“I’m not gooey.” Damn, she had a point—whenever I thought about Malcolm, I felt warm and sort of mushy.
“Yeah, I’m not buying it, but by all means, keep your delusions if they make you feel better.”
“I will, and you can keep yours, Smoochy.”
“Thanks, I will.”
I switched the topic before she could see just how melty I’d actually become.
“Pop, what are you going to do after we graduate? It’s barreling at us like a train in the tunnel, and there’s no stopping it.”
“Nah, I got it handled. I applied to Stanford this week. I’m going to study counseling and become a world-renowned therapist. Then I’ll write pretentious papers and throw these super snobby parties. You’re invited, by the way.” Compared to her mother’s life, it was a straight-laced dream, but then again, Poppy craved normalcy.
“Thanks, I’ll bring the crab puffs.” I sank down further on the couch, hoping the joke covered the fear.
Everyone had a plan, but me.
Chapter Twelve
Kate
The next morning, I woke up in Malcolm’s bed. Alone.
Glancing at the alarm clock, I noticed it was a bit after nine. Odd, I almost never slept in. I stretched and wiggled down further in the covers. I was sore in all the right places, and I couldn’t be happier.
Oh, yeah, I was a kinkster in the raw.
Last night had been delightful. We’d had sex—no, we’d made love. It wasn’t cold and unemotional—instead, there’d been a quiet tenderness. And afterward, I’d fallen asleep in his arms like it’d been the most natural thing in the world.
This was going so well…maybe a little too well.
Unlike any other relationship I’d ever been in, this one mattered to me.
And it was really freaking me out. So I was waiting for the other shoe to smack me over the head because life sucks most of the time.
Or maybe I was paranoid, hunting for a problem where there wasn’t one. I’d pictured settling down when I turn thirty or maybe even thirty-five. By then, I’d be a full person—accomplished in my field, I’d have played the field for a few years and had the stories to prove it. This situation had come flying out of nowhere.
Grunting sounds came from the next room
Hmm.
I stumbled out of bed and lurched into the living room. Did I mention I’m not a morning person? I found Malcolm with his arms stretched over his head. His hands were wrapped around the exposed rebar, and he lifted himself, doing a quick series of graceful chin-ups.
His muscles stood in sharp relief beneath his tanned skin. He was six and a half feet of sweaty badness. He’d pulled on his pants but hadn’t buttoned them.
My mouth fell open, and I stared, dumbstruck for a moment, feeling weak in the knees. I stood there wearing his shirt and nothing else.
All of a sudden, I wanted him again.
“Like what you see?” He vaulted to the floor.
“Uh huh.” Forming full sentences was too much. I hoped there wasn’t drool leaking from the corner of my mouth.
Malcolm raised a wicked brow. I knew he was thinking about it too. But after a moment, he shook his head as though to clear it.
“Come on, I’ll make you breakfast.”
Wow, incredible sex, eight hours of great sleep, and now he was going to make me breakfast too? This is why older men are more attractive—they knew how to treat a woman. They were clean, they grocery-shopped, and gave killer orgasms too.
What’s not to love?
I helped myself to a cup of coffee with coconut milk. Malcolm toasted a couple of pieces of sprouted grain bread while he fried two eggs in coconut oil, then plated it with avocado—which I smeared on my toast.
Huh, I’d never made avo toast, so I uploaded a quick pic to Instagram.
“Did you just take a picture of your breakfast?”
“It was pretty.” I tried not to sound defensive.
“That’s cute.”
Somehow, I sat there staring at him with a stupid expression on my face. I swear, I’d lost my mind.
“What are your plans for today?”
“I have some reading to do for school and chores.” At some point, I should do laundry or I’d have to go to work in my yoga pants. “You?”
“Like I said, I want you with me this weekend.”
Malcolm wanted me around. He’d never made me feel like I was underfoot or an obligation.
“More kinky times?”
“Tempting, but no.” He shook his head. “I was thinking something less horizontal. How about the Museum of Modern Art and some lunch?”
“Like a date.”
“Yet another date, because we’ve gone on several.” He said this solemnly, but I swear he was making fun of me. Then he kissed me.
Pretty green toast forgotten, I wrapped my arms around him, and somehow we ended up horizontal anyway.
Best morning ever.
It was a total #lifegoals moment.
***
Malcolm
We spent the day walking through the museum hand in hand.
Kate hadn’t even fought me on that, which was a surprise. Maybe my plan was working. She was so prickly and standoffish—I couldn’t resist breaking her walls down, showing her how precious she was.
After the museum, we’d taken in an artsy Oscar contender film downtown. I’d bought us an early dinner afterwards, then we’d drifted back to my apartment. Next on the agenda was convincing her to stay the night. I hadn’t woken up to a warm woman in my arms for far too long, and I could get used to sleeping beside her.
“Since we’ve been responsible adults all afternoon, do you feel like playing a bit?”
I had something very particular planned out for tonight’s activity. Because I cared for her, I wanted explore the relationship, or lack of one, Kate had with her father—bring it out into the open and release some of the pain, if she’d let me.
“What’d you have in mind?” She looked up at me from under her thick lashes. It’d be so easy to be taken in by her seductive demeanor, but I was a man with a mission.
“Something serious.” I grasped Kate’s hand and towed her to the couch. “I want us to get to know each other a bit better. I’ll open up if you will. Deal?”
“You want to talk?”
Somehow she’d made it sound like an insult.
Maybe it was. Kate was comfortable giving her body to someone, but when a man wanted all of her, not just her body—it was threatening.
“You know I want everything—the good, the bad, and especially the ugly. You can’t shock me, and I’d never, ever judge you.” I sat beside her.
I could tell this was pushing her to the edge of her limits. BDSM isn’t all about the sex—there’s an emotional component, a strong bond shared between partners.
It was time to test ours.
“Are we red?”
“No, not yet.”
Kate hesitated, wrapping her arms around herself as if she’d taken a sudden chill.
“Give me a light.”
“Yellow.”
“Okay, I’ll proceed with caution. I don’t want to offend you, but your dad is a sore subject, and I was hoping you’d tell me more about him. If you talk about it, it won’t hurt as bad. I promise.”
Kate shook her head. “I don’t know….”
“It doesn’t have to be something huge—anything you want to tell me.”
We fell into silence as I allowed her to collect her thoughts.
“The only time my dad actually talked with me was when I did something wrong.” Her voice was small and quiet. “If I got good grades and obeyed the nanny, I never saw him. But he stepped in when I misbehaved.”
Everything snapped into place, her sassy attitude and disregard for the rules.
“Let me guess, you decided to get into trouble more often so you could get his attention.”
“Yeah.” She sucked in a breath. “You really want to know all t
his? It isn’t pretty.”
“Yes, give it to me.”
Kate didn’t look at me.
“I feel like I’m an annoyance—my dad just doesn’t think about me, doesn’t consider my feelings, or want to be around me. I’m an adult now, so it shouldn’t matter.”
“Of course it matters.”
“It’s hard to accept, but neither one of my parents wanted me. I was an accident, and there’s always been this huge gaping hole in my life because of it.”
I hadn’t grown up with any of the advantages she’d had, but I’d been loved and wanted by my parents. My father had made me a priority in his life, right up until the day he’d died.
I waited for her to continue.
“And I feel like an asshole for complaining. I’ve always had food in my belly, a good home, a stellar education. My friend, Iris, told us about her childhood in rural Mississippi. Sometimes they didn’t know where their next meal was coming from, while I’ve never worried about anything.”
“There’s always someone who’s had it worse, but it doesn’t negate your experience. Your dad worked a lot?”
“Yeah, he’s an investment banker, so his hours are insane, but even when he had time, Dad never spent it with me. Like the trips he takes—Dad always brings his girlfriend of the moment along. Just once, I wished he would invite me.”
I couldn’t picture my parents leaving me alone while they went on vacation.
“I’m not saying he didn’t do nice things for me. In elementary school, he sent me to Disney World with the nanny during winter break.”
“You spent Christmas with the nanny?”
Keeping the pity from my voice was hard. I thought back to my own childhood. My mother took so many pictures, I saw spots for a half an hour afterward. And my dad spent the whole damn day putting together a race track for me and my brother’s toy cars.
It wasn’t quite the Magic Kingdom, but we had our own magic.
“Yeah.” She sat up straighter. “Dad couldn’t make it, but we had an excellent room. The staff put a Christmas tree in our room, and I woke up to a huge pile of presents. I spent the whole day going on rides.” She tried to smile, covering the pain, and failed. “I was so tired, I fell asleep on the teacups, and nanny carried me out.”
I swallowed a lump in my throat, my heart going out to the lost little girl she’d been.
“Don’t you dare feel sorry for me.” Her features smoothed into a cool mask. “When I got older, my dad sent me to Vale for my sixteenth birthday. And the following Christmas, I went to France with two of my friends. My life isn’t so bad. I’ve always gotten everything I’ve ever wanted—it was all handed to me.”
“Everything but love.”
Kate tried to blink her tears away, but they spilled down her pale cheeks. And I felt like an asshole for saying the words aloud. So much for approaching this subject gently.
I handed her a handkerchief from my pocket. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
“No, it’s fine.” She dried her eyes and clutched the cloth. “I’m sick of denying it. You’re the only one who’s ever said it to my face. My friends tell me that my father loves me deep down, but he just has a different way of showing it. I know they’re lying. I’ve wasted a lot of effort on my relationship with him, and it’s never going to get better. Is it?”
“No, probably not.”
“You can’t make someone love you.” Her face crumbled, because I’d just confirmed her worst fears.
“No, you can’t change someone’s feelings for you.”
I knew this from cold, hard experience. Hope had never returned my feelings, so it was a waste of time wishing things had ended differently.
“I should accept reality and move the hell on.” Kate wrapped her arms around her body.
“Yes, but keeping a vow’s much harder than making one.” It might take her years to work through it. “Want to know what I think?”
“Not really.”
I chuckled.
“Too bad. I’m going to tell you anyway. You’ve been walking around with this void, and it’s influenced a lot of decisions you’ve made—probably in ways you aren’t even aware of. That’s why you react so strongly to authority figures. No one has set limits on you, have they?”
“I like my freedom.”
“Do you…?”
We stared at one another for a long time.
Her cheeks flamed. “Yeah, except for the things we do together.”
“No one has ever told you ‘no’ in your entire life, but I will. I could be someone who watches over you, cares for you.”
“And do you…care for me?”
God, the hopeful way she asked, broke my goddamn heart.
“Yes, and I hope you care for me too.” I squeezed her shoulder.
“I do.” Kate scooted over and laid her head on my chest.
For the longest time, we sat together. I kissed the top of her head, held her, rocking her in my embrace.
Somehow, Kate Vincent fit into my life, like she’d been made for me. She was everything I’d ever wanted in a lover and a partner. All of a sudden, I realized how much I’d miss her, and I don’t mean the sex, although it was fucking fantastic.
The thought of being without her left me cold.
Soon I’d be back to dinner dates and paying for kinky almost-sex. I should end this thing, whatever it was, as soon as she graduated. I’d get her a thoughtful gift, a fountain pen or a briefcase, wish her well, and then send her out into the world.
We’d come pretty far tonight, so we shouldn’t push it.
“Let’s put this away for a while, okay?”
“Good, I’ve had enough deep thoughts for one evening.” Kate glanced at me, a familiar glow in her eyes.
“Let’s do something to take our minds off it. Strip and kneel in front of me, please.”
I kept my jeans and t-shirt on—there’s power in clothing. As the dominant, I had the upper hand, though sometimes she gave me a run for my money.
No problem, I loved a good challenge.
Who wants a mechanical, obedient sub? There’s something sexy about overwhelming her, taking Kate, despite her strong will.
“I bought us some toys you might like,” I said it casually, as I went to the chest and pulled out a couple of items. I’d gone on an online buying binge the other day. All of the items had arrived in discreet white shipping bags this morning.
I showed her the first item—a long length of black leather and chrome.
With wide eyes, she turned it over in her small hands.
“This is only a training collar.” Although, the thought of collaring her for real made me hard as fuck. I’d only bought it because I wanted to see it wrapped around her throat. My darkest fantasies made flesh.
“Let’s try it on and see how it looks.”
Kate kept her hands behind her back while I fastened it, just as I’d taught her.
“Perfection.” I ran my hand along the supple leather, admiring the view.
But I wanted more, I wanted one with a padlock—one only I had the key to—with my name etched on the band.
My cock was already straining like I hadn’t fucked her earlier this morning. Like I hadn’t had her dozens of times before.
Somehow, the more I got of Kate, the more I needed.
And dear sweet Lord, she was a sight, naked and genuflecting in front of me, all mine—for a limited time, of course.
“Now, for the next item.” I unfurled a long, leather leash.
Her mouth popped open into an adorable little O.
“Are you on board with this, Kitty?” If she wanted to back out, I’d understand completely. But she’d enjoyed the cat mask so much our first time together, I thought this might appeal to her.
She nodded. Not even the slightest hesitation.
“Good girl.”
Her breasts were thrust out, the collar snug around her neck as I snapped the leash on her. Again, like the clothing, it was ab
out power, emphasizing our positions.
And if I wasn’t mistaken, Kate was enjoying herself. A lovely flush had spread from her cheeks to her full lips, down the length of her graceful neck, and had settled on her chest.
I love her pale skin, the way it showcased the marks I left on her. A lot of our play had focused on ownership lately. I realized my not so subtle subconscious had taken over—the selfish bastard.
This was one of those times when I felt like she had me by the balls. Kate didn’t know it, but she held me in the palm of her hand.
I hadn’t had the chance to play like this in a long time. It was one thing to pay for services rendered—it was another to do a scene with a partner who was also into it.
“Today, I want you on all fours, okay?”
“Yes, sir.” As she said this, Kate made a show of arching her back and settling onto her hands.
“And we’ll put this in too.” I withdrew the ball gag from my pocket. “I’ll leave it loose, so you can pop it out if you need too.”
“I won’t, sir.” Her grin was impish as she twisted around to meet my gaze.
“Feeling brave, are we?”
“Always.”
“Well, let me know if you want to stop—no harm, no foul.”
Maybe our talk had done some good because she’d named her demon. Wasn’t that half the battle?
“This is a really obvious metaphor, but I wanted you to know you belong to me, at least right now you do.”
“What…?” A slight roll of her eyes. “Like a pet?”
“No, like my submissive, which you are. Sure, this is a hint of pet play, but if memory serves, you loved being my pussy cat. I wanted to try something more domineering—so let go, clear your head, and be in the moment.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Let’s see how you do, pussy.”
Once the gag was in, I wrapped the leash around my fist so she was between my legs, facing me. I ran my hands over her body, petting Kate, soothing her. She arched under my fingertips, relishing my touch. I loved how sensitive she was, how responsive.
And fuck me, the noises she makes when she comes….
“Come with me to the bedroom. Stay on all fours. ” I left some slack in the leash and led her to the bed. She didn’t try to race ahead of me. Like an obedient pet, she walked beside me, following my lead.
Rough Ride (Let it Ride Book 1) Page 10
