Angie set the cup of tea down in front of her and she took the seat at the end of the table. “Oh, I think you do. I’m not new at this mom thing, Harmony. I’ve got a dozen kids and we’ve been through everything together. I have a daughter who recently told me she’s tried to find a man and fall in love but she’s decided being single is the best alternative for her. I have a son in South America because he feels responsible for the death of a friend. I have a son whose wife admitted to us just months ago that she is an alcoholic.” Angie’s brows inched up a notch and she smiled. “Surprised by how real the Coopers are?”
Harmony shook her head as she mulled the information and then she met the kindness in Angie’s eyes. “No, I’m not surprised. I know that you are real and you’re kind.”
“And real means that we have real sins, real forgiveness and a very real attitude toward life. We all make mistakes. We all stumble and fall. We choose to stay down or get back up. You are on your feet, Harmony, and moving forward. It doesn’t mean you won’t fall from time to time, but it’s all about being real with the people in your life, being able to tell the truth and ask for help when you need help.”
Harmony sipped at the tea. And looked up, meeting Angie’s steady gaze. “Thank you. I think that Dawson is helping me find the person I used to be. She kind of got lost in everything else I was going through.”
“She was never lost.” Angie patted her hand. “You were just determined to turn her into someone else. It happens to all of us. Pain can make us do crazy things. I almost left my husband once, years ago. And now, because I didn’t, we have this life and we have children and grandchildren. We won because I didn’t quit.”
Pain makes a person do crazy things, Angie had said. As Harmony settled into bed a short time later she thought about the pain, and how it had started long before the accident. The emotional pain, not knowing how she fit in a family of people who seemed perfect. The pain of being abandoned, though, had been the pain that started it all. She was the Cross who shouldn’t have been a Cross. She was the child rejected by a mother who couldn’t love her enough to stay clean.
The emotional pain had been covered up with rebellion and alcohol. The physical pain, and the pain of losing Amy, had been covered up with pills.
She knew the steps to recovery. She knew how to move forward. She also knew that, no matter what Angie Cooper said, she couldn’t put Dylan or his two precious kids in the path of destruction that was her life.
* * *
Dylan led Cash and Callie through his parents’ house the next morning. He heard his mom singing to the radio, then listened as another voice joined hers. He smiled at the duet and peeked around the kitchen door to watch. Callie raced into the room, ending the song. Cash followed hot on her heels. Dylan knew a moment when everything felt right. His life. These two kids. It was starting to feel like well-worn boots, not someone else’s shoes.
This morning he’d woken up a little late and Cash had somehow climbed out of his crib and run through the bedroom door to jump on him. Callie had stood at the door, unsure. She’d looked a little sad before jumping on the bed.
His kids.
His mom paused a moment while pouring pancake batter on the griddle. She nodded toward the coffeepot. “Help yourself.”
“Thanks.” He walked into the room trying to avoid Harmony with her hair long and curly around her face and a sundress that fit a little too loose, probably one left behind by one of his sisters. They were all a little taller than she was.
“Good morning,” Harmony spoke softly. “Do you want the sugar?”
He shook his head as he poured coffee. “No, I take it just the way it is. Do you kids want juice or milk?”
“Juice,” both said in loud unison, although Cash maybe said, “Joosh.”
“Good, juice and maybe a quiet, inside voice.” He shook his head, put his coffee cup down and opened the fridge. “Orange or grape?”
One of each. He turned toward the counter and Harmony had gotten two plastic cups out for him. He started to comment that she seemed very at home here. But he let it go.
He didn’t know why he was so testy this morning. Maybe because he hadn’t slept well. Maybe because he hadn’t expected her in this kitchen with his mom, as if she belonged here in his life.
But hadn’t he just been thinking last night that he wanted her in his life? He shook his head as he poured the juice and Harmony gave him a cautious look. He managed a smile for her because he definitely didn’t want her to ask him what was wrong.
His life was just starting to feel like his life again, and here she was shaking it all up. He knew she had warned him. She’d been right. He didn’t need his life, or Cash and Callie’s lives, put back on the spin cycle. They’d been through enough. Like him, they were starting to adjust.
All of that made sense but then she walked by him, her arm brushing his. He wanted to pull her close, breathe her in, sweep her off her feet and head to Eureka Springs for a spur-of-the-moment wedding in some Victorian chapel.
“I’ve got to get out to the barn,” he mumbled instead. “Mom, can you watch the kids for a few?”
“I can.”
Harmony took the cups to the kids who were now sitting at the table.
“Thanks. I need to help Jackson and Gage move some round bales and then we’re going to move some cattle to another field. It looks like it will be a pretty full morning.”
“Did you still need my help?” She shot a look in Cash’s direction. Not that a two-year-old cared if they talked about his party, but Dylan appreciated her effort to be discreet.
He shook his head. “I’ll have to do it later.”
“I can order the cake for you, if you’d like. Trains, right?”
“Trains. Are you sure you don’t mind?”
“I really don’t.”
He watched as she carried plates of pancakes to Cash and Callie. He saw her limp, watched as she barely touched the counter for support. He felt like a creep. He opened his mouth to say something, to apologize for his bad mood.
“I should go,” he said instead.
His mom handed him a breakfast sandwich on the way out the back door. “Eat something.”
He took the offering and kissed her cheek. “Thanks, Mom.”
“Be in a better mood when you come back in or you’ll get nothing for lunch.”
“You know I’m not a morning person.”
She followed him to the back door where the two of them were alone. “No, you’ve always been a grouch in the morning. But that doesn’t excuse your rude behavior this morning. Figure out what you’re doing here, Dylan, before there’s a whole mess of people hurt. Remember, it isn’t just you now.”
“I know that.” Man, how he knew it.
As he headed for the barn the dog joined him. The border collie wagged his tail and barked a few times before running on ahead. It wasn’t just him now.
The truth of his mom’s warning hit him hard. This is what it meant when something came at a guy from left field. Unexpected.
Harmony was in the house, wondering what she’d done wrong and really, he couldn’t think of anything. He had his own stuff to figure out, he guessed.
She had hers.
They had both hit some pretty serious walls in the last year. So maybe Harmony had been right, pulling back and not stepping too deep into his life. Maybe he’d been wrong, rushing forward toward something that felt right at the moment.
He headed for the barn and saw Gage walk out the side door, whistling a song and looking altogether too happy. Layla and Gage were expecting a baby. They were as happy as two people could be.
Dylan wanted that. He’d never realized that he wanted it. He wanted someone to come home to. He wanted someone to have babies with. Yeah, he wanted the whole package. Cash and Callie should
have a real family, a mom and dad and siblings.
“Hey, you here to help?” Gage asked as he headed for the tractor parked next to the barn.
“Yeah, I guess I am. What do you want me to do?”
Gage turned to look at him. “You’re such a morning person.”
“No, I’m really not.” Dylan picked up a stick and tossed it for the dog. “I’m here to work, if you let me know what to do.”
“We’re going to finish baling that hay on the forty acres behind the house. And then I guess we’ll move the bales on the twenty.”
“I’ll start moving those bales if you’re going to take the baler. Pretty decent hay for a fall crop.” Dylan started toward the barn. “Where’s Jackson?”
“Inside, figuring out what bulls we’re taking to Oklahoma this weekend.”
“Gotcha. Okay, I’ll start moving bales.”
“You okay?” Gage called out as he walked away.
Dylan shot his brother a look. “I said I’m fine.”
Gage laughed at that. “Right, okay, we’ll go with that answer. But if you need anything...”
It irked him that his little brother thought that because he was married he could give advice. He shook his head as he climbed inside the farm truck parked in front of the barn. He was just fine. Yeah, sure his insides were twisted in knots, but he could handle that. He could handle the thought of Harmony packing up and leaving in a few weeks and how much it was going to hurt Cash and Callie.
How much it was going to hurt him.
Chapter Thirteen
Doris put away the crochet she’d been trying to explain to Harmony. “You’re not listening.”
Harmony smiled. It was Tuesday and she was going to the recovery meeting in thirty minutes. She had to admit the idea was consuming her thoughts for the moment. And Doris should be the focus of her attention. Doris who had agreed to teach her to crochet.
“I’m sorry. I’ve always been knitting-and-crochet challenged.”
“Because you have other things on your mind. The lovely thing about crocheting, Harmony, is that you can lose yourself for an hour or two. You can focus on the yarn and what you’re creating. And not think.”
To not think. Harmony loved the concept. She’d love to turn off her mind for a few hours and not think. Not think about the future, the past, the nightmares. The nightmares weren’t as bad as they had been, though. Maybe time had helped. Or maybe she was finally coming to terms with the accident.
Doris patted her hand. “Stop thinking.”
Harmony nodded and managed a smile. “So, they’re going to let you start going home on weekends. I bet Bill is happy.”
“Happy and scared. But I’m doing so much better. I’m not in that chair anymore, just using this walker. I can talk again. I’m so ready to go home.”
“I know you are.” Because Harmony remembered first the physical-rehab facility after the accident and then drug rehab. She knew how it felt to be in a place like this, unable to really care for herself the way she once had, unable to walk out the door, unable to find a place to be alone.
And lonely. She knew how it felt to be lonely even when surrounded by people.
“There you go again. You are distracted today.”
She managed another granny square because they’d decided she couldn’t crochet a straight line. “I have a group meeting in thirty minutes.”
“You’ll be just fine, Harmony. You’re strong.”
“Thank you for thinking that.”
“It’s the truth. Sweetheart, you need to believe in yourself. But you also need to have faith.”
“I’m getting there.”
“It isn’t always easy.” Doris put her nearly finished afghan on the bed next to her. “I can admit I’ve been angry with God. I’ve been hurt. And I’ve found it is so much easier when I give myself over to His love. Let Him give you peace. Stop acting like you don’t deserve it.”
Did she deserve peace? She drew in a breath, fighting the sting of tears that came without warning.
“Doris, I think there was more to me pulling up your drive that day than to just buy a horse.”
“Of course there was. And it isn’t just about you, Harmony. I can’t imagine us going through this without you, and because of you we also have Dylan. It’s...” Doris sniffled a little. “It’s like having family. The two of you mean so much to us.”
Harmony stood and leaned to kiss Doris’s cheek. “You mean a lot to me, too.”
“Go, you’re going to make me cry.” Doris shooed her away. “And when you go to this meeting, think about what I’ve said to you.”
She nodded, hugged Doris one last time and left. As she walked down the hall and out the front door, she thought about how much stronger she was. She was stronger physically, emotionally and maybe spiritually. When she went home, back to Nashville, she would be able to start over with that in mind. She knew herself better than she had before the accident.
A few minutes later she pulled up to Back Street Community Center, where the recovery meetings had been moved to. There were a dozen cars in the parking lot. Harmony parked and as she did she saw Lucky Cooper’s wife. The other woman smiled at her and waited on the sidewalk. Angie Cooper’s daughter-in-law who was struggling with alcoholism. Now Harmony understood. Every family had struggles.
“I’m glad you could make it,” Eva Cooper, Lucky’s wife, said as she walked next to Harmony. “It gets easier.”
“I hope so.” Harmony drew in a breath and straightened her shoulders. She could do this.
And she did do it. She walked through the doors, smiled at the people sitting at tables, smiled at Wyatt Johnson and took a seat next to Eva.
The group started with music and prayer. Wyatt Johnson explained that the group was about coming together to face emotional pain, addiction, and other behaviors that led to broken lives. Harmony thought maybe she fit in all categories. How to go forward with a broken life, a broken heart—that was the message of the day. It was a message for her life, she thought.
At the end of the meeting Eva Cooper sang a song that fit the theme, about knowing that in all things we know we can survive loss and that we can be held by God. Even when a person feels as if they have failed, they can still have God’s love.
Somehow Harmony found herself at the altar, pouring her pain out to God, allowing Him to take it from her. She knew as Eva prayed with her that this was the first time she’d really allowed God to take the pain. She’d been holding on, punishing herself with it, knowing she deserved to feel pain.
As she stood Eva hugged her tight and told her this was a step forward. The others had left. The two of them walked out of the building, leaving Wyatt to lock up. Eva gave her a hug when they reached the parking lot.
“Call if you need anything,” Eva offered.
“Thank you, I will.”
“And when you do leave, make sure you find a good program in Nashville.”
“I’ll do that.”
A truck pulled in the parking lot. Eva gave her a look. “I think someone is here to see you.”
“Some people don’t know what’s good for them.”
Eva laughed at that. “Are you talking about yourself or my brother-in-law?”
“Your brother-in-law, of course.”
Eva left and Harmony walked to her car, unlocking the door and waiting. She didn’t have to wait long. Dylan stepped out of his beat-up old truck and headed her way. His jeans were smudged with dirt and there was a rip in the elbow of his shirt. But he looked good, even with the five-o’clock shadow covering his cheeks.
“You look like you’ve been dragged through the dirt.”
He brushed at the dirt on his jeans and smiled up at her. “We’ve got a couple of new bulls. It’s been a long day.”<
br />
“Are the kids with you?”
“Heather has them. I’m heading that way to get them. I thought maybe I’d pick up fried chicken at the Mad Cow and bring it over to your place for dinner.”
“Dylan, I don’t know.”
“You have to eat. Callie misses you.” He shrugged and grinned. “I miss you. And I thought we’d work with Beau.”
He knew she wouldn’t turn down the offer to work with her horse. “I can brush him now without any problems.”
“He’s coming along.”
She didn’t know what else to say. She’d just had a major revelation about herself, about punishing herself by holding on to the pain. Not that the grief would go away that easily, but she was coping. What did she do about Dylan?
“You’re not going to turn down fried chicken, are you?”
She slid behind the wheel of her car and smiled up at him. “Sounds good. See you in thirty minutes?”
“That sounds about right.”
And then he walked away, a cowboy who knew how to be a dad, how to be a friend, and how to make her feel safe. She didn’t think he’d planned it this way.
But it had happened. It was happening.
* * *
Dylan helped Callie and Cash out of his truck. He was really going to have to trade the two-door for a four-door. After the kids were on the ground and heading for Harmony’s front door, he reached in and pulled out the to-go container that Vera had filled with fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy. The aroma had filled the cab of his truck and his stomach growled in response.
Harmony met him at the front door. She leaned against the door frame and he knew, because he’d been watching her, that she did this when she was worn-out from a long day. The kids were already inside, pulling toys and books out of a box she’d filled for them. A lamp glowed from the corner, casting the room in warm light. Harmony stepped away from the door and Dylan offered her a hand that she took without arguing.
“Thank you.” She didn’t look up as she said it.
The two of them made their way to the dining room off the big country kitchen. The table had been set.
Single Dad Cowboy Page 14
