by Anne Bennett
She acknowledged that once she left her home the likelihood was she would never enter it again and to her parents it would be like she had died and despite everything that thought saddened her. But she had already made her choice and she trembled inwardly at the thought that her parents might get to hear of their plans and intercept them at the last minute and this was what she said to Norah.
Norah took hold of her hands. ‘We’ll take care that they won’t,’ she said. ‘This is your one chance to have the future you want, Celia. So take heart and be strong and believe that this is going to happen, because it is.’
A fluttering began in Celia’s breast and she realised it was the stirring of happiness and she smiled at her sister and it was so long since she had smiled at anyone, her mouth felt strange. ‘Don’t be too joyful all of a sudden,’ Norah warned, ‘or Mammy at least might smell a rat.’
Oh Celia knew that full well because she often thought her mother had some sort of sixth sense, so she sobered her face as they entered the kitchen and for the first time she was glad to be isolated in her room where she could smile to her heart’s content or dance a jig of happiness if she felt like it.
Celia saw her brother’s battered face for the first time the following morning as he came in for his breakfast after the milking and so did Norah, who thought he looked moderately worse than Andy McCadden. It was obvious he had been in a fight of some kind but no one spoke of it, which in itself was odd. And then Ellie and Sammy came running in dressed for school and Sammy skidded to a halt when he saw his eldest brother’s face. ‘Crikey!’
Dermot gave Sammy a kick under the table and shook his head for he had already asked the question he knew Sammy was about to ask when Tom had come into the byre that morning and his father had nearly bitten his head off for it. Sammy paid no heed to Dermot and turned to Tom. ‘What happened to you?’
It was Dan who answered. ‘That’s none of your business,’ he snapped.
‘Yeah but Daddy—’
‘Did you hear what I said?’
Peggy seldom spoke against her husband and never in front of the children, but she had been shocked at the sight of her son the previous evening, for Dan had had to half-carry him home and she knew it was at Dan’s urging that they had gone looking for McCadden. However cross he might have been, Tom would never have picked a fight unless his father had or been at the back of it, and so she spoke sharply. ‘Dan, it’s obvious they’re going to ask. It would be stranger if they didn’t and if you are ashamed of the consequences you shouldn’t have done the deed.’
‘Who said I’m ashamed?’ Dan roared. ‘I’m ashamed of nothing.’
‘Oh no you’re not ashamed. You’re the big “I am”. Well you ought to be ashamed for encouraging two young men to beat each other near senseless, too battered and bruised to be at Mass yesterday. And for what? It will have achieved nothing and the Fitzgeralds seemed very vexed too.’
‘They’ll get over it,’ Dan said gruffly for he had also noticed their testiness. Before Peggy could make any sort of reply to this, Sammy, who’d taken a great interest in the proceedings, despite shovelling porridge into his mouth, said to Tom, ‘I knew you were in a fight, I could tell. So why did you fight?’
‘You really don’t need to know that, Sammy,’ Peggy said. ‘Just take heed that fighting never solved anything. And I’m sure,’ she said, glancing at Tom, ‘Sinead will feel the same way.’
‘I went over yesterday and told her that Tom had a bit of a fever,’ Dan said.
‘As soon as she catches sight of him she’ll know that’s not true,’ Peggy said. ‘Tom, I think she will let you have it with both guns blazing and I won’t blame her one bit.’
Celia didn’t either and felt worried about Andy. ‘Does he look as bad as Tom does?’ she asked Norah as she took her up to their room.
‘Slightly better I would say,’ Norah said.
Celia shook her head. ‘I can barely believe it,’ she said. ‘I wouldn’t have said Tom was a violent man, nor Andy either.’
‘All men are violent if they’re given what they think is a just cause,’ Norah said. ‘It’s just the way they are.’
As she spoke Norah recalled Andy’s view of Celia and knew he had a point. She was incredibly naïve about the nature of men and even the ways of the world and maybe it was like feeding her to the wolves to encourage her into Andy McCadden’s arms, but there really was no alternative. All she could hope was that he would be kind to her young sister and patient and gentle.
‘What’s the matter?’ Celia said, seeing the lines of concern on Norah’s face.
‘Nothing’s the matter,’ Norah said brightly. ‘What could be the matter? Anyway you’ll be out of here and on your way in a couple of days.’
Celia wrapped her arms around herself with excitement. ‘I know,’ she said. ‘Ooh, I can’t wait.’
‘Well keep a lid on it for now,’ Norah advised. ‘The fewer people know about this the better. Not a word with Ellie in the room, even if she seems to be asleep. What she doesn’t know she can’t tell.’
It was sound advice for Celia wanted nothing to stand in her way now. Even the problem of finding a receptacle to put clothes in was solved because when Jim was going to America he was bought a big bag to put his things in and when there was talk of Norah joining him there he had sent the bag back and Celia crammed into it all the clothes she could.
By Wednesday Celia was in such a fever of excitement she could hardly contain herself and she thought the clock had never moved so slowly. Even so, when she reached her bedroom that night after the evening meal, she looked around as if to commit it to memory. She hadn’t expected to be leaving her home for some time yet, and not to leave Ireland at all.
Still, she told herself firmly, there was no point at all going on and on about it and she wished it was time to meet Andy for she knew that when she did meet him all doubts would flee. She thought of not bothering to get undressed, but knew that that might cause comment from Ellie if she noticed, so she compromised by slipping her nightie over her underclothes. And she had just done that and got into bed when she heard Ellie coming up the stairs and she closed her eyes and feigned sleep for though she was aware that it would be the last time she would lie beside Ellie, she dared not betray herself at this late stage. In any case, her mind was in far too much turmoil to talk in any sort of sensible way and she forced herself to lie still until she heard Ellie’s even breathing and she felt she could relax a little.
The next thing she was aware of was Norah shaking her. ‘It’s after eleven,’ she whispered. ‘You must get dressed and be on your way.’
Celia awoke muzzy-headed for she hadn’t intended to go to sleep and she heaved herself from her bed as fingers of apprehension trailed down her spine and caused her to shiver. Knowing that it would be chilly at that hour and would get colder before they reached their destination she had laid out a winter-weight dress of dark green and dark blue checks, a blue cardigan and thick blue stockings.
‘Carry your boots in your hands,’ Norah advised. ‘And don’t forget your shawl.’
Celia did as she was bid and followed her sister. She never before realised the door opened with such a loud click of the latch, or that the hinges groaned as the door opened further or that so many planks on the landing creaked so much. Norah had come with Celia this far so that she could bid her farewell properly and so she could re-bolt the door, a job her father always did. If he’d discovered it unbolted he would have been alerted straight away that there was some sort of problem and it was important that Celia’s disappearance was not discovered too soon. So she helped Celia on with her boots and embraced her, worrying now the moment was here whether she had made the right decision in encouraging Celia’s flight from the house.
‘I’ll never forget you for this, Norah, never.’
‘You are sure about this?’
Celia nodded her head. ‘Certain sure.’ If she had been absolutely honest, Celia might have admit
ted to a few lingering doubts, but Norah didn’t need to know about those. She was immensely glad of the full moon shining down like a golden orb and the twinkling stars in the sky that lit the lane so effectively.
She stopped at the curve in the lane to wave and it was as Norah closed the door and drew the bolt that she realised that, in making it safer for Celia, she had made it more difficult than ever for herself because if the door was bolted someone in the house had not only known about Celia’s escape, but had helped her, and her father would know full well the only one it could have been. She almost drew the bolt back again, but she knew if her father found out Celia had gone at half four or five when he rose for milking and saddled a horse and set off then he just might have caught up with them on the road.
She couldn’t bear that, she thought as she tiptoed up the stairs, for she honestly didn’t know what her father might do to Celia this time if he was to catch her, for not only had she run away from home, she’d run away with the very man her father had forbade her to even see. There would be no way back for her sister after this and, if Norah wasn’t careful, she would be in hot water as well.
She reached the bedroom without incident and knew the only way she might get out of this was to make it look as if Celia had got away through the window. So, with a glance at Ellie to check she was still asleep, she crossed to the window, eased it up slightly and looked out. By the light of the moon she saw that anyone determined enough to escape could use the pipe which was fastened to the outside wall of their bedroom. It carried the rainwater from the roof to the water butt and could easily be reached by a person leaning out of the window. If Celia had thrown her bag out she could have shimmied down the pipe until she reached the scullery window and dropped to the ground from there. So Norah pulled the curtains but left the window open, and eased herself into bed beside Ellie, hoping she wouldn’t be woken by the cold for then she would surely realise her sister was not in the bed and would rouse the house.
She gave a sudden yawn and realised how tired she was for she hadn’t slept well since Sunday. She curled her body around Ellie to keep them both warm but sleep eluded her with the worry of what would happen the following day and she acknowledged how afraid she was of her father’s rage when he found Celia missing. She tried not to toss and turn too much and eventually drowsiness seeped through her befuddled brain and she closed her eyes and fell into a deep sleep.
SEVEN
Andy was waiting for Celia at the end of the lane holding the horse by the bridle and his dazzling beam of happiness when he saw Celia approach chased away all of her doubts. He took the bag from her and took her in his arms and kissed her cheek gently as he said, ‘All right?’
Celia nodded though she doubted she would ever feel all right again. This was such an alien thing for her to do, leave her home in the dead of night and be taken to God alone knew where, but when Andy said, ‘You sure about this?’ she nodded her head more vigorously.
‘Right then,’ Andy said. ‘There’s no time to waste.’ And he tied Celia’s bag to the saddle and then he lifted her on to the saddle and swung himself up beside her, jiggled the reins and as the horse moved forward his free arm tightened around Celia’s waist. It made her feel a little uncomfortable and shy to be held so close to a man and yet she felt safer too, for though it was too dark for her to see the ground she knew Ned to be a big farm horse and so it was a long way down if she was to fall.
It was odd, she thought, that she felt almost shy of Andy but maybe it was better not to talk for their voices might carry in the still night and then Andy said gently, ‘It’d be about twenty-five miles to Letterkenny and if we want to catch the early morning train to Belfast we need to go a little quicker than this. Shall you be scared if the horse goes fast?’
‘Not half as scared as I am of my father catching us if we do not,’ Celia said with the ghost of a smile.
‘Yes,’ said Andy in agreement. ‘It’s good to get as great a distance from your home as we can before they discover your disappearance.’ He spurred the horse on, saying as he did so, ‘We will follow the rail bus tracks so that we do not get lost in the dark for I have never been this far from home before. Have you travelled much?’
‘Not at all,’ Celia replied.
‘Now, you’ll be quite safe for I’m holding you tight,’ Andy said. ‘You can even go to sleep if you want to.’
‘Oh no,’ Celia said. ‘I’m not the slightest bit sleepy.’
‘Here goes then,’ said Andy.
However, Ned wasn’t built for speed, but for strength and endurance, but he valiantly tried his best and trotted on as well as he was able and Andy was glad of the moonlight catching the odd glimmer of the rail tracks lighting the way for him. Celia asked why they weren’t riding on the road and Andy said, ‘The clop of a horse’s hooves would sound loud in the night and might cause people to try and find out who it was abroad in the dark when all decent folk were in their beds. Wouldn’t do to get careless,’ he went on. ‘For when the hue and cry goes up when they discover you gone we don’t want anyone to remember the sound of a horse they’d heard.’
So it was a fairly quiet ride, and Andy warned they had to be really quiet as they approached and passed the rail bus halts because some of them were manned. They passed by the side of a lough that Andy said he thought was Lough Mourne and the moon gleamed on the slight swell of water and rippling waves as Andy slowed the horse to a walk. ‘Probably it’s very pretty in the day,’ he said to Celia. ‘But we shall have to take extra care for I don’t fancy us pitching in there because we lost our footing or went too close to the edge.’
‘Pleased to hear it,’ Celia whispered back.
With the lough behind them they were facing Derg Bridge, which led down to Derg Halt, and once across the bridge, as they joined the rails now running alongside the road again, they saw in front of them two rugged boulder-strewn heaps stretching up into the skyline in the dusky light from the moon while the rail bus tracks and the road ran right between them.
‘D’you think this is Barnes Gap?’ Celia said in an awed whisper as they started through it.
‘Must be I’d say,’ Andy whispered back for while neither had seen them close up, though they were big enough to be seen from some distance away, they both knew about them because the adults were fond of telling children gruesome tales of the highwaymen who’d once ridden Barnes More Hills with impunity. In the past many travellers were nervous of going though the gap between the two towering, craggy peaks, and with reason, for highwaymen would often stop the coaches going through and kill the men without a thought and rob the women of all they possessed and often molest them too. ‘Took your life in your hands going through in those days,’ Andy remarked.
Celia thought it still seemed menacing to ride through the imposing rock faces to either side of her, the night darker than ever with the moon obscured by the rocks and the wind channelling through the gap caused Celia to gasp and tighten her shawl around herself. She was so glad to be out of it she breathed a sigh of relief.
‘All right?’ Andy asked.
‘Mm, I am now,’ Celia said.
There was silence then as they travelled on and, despite Celia assuring Andy when she had got on Ned that she wasn’t a bit tired, she had become rather drowsy and must have dozed off because she was jerked awake by Andy saying, ‘We’re coming into Lifford now and it’s a customs post so we’ll have to leave the rail tracks and go up into the hills to cross the border. It will be a bit rough for a while and not a sound because this is quite heavily manned I should imagine. I’m going to lead Ned. Do you want to stay on?’
‘No. I’ll walk with you.’
‘Righto,’ Andy said and he swung his legs off the horse’s back and lifted Celia down beside him. And then, mindful of the need for silence, she bit her lips to stop a cry escaping from her for she was so stiff and sore and cold. Andy could feel her trembling and could guess the rest and he whispered, ‘You’ll warm up and your legs w
on’t be as stiff when you’ve walked a bit. Stay close to me.’
Celia wasn’t sure if she had the strength to move those taut legs and when she tried they throbbed with pain, but she did her best to keep up with Andy as he toiled up the hill and was very glad when he eventually called a halt.
‘Get your breath back here,’ he advised. ‘And then we’ll cross and go down the other side and when we are far enough away we will join the rail bus tracks again. Letterkenny is just a step away now and can you see the sky lightening?’
‘Oh yes,’ Celia said, looking round and seeing the grey tinge to the horizon.
‘We’ll get to Letterkenny in good time to catch the early train to Belfast and the docks I’d say.’
‘What will you do with Ned?’
‘Oh, I’ll leave him in Letterkenny in stables,’ Andy said. ‘And they’ll feed him and look after him and I’ll send a telegram to Fitzgerald telling him where he is but not until we reach Belfast.’
‘He’s sure to be cross with you.’
Andy gave a chuckle. ‘I’d say so,’ he said. ‘Especially as he will have to pick up the bill in the stables. But don’t look so worried, Celia,’ he went on when he saw the slight frown on her face. ‘Why should I worry about Fitzgerald now when I’m never likely to see him again?’
‘But the money he will have to pay, that surely isn’t right,’ Celia said. ‘I mean, none of it is his fault.’
‘Well no, I don’t suppose it is,’ Andy conceded. ‘But I had no option but to take the horse. We wouldn’t have got to Letterkenny this night without him. As for the bill at the stables, he can pay that in lieu of the wages he would have given me this Friday had I stayed that long.’
