by Unknown
“Honey, are you sure it really has to be over?” She tilted her head, pausing before she spoke again. “I mean, it seemed like you really liked him and things were just getting started. What happened?”
I was still sniffling and the heavy weight in my chest threatened to release another flow of tears as I tried to pull the right words forward. I used an old trick Rynna had taught me growing up when my father was having a particularly bad day. I pictured all of my sadness over walking away from Aidan as a ball inside of me. I rolled the ball of emotions tighter and tighter together until it went from feeling like a basketball down to a ping pong ball. Then, I mentally put it in a closet and walked away. It took all of ten seconds to do this in my head but when I opened my eyes, I felt like I could breathe. Like I could actually explain myself.
Bethany was still holding my hands in hers and she gave them a comforting squeeze as I opened my mouth to speak. “It’s complicated, B. But, it just wasn’t meant to be. I mean, you saw how he just walked away the other day. He’s just a player. He just wanted a new shiny thing to play with and I was the flavor of the month.” I wanted my words to be true. I said them with a confidence I absolutely didn’t feel and Bethany seemed to have her own issues reconciling the words.
“Are you sure, Ame? He really seemed into you from what I saw. Maybe you’re reacting a little too strongly on this one. I know guy stuff is kind of new to you, but maybe you need to give him a chance. Clearly you aren’t happy about this decision.”
She just wanted to help, for me to be happy, but if I kept debating this with her I would either break down again or I would end up telling her the truth.
“Look, B, I know you mean well, but this is one of those things I need you to just stay out of.” I pulled my hands from hers and tried not to wince at the shock on her face. Her southern propriety took over a split-second later and she plastered a fake smile on her face. “Well, okie doke. This one’s your call, girl. I’m just gonna stay out of it.” Her voice was too chipper and I immediately knew I had hurt her feelings.
“B. Damn it. I’m sorry. I didn’t —” She cut me off before I could even finish. “Nope. Don’t even do it. It’s fine, girl.” She waved it away as if it were an annoying fly buzzing around her. “It’s just fine,” she said. “But, I need to head out to the library. I’ll just see you later.”
Within minutes, she was gone, and I felt more alone than I had in weeks.
I had a day without Aidan in my classes and the reprieve was better than I had imagined. I hadn’t stopped thinking about him for a moment, but not having to stare at the back of his head and watch him walk past me without even acknowledging my existence was something I needed. Unfortunately, I couldn’t seem to get a reprieve from Micah, who was driving me crazy.
“You realize we still need to have a conversation, right?” he asked for the fifth time this week. I groaned in response.
“Yes, Micah. Yes, I’ve heard you each and every time you’ve asked. But, I’m not ready to have that conversation and I have bigger stuff going on right now than having a bonding session with you over things we shouldn’t be talking about in public anyway.” Part of me knew this conversation with Micah was the reason I was here. All I had wanted was to have someone explain to me what was happening inside me. Micah though, I didn’t trust him. I hadn’t trusted him when I thought he was just a guy and I surely didn’t trust him knowing he was a Mage. I was just going to have to find my answers elsewhere.
“You do realize he isn’t good enough for you, right? That you can do better?” His words were sharp and cut me to the quick. Fire raced through my veins and I turned on him.
Pushing one finger into his chest and shoving him backwards, I said, “You don’t know me, Micah. You don’t know anything about me. Don’t you dare presume to know who is or isn’t good enough for me just because we share this ridiculous thing. I didn’t ask for this and I don’t want it. I’m just stuck with it. I don’t want to talk to you about it and you can’t make me, no matter how long you follow me around.” The violet strands that wrapped around my outstretched finger pulsed brighter and brighter. Micah’s eyes widened as my eyes changed to match the magic building around me.
It took me a moment to realize everything had stopped. As I glanced back and forth in the hall, everything was frozen and the fear in Micah’s eyes was apparent as he, too, couldn’t move. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe. There had been just one other time where I had done this, I was about twelve and my father caught me trying to use my power to heal a bird I had found with a broken wing. He came storming out of the house as I was gingerly holding the small bird amid the swirling violet smoke and whispering, “Heal his wing, heal his wing, heal his wing.” Even though I thought I had been hiding in the barn, he somehow always knew when I was using my power and snatched the tiny creature from my even smaller hands. Based on the look in his eyes, the frantic “hide the truth” look I always saw when he stopped me from using my power, I just knew he would kill it to stop me from trying to help it.
I screamed as I reached out with both hands and it all stopped. Though his eyes flashed green and stayed that way, my father was completely frozen. So, I carefully took the bird from his frozen palm and ran off. I didn’t come back home for hours, terrified of how long I might be locked in my room this time, but he never spoke of it again. He did, however, give me a wide berth for a few weeks.
I looked around at the immobilized students in the hallway, took another deep breath, and whispered to myself, “Let them go, let them go, let them go.” The only thing I could think to do was tell my rogue power what I hoped it would do. It was only a few more seconds before the noises resumed and everyone continued on as if nothing had happened. Micah, on the other hand, looked a little wary. Clearing his throat, he stammered, “Well, that was, um, interesting. You, uh, might want to reign that in if you don’t want every Immortal within a hundred miles making a beeline for you.”
I simply stood there, feeling ashamed and frustrated, not even fully grasping what Micah had said until he walked away. Why would I be drawing anyone to me? Couldn’t everyone do this stuff?
Chapter 7
That was two. Between the night on the cliffs and my run-in with Micah, that was two major magical outbursts and Cole had to be looped in. He’d been my constant, even when he was gone, and I always told him when I learned something new about myself. He had been mentally cataloging all of my random acts for years and trying to figure out why my power was so different from everyone else’s while he traveled the country. We knew we were Elders and that Elders were supposed to be pretty powerful, but now knowing Queen Julia killed them all, it made sense that they were another thing no one talked about. Just like AniMages. So, there were no records specifically of the female Elders’ scope of power, no stories told at school or history lessons on the heroines of our time. My violet eyes were a dead giveaway for anyone who at least knew that much about Elders, but even those people seemed few and far between. The Mages I had grown up with never saw me lose control, so they never commented on my distinctive power color.
I walked into the gym to find Cole in his office. I didn’t knock; instead, I just dropped into the seat in front of his desk. Without even looking up, Cole said, “You have something to tell me?”
I was standing there, mouth agape. “How do you do that, Cole? How do you always know?” I never got used to him being able to read me like that.
He finally looked up and his eyes gave away the concern he had been trying to hide. “Ame, I felt you before you even walked in the door. Something happened that you didn’t like and it’s hurting you. I can feel it all.” He shook his head in clear exasperation. “We’ve got to find someone who can help you start to hide that stuff. I just wish I knew how to help,” he sighed, also constantly frustrated that his own power wasn’t consistent or easy to explain.
“It’s happening again,” I said. “The random stuff I don’t mean to do. Well, I guess one of the ti
mes I meant to, but then I was blasting rocks apart and it felt really good. But, today…today I froze a hallway of people. All of them, Cole.”
I went from remembering the high of being out on those cliffs to the low of knowing I had affected so many people unintentionally. I know I didn’t hurt them, but I shouldn’t be able to just do this kind of stuff on accident.
“Oh, and after the rock blasting thing, I passed out. Like, completely dropped to the ground and lost a few hours.” Those words were a little more subdued. I looked up from under my lashes, a little afraid of his response. Knowing Cole was always concerned, I wasn’t shocked to find him staring at me open-mouthed.
“Just gonna toss that one out there, huh? No big deal? You passed out after blasting rocks apart on a cliff and that’s just typical Amelia, right? Froze a bunch of humans on accident. Standard week, eh?” The sentence got louder with every word and he was hollering at me by the end. I shrunk a little in my seat. “It’s one thing when you’re trying to keep a lid on your power until we figure it out. But, really, Amelia, what do you want me to do? You completely lost control and woke up hours later on some cliffs? What if something had happened to you? How am I supposed to react when you tell me about this stuff?”
His accusing tone set me off in the complete opposite direction and I stood up to do some yelling of my own. “You? How are you supposed to react? I don’t know, Cole, I’m not sure how I am supposed to react. I froze those people today in the hall while Micah was yelling at me about ‘us Mages needing to stick together’ for the umpteenth time and I couldn’t unfreeze them. I didn’t know how to unfreeze them because I didn’t actually mean to freeze them in the first place. And, on the cliffs? That… that was amazing. That was the first time I’ve ever gotten to use my power the way I wanted to and it felt great. I felt whole and alive and real. And then, I crumpled. I couldn’t even stay awake. So, you want to talk to me about what you’re supposed to do? I don’t give a damn what you’re supposed to do. You just drop the bomb on me that I’m the last female Elder and, in all likelihood, I’m going to get used and abused by some psychopath, and I’m supposed to worry about how you’re reacting?” I could only take shallow breaths as I struggled to tamp down the panic building inside me.
Cole put one hand up. Paired with the shock on his face, I just stopped talking. “Micah? Who is Micah? And how does he know you’re a Mage? And what the hell are you doing hanging out with other Mages, Amelia?”
Ah, crap. I hadn’t meant to tell Cole about Micah in this way but my big mouth never ceased to cause trouble. “Um. Well. First, let’s be clear that I don’t hang out with other Mages. He’s dating B and he’s just always around. It’s not my choice.”
Cole snorted and I knew what was coming. He was forever making fun of Bethany or complaining about how prissy she was. “Of course, your pageant queen roommate would find herself dating a Mage. Of course.”
“I don’t know why she bothers you so much, Cole. Bethany is seriously my only friend and she’s great. I don’t know what I’d do without her. Anyway, there was an incident in class one day where I, uh, fell over some chairs and when I woke up, Micah was there and my eyes had changed. We realized we had something in common and he’s been bugging me about it ever since. Wanting to help me or something, but I don’t know what he means.” I selectively chose to leave out all of the parts having to do with Aidan. I’d made my choice, so there was no real need to explain him to Cole. “I’m just happy I finally figured out what it was about him that kept setting off my internal alarms. I guess I always knew there was something different about him, now I know what.” I shrugged even though, in my mind, I felt like there was something I was still missing about the situation.
“Wait, Amelia. What do you mean you knew?” Cole looked confused, but I could tell his own wheels were turning. Before I could respond, he smacked his palm down onto the desk with a grin. “Yes! I remember hearing about this! This is one of those Elder powers. You can sense other Immortals. Everyone’s radar is a bit different, but that’s one of your gifts. What did it feel like? How did you know?”
Cole was still leaned across his desk, both hands resting on the top, eagerly waiting for me to tell him some great story. Unfortunately, the reality was much less entertaining. “I don’t really know. I can feel him, and he feels weird. Whenever he’s around, I feel like someone is watching me. Like I want to get away from him. I don’t know. Maybe my radar is broken?”
I started braiding my hair as I thought back on all of my interactions with Micah. It was a nervous tick of mine to twirl the strands together while I pieced things together in my head. “Come to think of it, a lot of my outbursts have been when he was around. I think maybe my power recognizes that there’s other power around or something.”
I looked back across the desk and realized Cole wasn’t even listening. He had sat back down in his desk chair and was using his feet to toss himself left and right. I could see he was deep in thought but my curiosity outweighed any politeness I should have had. “Hey! You! Cole!” I barked out the words and he jumped in the chair. “What’s going on up there?” I asked, tapping my temple.
A slow smile spread across Cole’s face. “Micah. He’s our solution. We need to find out what he knows and see if he can help you!”
I jumped to my feet. “NO! No, Cole. I know what you’re thinking and I’m not going to manipulate him. I can barely even stand the guy and you want me to cozy up to him? And what about B? How am I supposed to explain why I’m spending time with her boyfriend, huh?”
“Tell the princess you need a tutor or something. I don’t care what you tell her. Amelia, we need more help than we even know. Maybe this kid can do something we haven’t been able to do ourselves. At the very least, maybe he can introduce us to other people in the area. You don’t know how hard it is to break into these ranks of people. We don’t belong anywhere. We don’t have family lines we can point to without giving away our Elder ties. We need an in. He could be our in!”
I started to pace the length of Cole’s office. I saw his point. I didn’t understand what he had gone through to get the information he had, but I knew it wasn’t easy. If Micah could help us at all, it could really get us somewhere. I just don’t like the guy. But, he treats Bethany well and she obviously thinks he’s great, so there’s got to be something there. I continued my internal argument for a few more passes of the office while Cole patiently watched me, waiting for me to process. Finally, I stopped and sat back down in the chair across from him.
“I’ll try to make friends with him. I won’t lie to him. I won’t manipulate him. But, I’ll see what he has to say.” Cole tried to speak but I stopped him, pointing a finger and glaring until he closed his mouth again. “I’m sick of lying, Cole. I’m sick of half-truths and hurting people in the name of secrets. Hell, I’m sick of being hurt by all the secrets. So, I’m going to really try to be his friend. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, he wasn’t meant to help us.”
He nodded and I knew he wouldn’t fight me any further. “Alight, Ame, do it your way. I get it. You’re probably right to want to do it this way. I’m too used to the secrets and having to manipulate people to get what I need out of them. Speaking of, I don’t want to get into it now, but let’s do dinner again soon so I can do some more explaining. I know you want to know everything right now, but it’s easier for me to do in pieces.” At that moment, I saw how tired he actually looked. I hadn’t seen it when I walked in, but every time he talked about Queen Julia and the stories he needed to tell me, it was as if I watched him age right before my eyes.
“Okay, Not now, but soon. I’ve gotta go anyway, but I’ll let you know how things are going. And, I know you don’t really care, but I’m going to call Ryn tonight too so I’ll let you know if Dad’s back home yet.” I glanced up, hoping I would see some sort of emotion, but all I saw was indifference in his eyes. He shrugged and came around to give me a quick hug. “Just don’t let him get to you, Ame. It
’s not worth it. Ever.” The words were quiet but the anguish behind them was a thick cloud of emotion between us.
As I walked back out to my car, I wondered what had really happened between my father and my brother. On further thought, maybe I didn’t want to know.
The nightmares have been terrible this week. I walked around in a daze of exhaustion from nights spent lost. Literally. Every night it was the same bits and pieces that I could barely recall. Fog everywhere, surrounded by trees, me calling out constantly, and gray eyes with blue flecks. It was always just his eyes, but they were everywhere. As soon as I called his name and turned toward him, they would disappear.
I hadn’t expected it to hurt this much. I hadn’t thought that stopping a relationship that had never started would feel like I was being ripped open every time Aidan walked by. He still wouldn’t speak to me, but I caught him watching me like he had in the beginning. He wasn’t hiding it. There was no anger like I thought there would be, like there had been that first day. He just simply stared while I made every attempt to not acknowledge it, to keep myself from locking eyes with him and falling directly into the smoky gray depths that wouldn’t let me back out. He was blatantly telling me without words that he wasn’t going away and I couldn’t even let myself think about what that meant.
I was stronger than this. I had to be. Cole and I had dinner last night and, after another story-telling session, I was even more convinced that I had to remain on course. I still didn’t understand what deal my father had struck to allow me to stay with him and not be taken directly to Queen Julia. She could force me into this marriage but hopefully I could do something good with it. I sighed as I heard Cole’s story rolling through my head once again. He spoke of torture chambers, of Hunters forcing themselves into people’s mind and extracting the information they wanted. He spent a good deal of time going through the exile of the AniMages.
