by Unknown
“I’ve never been a jealous person, at least not until recently. I got all bent out of shape about you helping Paul. I knew you were doing the right thing, for the right reason, but I couldn’t help myself. I can’t stand feeling like this.”
Max didn’t look at me - here I was expecting him to come right out and tell me he was as madly in love with me as I was with him, and he was talking about Paul? Then my mind flashed to last night and Paul’s misinterpretation of my help as some sort of a come on, and the guilt began to wash over me.
“I trust you. I just hope you get that I’ve never cared so much for anyone before, and I’m not very good at showing it – without coming off like a jerk.”
I was taken so much by surprise, which is doubly amazing given that thirty seconds ago I was sure he was going to use the “L” word. “Max, from the first time I realized who you were, there was never a doubt in my mind that you would never have to share me with anyone.”
“Realized who I was? I don’t understand. What do you mean?”
“Max there’s so much I want to talk to you about.” I paused, nervous that I could potentially spoil our perfect day. There was no need to rush to start analyzing my dreams. How much was safe to say? His hand was still on my arm, and without thinking it through, I quietly added, “But it’s kind of a long story, and I know you have to get going to work.”
“We don’t have to leave this minute. What do you mean by when you realized who I was?”
“I told you about those dreams I had before we met?” He nodded that he remembered. “Well, it was really just one dream – the same one lots of times.”
“So was I on the beach working on my tan or what?”
“Before I get into the specifics on the dream I need to make sure you know that I . . . that I’m not making . . . I mean it’s not a joke. . .”
“Lauren, I’m not laughing. What was your dream?”
“It was you, Max. The whole thing, it was about meeting you and spending the rest of my life with you. Gawd I feel like an idiot.” I tried to bury my face in my hands.
Max stepped over his chair and scooped me up, then sat back down with me lying across him. Suddenly I had no desire to talk about the dream, about how hopelessly in love with him I felt, about anything. I wanted to pick up exactly where we had left off last night in his truck. This time my hands found a lot of exposed skin.
His hands held both my arms at my side, when he asked, “Lauren, I really want to know, what was this dream about?”
“Before I scare you off with the dream . . . I think it only fair . . . I mean you should know . . . I mean I want you to know . . .” tongue-tied I couldn’t say it.
“Just say it.”
“Max, I’m so in love with you I can’t think straight.” I can’t believe I just told him I loved him. This was his chance to bolt, but realistically hearing this was way easier to swallow than hearing the details from the dream I’ve had of him for the last four years.
I felt his fingers lifting my chin, and I still kept my eyes averted not wanting for the love I was feeling not to be returned. Max’s voice was gentle when he asked, “Lauren, look at me.” I looked up and saw softness mixed with apprehension staring back at me. “Lauren, if you don’t mean it - take it back.”
Take it back? Was he serious?
He pulled me to him in a tight embrace, silence the only thing between us. He whispered in my ear, “I need to know that I’m not imagining what you just said. My imagination has been in high gear lately, and I need to know that you really just told me that you love me.”
I nodded, not able to get a word out.
“Lauren, I know you don’t know me very well, or at least not as well as I would like you to. But you have to understand that if it were in my power to create a person, more than a person - a partner, I would have created you.” My stomach started doing summersaults.
“From the moment I saw you in the restaurant that night, my life changed. I could hardly concentrate on your injuries because I was so taken with you. That ride to the hospital was a nightmare; you’d lost so much blood and you just kept bleeding.
I was fixated on trying to stop the blood, while you didn’t seem to give your injuries a second thought. You’d just been shot, your body was leaking like a sieve, and your heart started failing. When your heart stopped, I begged you to stay. Did you know that?”
Max paused…I couldn’t form an answer.
“I did heart compressions on you for twenty minutes, all the way to the operating room. All I could do was pump your heart for you, until we got to the hospital, and I screamed at the doctor to get your heart going again. I don’t know how many times I called the hospital that night trying to find out where you were and how you were doing. When Dr. Gracie called me the next morning to tell me he had talked to you, and you were fine, I can tell you I didn’t think I would ever have a more significant moment in my life.”
I stared at Max in disbelief. We’d been taking things so slowly, I was clueless that he felt so strongly.
“That was until two nights later when we kissed, and it felt like gravity had let go, and you were a magnet holding me in place. I promised myself I wouldn’t say anything to scare you off, but you need to know that even though I didn’t want to wait three months to see you, I would have waited three years if I had to.”
Max left me speechless. My thoughts were in a flurry. Max felt the same draw I did. Could he have had the same dream I did? This attraction between us – how could it be so strong? Hearing his description of the night we met gave me goose bumps. I leaned closer to him and rested my head on his shoulder.
It didn’t sound like there was one note of humor in anything he had just shared. “Max, I’ve never been in love before.”
It was Max’s turn to be silent. No reaction came for a long time; he was looking at me and I couldn’t read his expression. I’ve always been able to read anyone, even strangers who I only glimpse for a few seconds. Max was different. Other than that warmth a few minutes ago, he’d been like a blank sheet of paper – it drove me crazy to guess.
Finally, Max whispered, “At this point I’ve been trying to take it as slow as possible, not wanting to smother you. I would move a mountain one bucket of dirt at a time if you asked me to.” He took a deep breath. “The day I decided to give you some room and let you deal with the Seth situation was one of the hardest days of my life. I couldn’t get you outta my head, and I couldn’t stand to see you with Seth. I knew if I didn’t give you space, I would be this enormously jealous guy who you would end up hating. So I took the easy way out - I left. But what you don’t realize is from that very first moment, I knew you were the reason for me to breathe.” His amazing green eyes never dropped my gaze, and he took both my hands in his. “I don’t want to take you back to the city, I want you to stay here with me. At least for a little while.” Max, without even a trace of apology in his voice, led me to his bedroom.
Max laid me on his bed gently and climbed in beside me. His hand was gliding over my arm and he leaned into my ear, “Lauren, I love you.”
If I don’t tell him now, I don’t know that I will ever have the courage to tell him in the future. “Max, can I tell you something really embarrassing?”
He kissed my shoulder, “You can tell me anything.”
“That night in the ambulance, do you remember what I said to you?”
“Are you kidding me? Of course I remember, I remember everything about that night. You might say that you made an impression on me.”
“This is going to sound insane, so much so that I wasn’t sure I could ever tell you, but if I don’t tell you now, I may not ever have the nerve again.” He was paying attention, so I continued. “That dream that I had about you, before we met?” Max nodded. “In my dream you told me that we were each other’s destiny; that we would meet soon. You told me that we had certain things we had to accomplish while we were alive, and you and I chose each other before we were born. It
was important that we be together. You told me that my courage was what would bring me to you. I know how it sounds, but I swear I’m not making it up. I wouldn’t even tell you at all except in every dream you told me that you wouldn’t remember me, that I would have to help you remember.”
He looked a little skeptical, “In your dream I told you that I wouldn’t know you?”
“The first time I had it, when I woke up I thought it was the strangest dream ever. I was so surprised by the clarity of it that I was embarrassed to share it with anyone. It was so vivid, it felt more like we had been two people talking all night long than it did any outrageous fantasy. Then I kept having it, night after night, since I was in high school. If that isn’t bad enough, that lady Rewsna I told you about? She knew all about my dream, even though I’ve never told anyone, ever.”
Max hesitated as if he didn’t want to offend me, then quietly asked, “So we’re supposed to be together to accomplish what?”
“I wish I knew. You told me that my courage would bring me to you; that was how we were going to meet. So when I saw you in the restaurant that night everything clicked. I knew why I knew the robber was dangerous before he ever got to the counter. I knew the bullet was meant for me before he ever pulled the trigger.”
“I’m not sure what you want me to do about this? Coming from anyone else I would think it a little far-fetched, but…”
“But what? Do you know something?”
He shook his head, “Not the way you’re talking about it. But I can feel an energy when I’m near you. The night in the hospital when I first kissed you, I felt like a jolt of electricity came from you into me. I can’t describe it, but I knew there was something about you that wasn’t like anyone else. What else happened in the dream?”
He’s actually asking; maybe if I just tell him the words he’ll know what they mean. “You said something about Empathy, Trust, Virtue and….Passion.”
“What? What did I say about them?” These words meant no more to him than the definitions from a dictionary. His confusion was understandable. I remember the dream, and I’m just as confused.
“You told me courage would bring me to you. Not typical courage like reciting a report in front of a class, but real courage. When the thing happened at the restaurant, I wasn’t trying to be courageous, it just happened. Then when I saw you in the ambulance, I nearly panicked, not because I felt I was in any real danger, but because it was clear my dream was coming true. You held my hand in the ambulance, and it was too much, my body felt like it was out of control. I know that you think it was from all the blood I lost, but I was fine until you touched me: my heart was trying to tell me who you were. When I woke up the next day, I thought the whole thing must have been my imagination, but then you came to my room, and . . . and I knew that it really did happen, and my dream was really coming true.”
I knew how irrational this sounded, and I wondered what he must be thinking. After a few seconds of silence, he asked, “So empathy, trust, virtue and passion: you don’t have any idea what that is about?”
“You told me that I had to be courageous on my own, but that you would help me with the other four.”
A wicked smile flashed, “I’ve got to tell you that I don’t expect passion to be too difficult with you, and I am happy to oblige.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at him. Here I was basically telling him that I was completely off the deep end, and he was making a joke. “I wouldn’t tell you any of this at all, except you told me that you wouldn’t remember any of this when we met in person, and it was my job to make you remember. Then when I met Rewsna, she told me the same thing. Believe me, I know exactly how crazy this all sounds, but in my dream you were so insistent, and you were the one with all the answers.”
“Okay, I believe you. Whatever passion thing you dreamt about, I’ve got some ideas in that area.” He pressed his body against me while his tongue made its way up my neck. I responded by pressing hard against him as my lips found his mouth and crushed hard against his. Our kissed deepened as a moan escaped him.
Max ever so gently eased away from me. When I opened my eyes, he looked down into them with his amazing speckled green eyes. Uncertain why he had moved from me, I asked, “Did I do something wrong?”
“Lauren, no - you haven’t done anything wrong. I think we’d better slow down before we start doing everything right.” The restraint in his body was evident, with every muscle in his arm rigid and bulging.
I was naïve, more so than I wanted to be. I didn’t have skills in seduction. My only experience had been hearing stories from my girlfriends and watching hundreds of movies. I didn’t want this moment to end and definitely wanted the fire within me to continue to burn. I whispered, “It’s okay, I really want this.”
Max looked torn, “This is too soon. No matter how bad I want it to happen, I don’t want it to happen now.”
“Max, I’ve been dreaming of you for so long. I don’t want us to stop.”
“Lauren, it isn’t the right time. I really need to get you home.” This time Max let go of me completely and rolled away.
Panic intertwined with rejection, in a near whisper but loud enough for him to hear, “Max, don’t go. If you don’t want me, I won’t push it, but don’t go yet.”
“Don’t want you? Lauren, I’ve never wanted anything in my whole life the way I want to be with you right now.”
Max eased back over to me and slid his body to mine. He was shaking, his hands moved to my face, “You don’t get it. I love you. I’ll be with you until my last breath. Can you blame me for wanting to savor you a little?” He pulled me in close and began caressing me gently from my shoulder to my hips, he whispered how much he loved me while I felt his heat against me. His words of loved acted as a lullaby and without meaning to, I fell gently to sleep in his arms.
Chapter Twenty-four
I woke up with a start at about eight p.m., I turned around to see Max, and to my surprise he was wide awake.
“Aren’t you supposed to be working right now?”
“I texted one of the off-going guys and asked him to cover me for a couple hours, but I do need to get to work.” The whole day felt like a dream I didn’t want to wake up from. The ride home with Max was euphoric, as we sat together sharing more easy conversation. Before I realized it, we were parked outside my house. Reluctantly we said our goodbyes for the evening, and I floated over the sidewalk and up to the front porch.
I looked at my watch, and it was just after nine on Friday. I walked over to Seth’s garage and peeked in the window - his car was gone. So much for checking in to see how he and Amanda were getting along.
I debated whether to go into my house or not. I grabbed my cell phone and decided to call Paul to see how his night was going.
Paul said, “Seth and Rachael went out to get your graduation present. I was thinking of going out for a coffee. Do you want to go with me?”
I definitely didn’t want to hang out with my parents on a Friday night. Who knew when Rachael or Seth would be back, and Max would be working all night. Coffee and conversation sounded pretty good right now. “Sure, if you don’t mind picking me up?”
Ten minutes later Paul’s car pulled up in front of my house. He told me about his day and helping his grandmother in the yard. He seemed to be paying an awful lot of attention to his rear view mirror as we drove.
I finally asked, “Is everything all right?”
“I keep seeing a gray sedan, like we’re being followed.”
This didn’t make any sense: if he was now cooperating with the police, had given a full statement, provided an alibi, why would they be following him now? It couldn’t be that they didn’t believe him? I couldn’t help but be obvious when I angled myself so I could get a better view of the sedan behind us through the passenger side mirror. What possible reason could the police have for following him? He was out on bail. They could search him anytime they wanted.
Scenarios started playing throu
gh my head: a rogue detective who didn’t believe Paul’s statement, a rookie cop who was trying to make a name for himself, someone personally connected with the victims using his authority to influence the investigation. I’d seen all these scenarios on television and in movies, but something kept making me angle and re-angle the mirror to try to get a better look at the driver. As I was adjusting the angle, the car eased back, from about four car lengths back to a city block. I saw its turn signal before it disappeared around a corner.
“Holy crap, Paul! Are you trying to make me a nervous wreck? The car just turned. We weren’t being followed.”
Paul made a right hand turn into an alley, driving to the back of the alley where there was a small parking lot big enough for maybe six cars. He looped around the lot so he was able to drive the car into a dark shadow and cut the lights. From fifteen feet we were nearly invisible, but we could see the lighted street clearly. “Sorry, Lauren, I just feel like…”
I cut him off, “Like you’re going stir crazy, like you’ve been watching too much TV? Maybe your mind is playing tricks on you, you know? I get that this has been a hard week on you, and I don’t blame you a bit for going a little schitzo, but how long are we going to sit in this alley?”
“If it was a cop, he would have flashed his lights for me to pull over. But if for some reason,” he stopped in mid sentence. Slowly a gray sedan eased past the alley. The occupant was looking down the alley right in our direction – as soon as I was starting to believe he had found us his head swung abruptly to the left as he peered down a dark alley on the opposite side of the street. My heart leapt - The way it did only when Max was within a few yards of me, then began racing so fast it felt like it was going to pump clean out of my chest.
In a very calm authoritative voice, one I didn’t even know I was capable of, “When he clears the alleyway, slowly drive forward. Don’t turn your lights on until right before we’re on the street. Stay on the main street. See if you can get close enough to him to read his license plate.”
