"You look tired, Katey," Ben asked in his lilting southern drawl after swallowing a mouthful of crispy bacon. "Did you not sleep well?"
Katey looked up and saw that all eyes were trained upon her, waiting for an explanation. Ben was right, she was tired, but a split second of stage fright kept her from answering right away. She cleared her throat and said, "I'm fine."
"Are you still having those dreams?" Logan asked, concern laced in every syllable. He reached around and firmly rubbed her upper arm in a gesture of comfort – or maybe to wake her up.
Katey bit her lips together and nodded, letting her eyes fall to the bowl of red soup in her hands.
"If you're tired, you should stay home. I can arrange for Logan to collect your homework before the end of the day." Darren was always quick to give Katey any excuse to stay home. It was better than letting her out of the house where anything could happen to her. “Ben can stay here with you,” he added.
She looked up and shook her head. "Really, I'm fine. It's just..." Katey hesitated again, keeping her eyes focused on a crack in the back-splash behind where all the others stood.
Before the change, and even shortly after, she wouldn't have been so eager to confess her deepest thoughts and fears. Darren had made it perfectly clear that they should all be honest with each other. There was no point in keeping secrets from her pack, especially from Logan or her alpha. There was to be no dissension between them. What one loup-garou knew, they all would know. Secrets and lies only created rifts between them as a pack and Katey understood that all too well after the stunts she had played after being turned.
"I dream about my parents so much, but I miss them. How can you miss someone you barely know or have ever met?"
"But you did meet them," Dustin offered. "You told us about that yourself."
They didn't talk much about the time when Katey died. They rarely ever spoke of what happened up in Alaska and Canada at all. They especially never talked about how they could have been hunted down like animals on a snowy mountainside, shot down by silver bullets from the vampires who had trapped them there.
Katey had told them all about those sixty seconds when she was dead, how she met her parents and talked to them for the first time, but she would have sounded ungrateful to say that it wasn't enough to satisfy her curiosity about who they were. She knew that her father was a loup-garou, and her mother a vampire. Michael had told her all about their tumultuous relationship and short-lived family life.
She didn't know their characters, their pasts, their personalities. She had nothing to understand who they were or what parts of them were living in her that she didn't even know about.
Darren and Dustin had no knowledge of their fathers, the ones who had given them the gene to become loup-garou. They had never even seen their fathers. She was far more privileged than they were and had no room to complain.
"I know, but I guess I wish I just had more time with them."
Logan pulled her closer and sweetly kissed the crown of her head. There were no words that could be exchanged at a time like this. There was no consoling a living being, who had a long time to wait to be reunited with her dead loved ones. Any death for Katey would be far too soon, as long as the council was still to be formed and devoid of proper leadership. She needed to stay alive for the sake of the future of both loups-garous and vampires – whatever that future would be.
Instead of continuing the grave subject of death and the afterlife, Katey asked, "Can I practice changing again after school?"
From the thoughtful, unsure faces on those of her pack members, Katey knew what the answer might have been. She had been deep in training almost every day for the last two weeks, working at getting closer and closer to changing into her wolf form at will. It was a small step toward learning how to change into her loup-garou form for the ceremony, but she could tell her dogged determination was starting to annoy the others. Every day Katey, Logan, and one of the pack members were outside in the cold, pushing the edges of her will power and coaxing the wolf out into the open. Still, they had no luck.
Katey could feel it coming, though, and just one more try could mean a breakthrough. She thought perhaps the assurance that she could transform at will would give her some insight into her parents or validation in her mission to restore peace. Maybe she would receive a message somehow, anything to give her some guidance.
"Don't you think you need a break?" Ben asked. She knew that he, above all others, was growing impatient with her efforts. As the omega, he was the one assigned to look after her most of the time. If it was one thing Ben hated, it was to have his personal time stolen away by pack responsibilities.
Yet, he was far from weak. Sometimes, he could be perfectly intimidating, and somehow, she could sense he was just as strong and deadly as Dustin – the beta. It was something she hadn’t quite noticed before they left for Alaska, but she could sure sense it now.
"I felt a real difference yesterday. I think if I just push a little harder next time, I can do it."
Logan shifted uncomfortably, and Katey instantly felt ashamed for her blatant disregard for his feelings on the matter. He accompanied her during the training sessions to serve as moral support, but he had trained just as much in the past and never had any luck at changing at will.
He was still only able to change at his time of the month and never more unless violently provoked. It was pure speculation, but Katey thought perhaps he considered himself beyond help, like he would never change and shouldn't even bother trying. He had never tried with her, and she thought that could be the difference that helped him finally shatter the glass ceiling that stopped him each time.
"We can try one more time," Darren finally said. "But if you don't make it this time, you're giving it a rest for another week before trying again."
Katey wanted to contest such a plan. If she didn't change, then that meant another week of rest that would only postpone the mating ceremony. Then again, if Logan didn't take action, there might never be a ceremony. Such a thought did not settle well with Katey and a knot formed in her stomach.
As if sensing her unease, Logan squeezed her shoulder. "You'll get it soon, Katey. You've been making great progress."
She smiled up at him and nuzzled her cheek against his shoulder. Even when he felt defeated, Logan cheered her on and supported her in her training like no one else could. Darren and Dustin could spend all day telling her she was doing a good job, but Logan's word was the only one that mattered.
The others finished off their plates, rinsed them in the sink and left to finish getting ready, leaving Katey and Logan alone. Before she could open her mouth to speak, Logan had whisked the bowl out of her hands and sat her up on the countertop.
She giggled as he rested his massive hands on her knees and leaned in to give her another breathtaking kiss. Lacing her fingers in his hair, she held him close until they were both satisfied enough to release their hold on one another.
"Do the dreams bother you that much?" he asked, keeping his voice low so the others upstairs might not be able to discern all his words. They all had impeccable hearing, so it may not have mattered anyway, but it gave their conversation a level of intimacy Katey enjoyed.
"They don't bother me so much as make me miss my parents more somehow."
"I remember you told me that when you're with me at nights, you don't have the dreams." Logan took a strand of her hair between his fingers and lovingly twirled it as if it were the most fascinating thing on the planet.
Katey nodded. "I know, but I feel like we're going behind Darren's back when we do that."
"We're not making love. We're simply sleeping in the same bed." How Logan’s tune had changed since the first night they slept together in the same bed. She remembered how wary he was of her intentions at first. Now, he was the one to reassure her nothing scandalous was going on.
Katey's cheeks reddened at the thought of being completely naked and exposed before Logan. It was a concept she would h
ave to get used to in time, especially once they had mated, but he did have a point. They weren't doing anything lascivious by sharing a bed and nothing more. Logan had long ago made it perfectly clear that he wanted to save such an act for marriage and Katey respected his views.
"I know, but... I'm just not sure if I want to give up the dreams altogether."
Logan dropped the lock of hair and nodded, showing his slight disappointment in her answer.
"But," she recovered, "I can still stay with you some nights. I'm just saying I don't want to all the time. Not yet."
Logan gave her a smug half smile and nodded in agreement.
A slow grin curled across Katey's face as she watched the morning light dance in Logan's eyes like tiny crystals scattered across steely blue disks, so full of the deep love he gave to her every single day. Even on the days they quarreled and bickered about trivial things, Katey always knew he loved her.
If anyone knew their story, how he nearly drove them apart with his grief over changing her and jealousy toward any man who dared to look at her the wrong way, they might have thought her crazy for staying by his side.
Katey didn’t want to remember those fights or the heartache that stemmed from not knowing where they stood as a couple. Some might have advised her to leave him and his overbearing tendencies, but Katey could never do such a thing. She had loved him since soon after they met and that had never changed, despite their rocky start.
Their love was not a question, not anymore.
The same could be said for the rest of her pack, though, their love was purely platonic. They cared for her as if she were their sister or daughter, especially Darren. The alpha was already in a fatherly role, there to protect and guard his wards, but Katey felt his tenderness in the way he spoke to her and catered to her wishes. He was wrapped around her finger, whether he realized it or not. There was always the dominant edge in his commands that let her know she was not in charge of this pack. They were the family she never had growing up; the family she had always wanted.
In a short time, so much had happened to turn Katey's life completely upside down, but in the disheveling, something glorious came forth that seemed to wrap everything up in a neat little package. Meeting Logan and becoming a loup-garou was all part of some master plan, an ancient prophecy, but just like he had once told her that day in the cemetery near Morrisville, they all made choices. If she had not been there that cold December night, none of this would have come to pass. If he hadn’t loved her so deeply, so desperately, he would have never changed her into what she was now.
"What are you smiling about?" Logan asked, a similar grin on his face.
Katey scrunched her shoulders and wrinkled her nose like a giddy child. "Because I'm happy."
His face lit up with an entirely new level of joy that Katey had only seen once before when she accepted his proposal. Leaning in for another kiss, he held her head between his strong hands. When he pulled away, each pair of lips gliding against the other, he said, "You don't know how glad I am to hear that."
Katey leaned her forehead against his. "Help me to understand."
"For as long as I've known you, I've wanted to mend the brokenness inside. To know that you are truly happy here with me tells me I've done what I sought to do."
What he said was the truth. Before Logan, before she even knew about loups-garous, Katey had been a walking disaster. Depression hung over her shoulders like a heavy mantel, like some punishment for a crime she wasn't even aware of. When Logan came, so did the sunshine and Katey was released from her burden. To this day, she never understood what it was that lifted her sentence of misery and unfounded despair. It didn’t matter now, not while he was still with her.
She pulled back a bit and tilted her head. "Does this mean you're done with me?"
Logan peered at her in confusion. "How could I ever be done with you?"
"You accomplished your goal, so now are you ready to move onto the next challenge?" Katey wasn't the least bit fearful by what he said. She didn't truly believe he would ever leave. They were stuck with each other for life, if not eternity. Her words were merely a tease.
Logan wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her toward the edge of the counter, her belly pressed against his rock-hard diaphragm and legs split over his hips. A breath escaped from her lips as he held her so tightly, her body practically perched on the edge of the counter with only his powerful arms to support her.
"I will never be done with you," he whispered, his sweet breath engulfing her face. "If I ever left you, my soul would split in two. One-half would remain with you, and the other would wither away to nothing. I'm nothing without you."
Katey gave him a toothy grin and giggled. "So poetic."
"It's the truth."
"I know it,” she replied, her voice thick with emotion. “And the same would happen to me if I ever left you."
Logan smirked. "So, we're stuck together, huh?"
Katey nodded. "Happily stuck."
They drowned themselves into one more kiss just before Darren, Dustin, and Ben began filing down the stairs and collecting their briefcases from the living room. Logan was shameless and refused to let go of her.
Darren poked his head around the corner and narrowed his eyes. "Logan, let her eat. You don't have much time before you both need to get on the road."
With his alpha's prodding, Logan reluctantly released Katey and helped her down from the counter.
Chapter Two
With Katey’s hand firmly gripped in Logan’s, they walked through the north entrance of the high school. The halls were already teeming with bustling teenagers and faculty as they made ready for another day. Katey smiled as she watched some hustle to first period while others leaned against the painted brick walls and talked with their friends.
She remembered the first time she walked through the halls as a newly turned loup-garou. The chaotic cacophony of laughter and shouts were overwhelming. Not to mention the myriad of odors and scents that assaulted her newly refined senses. It had been a harrowing ordeal, to say the least. Now, Katey had learned to tune them out and focus only on what she wanted to smell and hear. With Logan’s coaching, she was able to integrate back into student life with surprising ease. Even Darren was impressed with how quickly she progressed in her training as a “pup”.
As they made their way to first period – Darren’s environmental science class – Katey met the gazes of other loup-garou students she had met in the last few weeks. Some of them had been with her pack on the trip to Alaska, and it took a while to get over the image of their dirt smudged faces behind silver bars. Against the odds, they had made a full recovery, and no human was the wiser to what they had suffered on their winter break.
Just like every other day, these loups-garous bowed their heads as a show of respect and appreciation to Katey. It was unsettling the first day they returned, and one freshman boy came up to Katey and kissed the back of her hand until it was glistening with saliva. When she looked to Logan for help, he only smiled and told her the fellow loup-garou was only expressing his gratitude.
When the freshman lifted his head, Katey recognized him as one of the younger loups-garous that was on the edge of death when they finally escaped the castle. He had a right to be grateful, and from then on, Katey took it all in stride.
A scent caught Katey’s attention, and she turned to see her friend, Lily, practically skipping through the masses toward her. Katey grinned and let Lily pounce on her with her usual bubbly giddiness. How they had maintained their friendship through their differences, Katey would never know. They were nearly exact opposites.
“It’s so good to see you!” Lily cried, tossing her wavy blonde hair over one shoulder as she pulled away from the bear hug.
Katey laughed. “It was just a weekend!”
“I know,” Lily groaned dramatically. “But you won’t believe how much fun we had at the studio last Saturday! You would have loved it.”
Katey’s
smile faltered for only a fraction of a second. Since they arrived back from Alaska, Darren pressured her into quitting her jobs. Her position at the bookstore was already slipping with her extended leave of absence, and it wasn’t hard for Katey to give it up, but Darren had wanted her to drop volunteering on the weekends at the ballroom dance studio on Main Street, at least until she had completed her training.
It broke her heart to tell Lily and Forrest. Forrest understood, but Katey could already feel the strain between her and Lily. They only shared one class together and those few minutes in passing each weekday was not enough for either of them.
Katey had one thing in common with Lily that she didn’t have with Beth, her other close friend. Lily knew about loups-garous. In fact, she was engaged to one. Lily had known about loups-garous long before Katey did. She was the only human to know her secret and Lily was like a lifeline to Katey in more ways than one.
The few times they were able to talk on the phone, Katey splurged details about her struggle to get a hold of pack dynamics and all the difficulties in learning to change. Instead of being horrified or disgusted, Lily offered advice based off her own experiences with Forrest and his pack, the Devians. Katey felt as though she had more freedom to talk to her than Beth or sometimes even Logan. Although, she was sure Logan heard every word of their conversations on the phone.
“I wish I could have been there too,” Katey replied. This past weekend had been consumed with training and staying cooped up in the house.
Lily’s eyes glanced to Logan, and she lost a little of her excitement. “I understand why you couldn’t be there,” she said as they began to walk together toward the hallway where Katey’s locker was located. “Maybe Darren will let you come out to the next party. It’ll be this weekend. Plenty of time to plan.”
Beast Within (Loup-Garou Series Book 3) Page 2
