Right Kind of Wrong

by Sara Rider

  As soon as she hung up, regret was already welling inside her. She hated feeling like a pushover. She hated that she could never find her spine in times like these. She was enabling their bad behavior.

  Her own, too, if she was being honest with herself. She still hadn’t found the courage to ask Eli or Jake about that overheard conversation last month. Instead, she was pushing herself too hard trying to cover all her bases.

  The sound of a knock at her door forced Julia to stop moping.

  “Still working?” It was Nora, with Clem at her side.

  “It’s technically happy hour,” Clem said. “And you don’t look happy.”

  “Just problem-solving.” Julia flipped her planner shut.

  Clem frowned. “Anything you need help with?”

  Julia shook her head quickly and plastered on a smile she didn’t feel. “No. I’ve got it all under control.”

  “Well, even the best problem solvers need a break sometimes. Want to hang out tonight? We were talking about going to the movies.”

  “Look at you two making plans,” Julia managed to say casually, though her smile faltered a little. Normally, she was the one who instigated the social activities—not because she wasn’t open to trying new things, but because that was just how it always seemed to happen in social groups. People fell into their comfortable, designated roles. Julia was the one everyone turned to for plans and activities. It was a role that she often wished she could break out of, but every time she tried, panic crept under her skin. Who would she be if she weren’t the planner? What would her value be?

  She did her best to shake those worries from her mind. She knew they were ridiculous. Her friends cared about her for her—not because she could plan an awesome party. “I would love to, but I’ve got other plans tonight.”

  “With Fergus?” Nora asked.

  “We’re taking Emily to a play at the community theatre and then we’re having dinner.” It had been three nights since she’d put her foot in her mouth so thoroughly, she thought she’d never get it back. For the last three days, she’d wondered if that was going to be the end of things between them, but then he’d texted her this morning to ask her to spend time with them again. It felt like she was riding a rollercoaster of emotions with Fergus—sometimes falling so fast she couldn’t hold on to her heart, and other times climbing so slowly, it was impossible not be filled with dread.

  Nora gave her a curious look. “I thought you were trying to slow things down with Fergus. Spending time with his daughter seems awfully serious.”

  Julia dropped her forehead to her hand and groaned again. “I know.”

  “How do you feel about that?” Nora asked gently.

  “I don’t know. She’s a great kid, but Fergus and I only just figured out a month ago that we were capable of liking each other. I’m not prepared for the stress of wanting Emily to like me, too.”

  “Every family comes with complications,” Clem said. “Trust me. If Jake could survive meeting my family when we were only fake-dating, you and Fergus can find a way to make it work.”

  Nora nodded. “She’s right. Besides, you already know that Fergus fits in with your friends. That’s a good sign.”

  “He does?”

  Clem and Nora looked at her like she’d just grown a second head.

  “Of course he does. Even Eli likes him, and you know how protective he is of you,” Nora said. “He’s already talking about making him come camping with everyone next summer.”

  Julia’s chest warmed the way it always did when she thought about Fergus. She wanted that future with him—his arm around her during summer cookouts with their friends. Snuggling up as they watched the sunsets over the water. Waking up in the morning next to his huge, warm body. But this time, a filament of doubt glowed too brightly in the back of her mind to ignore.

  “No one knows what will happen next week much less next summer. There’s no reason to jump ahead of ourselves.”

  Nora raised her eyebrow, and Julia’s resolve broke.

  “I asked him if he ever wanted to have more kids.” A hot, red flush spread across her cheeks. The embarrassment of having asked that still made her want to cringe. They weren’t at the stage where she could ask that. She didn’t even know if they were on the path where that kind of question would ever be reasonable. It felt like everything was happening too fast and too slow all at the same time.

  Clem frowned. “Do you want kids?”

  Julia lifted her shoulders in a giant shrug. “I don’t know. I’ve never really thought about it until now. I always assumed I’d have time to figure it out, but everything feels so intense with Fergus, especially with Emily in the picture.”

  “What did he say?” Nora asked.

  Julia sucked in her breath. “He didn’t exactly say much, it was more the expression of horror that came over his face that made his opinion pretty clear.”

  Nora winced. “Does that change things for you?”

  “I don’t know,” Julia answered honestly. “Maybe? But I still want to see him.”

  And that was the problem—because even if it was a deal breaker for her, she was too far gone to care.

  18

  Shakespeare had never been Fergus’s favorite form of entertainment, but Julia was enjoying it. More importantly, Emily was having a great time. He hadn’t known his daughter liked live action theatre. It seemed like a strange thing for a kid her age to be into, but she’d always been a brilliant child with a mind that soaked up information like a sponge. He supposed it made sense for her to constantly find new interests. It also meant she was easily bored when she wasn’t being challenged. That was why he wanted her to make the right decision for her school next year.

  He stretched his long legs as far as he could in the cramped aisle of the community theatre and snuck another glance at Emily. Her eyes were fixed on the stage where the actor playing Othello was currently reciting his lines in the worst imitation of a British accent he’d ever heard. She was only here for two more days. He needed to find a way to talk to her about the scholarship soon.

  Julia gave his hand a little squeeze and he realized he’d been watching his daughter for so long, the play had ended. He stood up perfunctorily when the rest of the crowd rose for a standing ovation—not because it was earned, but because he was desperate for relief after being forced into an uncomfortable seat for the past three hours.

  “What did you think?” Julia asked when the clapping finally died down.

  “Fine,” Fergus said.

  Emily rolled her eyes. “It was really good. I loved the way they reinterpreted Othello.”

  Fergus looked at his daughter curiously. “Since when did you start liking Shakespeare so much?”

  “We’re studying Othello in English class. Next year is Romeo and Juliet.” She quickly looked away, but not before he caught a glimpse of her frown.

  “What do they study at Hawkins Academy?”

  “I don’t know, but I wouldn’t be able to take English lit. I would have to take English grammar instead because the lit class is at the same time as the advanced science courses Mom wants me to take.” She shuffled down the aisle toward the exit.

  Fergus followed her with Julia behind, taking advantage of that time to gather his thoughts. When they were inside his car, he said, “You could always read Romeo and Juliet on your own. There’s no reason it has to be in class.”

  Emily growled. “It’s. Not. The. Same!”

  Julia set a hand on his thigh. “I think she means the discussion isn’t the same. There’s something magical about discussing books with others. It’s why book clubs are so popular.”

  “Julia, that’s not the same thing at all. It’s her education. Her future. Not some hobby.”

  She reared back like he’d hurt her and tucked her hands into her lap. “My apologies. It’s clearly none of my business.”

  An awkward silence filled the car—one that pulsed with tacit chastisement of his overly harsh words.
“Sorry—”

  “It’s fine,” she said quickly.

  Emily leaned forward and set her hands on the back of his seat. “Well, I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m thinking ice cream sundaes.”

  “Ice cream sounds wonderful,” Julia said. She was so unlike him in so many ways. She was calm and tactful where he was awkward and gruff. And yet, that was what made them work so well together. That’s what made him fall for her.

  He turned the steering wheel, leading them toward one of the few little ice cream shops he knew of that was open in March. “Did you know there was a school dedicated to the art of making ice cream?”

  He looked into the rearview mirror to see Emily frowning suspiciously. “Really? What was it called?”

  He nodded. “Sundae school.”

  Emily groaned. “Dad, that was your worst one yet.”

  “I don’t know,” Julia said. “I thought it was rather…sweet.”

  He caught her wry smile from the corner of his eye and reached his hand across the console to squeeze hers. Sorry, he mouthed silently, hoping she could sense what he was really trying to say. I’m sorry for being a jerk. I’m sorry for snapping at you when you were just trying to help. I’m sorry I’m so worried about being a good dad that I feel like I’m drowning with every breath.

  It’s okay, she mouthed back.

  “Are you two whispering sweet nothings to each other? Because if you are, please wait until after we have ice cream so I don’t lose my appetite. It’s bad enough I have to listen to Mom and Tom practicing their wedding vows. I don’t want to have to hear it from you, too.”

  Fergus let go of Julia’s hand. Things had been so easy these last few days that he’d forgotten the idea of him dating was completely new to Emily.

  He pulled into the parking lot of Brain Freeze, grateful for a reason not to carry on that particular conversation. It was already past nine o’clock, but the ice cream stand was open late thanks to the all the foot traffic from the boardwalk that ran between it and the bay.

  They lined up for their cones. He ordered the strawberry while Julia was more adventurous with a scoop of lavender honey. Emily ordered a triple-scoop sundae with every variant of chocolate they had. Nicole would probably kill him if she knew he let their daughter consume a treat like that, but Emily had inherited his sweet tooth and he couldn’t help but spoil her once in a while.

  “It’s so pretty here,” Julia said as they walked the stairs toward the boardwalk. “It’s too bad we missed the sunset.”

  “I’ve never seen the sunset here,” Fergus said.

  Emily paused mid-bite and set one hand on her hip. “Dad! How can you have lived here for almost two years and not seen an ocean sunset?”

  He shrugged. “Because I’m busy with work.”

  “You have time off,” his daughter countered.

  “I’d rather spend most of my time off visiting you.”

  He didn’t like the dark look that flashed in Emily’s eyes. It was the kind of look he had no idea how to read and the kind she wouldn’t open up to him about anyway.

  “Well, you can always come back here on a date with Julia. Oh!” Emily’s eyes lit up. “You should invite Julia to Mom’s wedding. She would be so happy if you brought a date.”

  Julia stumbled and would have fallen if Fergus hadn’t caught her by the elbow. “You okay?”

  She nodded. “Fine, just a little clumsy today.”

  “You have to come,” Emily continued as if she hadn’t noticed Julia nearly fell over at the mere idea of attending a wedding with him. “Please say yes, otherwise Dad will have to sit at the singles table with Uncle Arthur and Ms. Tiggy Winkles. That’s his pet hedgehog.”

  “Oh, um, we’ll have to see,” Julia said.

  “Emily,” Fergus warned. “That is something for Julia and I to talk about privately.”

  “Fine,” Emily grumbled.

  They walked in silence for a few moments before stumbling upon a pair of street performers walking on tight ropes strung between the posts of the boardwalk and a dock branching off of it.

  “Can we stop and watch for a bit?”

  “Sure,” Fergus said. Emily ran forward to join the crowd of onlookers while he and Julia made their way to an empty bench.

  Julia crunched on the last bit of her cone and tossed her napkin in the nearby garbage before sitting down. “So, your ex is getting married, huh?”

  He did his best to look casual and unfazed. “Yeah. Next June. You free?”

  “Are you asking because you want me there or because you feel obligated now that Emily brought it up?”

  He scrubbed his jaw and watched the sailboats bobbing in the waves while he considered his answer. “I don’t know. Probably both.”

  She inhaled deeply. “I’m not sure that’s a good enough answer for me.”

  He turned to face her and took her hand in his. “I’m happy for Nicole and Tom, but weddings aren’t my thing. They’re long and boring and cheesy—”

  She raised an eyebrow. “You know I make part of my living planning weddings and other events, right?”

  He laced his fingers through hers. “I know you’re great at what you do. But that doesn’t change the fact they’re a form of torture for me right up there with ripping off my own toenails. I didn’t even like my own wedding.”

  “I take it you don’t plan on getting married again?”

  “No, but I do plan on going to Nicole’s wedding, and Emily is right. It would be a hell of a lot nicer if you were there with me.”

  “That’s almost three months away. How do you know you’ll still want to me to be your date then?”

  She spoke lightly, as though she were joking, but he knew her well enough to know that wasn’t the truth. She was hurt he hadn’t mentioned the wedding yet. He nearly protested but realized he had no idea what to say. That three months from now they would still be lovers? Friends? People who seemed to like spending time together? He hadn’t let himself think about where things were headed with Julia.

  Her phone buzzed before he could put his thoughts together. She looked at the call display and winced. “Sorry, I need to take this.”

  He watched Emily clap and cheer along with the rest of the small crowd when the stunt guys performed an impressive flip on the narrow rope while Julia answered the call.

  “Hi, Jeremy. What’s the matter now?”

  Fergus could tell by the tone of her voice that this was work related.

  “No, I haven’t found an artist yet. Yes, I’m working on it. No, I can’t make any guarantees.” She paused, dropping her head back and looking up at the sky. “Yes, you should be looking into other options. Look, no one said it had to be a piece of artwork. You can figure something else out. Anything that involved the five of you working together would be a gift to your parents. Make a collage or write a poem. Just do it together.”

  She hung up and let out a frustrated growl.

  “Bad day at the office?”

  “More like no good deed goes unpunished. This was supposed to be a quick pro bono job for my neighbors’ sixtieth anniversary party, but it’s turned into an endless nightmare of incompetence and sibling rivalry.”

  “So why are you doing it?”

  “Because my neighbors deserve an amazing anniversary party and I wanted to make sure they got it. George and Carol are the kindest people you will ever meet and they’re about to celebrate sixty years together. How many couples are still so in love after sixty years? I just wanted to do something nice for them.”

  That was the core of her personality—jumping in to help whenever she could, never expecting anything in return, no matter how burdensome it got. He’d never known anyone like her. He’d never thought he could fall for someone like her.

  “I know I’m not a professional artist or anything, but I could do a sketch for you if that would help.”

  Julia’s smile was tight. “I thought about asking you, but I don’t like mixing business and p
leasure. Plus, you’re so busy with Emily, I didn’t want to intrude on your time.”

  Something had changed. He couldn’t tell what it was, but he knew. He knew it the way he knew she bit her lip when she was concentrating. How her hands flexed when she was frustrated. How her spine was curved a little crookedly so that she always tilted slightly to the left. The way he knew her moral compass was wired right into her heart and drove everything she did. He just didn’t know how he’d managed to screw things up.

  The audience gathered in front of them clapped and cheered, though he’d missed whatever tricks the performers had done. Emily ran back to where he and Julia stood, eyes glittering with excitement. “Did you see that backflip? That was amazing!”

  “Yeah. Pretty cool,” Fergus said, even though his eyes had been fixed on Julia the entire time. She hadn’t actually given him an answer about the wedding.

  Fergus’s ex-wife was getting remarried. Julia didn’t know anything about his ex, and it shouldn’t have mattered one lick, but somehow it was all she could think about on the drive back from the boardwalk. He didn’t seem upset about it, though, and that was the part that confused her the most. If he wasn’t hurt or angry or upset, then why hadn’t he asked her to be his date for the wedding until now?

  She was the one who wanted to take things slow. She knew that. But it still hurt.

  She stifled a yawn as they pulled off the major road that led through town.

  “I need to stop for gas,” Fergus said. He pulled into a nearby gas station, leaving Julia and Emily together in the car.

  Julia hadn’t had a lot of time alone with the teenager, but she was determined not to let the silence become awkward. She turned to look at Emily in the back row behind the driver’s seat. “You know, there are places in Seattle that teach classes on acrobatics. Aerial silk, trapeze, that kind of thing. It’s all the rage right now. I tried to find a class out here, but Shadow Creek is still a little too small for that kind of thing.”

  “Seriously? That would be so cool.” Emily’s face lit up, only to fade quickly like a dying light bulb. “Not that I would ever get the chance to do it.”