by Sierra Rose
Bella left, unsure what she had accomplished with that, except having the biggest fight of her life with Harvey. It felt like a disaster. A broken heart. What she’d heard most of all was that he had loved her but he couldn’t trust her any longer. She walked out of work and sat in her Corvette, the car he’d given her, and cried. She wept into her hands, trembling and sobbing, knowing she’d lost him.
Knowing she might lose her children as well. It was the worst thing she could imagine. There was no way she could see how her future could be good after this. It took her a long time to calm down, and she ended up feeling hollow and hopeless. She went home early, sat in her empty townhouse and looked at the pictures on the wall, the baby pictures, the preschool portraits, the ballet recital photo that she’d just put in a frame. The faces of her beautiful, innocent babies who were about to be torn apart by very grown-up problems.
Her phone lit up with a message from Harvey that he expected to see the children on Saturday. She replied that she’d arrange for the nanny to bring them to the indoor trampoline park near their house so they could play together. She assured him she’d stay home, so he wouldn’t have to see her.
It hurt her just to think of it, of not being there to video them when they tried to do tricks on the trampolines and scale the climbing walls. Still, he could have time with him, without her. Which was what he wanted. She bit her lip when he replied ‘okay.’ She had hoped foolishly that he’d say he wished she’d join them, that they could be there as a family, that he wanted them all to be together.
It was the happy ending she’d let herself dream of ever since Harvey Carlson came back into her life. That somehow they would reconcile, that they would be a family together. No back and forth for the kids, no joint custody weekends or disputes over holidays. Just one family, together always. It was a sharp pain just under her ribs when she thought of it. Of the Christmas mornings, the school plays, the birthday parties, silly Halloween costumes, Thanksgiving meals where she was so grateful that her throat ached with all the love she felt. She and Harvey slow dancing and kissing and bottles of wine after the kids were in bed.
Bella could close her eyes and see it. The pair of them, tired from a long day at work and a busy evening parenting two rambunctious children, suddenly wide awake and ready to spend time together once the house was quiet. He would switch on the speaker and some song they both loved would stream out and fill the room, wrapping around them dreamily as he took her in his arms. They’d sway against each other, dancing tentatively at first, then she’d do a playful spin, and he’d catch her up against him tightly and kiss her.
They’d kiss lightly, then deepen it, his tongue slipping past her lips. She’d get caught up in it, in the rhythm of their bodies rubbing together, the slow, steady beat of the music, the pounding of blood in her veins as she yearned for him and he drew her shirt over her head. She could imagine it as clearly as if he were here. But he wasn’t, and he would never want her that way again. Because she’d given in to fear when she was only twenty-two and she’d run, and she’d never told him why. And now there were two sweet children caught in the middle of their discord.
She wondered if she could tell him, if it would make any difference if he knew that all she’d ever wanted was to be his wife, to raise their twins together. That it was the deepest desire of her broken heart. Bella almost called him. She wanted to so badly, but knowing that he said he couldn’t forgive her, couldn’t trust her, it seemed too cruel to ask it of him. Too terrifying to risk that direct rejection.
Surely she could venture a text saying that she missed him, though. So she messaged him, saying she missed him a great deal.
He didn’t respond.
Her heart was crushed.
She had wanted him to. She wanted him to say, I miss you more, Bella. I miss you every time I take a breath. I can’t sleep without you. I just want you here. I want my family here with me. Come home. He would never say that. If he said half of it, she’d be on her way, sleeping kids in the back of the van. Shamelessly, and ecstatically, she’d run to him.
Chapter 15
It had been days since she’d seen him. Corinne had asked about him twice. Bella was tempted to text him again, just to tell him that, but her pride, what was left of it, prevented her. She didn’t want to use the twins to get his attention. If Harvey wanted to talk to her, he would. It was hard for Bella to relinquish control, but if she wanted to have any kind of amicable relationship with the father of her children, she knew that now was the time to back off which meant no peppering him with texts in hope of a reply. No turning up at play date visits. No pushing him to do things her way. It went against her entire personality.
When Saturday rolled around, she donned cutoffs and a tank top, old clothes from her Tulsa days, and vowed to clean out the cabinets and mop the floors while the kids were gone. The place could use a good deep cleaning, and it would keep her mind off of the fun they were having with Harvey, without her. Maria raised an eyebrow at her when she came to pick up the children. Bella got out the Pine-Sol and fell quickly back into the remembered rhythms of housekeeping from her motel days. It seemed like a lifetime ago, and she’d been so young, so silly.
She recalled the ad she’d answered, the guy who wanted her to dress up as Catwoman. She remembered how happy she’d been to interview in Arizona, how incredible Harvey had been from that very first day. He had flirted a little but been respectful, polite to her. He had never harassed her, never been pushy. He’d let her come to him, and she had. They had been explosive together, there was no denying that. She reminisced as she scrubbed the bathroom floor on her hands and knees.
Just the thought of some of the things they’d done, places they’d been together left her blushing. Surely it was the exertion of scrubbing that made her break into a sweat, made her cheeks flush and heart pound. She moved from the bathroom to the kitchen, got fresh water and cleaned her scrub brush. Her phone jangled. She looked the video Maria had sent her.
It was a video of Harvey tenderly helping Caden negotiate the handholds on the smallest climbing wall. “I won’t let go of you,” he said to the boy, who looked over his shoulder and nodded, reaching up for the next peg. Tears stung her eyes. Then Corinne burst into the video shouting, “Watch me next, Harvey! Look! I can do a somersault!” Harvey held Caden steady, grinned at Corinne and said, “Yes, you can, you clever girl! Have you always done flips like that?” Corinne beamed at him, and Caden climbed up to the next foothold and the video ended.
Bella remembered how grand he had been with the orphans at that fundraiser, how gamely he’d climbed in the dunking booth, how generously he’d donated. How kind and funny he’d been with those kids who looked at him like he was a god. When she took a step back and let him, he was wonderful with their twins. Just as she’d known he would be, until she’d tried to boss him around and made everyone uncomfortable. It warmed her heart that they got on so well together. They were father and son, father and daughter, after all. And they deserved to know it.
Bella got to her feet, grabbed her keys and ran out to the Corvette. She was going to join them at the jump park and tell those children the truth. That this man was their daddy, that they had a father who loved them. Swiping tears out from under her eyes, ignoring how messy she looked, she messaged Maria that she was on her way, that she would be there in fifteen minutes and she wanted them to tell the twins together that Harvey was their father. She messaged Harvey as well, and then headed that way.
Chapter 16
Harvey was surprised to get the message from Bella. He looked at twins, happily jumping up and down, hand in hand, on one of the trampolines. He took another picture of them—he’d already taken ten—and thought that soon they’d call him dad. He felt pride and a swell of love with an edge of nervousness. What if they didn’t want a father at all? Or what if they just didn’t want him? He’d taken over multi-billion dollar corporations, had dated some of the most gorgeous and sought-after women in the world
, had made international business deals, but these two five-year-olds intimidated the hell out of him.
He nodded to Maria and went over to buy a bottle of water. He drained it, threw the bottle in recycling and wondered why Bella had a sudden change of heart. He wondered how she’d look at him, if she was resigned or if she was happy and proud like he was. Would she love it a little, to see him with their babies? Would it ease her mind that he wasn’t the big bad wolf? He couldn’t bear the fact that she hadn’t trusted him with their children. If she was thawing out, learning that he was a responsible, caring adult, then maybe there was hope yet for the four of them.
He looked at his watch. It had been ten minutes. Any minute now, she’d be here, come walking through those doors and into the loud music and strobe lights and shouting of the trampoline park. Her hair would be in a ponytail, the way she always wore it on weekends when they were together. Not cascading in waves down her back the way he’d like, but pulled up out of her way so she could get down to business. He watched the doors for her, her distinctive walk with that purposeful bounce in her step.
After a few minutes, he decided she was caught in traffic and went back to playing with the kids. They all jumped in the ball pit while Maria took pictures. He carried Caden on his shoulders while Corinne flailed around and tossed foam blocks at them and scrambled away while they chased her.
When they climbed out, he expected to see Bella on the sidelines, but she wasn’t there. He checked his phone. It had been thirty-five minutes since she texted it would be fifteen before she arrived. He messaged her to ask if she got delayed. Then he checked his phone nine times in two minutes and there was no reply. He ventured to ask Maria if Bella was usually late.
“No. She is always so early, that one,” Maria confirmed, “I wonder what’s keeping her.”
Harvey called her number but it went to voicemail. Maybe she couldn’t answer while driving, or maybe she forgot her phone, or it was in her purse. He left a message. Then five minutes later he called again, got her voice mail again. “I’m getting worried,” he said to the recording. “I’m heading your way, see if you had a breakdown or a flat.” He told Maria where he was going, then dialed Bella’s number again on the parking lot.
“Hello?” a man’s voice said, the accent distinctly Latino.
“Hello?” Harvey said, “Is this Bella’s number? Have I dialed wrong?”
“No, sir. My name is Jaime. I’m a first responder with EMS. I saw the lady’s phone ringing and thought I should answer it.”
“Oh my goodness, what happened? Is she okay? Can I talk to her?”
“No, sir, the lady, she is being loaded into the ambulance now. We’re taking her to St. Cecelia Trauma Unit. Are you her husband?”
“No, no I’m not,” Harvey choked out, “Is she—alive?”
“Yes, sir. I’ll put this in simple terms and spare you the complicated medical jargon. She is breathing with the help of a bag right now. She was in a very bad car accident. Please get here as fast as you can.”
Harvey stood there, his whole body freezing cold at once. He bolted back inside, whispered to Maria that Bella had been in an accident, and to take the kids home and not tell them anything. He gave her some cash to feed them lunch and gave her his phone number, promising to keep her updated. He had to get to Bella. That was his only thought. His heart pounded with it. He had to see her. Breathing with the help of a bag? Loaded in an ambulance? He felt sick. He wasn’t sure he could even drive, but he programed St. Cecelia’s into his GPS and made his way there. He was so cold that he blasted the heat in his Porsche, but it didn’t help.
He rolled down the windows, but he still couldn’t breathe. The wind buffeted his face as he sped toward the hospital. The blast of warm air, the brightness of the sky offended him. Bella is hurt, may be critically hurt. Maybe dying. The sky should be dark, the birds should be silent. There should be no breeze off the water, no music from the passing cars. The city should be muted, darkened, holding its breath.
He loved her.
He truly and deeply loved her with all his heart. Maybe he didn’t realize it until it was too late.
He thought about the good times and the way she made him laugh.
The shock he felt had burned out into fear, a sizzle of terror that rode along his spine as he parked, as he ran to the emergency room entrance and demanded to know where Bella James was.
“Are you a relative?” the clerk inquired.
“No. I’m the father of her children. I know EMS was bringing her here—she was supposed to meet me at the trampoline park. I need to know how she is. I need to see her,” he stumbled over his words, his voice less commanding than in the boardroom, more pleading.
“Have a seat. I’ll find out if they’ve brought her in.” The woman picked up the phone, shooing him toward the waiting area. She seemed bored.
His leg jittered up and down. A news show blared from the TV bolted high on the wall, a headline ticker crawling across the bottom of the screen. He couldn’t make out the words, his eyes wouldn’t focus.
Bella could die.
Those kids would have no mother. They’d miss her so much, and Caden especially would be so scared. Would they live with him? How could he help them through losing their mom?
Oh, Bella. I love you so damn much.
How could he live without Bella? Her blue eyes and her sarcasm and her know-it-all eye roll. Her compassion and her competence and her fierce love for the twins. The hitch in her breath when he kissed her neck. Her voice and her hands in his hair and every second they’d missed out on because he was too damned proud to admit that he wanted her back.
He could lose her. They all could.
Harvey dropped his head into his hands. For the first time he could remember since the day his dad died, he prayed. He begged.
I can’t lose her. Those babies need her. I need her. I know I haven’t done a damn thing to deserve such a gift—and I’m sorry I just said damn—but please let her live. Please. Please.
He choked back a sob. The woman at the front desk called to him. “Hey, are you the guy who was looking for the James woman?”
Harvey composed himself and got to his feet, “Yes?”
“They’ve got her back in Trauma. She was brought here. The doctor is with her now. They’ll run some tests and know more in a little bit.”
“Can I go be with her? Can I talk to the doctors?”
“No. Family only in most cases, and no visitors at all when it’s something like this.”
“What do you mean?”
“Bad car wreck,” she shrugged, “You can sit down or you can leave me your cell number, and I’ll call you when you can see her.”
“I’ll stay here. I’ll wait. If there’s any news, please let me know.”
Harvey sat in the crowded waiting room listening to people have loud cell phone conversations about their illness, injuries, and bad boyfriends/girlfriends. The television droned on. He just stared, unseeing, at all of it. Every time he breathed, he thought ‘please’ with every fiber of his being. Please.
After an hour, he thought to text Maria, who had already apparently messaged him six times for news. “The doctor’s with her in Trauma. I’ll know more soon,” he texted her, wishing he could tell her something more encouraging or detailed. He had a lot of emails backed up in his inbox, but he couldn’t imagine tackling them or trying to read anything or do business.
Jason Smith, he thought. This is how Jason Smith feels about the JS acquisition. Like, my wife could die so fuck this shit. He shook his head. He’d been such an asshole about the merger, had wanted to go forward with it and thought they were stalling because someone had a sick wife.
Now he got it. Way too late.
It was like a punch to the chest, and he couldn’t catch his breath. That was how it felt to know you might lose the woman you loved. Right now, all of JS and all of the other Carlson family holdings could go down in flames, and he wouldn’t even look up to
see the headline. He wouldn’t care at all. Because the only thing that mattered to him in the entire world was strapped to a gurney right now fighting for her life.
He’d spent years conquering the business world, amassing fortunes, and helming companies, going restlessly from one challenge to the next. He’d traveled all over the world, spent a summer on Lake Como in Italy, skied the Swiss Alps, gone climbing in New Zealand. Nothing he had ever seen in all his travels had compared to the joy on her face when she looked at the twins, their twins. Or her expression when he’d brought the hot air balloon for their date—their last date—back in Arizona. That had been a magical rendezvous, spoiled, he realized now, by his mother and brother and his own arrogant bullshit. If he’d never said anything stupid about having her under control, she never would have run away and taken those babies with her. He’d never even told her he was sorry he’d said that, sorry he’d frightened her so much and made her doubt him. And she was right. His mother would’ve taken the babies away from Bella without a doubt. He knew he probably would’ve caved under the pressure from his mother. But not now…not ever again. He would never let his mother control him like that ever again. Now it wrenched him that he might never get the chance to apologize to her.
She meant more to him than work or anything else.
It seemed like forever. At last, the clerk called his name. “She’s about to go down for a CT. If you want to see her, I can buzz you back. She’s in number nine.”
Harvey waited to be buzzed in, and then strode into the wide corridor of the emergency care center. Curtained-off cubicles lined either side of the hall. He heard the beep of machines, the hum of urgent whispers, and he heard whimpering and weeping and cries of pain. His steps slowed, his breath grew heavier.
