by Nikki Poppen
“Gannon?” Audrey whispered his name. She’d taken a step backward until her back met with the tree trunk, her face a complex study of emotions, part pleasure, part disbelief. “We shouldn’t have .. ” she said.
“Why ever not? I rather liked kissing you, Audrey,” Gannon replied, unwilling to let her deny their growing attraction as she had in the rose garden. He lifted a hand to push back a lock of hair from her face. “You need hair clips,” he joked. “I am forever doing this for you.”
“Fine, I’ll get more clips,” Audrey said uncomfortably. “My maid is always saying-”
Gannon pressed a finger to her lips. “Shh, Audrey. I don’t want to talk about your maid or your hair. I want to kiss you again.” He moved to take her into his arms.
She evaded him. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
Gannon let her go, studying her. “We’re attracted to each other, Audrey. Why can’t we explore that?”
“It’s not part of our deal,” Audrey shot back, her tone strident.
“Does it matter? The deal can be amended. Why not make our courtship real, Audrey? Why not explore the possibilities of what might lie between us?” It seemed so obvious to Gannon, suddenly. Audrey was perfect for him, and she was not immune to him. She’d been eager enough for his kiss, and even she had to admit they enjoyed each other’s company extremely well. Gannon found it difficult to fathom her resistance or the tears that started to well in her eyes.
“I like you too, Gannon” Audrey swiped angrily at the tears. “But don’t you see? It would ruin everything. I can’t, Gannon. I just can’t. As much as I’d like to fall in love with you, I can’t do it. Not now.”
Gannon was about protest when voices invaded their privacy, calling their names. It was Spurling and Miss Duyesen.
“Ah, there you are, Camberly. We’ve been waiting the croquet game on you” Spurling looked suspiciously between Gannon and Audrey. “Are you coming? Miss Duyesen and I demand satisfaction.” He laughed at his attempt at humor.
What an ill-timed interruption, Gannon thought resentfully. He had a thousand questions for Audrey, starting with what the hell she had meant by, I can’t fall in love you now. Did that mean she cared for him in spite of her fervor not to become an Englishman’s wife? But that and much else would have to wait until he trounced the smug look right off Spurling’s face.
Audrey watched Gannon use his mallet to send Spurling’s ball flying away from the next wicket. One didn’t have to be a mind reader to know that Gannon was angry. He was mad and making no attempt to hide it, although he’d better rethink venting his emotions so publicly. Spurling might start speculating as to the reasons they’d been delayed. If Spurling believed that Gannon’s anger was due to being interrupted in a potentially compromising situation, such gossip would do her no good.
Gannon wasn’t the only one who was angry. She was mad too, and she was mad at him. He’d done the one thing implicitly forbidden between them. He’d kissed her, when there was no possibility of anything more between them.
Worse, she’d liked it immensely. She’d wanted it to go on, all of it; the feel of his warm hand on her face, his mouth on hers, his body pressed against hers-that last had been her doing. To have him so close had been irresistible. The smell of him, the presence of him, was intoxicating, not just the sheer muscular physicality of him but the strength and comfort she was coming to associate with him.
That’s why she was angry. Audrey took a whack at her own wooden croquet ball and sent it sailing through a wicket. The feelings he raised in her were causing a significant amount of self-doubt, and she didn’t like that in the least. This was a most inconvenient time for doubting her choices now. For years she’d known her mind, known what her chosen course was. But Gannon’s presence was starting to compete with that choice. Letting him turn their feigned summer courtship into a real one would be completely devastating. She was starting to think she wouldn’t be able to resist the temptation he presented, even for Vienna.
Violet St. Clair declared the picnic a resounding success over lunch the next day on the St. Clair yacht. It was just the three of them, a rare occasion. Violet beamed a victorious smile across the table in a valiant effort to dispel the unnecessary gloom that had settled on her husband and daughter.
Audrey met the pronouncement with much squirming in her seat, her gaze drifting out over the calm ocean. Her mother’s version of success hinged solely on the indisputable fact that Audrey had won back Camberly’s attention. She’d talked of nothing else but Camberly’s single-minded devotion at the picnic, glossing over his polite refusal to ride home with them, opting to go with the Carringtons instead.
Audrey heartily wished the conversation would head elsewhere. She cast about in her mind for another suitable topic. “Father, how is the railroad deal progressing?”
Wilson St. Clair glowered across the table. “Poorly, Aud. It is going poorly. The stock prices haven’t dropped the way we’d hoped. I worry about waiting much longer to buy, but I hadn’t anticipated buying at such high prices,” Wilson St. Clair fumed.
Audrey’s stomach had lurched at his first words. Now, an anxious knot took up residence in her stomach. Dear Lord, Gannon had put his faith in her, and she was going to be responsible for losing his money.
“Now, Aud, don’t look so forlorn. Your Englishman just won’t have as large a profit” Wilson leaned across the small table and patted her hand. He gave her wink. “What does it matter how much he clears on this deal? Once he marries you, he’ll have all the money he can want”
As a point of reassurance, the comment fell far short. Worse, it brought the conversation back to the point she’d wanted to escape to start with.
“Absolutely,” Violet chimed in. “We’ll make him rich, and he’ll make us titled. It will work out perfectly. Audrey, you really need to bring him up to scratch before the summer’s out. It would be divine to announce your engagement at Caro’s Summer Ball”
“I can’t make him propose,” Audrey said offhandedly.
“I’ll remind him of all he stands to gain.” Wilson rubbed his hands together. “That will help him along”
Audrey didn’t think Gannon needed any “help along.” He seemed to have things well in hand there without any encouragement from her parents. She just wished that her father’s Midas touch hadn’t chosen this deal to fail. She would have to tell Gannon so that he could prepare himself for the worst.
She didn’t relish the thought of telling Gannon that his faith and funds had been misplaced by trusting her. Then again, if anything was going to put him off in regard to his belief that he was falling in love with her, that news should do it. It could quite possibly shatter their agreement altogether. He would have no more reason to stay at her side, and she would spend the remainder of the summer watching him pay court to another eligible girl while there was still time.
Audrey excused herself from the table and walked to the railing. She needed to think. For someone who’d only wanted to use Gannon for the sake of the game, she was feeling quite dismal with the outcome. Getting what she wanted, getting Gannon to rethink his growing infatuation, didn’t make her happy when, by rights, she should have been ecstatic. She spent the rest of the coastline voyage at the rail, pondering exactly how she might break the news to Gannon.
Stella Carrington provided an excellent opportunity just two days later with an invitation to take lunch at Rose Bluff. Audrey’s mother exclaimed it was the perfect accompaniment to seal the return of Camberly’s affections. But Audrey could not share her mother’s enthusiasm.
As she dressed in a lavender Worth afternoon gown trimmed in pale cream lace, all Audrey’s thoughts were on explaining the dismal business outlook to Gannon. She hardly noticed when her maid finished pinning up her hair. By the time they reached Rose Bluff at the far end of Bellevue Avenue, Audrey was a bundle of nerves. On top of her worries about the conversation to come, this would be the first time she’d seen Gannon since their
kiss.
She had no need to worry. Gannon was as urbane as ever with her mother, regaling her effortlessly with tales of his home. Stella was friendly, the food and setting of the highest quality. No one looking at them converse easily over the meal would guess anything was amiss. For all intents and purposes, the luncheon looked to be what it was supposed to be. Was she the only one aware that the luncheon was not all it seemed? She looked up from her crab salad to find Gannon’s eyes on her, hot and thoughtful. He flashed her a brief smile full of promise.
He made good on that promise as soon as the etiquette of lunch allowed, rising from the table and suggesting that he take Audrey on a short tour of Rose Bluff. Stella agreed readily, saying it would give her a chance to talk with Violet.
“You must have had a lot of practice getting debutantes away from their chaperones,” Audrey teased with a levity she didn’t feel when they were away from Violet’s intent gaze.
“I have my uses,” Gannon parried easily. “Come in here. The Carringtons have generously let me use this room as my private office” Careful to leave the door open, he ushered her into an airy room done in masculine shades of dark blue and walnut wood paneling. Windows looked over the ocean. A large walnut desk sat in the bay of windows, looking handsome and strong, just like the man who used it. The desk had a pile of papers on one corner, certifying that it was more than an ornamental piece of furniture.
“What do you do in here?” Audrey asked, curious, her fingertips drifting over the polished edges of the desk’s surface.
“I do my work,” Gannon answered, moving to stand in the windows, his back to the room as he took in the view.
“I think I’d spend all my time watching the ocean,” Audrey said honestly. “I’d put my chair on the other side so I could see out the windows. I think the ocean is what I like best about Newport. It’s what I miss most when we’re in New York” She came to the pile of papers set at one corner and idly looked at the top one.
She hadn’t meant to pry, but certain words riveted her attention: lists of names with English pounds next to them. The name Andrew was scrawled at the bottom of the sheet that peeped out from underneath the top paper. “What’s all this, Gannon?” She held the top sheet up.
Gannon turned from the windows. “As I said, it’s my work.” He was cool as he reached across the desk to take the paper from her. Instinctively, Audrey raised the paper out of his reach.
“What is your work, Gannon?” She met his gaze, studying him for clues. He didn’t want her to see the paper.
“It’s the finance sheet for Camberly,” he said at last when it became clear she would not relent. “It’s very private to me. I would appreciate it if you would put it back”
Audrey stepped back. “And I would appreciate it if you would explain it to me”
“As I said, it’s private,” Gannon insisted, starting to move around the desk, intent on retrieving the paper.
“What are you hiding?” Audrey moved backward. She scanned the paper. “Schoolmaster Almsworthy and school expenses, 240 pounds; pension to ex-gamekeeper Ballings, twelve pounds” She fell quiet, reading silently. There were salaries for pensioned workers, allowances for greataunts, salaries for current employees, and expenditures for the manor house, as well as expenses on tenants’ homes and the church in the village.
She could feel Gannon’s eyes on her, but she couldn’t stop. Audrey looked at the next page, full of totals for expenses, available income, and the shortfall total circled in black at the bottom. There was a paragraph of apology in what was likely Gannon’s brother’s hand and his signature.
“So now you know just how destitute we are,” Gannon said.
Audrey set the paper down. “I suppose I do. But that’s not the point. I had no idea how immense this was.” She was shocked. She’d ignorantly bought into the common wisdom held by many wealthy New Yorkers and Americans regarding the “glamour” of the English country estate. But these balance sheets were not so much about glamour as they were about responsibility. And Gannon’s responsibility was to people beyond his immediate family. She had not properly understood, and it made the news she had to tell him even more difficult.
“Gannon, I have to tell you something,” she said slowly, taking time to gather her courage.
“I figured as much. You’ve been pensive since lunch. What is it, Audrey?”
“It’s about Father’s railroad. He says the stock prices aren’t falling as low as he’d like. If he buys now, the profits won’t be as great. But if he waits much longer to jump in, he might miss the opportunity to corner the market altogether.” Audrey hedged. “It’s not as if the money will be lost. It’s just that there isn’t as much of it as I’d hoped” She shook her head, miserable. “I am so sorry, Gannon” She gestured toward the pile of papers. She’d seen the totals. He couldn’t lie to her and say it didn’t matter. “What are you going to do?”
Gannon smiled and stepped toward her, taking her off guard. “I’m going to kiss you.”
And he did. Quite thoroughly.
B y the time she returned home, Audrey was still quite shaken by the direction the afternoon had taken. Gannon’s kiss had left her wanting more instead of wanting less. Even though his kiss, his declaration of feelings that ran beyond friendship, were contrary to the agreement they’d struck and their personal goals, she could not dismiss them simply because they weren’t relevant to her and Gannon’s previously established parameters.
Oh, there was no doubt she wanted to feel different about his stolen kisses. She wanted to dismiss them and him as she had her other suitors. But Gannon was not of their ilk, and he was not so easily dismissed or forgotten. She might succeed in dismissing him if she worked hard enough, but she was highly skeptical of being able to successfully forget him.
Herr Woerner was waiting for her in the conservatory when they arrived back home, and Audrey threw all her concentration into the lesson. Her strategy was working until her mother was called out of the room for a brief moment, and Herr Woerner used the opportunity to slip an envelope into the pages of her sheet music.
“I don’t pretend to know why a conservatory in Vienna would be writing to you at my address,” he said, sounding a bit put out that he hadn’t been included in her plans. “Nonetheless, they’ve sent this missive to me” He shot her a questioning glance.
There wasn’t much time to explain. Her mother would be back in the room momentarily. Audrey nodded. “I’ve decided to go if they’ll have me.”
Herr Woerner nodded in return, a wealth of meaning in his nod and short statement. “You are ready if that’s the course you choose.”
The door opened, and Violet reentered the room, suspiciously eyeing them upon hearing the absence of piano music.
“I see how the trill should be played now,” Audrey said in an overloud voice to compensate for the silence.
She was glad the lesson was nearly over. Between the curiosity at what the letter held and the confusion Gannon had wrought with his kiss, concentrating on music was a definite difficulty. At last, the lesson drew to an end, and Herr Woerner excused himself from the room with a polite bow to her mother.
Her mother left shortly afterward, going upstairs to change for the evening entertainment. “I’ll be along shortly,” Audrey promised. “I need to put the music away.” She quickly improvised a half truth. But it was enough to satisfy Violet.
Alone, Audrey opened the letter with trembling hands. The postmark read two weeks prior. It was now nearly the first of August. She’d waited all summer for the news. Audrey read the first line and closed her eyes with joy to savor the moment. She’d been accepted. Everything she’d worked for, planned for, was coming true.
Audrey wished she could celebrate. But her joy was hers alone. Her parents would certainly not understand. Her father might pat her on the shoulder and congratulate her on the accomplishment the acceptance represented, but he would not advocate for her actually attending the conservatory. Her mothe
r would never understand. Her mother would, in fact, be embarrassed by what her daughter had done.
That left Gannon. Of all the people she knew, Gannon was the most likely to share her excitement. If he didn’t feel betrayed. Gannon would put all the pieces of her scheme together and realize the part he’d played in helping her manipulate the situation to her advantage. He would see that she hadn’t been all that philanthropic on his behalf. Of course, she had never hidden from him the profit she was getting.
She’d told him from the first that she wanted her freedom. She just hadn’t told him what she wanted it for. No, she couldn’t tell Gannon. So, that left no one. Well, she’d bear her excitement alone. Even if she’d felt she could tell Gannon of her acceptance, it would be wrong to celebrate in the wake of his disappointing news regarding the railroad. It didn’t seem fair that she should have the success she’d hoped for, while his risk didn’t appear to be paying off the way she’d planned.
But the fates were smiling on them that week. The railroad stock finally took the plummet in prices her father had been expecting, and his investment group was able to snatch up the majority of the stock at low prices. Firmly in charge of the direction the short line railroad would take, her father’s investors were now assured of turning the huge profits they’d originally projected. Negotiations were already under way with a large railroad that needed to acquire the line in order to continue theirs.
“Are you happy?” Audrey said, clearly pleased with the news she was able to impart to Gannon as they drove through the farmlands of Newport. With the exception of her maid riding on the back of the carriage, they had the rare luxury of being alone. Audrey thought this indulgence was probably part of her mother’s new strategy to get Gannon up to scratch with a proposal.
“You clearly are,” Gannon said cryptically, clucking to the matched bays he’d borrowed from Lionel Carrington.
