Jo’s eyes shone with clarity, taking in Dan’s somberness. “Ah.”
Dan’s gaze snapped to hers, instantly defensive. “Ah? Ah, what?”
Jo smiled in polite understanding. “You want a girl.”
“I, of course I don’t,” Dan bluffed, averting his gaze. “Too much work, not really my thing.” He tried to laugh off the unease, but the chuckle tumbled clumsily from his lips.
Jo grinned. “It’s okay to want someone, Dan.” Dan waited a beat of silence to see if Jo would let it go, but she only stared intently at him, waiting patiently for his response.
Letting out a long sigh, he ran a hand through his hair, dropping the poorly executed façade he’d fabricated. “Fine,” he muttered. “You want me to admit that I get a bit lonely sometimes? Then yeah, I do.” He stared off far into the trees, unable to look Jo directly in the eyes while the confession spilled from his lips. It was easier to say it that way. “I see what you and Nick and Tom and Savannah have. It’s something special. It’s something I want, too.” Finally stealing a glance her way, he gave a small shrug. “I want a mate.”
“That’s not a bad thing to want,” Jo replied softly.
“I know,” Dan said. “But wanting and getting are two totally different things.” He let a smile permeate his voice to take away a bit of the sting. “It’s not like there’s too many shifters about to pick and choose from these days, you know what I mean?”
Jo chuckled. “I suppose not, but remember that fate has an odd way of working itself out. Keep an open mind. You never know who might come walking through those shop doors one day.” She grinned up at him. “Nick certainly didn’t. And look at us now.”
She turned to make her way back to the shop. “You deserve happiness, Dan, same as the rest of us. You’ll find it, in time.”
Hearing her walk back to the shop, Dan kept his eyes cast out across the forest. He wanted so desperately to believe in what Jo had said, but logic outweighed the faith he held in his heart, and he couldn’t shake the dark thought that mated life would never find a place in his home. Even if by some stroke of luck, fate found him worthy of love after the wrongdoings he’d committed, there were only two packs within spitting distance of this territory—Forest Haven and the Northern Wind. Everyone in Forest Haven was happily mated and if he was destined to be mated with anyone in the Northern Wind, he’d have felt something long before leaving Lucas behind. His pickings were null.
Dan’s shoulders rose and fell with another long sigh, his bear growling softly with the same defeated emotion that he felt in his heart.
***
It took a lot of self-hype, but eventually Dan worked himself back up into his usual jovial spirits. He finally felt he was able to be around the rest of the pack without bringing down the mood, striding through the garage doors with a smile on his face.
He raised his hand in a wave at Nick who was working on an old Junker car when he managed to trip over a wrench on the floor.
Nick grinned. “Not exactly graceful, are you?”
Dan snorted confidently. “With my crack-whip wit and amazing sense of humor, I don’t need to be.” Though he kept his personal thoughts about his life in the Northern Wind to himself most days, he much preferred being in his bearskin to the human equivalent. He missed the long bouts of time he’d once been allotted to thunder recklessly through the woods, never having to worry about where he was stepping or what he was banging into. As the bear, it was either move or be moved, and it wasn’t often that he had to worry about the latter.
In human form, none of that applied, and he found his movements to be a fair bit clumsier, his longer limbs giving way to small obstacles way easier than his bear form would ever allow. It was true that he hoped pairing his gauche movements with his light-hearted humor made him seem a bit endearing, but he couldn’t help but feel that it also made him a bit of a liability around the shop. He didn’t break things easily, but it was only a matter of time before he ruined something that couldn’t easily be unbroken. With his luck, it would probably be something expensive.
“At least you didn’t knock anything over this time,” Nick laughed as Dan picked up the offending wrench. With a grimace, he recalled the last time he’d tripped over. He’d somehow managed to knock over three toolboxes and a can of paint Nick was using to spruce up the inside of the shop. Grunting solemnly, he quickly sat down at the nearby workstation before he screwed anything else up.
The mirth wavered in Nick’s eyes, his smile falling a bit. “You okay?”
“I’m fine,” Dan replied a bit too sharply. “Why does everyone keep asking me that today?”
Nick raised and inquisitive eyebrow. “Sorry,” he said, returning to his work. “Just asking.”
Dan didn’t respond, the beginnings of guilt creeping up his back. He knew he shouldn’t have responded bitterly — and to his own alpha, no less — but people were all too interested in his feelings all of a sudden, and it put him on edge more than he cared to admit. He didn’t do feelings well.
Still it was no excuse. Forest Haven was nothing like the Northern Wind; they cared about every bear’s wellbeing here. It wasn’t a matter of prying because of distrust; Nick and the others genuinely cared about how Dan was feeling. Just another thing he wasn’t used to.
He opened his mouth to apologize when Nick looked up from his work with a blank, non-committal look on his face. “How about a drink in town later?” he asked before returning to his work. “Maybe clear your head of whatever’s bothering you?”
Dan shooed off the initial defense that welled up in his chest. Again he reminded himself that Nick only wanted to help and he should be appreciative of such a kind alpha who cared about his pack this much.
“Yeah, sounds good,” he mumbled, his lips tilting up into a small smile. The bar in town was usually quiet, it’d be nice to cut loose with another bear and take the edge off.
“Great,” Nick replied, standing up. “Mind if I let Tom know, see if he wants to join?”
Dan grinned, finally feeling a bit more like himself than he had all morning. “Not at all, boss.”
Chapter Three
Unfortunately, all hope for an easy night out with the boys fell short.
“Jo was pretty quick to remind me of the dinner reservation we have this evening at a place outside of town. She set it up a week ago, if I cancelled, she’d kill me,” Nick explained, remorsefully. “Tom already had plans with Savannah at the lake, too. Sorry about getting your hopes up, Dan. I didn’t mean to let you down.”
Ignoring the swift kick of disappointment, Dan shrugged. “It’s no big, I don’t mind drinking alone.” He grinned. “Besides, maybe this way I can finally get some action, eh? Girls love the lone, dark stranger type!”
Nick chuckled. “After some female company, are you?” he grinned, slapping Dan’s arm. “Is that what’s been bothering you today?”
Dan shrugged again, feigning nonchalance. “Nah, I just got up on the wrong side of bed this morning,” he lied quickly, dancing away from the topic of his love life—or lack thereof. “But don’t worry about me. I’ll head out early for a run in the woods before going to the bar. Give you guys some alone time.”
Nick looked as if he wanted to protest, his eyes filled with guilt, but he settled on a small smile to mask his concerned expression. “Drink a beer for me, eh?”
Dan nodded, raising his hand in a wave. “You know it.” Without another word, he departed the shop. He knew that Nick saw the disappointment in his face because of the cancellation, but there was little either of them could do about it now. He’d get over it, he always did. Life’s too short.
The bear came easily as he cleared the tree line, shoving from his skin as he leapt hurriedly into the deep darkness of the forestry. His large frame shredded through his clothing as if they were made of paper, and he didn’t care. He was hurt, angry, and lonely. He just needed to get away.
Instead of trying to calm the bear inside of him, Dan l
et the emotions roll over his body as he ran. As the bear, there was no hiding his emotions in laughter and jokes. He felt everything; all the small thoughts and sentiments that he hid from the others, and from himself. It was overwhelming and therapeutic, and in a bout of pain, he lifted onto his hind legs, throwing his large head back and letting out a loud roar. He didn’t care if the others heard him; it felt good to let it all out. He stretched toward the leaves before falling back on all fours and tearing off through the trees once more.
Branches cracked and splintered as he barreled senselessly onward. He didn’t know where he was going or what he’d do once he got there, but that didn’t matter. All that mattered right now was that he ran. His bear reveled in the way the wind whistled past him, the way he didn’t have to worry about tripping over wrenches or knocking over cans of paint. The power felt… good. It made them feel in control. Dan hadn’t felt that way in a long time, basking in the sensation like the radiance of an old friend as the anger slowly left his body.
Eventually slowing to a halt, Dan threw himself onto the ground, rolling over and over in the dirt as he caught his breath. In times like this, the instinct of the bear felt really nice. He could just roll around in some dirt and forget all of his sorrows, at least for a short while, so that’s what he opted to do.
Figuring the others should be long gone by now, he finally decided it’d probably be safe to return to the shop with minimal humiliation. A large part of him didn’t want to face Nick after the way he’d basically tucked tail after hearing a bit of bad news. He could play it off with jokes later, but seeing Nick again today would be much too soon.
He made a mental note to give the lake a wide berth on the way back, not wanting to disturb whatever private night Tom and Savannah had planned. Wincing, he worked not to dwell on thoughts of the mated pairs as he meandered back to the shop. As the side view of the garage came into view, he sampled the air. Their scents lingered, but it was nothing fresh. They were gone, as he had suspected.
He was quick to shower and dress, wanting to drown himself in booze as soon as possible before the weight of the day’s interrogations bared down on him once more. Being back in the shop only reminded him of the questions that would surely continue as the dread he felt at being mate-less became harder and harder to hide. Why was his bear so eager for a mate all of a sudden, anyway?
Was it being constantly surrounded by two mated pairs? Or maybe it was because with Lucas, the possibility of a mate was never even considered an option. Here, there wasn’t a constant need to fight for survival or intimidate pack mates. Did his bear think joining Forest Haven was a cue to finally settle down? Dan didn’t know, and it only added to his building frustration.
Shaking his head in an attempt to free himself of the wayward thoughts, Dan finally set out for the bar. Wallowing in his misery would do little to solve the problem or provide him with answers, so it was best to stop thinking about it. He didn’t want to think about a mate he’d likely never have or peace he’d likely never find. His mind reached greedily for something simpler to ponder while he walked.
I wonder what the Northern Wind is doing right now…
Not exactly a simpler train of thought, but he’d take it. If Lucas stuck even slightly to some of his old routines, he was likely patrolling the borders of the alpha territory with whomever he’d appointed as his second in command after his leaving Dan to die. The memory still stung, but Dan knew Lucas more than almost anyone else that remained in the Northern Wind. He’d long since stopped being surprised at his old leader’s ruthlessness.
He wondered what Lucas had scouted since their last encounter with him. How much did he know? Did he know that Nick was looking for reinforcements, more alphas to help pad the numbers if the two packs ever fell into war? Did he know that so far, no other pack wanted any part of it? Dan had his suspicions why. It was mainly to do with a certain human life-mate, but it wasn’t something he dared utter aloud, and not just because Lucas might overhear. He’d never seen Nick truly angry, but a shudder quaked down his spine at the thought of getting on his new leader’s bad side. Yep, definitely keeping his mouth shut.
When would the Northern Wind attack next? Dan wasn’t sure. It had been weeks since their last battle, but the memories of the bloodied and beaten Northern Wind leader were still fresh in Dan’s mind. He knew that Lucas was likely fully healed by now, and angrier than ever at yet another failed attack. He was always angrier. A bite of conscience worried at the back of his mind, silently praying for the wellbeing of his old pack mates. They were not exactly close, for a good reason depending on the bear, but they didn’t deserve whatever wrath Lucas would exact upon them for his own failure. Dan had been in their shoes more than once.
The initial plan to spread truth to the Northern Wind had backfired violently all those weeks ago, and in the time since, Dan was at a loss at how to go about it post-battle. How much had changed since he and Savannah had sworn their loyalty to Nick? How many more young, impressionable bears had Lucas ensnared in his trap of abuse and tyranny? Dan didn’t know. He felt like he didn’t know much at all these days.
There was one thing that was completely certain to him regarding the Northern Wind pack, though. He couldn’t quit. He needed to find a way back to their territory. He needed to find a way to save as many bears as possible before Lucas corrupted them, before they succumbed to an endless life of darkness the way he had. They didn’t deserve this eternal curse of unhappiness. No one did. Not even Lucas.
“For some of us, it’s too late,” Dan breathed, puffs of white air billowing outward into the cool evening weather. But not all of us, he finished internally, renewing his fervor to save those who needed it most.
No more sulking, he declared, as he swung open the old bar doors. Tonight, I’ll drink, but tomorrow, I’ll get things done.
Almost immediately, Dan collided with someone who felt like they were made of solid brick. Stumbling backward, he ran a frustrated hand down his face before muttering, “Got eyes, pal?”
As his vision cleared, he locked onto the man that still stood in the doorway and realized that he might have made a small mistake. Dan knew he was a big guy; in both of the packs he’d been a part of, he was smaller in size only to Nick and Lucas. But as he stared at the man before him, he was painfully aware that he stood eye level with this man’s shoulder. He was big.
Not just in size, either. His stringy tank top showcased hills and valleys of overly bulging muscles, darkened by a large expanse of tattoos that didn’t seem to end at any point below the man’s neck. He glared down at Dan with murderous intent in his eyes, and Dan knew that human or not, this wasn’t a man he wanted to mess with.
“Got somethin’ ta say?” the man sneered, eyes narrowing as his hot breath coiled around Dan’s jowls. It was heavy with the scent of alcohol.
“Not at all,” Dan muttered. Drunken humans were touchy, mercurial creatures. He’d have to diffuse the situation quickly. “Sorry to bother. My mistake.”
“Yeah,” the stranger growled lowly, jabbing one large finger deep into Dan’s chest. He was surprised that it kind of hurt. “It was.”
Dan held up his hands in a placating gesture. “I’m not trying to cause any trouble, bud. I’ll just be on my way and you can hate me from wherever you’re going.” He nodded amicably to the man who still seemed to be fuming before carefully shouldering past him into the bar. He made sure not to make any bodily contact for fear of setting off the human, but it was difficult; his large frame took up a considerable portion of the doorway.
The man didn’t move as Dan made his way deeper into the bar, and slowly he allowed himself to exhale. The last thing he needed tonight was to get into a tussle with someone who’d pumped themselves up with one too many steroids. He’d hate having to explain that to Nick.
Even as he walked, he made sure not to take his vision completely off of the man, in case he decided that he wanted more trouble before departing into the night. Thoroughly
distracted by the angry man behind him, Dan didn’t notice that he wasn’t the only person he needed to dodge. Promptly, he toppled into yet another body.
This time, it was the other person who stumbled backward, hard and sudden enough to make them fall to the floor.
“Shit,” Dan exclaimed quietly, internally scolding himself and his terrible clumsiness as his feet tangled with the legs of the fallen human. He lurched forward, sure to land on the person below him. In the last second, his hands shot out, latching awkwardly on the countertop, stopping his descent.
The room fell deathly silent around him, and he felt the beginnings of embarrassment warm his cheeks as a small chuckle sounded from the floor.
“Well you’re certainly clumsier than most, I’ll say,” the voice chided lightly. “Can you lend me a hand?”
“Oh, uh, yeah, sure…” Dan’s response died on his lips as his eyes locked with the most beautiful woman he’d ever met.
Chapter Four
“Well?” the woman prompted with a smile, lightly waving the hand she’d being holding upward.
“Right,” Dan said, nodding too many times before grasping the proffered hand. He moved the stools out of her way as she stood, raising a hand to help dust the dirt off the floor of her clothes before thinking better of it.
“I’m so sorry,” he muttered, his hand falling limply to his side. “I should have been watching where I was going.”
She lifted one dark eyebrow. “Maybe so,” she agreed in a strong deep voice that offered no room for rebuttal. Then her gaze softened and her smile returned. “But I’m sure it wasn’t done on purpose.”
“Th-there was a guy…” Dan began to explain, but realized it didn’t matter. “I, uh… how about I buy you a drink to make up for all of this?” he asked grinning in an attempt to mask his embarrassment. Her blue eyes sparkled as she smirked back at him, and a heavenly scent of cinnamon and vanilla cut through the smell of beer and whiskey to meet his nose.
Gage Page 72
