you seen him? He hasn’t shaved. His eyes are sunken in. I stopped over last night, and the condo was a disaster. I listened before I knocked, and he was playing some song and when it stopped, he started it back up again. It was country. I’ve never heard him listen to country.”
I can’t say I’m much better than Carm. I have “Be Alright” by Dean Lewis on repeat hoping it’ll help things make sense, but Carm didn’t cheat on me. He lied. Then a song like “Meant to Be” by Bebe Rexha and Florida Georgia Line will come on and I think that maybe I’m overthinking this whole thing.
“I don’t know, Annie, I mean…”
“You like him, don’t you?” she asks.
“I do.”
A small smile creases her lips. “Do you think you could forgive him?”
I sigh. “Did he ask you to come here?”
She shakes her head. “I’m here on my own. Actually, Enzo’s in his office right now, making sure he doesn’t come up this weekend in case I’m successful in getting you to join us.”
“Oh.”
“He’d probably kill me if he knew I was here. He’s doing some kind of Bella cleanse.”
“Which is what exactly?”
She laughs. “Well, any redhead woman gets a death stare. He makes sure his cabs don’t drive by any of your billboards. Even the one outside the office. He’ll have the cabbie go around the block to park on the other side of the road, so his back is to it. He calls someone the minute he steps off the elevator to keep him from coming into your office. I think he even told Justin that if he didn’t quit sleeping with Max, he was fired. You know Justin. He said okay.” She shrugs.
That explains why Max has almost been Team Carm lately. She told me that maybe he isn’t so bad and what he did with Evie was thoughtful. The worst was when she told me that I should’ve been honest with him about why I started the FSBO brokerage.
Traitor.
“Sounds like he’s been busy the last few days.”
She rolls her eyes. “Carm isn’t good with patience. Three days to him is like three months to the rest of us.”
I don’t say it, but I feel like it’s been six months. Every night is lonelier than the one before.
“And you look… beautiful but tired. Enzo and I didn’t have a smooth journey, you know. We had some kinks to work out too. It’s natural, but if you quit communicating then…” She stops talking, as if she doesn’t want to overstep when she’s invested in both sides. “Well, I should get going. I just wanted to try to convince you to come to the Hamptons. It seems like a waste not coming.”
“Thanks, Annie. Have fun.” I give her a small smile.
“Will you come next weekend?” She stops at the door, waiting for my answer.
“Maybe we can be civil and talk about a schedule. I’m not sure you’d want both of us there at the same time.”
Her lips tip down, and that’s when I see how truly upset she is that Carm and I might not work out. “I’d love for you two to coexist, but I imagine I’m asking too much. Have a great weekend, and don’t work too hard.” She smiles and opens my office door. “Max.”
Annie heads out of my office into the hallway, and Max circles in her chair. “You know I’m usually always on your side, but…”
“Oh stop. Annie just spilled the news. Justin’s holding out on you to keep his job.”
She rolls her eyes and stands from her chair. “He’s being a weasel and I’m annoyed with it, but I would never tell you something for my own gain.”
I know she wouldn’t, and I was really only kidding.
“I just never saw you as happy as you were. I called you out on it a lot, but it was nice to see you that way. You deserve it.”
“Max, are you being sentimental?”
She rolls her eyes again. “Would you rather have me tell you that you’re going to blow it with the first man who’s ever fucked a glow into you?”
I laugh. “Being good in bed and being good out of bed are two different things.”
“I think you’re harping too much on this lying thing. Are you sure you’re not pissed because you got blindsided by the bitch in the elevator? Or that it’s easier for you to blame him when you weren’t completely honest with him yourself because opening up to him would make you vulnerable and—”
“I hate you,” I say.
“You hate that I’m right.” She tips her head and looks at me from under her eyebrows.
“Shut my door.”
She stands and starts to shut it. “It’s okay, B, I get it. You’ve spent your entire life proving the fairy tale wrong—that no man is as great as your dad was for your mom. But somewhere, you forgot about yourself. He doesn’t have to be a prince to be Mr. Right.”
Click.
Silence accosts me, and Max smirks before swiveling in her chair to face her computer again. I look at the clock on my computer. Three o’clock, which means she’ll be leaving soon. Maybe tonight I can really think through this thing between Carm and me.
I pick up my cell phone and allow myself to look at the one and only picture I have of us. Annie secretly captured it the night of the bonfire and sent it to me the next morning. I’m beside Carm, leaning into him with my head on his shoulder, and we’re smiling at each other. I rub my thumb along the screen.
Am I being an idiot?
I pull up a text message thread with my mom.
Me: How are things there?
Three dots appear immediately. She’s probably left the bakery already.
Mom: Just humid and hot. You know, typical summer. Greg is picking me up this evening on his jet and we’re heading to Santa Barbara for a long weekend.
I guess things are still going good there.
Me: Sounds like fun.
Mom: You okay sweetie? Want to talk? I’m just packing my bag, but I have some time.
Me: No. Just checking in.
Mom: Okay… have fun in the Hamptons this weekend.
No need to tell her what’s happening.
Me: Thanks. Have fun in Santa Barbara.
I drop my phone on my desk and face my computer. I should try to get some work done before I actually do head across the hall.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Carm
“I warned you this would happen.” Enzo sits across my desk from me, his ankle propped up on his knee, relaxed wi
th a smug expression.
Screw him.
“Thanks for throwing salt in the wound.”
He holds up his hands. “I’m just saying. You lie about stupid shit, and now you got caught and ruined what was starting to form between the two of you.”
I stare at him then look back at my computer to distract me from punching him in the throat just to shut him up. “You can stop with the lecture. I feel like shit enough. And just so you know, it’s not all me. She wasn’t all in. She was holding things back from me too.”
He blows out an annoyed breath. “Did you ever think that maybe you didn’t allow her the safe space to entrust you with whatever happened? When you’re dating, it’s called discovering each other. You don’t write down every fear you have and go through it like a checklist.”
I’ll give him that one. But it doesn’t negate the fact that she didn’t feel like she could share whatever it was with me—especially when other people obviously know.
“She’s not going to come running back to you with your new look. You out of razors?”
I run my hand down my short beard. “I like it. I’m gonna keep it.”
“It looks like shit.”
“Thanks. Way to boost me up, brother.”
He drops his foot to the floor and leans forward, resting his forearms on his thighs, then he places a small box on my desk.
I stare at it. “Are you crazy? I’m not proposing. I get that you got me to see that I want an actual relationship with her, but a ring?”
“Open the box. It’s not for you to give Bella. Jesus, is lack of sleep affecting your intelligence?”
I open the box, and there rests a huge diamond on a silver band. It’s round and traditional and somehow fits Annie perfectly.
“I’m asking her this weekend. Mae and Evie are going to the Brits’ party. Dom told me he’ll make himself scarce. Even though Annie’s over at Bella’s trying to convince her to come this weekend, I’m telling you not to.” He picks up the box and shuts it with a loud clap. “It’s funny though.” He plays with the box, staring at it. “I can’t help but think this moment would’ve never come if someone didn’t give me a piece of advice when I thought I’d lost her.”
