Another Man's Child

by Anne Bennett

  Joseph greeted Tom, lifting his hand in a wave so that he overbalanced and would have fallen if Tom hadn’t caught him. ‘Here, man, you need to steady up.’

  Joseph’s voice was thick and slightly slurred. ‘Why?’ he said belligerently. ‘Nothing to steady up for.’

  ‘Norah’s not the only pretty girl around.’

  ‘She’s the only one I want,’ Joseph maintained. ‘Would you have me settle for second best?’

  Tom didn’t answer for there was nothing for him to say, but he felt guilty that his sister’s callous treatment of this man had reduced him to a sot for they were friends, despite the differences in their ages. So when he added, ‘Every day that passes is one more day nearer the time that Norah will board that ship and sail away and I will never see her again,’ Tom felt a bolt of sympathy for the man as he looked into his pain-filled eyes and he made a decision that he was to realise later was not a very sensible one, because he said, ‘You can cheer up, Joseph, because Norah will not be going to America after all.’

  Tom’s words made Joseph stagger again and he desperately tried to focus on Tom’s face and the words spilled from his mouth as he snapped out, ‘Now what you on about?’

  Immediately, Tom realised his error. You don’t tell a drunken man something you don’t want to be made public knowledge yet. However, the damage was done now and just maybe Joseph was too drunk to remember anything about it, so he said, ‘It’s true. Mammy sent for the ticket right enough but, though Norah doesn’t know yet, it’s for Celia.’

  ‘Celia told me once she never wanted to leave Ireland.’

  ‘She probably doesn’t,’ Tom said. ‘But … look, it will probably be public knowledge soon enough anyway: Celia has got herself involved with someone unsuitable.’

  ‘If you’re talking about Fitzgerald’s farm hand, that’s news to no one who was at the dances and saw them together,’ Joseph said.

  ‘Wish someone had thought to tell me.’

  ‘Well,’ Joseph said, ‘I shouldn’t go blaming other folk if I was you, because you were usually otherwise engaged. You should really have seen it for yourself.’

  Tom felt guilty that he had been too involved in his own affairs and so been neglectful of his sisters, but Joseph wanted to focus on only one thing. ‘Are you sure Norah isn’t going to the States?’

  ‘Positive sure,’ Tom said. ‘To keep Celia from this man’s clutches she is being sent away whether she likes it or not.’

  ‘Norah will be upset.’

  Tom nodded. ‘She will indeed and angry too, I shouldn’t wonder, but she’ll get over it, people have to cope with disappointment. And then when she is over the worst of it, you can move in and comfort her, like.’

  Joseph had a beam plastered across his face and Tom said urgently, ‘It’s important that you keep this to yourself for now. It’s important Norah doesn’t get to know just yet, so keep everything I have told you under your hat, all right?’

  ‘All right,’ Joseph said happily. ‘I can wait for the main prize.’

  They parted company there and Tom had a frown on his face as he watched Joseph staggering home, humming a little ditty to himself, and wished wholeheartedly that he had kept his big mouth shut.

  The following day it was afternoon before Norah went into town because once the breakfast dishes were washed Celia was once again locked in the bedroom and it took Norah longer to do the jobs she had always shared with Celia in the past. On the way to town she ruminated on her sister’s plight and decided she wouldn’t have her sister’s life for all the tea in China as she thought of her living her days out in that rural backwater. It was a desperate situation altogether.

  She missed her sister’s company and she knew Celia missed hers and sometimes cried in bed, though she muffled the sounds as best she could because of Ellie. Norah would put her arms around her, but there were no words she could say that would make things better so she didn’t try, just held her tight. Celia had always been a bit on the thin side, but Norah was aware now how bony and delicate her sister was becoming and she seemed dispirited and lethargic. Eventually she told her mother that it was detrimental to Celia’s health to leave in her room every day, but knew, even as she spoke, she might as well have saved her breath because she knew her mother would not go against anything their father said.

  The walk to town that afternoon seemed longer without Celia to chat to and Norah hurried along, anxious to get the things her mother wanted quickly and get back home again.

  Joseph was leaving Paddy McIvor’s pub when he saw Norah. He was not quite sober but nowhere near as drunk as he had been the night before when he was talking with Tom. He dared not go home in that state again for his father had warned him as he helped him to bed that if he came home near paralytic again he would spend the night in the barn. Much of what had happened the previous evening was fuzzy to Joseph when he woke the next morning for a hundred hammers beat inside his head and his mouth was as dry as dust.

  As he had milked the cows later, laying his head on the cow’s velvet flanks, the throbbing pain settled to a dull ache and Tom’s words had come back to him and he wanted to sing the news from the rafters. He didn’t do that, remembering what Tom had said about secrecy for now.

  When he saw Norah across the Diamond it was as if his thoughts had conjured her up. He sauntered across and she suppressed a sigh as she put the heavy shopping bags on the pavement beside her. She could afford to be gracious with Joseph.

  ‘Hello Norah.’

  ‘Joseph,’ Norah said and inclined her head.

  Joseph remembered that she knew nothing about the change of plan and suddenly he wanted to hurt her as she had hurt him, to know how it felt, for his heart had splintered into a million pieces the evening Norah had told him she really and truly was going to America and he realised that she had just been playing with him. It had all been for nothing, the endearments she had whispered were meaningless and the love he had for her she had thrown back in his face, and so despite Tom telling him to keep the news to himself he said, ‘Saw Tom last night.’

  ‘Oh yes?’

  ‘He was telling me about some trouble with Celia.’

  Norah’s eyes narrowed with suspicion. Surely Joseph was lying. ‘Tom wouldn’t tell you anything like that,’ she said.

  ‘Well he didn’t have to tell me much, did he?’ Joseph said. ‘I mean, we all saw how she was with that hand at Fitzgerald’s place. Anyway, she’s cooked her goose right and proper for Tom was after saying that your father has decided to pack her off to America.’

  Norah’s eyes opened wide for that was news to her.

  ‘America?’ she said in surprise, not yet aware that this sudden decision by her father had any bearing on her plans in any way. ‘Celia will hate that. It’s me that’s always wanted to go to America.’

  ‘I know,’ Joseph said in a sympathetic tone. ‘Pity then that your plans have been scuppered by your sister.’

  ‘What do you mean scuppered?’ Norah snapped. ‘It’s all in hand. Mammy has sent for the ticket and everything.’

  ‘I know,’ Joseph said in the same consoling voice. ‘But when that ticket arrives it will be for your sister, Celia, not you.’

  Norah’s cheeks drained of colour as she leapt from Joseph’s side, her eyes in her bleached face looking as though they were on stalks. ‘You’re lying!’ she said accusingly.

  ‘What would be the purpose of lying to you?’ Joseph said. ‘Tom told me himself. Said it was the only way that they could keep Celia away from that McCadden chap.’

  ‘It can’t be true. It can’t. They can’t do that,’ Norah cried as bitter tears of disappointment spurted from her face and dribbled down her cheeks and watching her Joseph was smitten with guilt as he realised there was no satisfaction for him in seeing his beloved so distressed. He felt worse than ever for blurting out something he had been warned to keep quiet about and for having done it in the middle of town, where all the people passing could witness Norah
’s wretchedness. Suddenly Joseph picked up the two bags of shopping with one hand and with the other guided Norah into an alleyway, away from the gaze of curious shoppers intrigued by the sight of the Mulligan girl crying openly in the street. And Norah continued to cry as the visions and plans she had made for when she got to America flitted across her mind and she groaned.

  She refused Joseph’s offer of the loan of his handkerchief and wiped the tears from her face with her hands as heartbreaking sobs racked her body over and over. Joseph stayed helpless beside her, longing to take her in his arms, but she was holding herself so stiff he knew she would reject him. Words too would be futile, so the only sounds were the agonising sobs and the gasps of Norah. And they seemed to pierce Joseph’s very soul. It seemed they had been there hours before Norah eventually wiped her hands across her tear-stained face and said brokenly, ‘You must have had some hand in it. You never liked the idea of me going to America.’

  ‘No, I didn’t,’ Joseph admitted. ‘But I was learning to accept it for I had no right to keep you here, but how I felt about things would have had no bearing on the decision your father made.’

  Norah shook her head from side to side as if she couldn’t quite believe it. ‘I never thought that Daddy was so unfair, so cruel, and Mammy must have been involved too. They knew how much going to America meant to me. I’ve talked of little else for months. And,’ she added fiercely, ‘I’ll never forgive them for this, never ever. And now I’m off to confront them.’

  However, the tears she had shed had left her feeling faint and light-headed and her legs felt suddenly shaky and she almost fell over when she reached for the shopping bags. ‘Let me,’ Joseph said. ‘I can carry at least one of them home for you.’

  She didn’t want him to, didn’t want him anywhere near her, but thought it might be more embarrassing to fall flat on her face in the Main Street of Donegal Town. She gave a brief nod of her head and Joseph picked up the larger and heavier of the two bags and linked his other arm through hers and she was unsteady enough to feel a little grateful.

  ‘I suppose you’re glad about all this?’ Norah said as they walked along the road.

  Joseph was ecstatic, but he knew Norah didn’t want to hear that and so he chose his words with care. ‘I would be lying if I didn’t say that I am happy that you are not going to disappear to America, but I know how much it meant to you and I hate to see you so upset. If I can help in any way just ask.’

  Joseph’s words made Norah feel quite humble for she knew how distressed Joseph had been when she had thrown him over and so she said, ‘You are a much nicer person than me, Joseph O’Leary, for I know I hurt you badly and really thought you might hate me now.’

  Joseph shook his head. ‘I couldn’t hate you,’ he said. He gave a sigh and went on, ‘You didn’t want to hear this at the time and possibly don’t want to hear it now but I will say it anyway, and that is that I love you, Norah. I can’t really remember a time when I didn’t love you and you don’t stop loving a person because they don’t feel the same way and you can’t turn it off like a tap when that relationship is over.’

  Norah was nearly reduced to tears again then, not for herself this time but for Joseph, who she realised loved her with a deep abiding love and she had taken him so much for granted. ‘I’m sorry, Joseph,’ she said. ‘I never knew you felt that strongly.’

  ‘You would never let me tell you,’ Joseph said.

  ‘Yes because I didn’t want you to feel that way with my heart set on going to America.’

  ‘I know,’ Joseph said quietly. ‘At least, I didn’t know it all at first. I mean you were always talking about America and I knew you had a hankering for it, but I thought it was just a fantasy, especially when you agreed to walk out with me.’

  ‘That was unkind,’ Norah admitted. ‘And it was Celia said I had to be straight with you and I was and it hurt you.’

  Joseph didn’t deny it, but he did say, ‘I had to know sooner or later and whenever you would have told me it would have hurt.’

  They reached the head of the lane to the farm. ‘I’ll leave you here,’ Joseph said. ‘You will have to speak with your parents and they’ll not want spectators.’

  ‘Goodbye, Joseph.’

  ‘Goodbye, Norah.’ Joseph drew her gently into his arms. There was nothing sexual in the gesture and Norah submitted to it and reflected on what a good and selfless man Joseph was and it was a pity she couldn’t bring herself to love him as he loved her.

  It was as she reached the door of the farmhouse that she realised she had forgotten half the things her mother wanted and she supposed she would get into trouble for it but that mattered less than finding out whether what Joseph had told her was true or not. And it was and the only thing Peggy was concerned about was her being told in that way. Norah ranted and raved to no avail and Peggy just waited without saying a word until she was done.

  ‘You can’t do this to me,’ she cried in anguish in a husky voice where tears still lurked.

  ‘We can and we have.’

  ‘But, Mammy, it’s not fair,’ Norah said. ‘You promised when I was twenty-one I could go. Celia is only just eighteen and she never had a yen to go to America and I had and—’

  Peggy suddenly lost patience with Norah and she said sharply, cutting her off, ‘It’s about time you grew up. When you get as old as I am you’ll realise that life is seldom fair, that circumstances change things and that is what has happened here. So despite what I promised you, and regardless of what Celia likes or doesn’t like, she needs to go to America and you do not and that’s what will happen and whatever temper or tantrum you get into it will not change the outcome one bit. And what’s more that is my last word on the subject.’

  ‘But, Mammy—’

  ‘I said that was my last word on the subject, Norah.’

  ‘Daddy—’ Norah began hopefully.

  ‘Your father will feel the same as me,’ Peggy said. ‘It was his ultimate decision. He has no desire to keep Celia locked up for the rest of her natural life.’

  And Norah realised then there would be no America for her. Knowing it was hopeless she did appeal to her father but he just said the decision was final and refused to discuss it at all.

  Now the news was out, the rest of the family were told as they sat round the table having their evening meal and Celia looked at her father as if she couldn’t believe her ears. She felt shocked to the core and suddenly very frightened because she had never had any sort of desire to cross the Atlantic Ocean and go miles from her family.

  ‘I don’t want to go to America,’ she said.

  ‘Your behaviour means that what you want or don’t want has no bearing on anything,’ said Dan. ‘I have said you are going to America and that is where you will go and you only have yourself to blame.’

  Celia looked across at her mother’s sorrowful eyes fastened on her and knew in her heart of hearts she didn’t want her to be sent so far away, but her views would count for nothing either. Tom looked unhappy and Dermot couldn’t understand why Celia had to leave the home she loved, when her father had said he was bribing McCadden to go away from Donegal. Ellie and Sammy didn’t understand any of it and were asking questions they knew might not be answered. They had known for ages that it was Norah who was going and they couldn’t understand why it was Celia who was now going and why she was so upset about it.

  Celia in fact felt full of misery and she could hardly bear to look at her sister, who was completely silent and stiff. Celia knew Norah was holding her emotions together with difficulty and if she had tried to speak they would likely burst uncontrollably from her and she sighed for she had no idea that hurting those she cared about would cause her such anguish.

  Dan seemed unaware of the bombshell he had released and in fact the only thing he seemed concerned about was how Joseph O’Leary knew it all to tell Norah. She explained that Tom had told him and Dan tore Tom off a strip for discussing the business of the family with outsiders.
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  ‘I did ask him to keep it to himself,’ Tom protested. ‘I didn’t know that he was going to run slap bang into Norah the very next day. Anyway, I’m surprised he remembered anything I said, for he was well away when I saw him.’

  Norah pulled herself together enough to say bitterly, ‘Oh he remembered all right, and though he hid it well he actually took great delight in telling me my dream of going to America wasn’t going to happen.’

  ‘I don’t want family business discussed with half the county.’

  ‘It was hardly that,’ Peggy said. ‘Anyway, everyone will know about this soon enough. People can’t just disappear, especially in a place this size, so our business will be known and discussed everywhere before long.’

  Norah got to her feet and began stacking the dishes, noticing again how little Celia had eaten and thinking she would be worse now she knew. Celia had no desire to go to America and the thought of going there would take away what little appetite she had. Norah was amazed that no one else had noticed how thin her sister had become and how ill she looked.

  She was still thinking of it when she climbed into bed beside Celia that night, trying not to get too close because she was incredibly bony, and she had resolved to say something to her parents the following day and make them listen because Celia was literally fading away. And then suddenly the solution for all their problems came to her. Celia could run away with Andy McCadden. Norah wondered why she had never thought of such a thing before. She was sure it could be done and had to be done quickly before the ticket came. Then Celia would have her hireling man and she could go to America as planned and everyone would be happy, except perhaps Joseph O’Leary, but despite that thought, Norah went to sleep with a smile on her face.